(TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide Attempt)
Wind whipped bitter rain from all directions while the Inquisitor's horse galloped past blurred shadows. Droplets of water stung Silvia's face as she struggled to make out the path ahead. Freeing a hand from the reins, she removed a strand of hair that had become plastered to her face. Only a little farther. Booming thunder cracked overhead. Lightning struck a few seconds following the thunder, illuminating the field in a brilliance of white. Recognizing the way, she was grateful for the light, if only for a moment. A faint glimmer of yellow flickered on the horizon. Spurring the horse on, the mare neighed, her hooves pummeling the sodden earth. Huts and landships became more than outlines in the distance. The elven Inquisitor smiled at the triumph, but her body trembled at the sight.
'.'.'
The meager fire flickered low, threatening to go out for the third time that night. Blinking his stinging eyes, Ishall turned his attention to the flask by his side. He grasped it tightly , flicking open the lid with his thumb. The elven hunter brought the silver flask to his lips, but was greeted by a few drops of spiced wine. Frowning in disappointment, Ishall chucked the empty container over his shoulder. It landed behind him with a clink. The elf's fingers grasped his ironbark dagger- a gift from Kyllen. The blade glistened in the dim light as he ran his fingers over the whetted tip. Please forgive me, brother, but I cannot see an end to this. Trembling, Ishall placed the smooth blade against the warm flesh of his neck. His other hand wiped away the cold sweat forming on his brow. Closing his eyes, Ishall breathed a deep uneven breath. With one swift motion, he swiped the edge across the tender skin.
"Ishall... Ishall are you in there?" a female voice called out beyond the covered entrance.
Blood steadily trickled down his neck, staining his olive tunic crimson. It was happening faster than he expected. The word felt off balance. He wasn't aware when his head hit the ground or of the gurgling moan that escaped his throat. Yanking the leather covering aside, Silvia called out to him, but he did not hear. Without hesitation, the Inquisitor snatched a blanket and ripped a the corner of the cloth. She wrapped the makeshift bandage around the wound and applied pressure with her hands.
"You are lucky that you missed. Any deeper and you would have been dead," she muttered as she applied force.
Ishall rolled his eyes upward, his gaze trailing behind her. "I do not need... your sympathy..." he whispered, the words barely audible between labored breaths.
Silvia, ignoring his words, ripped another strip to replace the soaked cloth. "You are loosing too much blood," she grumbled, her words fast and pitch uneven. Reaching to her belt, she pulled out a vial filled with red liquid. Tilting his neck up, she slipped the vial's contents into his mouth. Ishall wanted to resist, but his body would not obey. The female elf continued to monitor the bandage, changing it once more. Warmth radiated from his stomach, slowly inching its way outward, and his breathing calmed. The health potion was working.
"I asked not for your help. Leave me," he choked, waving his hand as if to shoo her away. Silvia shook her head, giving a weak smile while applying more pressure to the wound. "Why are you... doing this?"
Using the remants of the torn blanket as a pillow, she moved Ishall's head to the wadded up fabric. "This is not what Kyllen would want."
"How would you know?" he demanded, straining his voice, "He was my brother and best friend."
"He was my friend too, but Kyllen's last words were nothing but hate towards me," Silvia paused, inhaling a deep breath before continuing, "I thought that might make you feel better, knowing that Kyllen said I was a traitor that no one would love in his last moments."
Ishall paused, considering her words. "My brother did not hate you. Growing up, I was... infatuated with a beautiful elven girl, but was too nervous to act on it. Kyllen saw the dilemma and... decided to befriend the girl," he explained, closing his eyes.
Resting a hand on his shoulder, she exclaimed, "Oh, Ishall, I never knew-"
"It was a foolish idea... Kyllen was supposed to introduce us, but instead he wanted you for himself. If I had the courage to just say what I felt... but I was a coward... so I fed him lies about you so he would lose interest. Ir abelas, in his last moments, perhaps he thought they were true."
Giving one final gentle squeeze, the Inquisitor removed her hand. "There is nothing to be sorry for."
"I am not mad at you for the loss of Kyllen. It was easier to blame you than me."
"Why blame yourself? You could not have predicted what would happen." Silvia lifted the corner of the bandage, putting it back in place when she saw the bleeding had stopped.
"Even though I want to believe you, I... just need a little time." Ishall relaxed his features, turning his eyes to Silvia.
"Rest, Ishall. You have been through much this night," the Inquisitor softly spoke, arising to her feet.
"You are leaving?"
"If I am not back soon, I fear Cullen will send out a search party," she gave a small laugh taking a few steps toward the exit before continuing, "I will send for a healer to tend to your wounds. Please take care."
Dareth shiral," Ishall called out, but she was gone.
'.'.'
Fog blanketed the area in a thick veil of white. Scouring the meadow, the commander searched for the Inquisitor. The rain had subsided, and the moon occasionally peeked from behind the clouds. What if she is injured or-? His mind couldn't bear to finish the thought. Cullen ran his hands over his face, letting out a low groan. If anything happened to her, it would be my fault. Shoving a hand into his pocket, his fingers tightened around the coin tucked inside. Cullen murmured a prayer as he paced, the memorized words falling from his lips as his mind focused on Silvia. A sound echoed in the distance. He paused. A shadow contrasted against the sparse moonlight. His heartbeat quickened, realizing the sound was an approaching horse.
"Inquisitor!" Cullen shouted, sprinting toward her. Silvia, whose soaked clothes and hair clung to her shivering form, slumped on the horse. Her skin was pale, save for her reddened nose and ears. Dark splotches covered her hands up to her elbows. Even in that state, her face wore a tired smile. As she dismounted, her legs buckled. Cullen extended his arm, catching her before she fell. The elf's hand was heavy on his elbow, fingers tightening as she steadied herself. Even though she appeared to be freezing, Cullen could feel heat radiating off her skin.
"You've caught a fever."
"I'll be fine," she mumbled back, releasing her grip on the commander only to stumble into him with the next step. "I am a little tired, that's all," affirmed Silvia, voice muffled against Cullen's fur pauldrons. His chest tightened at the unexpected closeness. She straightened, moving to arms length. Her breath strained, muscles aching, body trembling.
"I would like to fetch a healer to be sure." Cullen helped the Inquisitor to her tent, staying close at her side in case her steps faltered.
"You are worried about me?"
"Of course. I will always worry about you."
"There's no need to worry," the elf said giving a forced, weak laugh.
"I will return in a moment with a healer. I... thought you might need a change of clothes so... I set some aside for you." Before the Inquisitor could thank him, Cullen turned on his heel, walking briskly in the direction of the group of tents that belonged to the mages.
Entering the tent, Silvia noticed there was a clean overshirt and breeches folded neatly on the cot. She changed into the fresh clothes, balling up her soggy ones in the corner.
"Inquisitor... may we enter?" Cullen asked from outside.
"Come in."
A silver-haired woman, staff in hand, hurried through the tent flaps. Cullen stepped in after, but remained near the entrance as not to get in the way. The elder woman checked the Inquisitor's pulse and felt Silvia's forehead. Waving the staff close to her face, Silvia could feel the pleasantly warm waves of healing magic wash over her chilled skin. When the woman smiled at the Inquisitor, the wrinkles on her face seemed to overlap.
"I must return to tending the wounded. Keep an eye on her. If the fever becomes worse, find me," ordered the mage as she left, her voice raspy.
Cullen turned to Silvia. "I should... um... let you rest. I'll check on you later, if you wish."
"Wait. Please stay."
"What?" His eyes widened with surprise.
Twisting her fingers together in her lap, the Inquisitor glanced away. "I would... like for you to stay, at least until I become tired."
Cullen seated himself on a wooden chair beside the cot. "Did you accomplish what you set out to do tonight?"
"I believe so, yes. It was a good thing I arrived when I had. A moment later and he..." she trailed off, voice quivering while she wiped the crusty splotches off her skin. Cullen had seen enough blood to guess what had happened.
"Are you all right?"
Silvia lay down, pulling the sheets up to her chin. "I never thought how Kyllen's death would affect Ishall. In fact, Kyllen rarely mentioned Ishall, so I forgot he even had a brother until yesterday. I left everything behind when I left clan Lavellan- I didn't even think..." There was a pause between them. Shifting onto her side, Silvia hugged her pillow tight and turned her attention to Cullen. "Did you leave anyone behind in Kirkwall?"
"No," he chuckled, "I fear I made few friends there, and my family's in Ferelden."
"No one special caught your interest?" Stifling a yawn, she closed her eyes.
"Not in Kirkwall." the commander spoke, gaze falling on Silvia. Stay it, now! This is the perfect chance.
"I want to-um... Thank you for the other day... and cleaning my office."
"Mm."
"You have helped me more than... um... any person has dared... and I hope that-" Hope that what? Cullen groaned internally, covering his burning face with his hands.
He awaited the Inquisitor's response to his botched string of words. There was only the soft sound of slow breathing. He gave a sigh, relieved she had not heard him. She is the Inquisitor. And I should not... But the way she tried her hardest to help the inquisition, the refugees, anyone- no matter how trivial the problem made him respect her even more. She had given him hope that he could put his lyrium past behind him. And when Silvia flashed her smile that could light up the darkest night, and her spirited laugh that made his heart skip... Maker, he was hopelessly lost. Leaning against the back of the chair, Cullen yawned. His head began to droop forward. Sleep tugged at his eyes, itching at the desire for rest.
'.'.'
Cullen could not feel his left leg. Something heavy was in his lap. How long have I been asleep?
"What in Andraste's name...?" Blinking his eyes open, Cullen flushed as he realized that Silvia's head rested in his lap. Her pillow had fallen in between the bed and the chair, and somehow in her sleep she had replaced it with Cullen's leg. The Inquisitor's chest rose and fell with slow breaths. Her full lips were slightly parted. Frozen in place, he hardly dared to breathe as his eyes traveled around the tent. His mind drifted for a moment.
Maker, she was so close; it would so easy to cup her cheek and touch her face. Silvia stirred, snapping his mind back to reality. Nuzzling his leg, the elf gave a sleepy sigh. Cullen sat ridged, holding his breath until he was sure she remained asleep. With great care he leaned over, grasping the pillow and slowly bringing it back to the bed. Carefully with slow movements, Cullen cushioned her shoulder with his hand, moving her back onto the cot. He paused as she pulled the pillow close, giving another sigh. The commander stood up, stretching as joints cracked. Taking off his glove, he placed a hand on Silvia's forehead.
The fever has gone. He grinned. Carefully grasping the corners of the askew blanket, Cullen pulled the sheet up and around Silvia's shoulders. Then, walking as lightly as possible, he made his way out of the tent. Orange hued sun rays kissed the landscape. Dawn was on the horizon.
(A/N: I hope this chapter doesn't offend anybody. To everyone who reads my work, you guys rock!)