First Love

by ComeOnJustifyMyLove

Sara Quin moves away to London with her father, in an all girl school, she falls in love with the schools "Ladies Man" Tegan Hart.

19. Chapter 19

Authors Note: Wow lots of Reviews on the last Chapter, thank you. I understand 10 years is a while, but thats what pulls the whole story together. And to those who cried, Did you listen to the song with it? If so did it make it ten times worse, because its all I listen to now that I write about them older. APPEARANCES : Tegan looks like she did in Get Along, her hair down to her shoulders, Sara has a bowl cut, Emy looks like Emy always does. Im hoping I can get good feedback from this Chapter, Hopefully I can post Chapter 20 tomorrow. REVIEW & ENJOY :D

Chapter 19: What Happens Now

Sara POV:

When the waitress brought our food, I was hesitant. It didn't look good, it looked so unhealthy, but I ate it. Right now Emys taking care of the bill. Im in the bathroom, I look at myself in the mirror and study my face. I lost so much weight, my eyes had dark circles under them, my skin looked so pale, I looked horrible. I look at my new haircut, Emy thinks its pretty funky, but I like my bowl cut, it made me look different. Emy loved my long hair, she loved to pull on it, wrap it around her hands, she just loved it. When I cut it, she didn't like it, but now she has no choice. I hear a light tap on the door and I look at it.

"Just a minute."

I turn on the water and wash my hands, squeezing a large amount of soap on my palms and rubbing them together. I rinse them off, and grab two paper towels drying my hands, and throwing them away. I open the door and smile at the elderly woman, I walk down the little hall, and make my way to the front of the restraunt. I walk up to Emy and she smiles.

"Ready?"

I nod and she grabs my hand, we walk out of the diner, and she smiles at me.

"So shopping first?"

I laugh and she smiles, we cross the street and she walks into a store. She looks around the clothes, and I make my way to the jewelry. I smile at all the little fake diamonds, the cute little necklaces.

"Can I help you with something?"

I smile at the girl and shake my head.

"Just tell me if you want to see anything."

I nod and she turns away. I keep scimming throught the glass, when I see a familiar pendent.

"Excuse me?"

She turns back around and nods her head.

"Can I see that necklace right there next to the one with the little heart."

She pulls it up and out of the glass, she hands it to me and I smile. It was the same exact one I wore the night of Winter Formal, I wore it everyday intil Tegan left, I gave it to her. She was the one to put it on me, she was the one to take it off me. I look at it and see the memories, us in my dorm, her arms around my stomach as she looked at me in the mirror, kissing my cheek. I fee my eyes start to water, and then feel a hand on my back.

"Hey, theres nothing here."

Emy whispers, so the girl won't hear her, I look at her and she smiles.

"Can I buy this real quick then we'll go."

She looks at the necklace and eyes it.

I look at the girl and smile. I pull out my wallet and hand her the exact change. The girl puts the necklace in a little bag and hands it to me. I smile and Emy grabs my hand, walking out of the store. I look down at the bag in my hand and smile, this was something I had to buy, may not be the original, but it was the closest to it. She pulls me into a shoe store and I sit down on the little couch, watching her look at the shoes.

"Sara these ones?"

I look at the shoes and shake my head, she laughs and goes back to looking. I look down and reach into the bag, grabbing my necklace. I feel my heart slowly melt as I unhook the little clasps and bring it around my neck, I bring it down so I can see the clasps. I hook them together and smile, feeling the chain hang down my neck. I grab the little back stud and look at it.

"So many memories . . ."

"I think I give up on the shopping idea, I kinda just want to go home now, so lets go check out that shop really quick and go home yea? Spend some time together."

I nod my head and stand up. She grabs my hand and leads me out the store. As we walk down the street, I look around the town of London, so many different faces, so many different people, but yet they all blended in with the crowd.

"How much further?"

She points down the street and I don't see anything. I shrug it off and keep walking. I look down to the ground and bring my free hand up to my necklace, holding the little black stud between my fingers. I bring it up to my mouth and smile against it. I keep my eyes on the ground and look at the cracks in the cement, each one a different story, a different time. I felt my body tense when Emy squeezes my hand.

"Here it is."

I look up and see the shop, 2 stores away.

"Hart-y Tattoos"

I smiled at the name, it was pretty funky, but had a little ring to it, it was unique. I nod and we walk pass the two stores, We get in front of the shop and I look in. A couple of boxes out, but it was obvious that the shop was up and running.

"When did they open this?"

Emy looks at me and shrugs.

"About 3 weeks ago, but the grand opening was last week."

I nod and she leads me inside the doors. The little bell rings and I laugh at how original that was. I look around the Maroon room, people sitting down on the chairs waiting, the girl in the front desk on her computer, the walls covered with pictures of Art, abstract, basic, everything. I look to the back of the room and see a huge black curtain seperating the tattoo room, from the waiting room.

I tug on Emys hand and she looks at me.

"Im gonna sit down, you go talk."

She nods and I turn around taking a seat near the window. I look at the people sitting down waiting, then up to Emy whos talking to the lady in the front desk. Emy nods her head and turns around, walking back to me. She sits down next to me and smiles.

"A couple minutes."

I nod and smile at her.

"Im happy your back Em, I missed you."

She smiles and leans in, kissing me. It was the truth, I loved Emy of course, And I always missed her, but I still always felt a certain emptyness. She pulls away and lays her head on my shoulder.

"Maybe one day we can get matching tattoos huh hunny?"

I look down to the 2 of my manu tattoos, I got them in college. I laugh and smile.

"I think I have enough, 8 it plenty."

She laughs and I kiss her forhead.

"I like when your happy Sara, I like to hear you laugh ."

She lifts her head and I smile weakly, she always did love my giggle. I lean in and capture her lips in a kiss again, sliding my tongue into her mouth, she moans and I smile.

"Emy Storey?"

Emy looks up and the girl at the front desk motions for her to go into the back. Emy nods and stands up, she grabs my hand and pulls me up, I follow her as we walk across the floor. A guy walks out from the back and I look at his arm, a huge anchor with beautiful writitng, the girl in the front desk pulls him over and starts to bandage it up. Emy pulls open the curtain and we look into the empty room, the chair propped, the ink gun still out, more art on the walls, and 2 chairs. Emy sits down in one of them, and pulls me onto her lap. I laugh and lean down, placing a kiss on her lips. She pulls away and smiles at me.

"So about those matching tattoos?"

I laugh and hear a door open, I lift my head up and see the girl turned around, I stand up and Emy does too. I look at Emy and make sure she looks okay. When I lift my head, the girl turns around, a paper towel drying/covering her face. I look down to her arms and see them covered in tattoos. She looks down and walks towards us, she stops drying her face and looks up.

I freeze. The familiar face, I feel my heart stop and she looks at me.

"Sara?"

I feel my body go numb and mt eyes roll to the back of my head.

When I wake up, I look up at the ceiling, the first thing I see. I try to remember what happened but my head hurts. I look around the empty room and remember. Emy and I went shopping, came to the tattoo shop, I seen Tegan. I saw her, she was in front of me, she was here. I look around the room and start to tear up. I was alone again, Tegan was gone. It was like I saw her, what she looked like now. I put my head back down and start to cry, my tears falling freely. I hear a girl talking, then the curtains open. I keep my eyes closed and keep breathing.

"Sar?"

I hear her voice, her too familiar voice. I shake my head, my minds playing tricks on me. I feel my cheeks start to get wetter, I rub the tears and feel a hand on my forhead. I take my hands away and look up. She was there again.

"Sara, please don't cry."

I shake my head again, begging to please leave my thoughts.

"Why are you doing this to me . . ."

I pray, why was god doing this to me, making me suffer.

I feel her arms wrap around my body and I open my eyes, her familiar coconut shampoo filling my nostrils. I wrap my arms around her neck and she burys her head into my shoulder.

"Is it really you?"

I ask through sobs, she nods her head and I can't help but laugh and cry at the same time. My mind wasn't playing tricks on me, she was really here. I cling to her and she rubs my back. I cry into her and she kisses my cheek, her familiar lips burning into my skin, knowing their shape, knowing their touch by memory.

"Its you . . ."

I cry into her neck.

"Its me Sar, Tegan."

She pulls away and looks at me, her face looks the same, everything the same, except for her hair, no more mullet, a cute little bob. I blink my eyes and she smiles, a tear rolling down her cheek. She sits down in her chair and I sit up. I bring my hands to my face and close my eyes.

"You should lay back down."

I smile at the memories of me and her, laying down in her bed, cuddling, thunderstorms, love making. Then I feel my sadness and anger wash over me. I turn to her and she looks at my tears.

"Why did you stop calling . . ."

She looks down and I get off the chair, I stand up and feel my body get dizzy. I stumble and Tegan catches me, I push her back and look at her in her eyes.

"You just stopped . . ."

She shakes her head and looks at me.

"You wont understand what I've been through Sara. . ."

I shake my head and look at her. I was the only one who understood, I was the only one who cared, and I was the only one who stayed, she left. She looks up and I see her familair watery eyes, she sobs and looks at me.

"Sara . . ."

I shake my head and look down. I should be happy to see her, I should be running up to her, holding her in my arms, hugging her with all my might, but I can't help my anger now. Shes seen me, now what, do we just forget that we saw eachother? Do we forget about eachother, what do I do. . .

Tegan POV:

I never forgot about her, I still think about her everyday of my life, she's my first love, shes still my everything. I remember when my dad told me my mom passed away, Sara never left my side, she was there, never once letting me cry without her. Then when my dad told me we were moving back to L.A, my heart was broken. I made sure that our last week together was filled with everything I wanted to give her for the rest of our lives, but on the day that I left, Sara and I had the most heartbreaking sex, we both cried cause we knew we would never see eachother again. We new that it was the end, and when I drove off, I watched as she broke down into Charlie arms, her tears hurt me, like I said when she cried, I felt it. When I got back to L.A I tried to keep in touch with her, but it got to hard for me, I started to fuck up in school, hanging around with the wrong people, getting high, doing every single drug, overdosing once in front of my little brothers. I didn't know how to deal with everything, My mom gone, my dad married Lucy, and I didn't have the one person I needed most to hold me, Sara. When I hit 18, I moved in my my Aunt Barbie, she took me in and her husband was a tattoo artist. I always wanted to be a tattoo artists, but I never new what to do, He showed m. He showed me everything, I stayed with them for a while and he offered me a job in his shop. I took it, people let my sample on them and soon I was a big hit around L.A. Just recently, I wanted to come back, London became my home for 3 years. When I bought my shop, I spent all my money that I didn't have enough to by or rent and apartment,so im staying in the back room of my shop. But despite everything I've been through, I still never forgot about Sara, and now that shes here.

"You just stopped everything Tegan."

I shake my head and walk to her.

"You wouldn't understand . . ."

She looks at me and I bring my hand up to her jaw, she moves her hand away and looks at me. I take a step back and she wipes her tears, I hear her friends voice and I turn around, walking back to my chair.

"Hey how are you feeling?"

I look down and start to change the needle for my next customer.

"Fine . . ."

My heart breaking, I know Sara still loves me, she looked at me like I was unreal, like It was all just a dream that she had. Truth is, I have those moments to, where I fall asleep with my hands down my pants, thinking about me and her in my room, the first time we touched eachother. We were eachothers first love, you don't just forget about them, you remember them.

"Hey Im sorry about this, I'll accept the deal, maybe we can talk about it some other time?"

I hear her friend talk to me. I wipe my eyes really quick and turn around.

"Yea, sounds great. Just get her home, she needs to take a nap."

I tell her , Sara looks at me and I know shes remembering our naps.

"It was nice meeting you, just drop by anytime."

I look at Sara when I say anytime, I want her to know that I mean Anytime. Emy nods and grabs Saras hand, I look at their hands I eye them, friends don't hold hands.

Sara POV:

Im in my bed, looking up at the ceiling. This isn't happening, Tegans back. Shes here, but shes not mines anymore. Im with Emy, I couldn't hurt Emy, after all I put her through, It wouldn't be fair. I see her walk into the room with a tray, a cup of tea, honey, spoon, and two little white pills. She sets it down on my nightstand and sits on the edge of my bed.

"Hey, feeling better?"

I nod my head and she hands me the tea. I take a sip and feel my body relax.

"Sara . . . I know your going to get mad but, they called me for a photoshoot up in Glasgow."

I sigh, when I needed her the most, she wasn't going to be here, I needed her to hold me, to let my cry into her body, let my tears melt into her skin.

"Its fine Emy . . ."

She pust her hand on my thigh and tries to speak.

"Im not in the mood, just go its fine."

She sighs and sits up, she walks to the closet and gets out her suitcase. After 1 hour of packing in silence, me just watching her, Im alone again. I try my best to get comfortable, but no position works. I turn to my side and look out my balcony doors. The rain splatting down on our furniture. I turn on my back and feel my eyes start to water. What was I going to do? My life was already falling apart, then Tegan shows up and I feel happy and mad at the same time. But most of all im confused. Confused to a certain point that I don't know whether to cry or punch a wall, to be happy and singing with birds, or calling up my girlfriend. I curl up into a little ball and pull the blankets over my head. I close my eyes and let the sleep take me.

Its been 2 days since I've left my apartment. Im still in the same clothes I was in 2 days ago when I saw Tegan, Im still in the same spot, the only time I've gotton up is to go pee, but thats it. Its 9:30 in the morning, and its about time for my to start crying. The tears don't hurt when they come out anymore, its just been a routine for the last two days. I bury my head into my pillow and hear a knock on my door. I groan and hear it open, I never did remember to lock doors.

"Sara?"

I hear Charlie call out, I stay under my blankets and hear her footsteps. My door creeks and then I feel my matress sink. The covers get removed and Im looking at a tired Charlie.

"Why haven't you answered your phone? We've been calling and texting you like crazy for the past two days."

I look up at Charlie and she searches my face.

"Whats wrong? Feeling down again."

I sigh and sit up.

"Theres something I have to show you, would you mind driving me into town?"

She shakes her head and I get out of bed.

"Just let me shower."

She nods her head and I make my way into my bathroom. I close my door and look into the mirror. I looked bad, for once I was hungry, for once I wanted to go out, I wanted to see her. Not like this though, I turn on the steaming hot shower and step in. The water hits my back and I feel my body relax for the first time in two days. I quickly wash my body and hair, not wanting Charlie to wait. I turn off the water and step out, I grab my towel and dry my body off. I brush my teeth, fix my hair and walk out of the bathroom.

I walk passed Charlie and she looks at me.

"Sara, are you okay?"

I look in my closet and grab my old smiths band t-shirt, a pair of skinny jeans and my maroon chucks. I toss them to the bed and Charlie turns around. I grab my bra and underwear slipping them on.

"You'll understand why Im not okay when I show you."

She sighs and I pull up my pants. I button them up and pull on my t-shirt.

"Okay, you can look."

She turns back around and looks at me.

"Okay, but whatever happens, I need to pick up Paulie from work at 3:30."

I nod my head and tie my shoes. I walk to my closet and grab a maroon hoodie and my wallet. I walk back to the nightstand and grab my phone. I look at Charlie and she nods.

"Ready?"

She stands up and follows me out the door. We get to her car and she starts it.

"Where too?"

"Town."

She nods and drives off into the street. As the car wheels rub against the street, the rain from last night makes the highway look misty. I look at Charlie and she sighs.

"I want you to know . . . Paulie and I are worried about you Sara."

I look back out the window and remember Tegans face from 2 days ago, the tears in her eyes. I feel my eyes start to water, I feel Charlie grab my hand and squeeze it. I turn to her and she looks into my watery eyes. She pulls over and stops the car, She leans over and hugs me tight. Without sobbing, I let my tears slide down my cheeks and sink into her sweater.

"I love you Sara, if you ever need me Im here."

I nod and sniffle, she pulls away and looks me in the eye.

"Promise me you'll talk to me?"

I nod my head and she wipes the tears from my face. I smile weakly and she smiles back. She turns on her blinker and gets back onto the highway. As we drive, Charlie never let go of my hand, her and Paulie became my best friends, the only friends that have seen me at my worst. One time they even had to shower me, look at my naked body, change me, the whole package, even sleep with me, I slept in the middle, while they slept on each side. I was their child with nightmares, and they were the over carinf parents, they've been with me through thick and thin.

We exit the highway and get into town. She drives down the streets and I take a deep breath. Was I ready to see her? Was I ready to face her after what happened? Either way I was going to do it, Now that I new she was here, I needed to see her.

"So what exactly are we looking for here?"

I look out the window and see a parking space.

"Just park right here."

She nods and pulls into a parking space, after 2 minutes of her perfecting it, she finally turns off the car and looks at me. I hear the rain on the windshield and I look at her.

"Might wanna put your hood on."

She puts it on and we get out of her car. I get to her side and look down. I grab Charlies hand and squeeze it tight. We walk across the street and get onto the sidewalk. I see the shop lights on and I turn to Charlie.

"This is why Im not okay anymore Charlie."

I lead her to the shop window and she looks in.

"You want to get a tattoo?"

I shake my head and open the door, the maroon walls slowly killing me. I walk up to the woman in the front desk and she smiles.

"Hi, can we go back really quickly?"

She looks at us and eyes us.

"Were not gonna get a tattoo."

She sighs and looks at her watch.

"5 minutes."

I nod my head and squeeze Charlies hand. I look at her and she looks confused. I open the black curtain and step inside, Tegans sitting down on her chair, tattoo gun in hand. Charlies eyes grow wide and she looks at me. I smile weakly and Charlie gasps. Tegan looks up from the thigh of the girls leg and looks at us.

"Tegan!"

I see Tegans face light up, she puts the gun down and stands up, running up to Charlie. They hug eachother tightly and I watch them. I bite my lip and see Tegans face on Charlies shoulder. They pull away and Charlie shakes her head.

"Your back man."

Tegan nods and hugs her again. The girl huffs and Tegan pulls away.

"Let me finish with her and we'll get some lunch yea?"

Charlie laughs and walks back. I look at Charlie and she smiles at me, she sits down and then realizes why I brang her hear. She looks at me and grabs my hand.

"Were gonna wait outside."

Tegan looks at me and sighs.

"Okay . . ."

Charlie stands me up and opens the curtain, we walk out across the waiting room and outside the front door. She turns to me and looks at me shaking her head. She wraps her arms around my body and I cling to her, not crying, just needing her to hold me. She rubs my back and kisses my head.

"I didn't know . . . how come you didn't tell us?"

I shrug and she kisses my head again.

"Look if you don't wanna go to lunch with us, its fine, I won't go either."

I shake my head and look at her.

"No, Im fine . . . Im just so confused as to what to say or do you know."

It was true, I was supposed to be crying, I was supposed to be breaking down. She was the reason I was all fucked up, why wasn't I crying? because for those two days I stood in bed alone, I had cried everything away. Of course it hurt me to see her, it hurt seconds ago too, but I just have to be strong. 10 Years, 10 years of moping, crying, I needed to stop.

"Are you sure?"

I nod and she smiles. I smile and she laughs.

"I haven't seen that in a while."

I laugh again and she hugs me one last time.

"I ment it Sara, Im here."

I nod and she pulls away.

The door opens and the girl that Tegan was working on, walks out of the shop. She eyes us as she makes her way past us, I look at her and she keeps walking down the street. Charlie turns to the shop and I can see Tegan from the corner of my eye, shes talking to the girl in the front desk. She highfives her after laughing with her and walks to the door. I turn around and look out to the street. The door opens and that little bell rings. I chuckle and hear Charlie.

"Its so good to see you Tee."

I hear Tegan laugh and the sound of them hitting eachothers backs, ring through my ears.

"You too."

Her voice hasn't changed, its still the same deep yet girlish voice. I smile, remembering her morning voice, she always sounded like a man.

"Hey Sara."

I open my eyes and turn around. Charlies looking at me, I lean in and hug her like a friend, she hugs me back and I smile.

"Hi Tegan."

Charlie smiles and I smile back.

"So Ediths Cafe?"

Charlie asks Tegan, Tegan nods and we all start to walk down the street. I let Charlie go in the middle so she can talk to Tegan. The rain starts up again and I pull my hood back on. I keep my head down and look at the ground.

I can hear Charlie and Tegan mumbling.

"Sara want my jacket?"

I hear Tegans voice and I sigh.

"No Im fine."

I hear her sigh and Charlie looks at me.

"You okay?"

She whispers and I look at her .

"Yea."

She nods and gives my hand a quick squeeze. I love Charlie, of course Paulie too, but when Charlie would suprise me at my house, random visits to see if I was okay, we would talk, she would hold me, she was my best friend.

We get to the front of Ediths Cafe and Tegan opens the door. Charlie walks in and I stop.

"You can go ahead."

I tell her, she sighs and looks at Charlie.

"Can you give us a minute?"

Charlie looks at me and I nod. She nods and closes the door. Tegan turns to me and looks at me.

"Your seriously gonna do this Sara?"

"Do what Tegan?"

I wasn't even aware I was doing anything, I was trying my best not to look at her, If I did I would see her watery eyes, I couldn't do it. I tried my best not to speak to her, if I did memories of her "I Love You's" would pass through my mind, I was protecting myself.

"This, I came back and your not gonna say anything to me? Not a how are you, not how have you been?"

I sigh and look down.

"Tegan can we just get inside, Im sorry If I came off that way okay?"

She looks down and shakes her head, she opens the door and waits. I walk in and look around, taking off my hood.

"Shes right there."

Tegan points to Charlie and I smile at her walking to the table. I sit down and Charlie looks at me.

"Everything okay?"

I nod and open my menu. Tegan sits down and takes off her jacket. I look at her arms, so many tattoos, I only had 8, she had her arms filled. She looks at me and catches me looking, I look back down to my menu and look at everything. In the corner of my eye, I see the waitress comming over, she smiles and looks at us.

"What can I get you today?"

I look at Charlie and she smiles.

"I'll take a coke."

She turns to me and I smile.

"Coffee, cream and sugar on the side, and a water please"

She nods and looks at Tegan. I see her look at her arms and smirk. She put her pencil on the ink and Tegan looks at her.

"Those are real nice."

Tegan looks at her up and down, she smiles and looks at the ink.

"Coke please."

The girl nods and walks away, I look at Tegan and watch her as she checks out the girl. My phone starts to vibrate and I pull it out of my pocket.

"I'll be back."

I tell Charlie, she eyes me and I look at her.

"Emy."

She nods and I press the phone to my ear. I walk outside and lean down on the window.

"Sara?"

"Yea?"

"Baby I miss you . . . are you feeling better?"

I look back inside and see Tegan looking at me, I look back to the street and smile.

"Yea, I just felt dizzy that day, when are you comming home?"

I needed her here, I needed her to make me forget that Tegans only 20 minutes away from my house. She sighs and I look at the ground.

"Thats what I was calling about . . . they want me to stay for a little longer."

"How long is that Emy?"

She sighs and alll the hope in my lungs is gone.

"4 Days longer, Sara its a really good job, they wanna pay me double."

Emy loved photography, thats how we met, I took a photography class for a semester and she was the start pupil of the class, always acing her projects, thats how I started to like her. I know she loves her job, and Im glad she does, but I would like her to spend time with me.

"Okay, just . . . call my every night before bed. Please Emy."

"I will babe, what are you doing right now?"

"Im with Charlie, were having lunch."

"Tell her I said Hey, I have to go baby, but I promise I'll call you everynight, I love you."

I look at the street, cars passing by.

"Love you too, goodluck."

I hang up and put my phone in my pocket. A couple walks past me and I look at them her hand in his pocket, his arm around her shoulder, the other holding their umbrella, I smile and turn back around. I open the door and walk back inside, making my way back to the table. When I sit down, Charlie hands me my coffee, and water. I smile at her and start to mix my coffee.

"So Emy huh?"

I look at Tegan and take a sip of my coffee.

"Yea, by the way she said Hey Charlie."

Charlie nods and I look back at Tegan. I look down and watch my coffee mix.

"So your gay?"

I sigh and Charlie looks at me.

"Yea I am Tegan."

She nods and takes a drink of her soda. The girl comes back and looks at us.

"What can I get for you?"

"Im gonna have the BLT, make the bacon extra crispy please."

Charlie hands her Menu to her and smiles, the turns to me and I look down.

"Can I just have a chicken ceaser Salad, with extra crutons?"

She nods and looks at Tegan. Tegan licks her lips and smiles.

"I'll have just a turkey sandwich."

I roll my eyes and give the girl my menu. She looks at me and eyes me, annoyed that i ruined their little eye gazing session. I smile and look down. I new what she was doing, shes mad because I won't talk to her, because I won't look at her directly in the eye.

"So, how have you been Tee?"

Charlie tries to lighten up the mood, I fiddle with my hands and look down.

"Alright, getting by you know."

Charlie nods and smiles.

"Guess what?"

Tegan laughs and Charlie nudges me.

"Paulie and I are engaged."

I look up and see Tegans face, she looks shocked and happy.

"Your still together?"

I chuckle a little, always catching myself saying that too.

"You can't forget your first love man."

I look at Tegan and she looks at me, we stare at eachother, I know shes thingking about it too. I look down and shift in my chair.

"Shit Im sorry."

Charlie looks at us and I shake my head, smiling as best as I could.

"Its fine, were all adults now."

I look at Tegan and she sighs, looking down.

"Yea. . ."

The feeling comes back, my heart wants to spill out every tear, every memory, every love making, everything. I close my eyes and shake them away. I hear the clanging of plates and I open them. I look and see our food on our table. I look at Tegan, expecting to see her check out the girl, whos obviously flirting with her, she keeps her head down and the girl walks away. She grabs her sandwich and takes a bite from it. I look down to my food and push back my sleeves.

"That a nice Tatt, who did it?"

I look at the one on my wrists and look at Tegan.

"A friend of mines."

She nods and looks at it. I look back down to my salad and grab my fork, sticking it into the lettuce and crutons. The first food I've eaten in 2 days. I hum as I taste the dressing.

"Sara, when was the last time you ate?"

Charlie looks at me and I look up, Their both staring at me, mostly Tegan.

"Im fine Charlie."

Don't do this in front of her Charlie . . . please

She shakes her head and Tegan looks at me more.

"How long Sara?"

I look up and she look concerned, she looks like she wants to know now.

"2 days."

Tegan shakes her head lightly and looks down. I sit back in my chair and Charlie sighs.

"Sara does this all the time Tegan."

I look at Charlie and she shakes her head.

"Im sorry . . . but its true."

I look down and feel my eyes start to water.

"Why?"

Tegans voice was harsh, it was cold, it made me jump.

"I just don't worry about it . . ."

I hear her chair screech and I look up, she walks to the girl over at the register and starts to talk to her.

I look at Charlie and she sighs.

"I didn't mean to do it like that, but its true Sara."

I bring my palm to my forhead and close my eyes, praying this would all just be a dream. I hear a clang and I open my eyes. Tegan walks to her seat and sits down. She doesn't look at me, she takes a bite from her sandwich. I look down and see a bowl of red jello. I stare at it, I haven't had jello since highschool, since Tegan. I look at her and she looks at me, her eyes piercing into mines.

"I know that that's the only thing you'll eat alot of."

I look back down and grab one of the cubes, I place it onto my tongue and chew it, so many memories. I close my eyes as I swallow the slimy stuff. For the rest of Lunch none of us talked, I ate all the jello and ate my whole salad. Tegan kept looking up, making sure I was eating it.

"Can I get anything else for you?"

The waitress ask us, Charlie and I shake our head and Tegan nods.

"Can you get me a box of Jello please? I'll pay whatever its fine."

The girl nod and walks away. Tegan stands up and smiles.

"Its my treat guys don't worry."

"Thanks man, wait till everyone hears your back, family reunion."

Charlie laughs and I look at Tegan.

"Thanks."

She smiles weakly and nods.

"No problem."

The girl comes back and hands Tegan the box, Tegan hands it to me, and I take it. She walks away and heads to the register, settling the bill. I stand up and Charlie smiles.

"This was interesting."

I eye her and she shrugs.

"Its not like its not noticable Sara, you look like a walking stick."

I push in my chair and start to walk to the door. I wait outside for them and notice the rains getting worse then before. I pull my hood on and hear the door open. I turn around and Charlie puts her hood on. Tegans reaches into her back pocket and pulls out her maroon beanie. I laugh and she looks at me.

"You still have that?"

She smiles weakly and nods.

"Never go anywhere without my beanie."

I smile and she puts it on. We all start to walk back to Tegans shop, the rain making us wet. When we finally do, Tegan smiles and opens the door. We all walk in to her empty shop and she walks into the backroom. We follow her and Charlie smiles.

"Give me a free tattoo."

She jokes, Tegan smiles and looks at her.

"Sure, what do you want?"

Charlie laughs and looks at me, I smile and she smiles big.

"I was thinking Paulies name, making on my arm."

Tegan nods and pats her seat. Charlie smiles and sits down. I walk up to her and shake my head.

"Are you sure about this?"

She nods and looks at me.

"Paulie and I have been through everything together, 12 years I've been with her, I know shes not going anywhere, and neither am I."

I smile and lean down, kissing her forhead. She smiles and I make my way back to the chair.

"If you want, you can come sit on the counter Sara, so you won't be alone."

I turn around and nod. I walk back to the counter and climb up it, setting my bum down. Tegan rolls in her chair, next to me and grabs the ink gun. I watch her as she washes her hand, puts on some gloves and changes the needle.

She turns to me and smiles sweetly, I smile back and she looks at Charlie.

"So you want it freehand right, regular color?"

Charlie nods and Tegan nods, grabs the little ink and sets it down on the tray. She grabs a razor and gives it to Charlie.

"Shave where you want me to do it, bathrooms in the back."

Charlie grabs the razor and gets up, walking through a door, leavin Tegan and I alone for the first time.

Tegan finishes setting everything up and I take off my jacket. She turns to me and smiles.

"I thought you only had those two?"

I look down to my skin, some patches with ink. I shake my head and she stands up.

"Can I see them?"

I nod and roll up my sleeves. She grabs my arm and I feel the same spark I felt all those years ago, the same spark that made me jolt. She traces her hands over all the ink, smiling at some of them. I look at them and remember getting them.

"Their nice, real nice."

I smile and she sits back down.

"And yours?"

She looks down to her arms, almost fully covered. She scims them all over and looks at me.

"Mines what"

"When did you get them?"

She smiles and looks down.

"After higschool."

I nod and Charlie comes back. She sits on the chair and shows Tegan her arm, Tegan nods and grabs the ink gun. She starts it up and grabs a couple of things to clean the spot. She looks at Charlie and smiles.

"Hold still."

Charlie nods, and I watch as Tegan pays her full attention to Charlies skin, free handing Paulies name in a beautiful font. After 45 minutes, Tegan sets down the gun and smiles.

"Done."

Charlie sits up and looks into the mirror behind me. I smile, Tegan was good, she free handed it, it came out looking like a perfect stamp. Tegan takes off her gloves and looks at me.

"You too?"

I laugh and shake my head, she laughs and nods.

"Shit what time is it?"

Charlie looks at me and I pull out my phone.

"1:30?"

She sighs and looks at me.

"Well Im gonna get going, I gotta go feed Mindy, You know Paulie gets mad when I don't."

I laugh and Tegan eyes her.

"You have a kid?"

Charlie shakes her head and scratches the back of her head.

"Mindys Paulies cat."

Tegan chuckles and I do too.

"Ready?"

I look at Tegan and she puts her head down.

"Yea, your gonna drop me off right?"

She nods and I climb off the counter.

"I have to wrap it, hold on."

Charlie stops, and Tegans walks to the front of the shop. I look at Charlies tattoo and smile.

"It looks really good."

I nod and she smiles big.

"I can't wait to show Paulie, then to tell her who did it, shes gonna flip."

I laugh and Tegan walks back in. She places the wrap on Charlies arm and looks at her.

"Alright your all set."

Charlie nods and hugs her.

"You have to come over sometime, Pualie needs to see you man. Come over tomorrow for Dinner yea?"

I look at Tegan and she smiles.

"Yea sure."

"Good what time can you be available.?"

Tegan shakes her head.

"Anytime, I don't work tomorrow. Can you just pick me up? I don't have a car."

Charlie nods and Tegan smiles.

"Okay be ready by 6, you too Sara."

I nod my head and Charlie hugs Tegan again.

"See you tomorrow."

Tegan nods and I walk behind Charlie, Tegan taps my forearm and I turn around.

"No see you tomorrow?"

She smiles, I laugh and remember her as a teen, hugging me, I lean in and wrap my arms around her chest, she pulls me in and wraps her arms around my waist, I pull away and smile, before I never let go.

"See you tomorrow Tegan."

She bites her lips and smiles back.

"I'll see you tomorrow Sara."

I smile and pull back the curtain, walking next to Charlie. We walk out of the shop and cross the street to her car. When we get in she smiles.

"Im not gonna let Paulie see it, not till tomorrow, I'll wear long sleeves. Im gonna suprise her with this first, then suprise her with Tegan."

I laugh and put my seat belt on.

"Was it wierd hanging out with her again?"

She looks at me and her face is serious, I look down to the floor and shrug.

"I cried over her for 10 years, I guess Im not sure what I feel anymore, just a lot of memories came back today, some that I had totally forgot about."

She nods and grabs my hand.

"Lets get you home."