Two chapters in a row. BAMF

CH 32

The screams that were echoing through the metal doors were high and frantic, joined by the thuds of tiny fists beating the metal hull attempting to stop. Looking through the thick glass window the frantic bobbing heads were visible as were the wailing mouths open in terror.

Alone in the middle of the group stood. A boy staring. Solo.

He pressed the button and the bay doors opened pulling them quickly and bloodily through the gap de-limbing the ones that got caught on the hanger doors.

Duo jolted awake screaming from his dream sweating and panting heavily. Eyes wide and unseeing.

The lights snapped on around him and he darted sideways off of the couch taking cover behind it crouching low and peering over the end muscles taunt running on instincts and adrenaline. Wufei was standing in the hallway gun drawn scanning the room quickly for an enemy. His eyes were sharp and came to Duo's form and lowered his weapon stopped in the hallway.

Duo stayed crouched looking at Wufei and Wufei looked backed, confused look slowly being transformed into one of understanding. Once his rapid breathing calmed and his pounding heart stopped beating so rapidly in his chest, Duo came out of his low hunch position of shelter and stood up. He tried to not be defensive, but it was always a tough showing weakness in front of another. It was a vulnerability that each pilot ingrained in them wish they didn't have. And twice as hard wished they didn't expose. Duo scratched his head and whispered a soft, "Sorry." Before moving to sit at the end furthest away from where Wufei stood still in the hall.

Wufei stepped forward slowly to the couch and said, "It's okay." He hesitated a moment, body language saying he did not know whether to retreat to his bed or stay. "Nightmare?" He asked hesitantly. Duo nodded and Wufei suddenly dropped to the other end of the couch. They sat quietly together both still as statues on either end of the couch for what felt to Duo to be an eternity. Really it was only thirty seconds or so until Wufei questioned, "Would you like to talk about it?" He cleared his throat and continued, "We all have nightmares Duo."

Duo looked up at Wufei at that moment and really saw him. He'd been in his presence for just over twenty four hours now and he had not really stopped to look at the teen. He had his dark hair loose around him and was shirtless, probably from being awoken so abruptly undoubtedly because he must have been screaming outside of his dreams as well. He had been taking good care of himself it seemed. More muscular for sure then the boy that had been the pilot of Gundam zero five from the war. He did not have the dark circles under his eyes that the other pilots had for at least the last eight months. He looked healthy and confident in himself. It was a concept so foreign to Duo at this point he wanted to crawl up and cry a little.

"I already told you about it." He admitted quietly. The emails. The endless emails. He hadn't decided when he had started to send them. Only that it seemed to help him when it was too much. When he was alone for too long. When the dreams were at their worst. Wufei was right when he said that they all had nightmares. You did not live through what they all lived through and not have them. But the recent ones were the ones that were killing Duo. They were the ones that were hurting him and turning him into a desperate being spiraling in depression. He knew it, he recognized it. The only that kept him functioning was knowing that Father Maxwell would be disappointed in him if he gave up so easily. Suicide was a sin. Whether he believed it or not Father Maxwell would have been very disappointed in him. That was one more thing he did not think that he could handle.

Wufei looked at Duo's still form and watched the emotions cross over his face. He was contemplating his demons it appeared. "I know that you have already told me about them." Wufei stated in a low tone that Duo supposed was meant to be soothing. "Do you want to talk about them now? Out loud?" Duo looked up at the black eyes that were gazing at him solidly. There was no disgust on the teens face; he was offering to be there for him. At least for right now.

Already he had spilled thoughts on the matter, just via the messages. Perhaps actually admitting them aloud would be a new concept he should try. If only to torment himself further, if nothing else. "I killed all those kids Wufei. And in the dream I just do it over and over and over again and watch it happen."

"Yes I know." Wufei said calmly.

Duo frowned at that, "How can you be so calm? It was a terrible thing I did. And it was for three different runs."

Wufei nodded calmly in the face of Duo's panicking admission. "We have all done terrible things Duo. If you had not done that you would have been jeopardizing your life and the mission that you had been given. You are forgetting that I too, have jeopardized your life by helping Marcus identify those that were undercover agents from the Preventers. That was arguably a terrible thing to do." The teen did not look away when he admitted this. It was almost like a simple statement of fact. One that he did not care whether he was admitting something he had done terribly or not. It was not a problem to him. "I was angry with the Preventers after being sentenced me to prison, so I turned on them and listed off any known Preventer with photos that were undercover agents. What Marcus did with the information was his prerogative. Many would assume that I should be upset by the outcome that had been doled out from that. I am not."

Duo sat still he didn't know why Wufei would be telling him this. It didn't seem to be a way to comfort him at all. He continued, "You Duo, are suffering because of orders you were given for a mission by the Preventers. What you did on that mission was for them and unavoidable in the position that you were put into. You should not be feeling guilt for what was made for you to do. It was not your fault it could not have been your fault. If you had a choice you would not have killed them. You know that. I know that. Everyone who knows you knows that. You need to learn to forgive yourself."

Duo sat eyes transfixed on Wufei. "It's not that easy." He still felt slightly lighter after Wufei's short speech, but it really wasn't that easy.

"It never is." Wufei said back. "I know that many of my problems were caused by forces outside my control. Any reactions that I am making after are choices, but they are also the consequences that the government has brought upon themselves. Individuals should not be the only ones with consequences. Governments should have to face them too."

Duo just watched Wufei and Wufei watched him back. Duo had felt himself relaxing a little bit by bit as their conversation progressed. It was comforting to talk without any real consequences. Any time Heero had gone on an information seeking expedition from him he invariably attempted to analyze and find a disarming response to every syllable that would be uttered between them. Duo no longer trusted Quatre. He was too enmeshed in the work to be his normal caring self, even since the break down that he had when Duo had comeback from his fateful undercover operation. And Trowa… He somehow exuded comfort normally, but for some reason he had not been feeling that same sensation from him on their last couple encounters. The man was stony and silent to the point that it almost felt like talking to a wall. "I missed you." Duo whispered.

Wufei smiled with a small upturn of lips before it disappeared just as quickly. "I know that you had other concerns with the other pilots. I suggest you think on them and what the source of the problems could be. Now it is late. I suggest that we sleep. We will be spending time until we grow a little more accustomed with each other and I will tell you the next step.

Duo nodded and sank slowly down onto the pillow that was at his end and curled his feet up a little. He had a frown across his face and felt it grow a little deeper as Wufei got up off the other end of the couch and retreated slowly to his bed room. He sighed into the empty room and tried to not think, to close his eyes and pray for dreamlessness. A soft scuff of feet padding towards him had him sitting up and looking up over the back of the couch. Wufei was standing there with a comforter that was pulled off of a bed it appeared. "You look like you would like to not sleep by yourself tonight." Wufei stated. It was a question and Duo knew it to be one. So he nodded and lay back putting his head on the pillow at the far end of the couch.

Wufei flipped off the light and came closer dropping his pillow at the other end of the couch. He lay down and tossed the comforter over both of them and their feet met briefly in the middle before they both settled down. It was nice. And somehow exactly what Duo needed.

When Duo abruptly woke the next morning it was to Wufei slipping off the couch. He froze and looked back to see the violet eyes peering at him. He muttered bathroom and stepped off into the back hallway. Duo stretched out on the couch gathering the blanket back over his head to hide his face from the light coming through the window.

It took a full minute before he poked his head back out and looked to the window. It was bright outside. He had slept through the rest of the night. That was the first time he had done that in weeks! He lay there stunned, before he heard Wufei step out of the bathroom and come around to the kitchen area. Duo hopped up and headed to the restroom while it was free. Looking in the mirror he saw the same sight he had seen for the many months before except this time his eyes were puffy from the amount of sleep that he got. He leaned down and rubbed the grit from his eyes before brushing his teeth with a tooth brush that had been left out in the packaging. Wufei seemed to be supplying everything at this point. He should start figuring out where he was keeping everything he supposed.

He walked out and spotted Wufei heating up tea and cooking on the stove again. The man seemed completely at ease in such a domestic setting it was strange. He sat at the table and was surprise when five minutes later there was a mug of tea in front of him. And eggs and toast were being served up right behind it. "Sorry I don't have coffee." Wufei apologized.

The whole situation seemed surreal. So long without seeing him and there was a healthy non-agitated stress free Wufei sitting before him handing him tea and eggs. "Why didn't you contact us?" Duo blurted. And immediately felt himself turning a little red from his question. Of all things to ask, why the hell would he have asked that? Surely it would end up with them in some form of an argument. How could he have been so stupid?

Wufei smirked at him over his tea and took a sip. It was such a Wufei look Duo couldn't help but laugh. When he started he could not stop. His eyes were watering his throat was hurting and his sides were feeling like they were going to burst before he was able to gain some semblance of control of himself and he wheezed out, "Sorry. I'm sorry." Wufei just shook his head and ate his food. Nothing seemed to faze him anymore. He was a new Wufei. He had changed. Not a concept that was entirely alien to Duo, but it was not what he was expecting either. At least not into the person before him who seemed so cool and confident. It was irrational, but it just wasn't what Duo had been expecting when he accepted the proposition of Wufei and him working together.

"To your question I will simply say that I was angry and hurt from your betrayal." He didn't seem to be accusing when he said it. It was like he just accepted it as part of what was going to happen. "I have not forgotten it by a long shot and at this point I am not rushing to repair any relationships that were so easily torn asunder in the beginning."

Duo watched him and thought for a while. "Why me?" He asked again. It was a concept that he wanted to be thoroughly familiar with. Why had Wufei decided to bring him into the fold?

"Because it was the peace that damaged you, Duo. And it was done by the same organization that damaged me." Duo wanted to protest. To say, 'No, it was your activity that caused the mission I went on'. But he couldn't say it for some reason. Wufei had a point. It seemed like poor logic, but he had a point. One that was surprisingly comfortable in Duo's head.

"I killed Donovan and his entire crew. At least the upper echelon." Wufei said again. His eyes were fixed on Duo, but Duo refused to meet his gaze. He nodded in acknowledgement he had seen the report. "They were never supposed to leave he jail. I want you to know that. It's why I hunted them down and left the list of the remaining personnel with Zechs. You were never meant to have been exposed to the brutality of the human trafficking. That was supposed to end before it even started." Duo looked up locking eyes and he couldn't help the tears that welled in them making his eyelashes damp. He wiped his eyes with his forearm and sniffed.

"Didn't get to see pictures of the bastard. How'd you do it?" He asked, rubbing his eyes dry one last time.

"Found him and beat him unconscious after several hours of torture. Took him out to the Martian surface between the domes, strung him up with and oxygen tank cut his belly open and left him there." He said matter of fact. "Still don't know whether he died of blood loss, freezing to death, the injuries, hypoxia or exposure to the elements. Did you manage to see on the report?" Wufei asked curiously.

"They were unable to determine the cause of death. Something about too many unknown variables. The only agreement was that it was painfully." Wufei nodded and smiled. Duo shook his head grinning. Disturbed. That was the word. How this knowledge made him feel happy and relieved at the same time. He had to be disturbed.

He had already known that about himself.

Wufei had finished eating and was watching Duo. "You are probably wondering when we are going to begin the missions to help the Preventers." Wufei stated and Duo looked up from his food. "The answer is not for a while. What we are planning to do is dangerous for both of us and we will be instantly given away if as soon as we show up things start going wrong for Marcus and Eckpo. We won't go in until I thought about the approach and we have learned to trust each other a little more. Do you understand?" Wufei asked.

Duo nodded. It sounded like a reasonable conclusion. He looked around the small home and thought for a bit. There wasn't much to do around here. It would probably end up being very boring.

Perhaps that was exactly what he needed right now. The Preventers would have to wait.

TBC...

Well there we go. Hope you are still enjoying this. I know it's long and I keep updating sporadically. I swear I'm trying to get better about it and I do feel really guilty when more then two weeks goes by.

Ciao, Silverserpent