It's All Coming Back to Me Now

by deepfriedcake

Post-Partings. Lorelai awakes to the fact that her life has changed and she's no longer the woman she used to be. One step at time, she tries to fight her way back to the Lorelai she's meant to be.

4. Reunion

New Note: Here's the last chapter. Looking back on it now, it's not exactly the chapter I wanted to write, but sometimes you just can't find the words to match the scene you see in your head. I thought about changing this up a little bit now, using my hindsight, but that didn't seem fair since it's already been set loose on the world. So please be kind and I hope you enjoy! DFC

---

Author's Notes: Well, it certainly took a long time to get here, didn't it? I need to thank Jewels, the sweetest Alternate Daughter anyone ever had, for asking some hard questions that ultimately made this story better. She also patiently pointed out all sorts of things I swear Mr. Felton neglected to teach me in eighth-grade English. And now, for better or for worse, here's the last chapter of It's All Coming Back to Me Now.

---

"You're sure she's ready for this?" the mother asked, not for the first time. She seemed genuinely concerned about her daughter and not ready to bite his head off for a change.

"Yes," the doctor reassured once again. "I'm quite pleased with her progress."

"Because if she's not," the father broke in, "we're certainly willing to pay for another week. We don't want to see a re-occurrence again."

"She's doing amazingly well," the doctor informed them. He was doing a good job of gently shooing them through his waiting room to the front door. "That doesn't mean that she won't have her ups and downs, but she'll be able to handle them. I expect her to come back for check-ups, of course, or if she does experience a prolonged downward turn. All of you are welcome to call me, too, if you have questions or concerns." With a smile forged from years of dealing with stressed families he pushed open the door for them.

"Thank you, Doctor," the mother told him, sounding sincere. "We appreciate the time you've spent with us."

"Indeed." The father shook his hand with a powerful grip. "I don't know what we would have done if you hadn't taken her case."

"All I did was lead her back. She just needed to tap into her own strength," the doctor insisted. "If things should get rough again, she'll just need to remember that."

"Well, thank you. And I was serious about offering to do a fundraiser for your clinic. Give me a call." The mother smiled politely as she pushed her hands into buttery leather gloves.

"A pleasure, Doctor." The father nodded and he and his wife stepped outside.

The girl had been quietly biding her time. Now she came up beside him and beamed a shy, happy smile.

"You were right," she said. "You said you'd get me my mom back, and you did. Thank you." She put her arms around his shoulders and gave him an awkward, though charming hug.

He patted her shoulder as she pulled away. "You were a tremendous help to her. I should be thanking you."

"Maybe I should ditch journalism and go for pre-med," she teased.

He raised an eyebrow. "But then you'd have to spend time in hospitals."

"True," she laughed. "Thanks, Dr. McClooney." She glanced outside. "I'd better go. Grandpa's waiting."

The girl pulled on her knitted hat and wrapped a scarf around her neck. Just before she stepped out the door she dipped her shoulder towards the rear of the waiting room. "I think there's somebody back there who'd like to talk to you now." Her blue eyes sparkled at him as she exited.

The doctor frowned when he turned. He hadn't noticed anyone else waiting and he'd thought his schedule was clear for the rest of the day.

The man who had been hiding in the shadows of the room slowly stood up, placing a crumpled Sports Illustrated back in the magazine rack. The doctor could see that the man was tall. He was wearing a suit, but by the way he tugged on the cuffs and ran a finger around the collar of his shirt the doctor could tell he wasn't used to being dressed up.

"Do you have an appointment?" the doctor asked as he stepped closer.

"No," he said. He motioned towards the family that had just left, and then swung his arm to the closed doors behind him. "I'm here about her."

The doctor knew enough about human nature to be able to read the determination and devotion playing across the man's face. Suddenly he understood who he was. He appraised the gentleman in front of him again. No wonder his patient had been so broken for so long.

"I wondered when you'd come," the doctor told him.

"I should have been here before this," the man said regretfully.

"I'm sure you had battles of your own. But you're here now."

The man nodded firmly. "I'm here," he said, "and I want to help."

---

The last few days of November and the beginning of December went by in a gray blur of contradictions.

She stayed up late and watched old black and white movies, crying along with every leading lady who got her heart broken. On other nights she went to bed early and tried to sleep away the anguish that still dogged her.

Some days she paused outside the diner, casting longing looks inside. On other days she refused to even pass through the center of town.

There were days when she was a whirlwind at work, arriving early and staying late, shadowing maids and busboys as they tried to do their jobs. Then there were other days when she could barely drag herself to the Dragonfly at all and spent the majority of the hours hiding inside her office.

There were long spells when she did nothing but stare out into space, remembering his kindnesses and his sweetness and the burning nights spent wrapped up in his arms. Just as often she remembered his slights and biting words and the emotional wounds that refused to heal.

For example, that whole stupid weekend at the Huntzberger's place on Martha's Vineyard. Lorelai grabbed Michel's pad of post-its. 'Give stupid necklace to Rory' she scrawled, and put the note in her pocket. She'd never believed for a minute that the necklace had come from Luke. Maybe getting it out of the house and back to Logan would help to exorcise one more ghost.

Rory called daily. "I don't need to go to London," she kept insisting. "It's crazy, me thinking I can skip Christmas with you! What kind of an ungrateful kid did you raise, lady?"

She didn't want Rory to cancel the chance to see her boyfriend. She was beginning to think that Logan really did care about Rory and she didn't want to put a crimp in their long-anticipated holiday plans. She knew she needed to get herself straightened out.

She went to her parents' early Christmas dinner and stuffed herself with every apple tart she could hold. Her mother trapped her outside the bathroom, but instead of the lecture about hogging the tarts that she expected, Emily was surprisingly perceptive.

"Come with us to St. Thomas," Emily suggested. It was a suggestion, Lorelai decided, even though it sounded like an order. "Rory won't be here, and what good will it do you to be here alone? Come with us and let some new scenery perk you up."

She told Sookie about the offer the next day, scoffing about spending two weeks alone with her parents. "Like that would help me," she told Sookie, rolling her eyes.

But Sookie was thoughtful. "It couldn't hurt, Lorelai, to get out of town. Think about laying on a warm beach somewhere, with hot hunks dripping water on the trashy paperbacks you're trying to read. And later, strolling in the moonlight with Rafael, and he whips your sarong off with one swipe of his powerful hand―"

"Whoa, girl! Down! That might be your fantasy, but it's not mine." She grinned at her friend who was now blushing around her dimples. She didn't say it but she couldn't imagine a worse Christmas than to be somewhere without snow. Although every snowless day in Stars Hollow was starting to make that fear look more like a possibility.

Although she hated the idea of the beach, the thought of getting out of town was appealing. She contacted the Durham Group to see if she could wrangle a working trip from them. She discovered that they had been shelving work until after the holidays out of consideration for her. When they learned that she was willing and could alter her schedule to accommodate them, they instantly set up a return trip to Utah for her.

Just five days later Paul Anka was checked into a cozy kennel and she was back in Salt Lake, gazing in awe as a snowstorm covered the tops of the mountains to her east in a thick white swirl.

She visited the same inns that she had in August. This time, in the lodgings owned by the Durham Group, she observed their operations to see if the suggested changes had made a difference. The Durham Group had purchased one of the other inns shortly after her visit, and Lorelai was pleased to see how the facilities had been updated and how much happier the staff appeared.

Once again she threw herself into the job and found herself buoyed up by the feeling of competence. She was enjoying herself and her spirit refused to get dragged down in sad thoughts.

She thought about calling Daniel but didn't. He was a wonderful guy and he deserved someone with a whole heart to give back to him. Reluctantly she put his business card back in her wallet.

Instead she rented a car and took herself to Astro Burger. She examined the huge menu board on her own and ordered an exceptional burger. It was just as good as she remembered and she chowed down happily.

She studied a map provided by the small hotel she was currently observing and figured out how to drive downtown. She found a parking spot along a busy street and strolled until she entered a bustling shopping area.

Twinkle lights were strung everywhere and she experienced a momentary jolt back to Stars Hollow. Big masonry urns that most likely held summer flowers were filled with poinsettias. A huge bronze caldron blazed with a fire that was drawing shoppers close to get warm. People were hurrying everywhere, probably grabbing last-minute Christmas presents.

She stopped suddenly and sniffed the air. Coffee. Really good-smelling coffee. With hardy a pause she entered the bookstore and found the coffee counter. A few minutes later she emerged back into the picture-perfect plaza and found a ledge to perch on while she sipped her coffee and watched the other shoppers.

Huge gloppy snowflakes were falling all around. They hit the wet pavement and melted immediately. She tilted her face up, enjoying the sight of them falling to earth.

She tried some of the coffee. It was passable. Good, even. She sighed. She had to admit it. It was great coffee. It was every bit as good as Luke's. She'd known for quite some time that it was the company that put his coffee over the top, not the brew itself.

At the other end of her ledge she watched a boy pull a Matchbox bulldozer out of his coat pocket. He pushed the miniature dozer up and around the rocks, trying to pile up some of the snow that was finally starting to stick.

She wondered where his parents were. He only appeared to be about five and that was too young to be wandering around on his own. She finally spotted them on a bench by the fire. The man's arm was wrapped around his wife and her head was leaning on his shoulder. They looked happy in a way that ate at her heart. They were wrapped up in each other, yet their eyes never left their son.

Lorelai took another swallow of coffee and then wiped away some snowflakes that had melted on her eyelashes. They certainly weren't tears. Just melted snowflakes.

She kept sneaking looks at the busy young boy and his adoring parents. In between she stared down at her feet, studying the snowflakes joining together like some sort of cosmic jigsaw puzzle.

She looked upward again, letting the flakes bombard her face. From her vantage point it looked like angels had plucked a billion petals from a million daisies and were now letting them swirl their way earthward to the mortals watching below.

He loves me, she heard in her head, her eyes tracking the descent of one snowflake. He loves me not, she continued, watching another. He loves me…

Suddenly she was standing, one mitten soaked from the coffee that had sloshed from her cup. The little boy stopped his play and looked at her warily. She tried to smile at him reassuringly and forced herself to sit back down as calmly as possible in spite of the excitement churning through her.

For months now she'd been trying to put her life back together. She'd used apologies as spackle and hard work for nails. She'd tried to correct the damage she'd done to Luke and to everyone else who'd gotten in her way as she'd demolished her life. She thought she'd done everything she could to fix the hole in her heart but now she realized that no matter what she did it was never going to work. Her repairs were doomed to failure because she had forgotten the most important thing.

She had been right about some things. She was a strong and capable woman. She'd always known that. You don't leave a gated house where there was always someone else to cook your meals and run off with a baby if you're not strong. She'd proven over and over again that she could do it all. She'd raised her daughter and bought a house. She'd started her own business. She'd demonstrated that she could be a valuable employee or a seasoned employer. She was a good mother, a good friend, and even Taylor Doose couldn't fault her support of Stars Hollow.

She was strong and she was a fighter. She'd fought to make sure Rory always had what she needed. It didn't matter if no one else was there in her corner. She was there. That was enough. She'd been willing to accept help but she was completely capable of going it alone.

She could do this. She could live her life on her own. She could find fulfilling work. She could travel. She could find somebody else to be with, if that's what she wanted. She could even find decent coffee. She was strong enough to live her life and be passably happy.

But the question was did she want to? She cast another glance at the couple on the bench. She knew who she wanted on that bench with her. She'd put in a lot of time weeding out the jerks, or the weak-willed, or the ones that were fun but nothing else. After a lifetime of searching she'd found him, and now she was just supposed to throw all that effort away?

She stood up, threw her coffee cup into the trash and started jogging across the shopping area. She shook her head over her own cluelessness. How could she have forgotten the most important thing?

She loved Luke. Loved him. All of the time they'd been apart she'd been trying so hard to cover up that fact, even from herself. It was like she thought admitting she still loved him was showing weakness. Like it was a character flaw.

Instead she should have been shouting that from the church steeple, like the Town Loner had tried during his ill-fated protest. She should have been in Luke's face every day, reminding him of that fact. Damn it all, why hadn't she fought when it mattered the most?

She emerged out onto the street and tried to find her rental car in the dark. Truthfully, she couldn't remember exactly where she'd parked. Or what the car looked like, for that matter. But she'd find it. She'd find it and get back to the hotel and finish her job and fly home.

The street was on a slight incline ― all of Salt Lake was on a slight incline ― and her feet slid in the slush as she picked up speed, looking for the car. It almost felt like she was skating. She threw back her head and laughed in delight.

Luke Danes didn't know it yet, but he was in for the fight of his life.

---

Lorelai sympathized with the three-year-old trapped behind her. She wanted to kick the seat in front of her, too.

It seemed like they'd been circling Bradley for hours. After every third pass the pilot would come on and apologize for the delay. Her fingers dug into the armrests as she chewed her lips. She wanted to be on her way to Stars Hollow so badly she could barely stand being restrained in her seat.

She heard someone say 'practically a blizzard' and she looked out the window on her side and realized why she'd been seeing nothing but white on the ground. Apparently her wish for snow had finally been fulfilled. Overfilled, possibly.

She tried to zone out as they circled and circled and circled again and eventually landed. The bumpy taxiing to the terminal was interminable. She stood motionless in the aisle for what seemed like days, waiting for the door to finally open, and then she sprinted with everyone else to the baggage claim.

Her pink-bandana'd case was one of the last to appear on the conveyor. She grabbed it and rushed outside, taking a big grateful breath of the cold air.

The poor Jeep was topped with nearly a foot of snow. She used a purloined airline magazine and her hands to scrape it away. She felt the slush melting through her boots but she didn't care one bit. All that mattered was getting home.

The highway was clogged with slow-moving traffic. A speed of 35 M.P.H. seemed like flying. Everyone cautiously slid over the slick pavement at a crawl, trying not to gawk at the unfortunate drivers who had already ended up in the median.

Finally the exit for Stars Hollow came up on her right. She left the highway with extreme caution and took a deep breath of relief to be away from the mess of traffic.

She forced herself to take her time driving the rest of the way. She didn't want to be this close and then find herself in the ditch and at Gypsy's mercy while waiting on a tow.

Joy spread through her at the sight of her little town. The twinkle lights glimmered through the snow and made Stars Hollow look like a glittery Christmas card. She carefully navigated through the square and almost skidded off the street from the shock of seeing holiday lights hanging in the diner window.

"Good for you, April," she said approvingly. She had no doubt that the festive display was all her doing.

She took one last yearning look at the diner but continued on her way home. She didn't want to see Luke yet. Well, she did, but she needed to have a plan. She wanted to go home and decide on the perfect outfit and the perfect thing to say to him. She didn't want to chance talking to him without knowing the script.

The Jeep turned down her street and despite her best efforts she felt her good mood start to slip. Every house looked like Clark Griswold lived there. Even the Lefand's on the corner had a blue and white neon menorah in their front window. She began to dread pulling into her dark, gloomy house.

It had seemed like a good idea not to Christmas-up the Crap Shack before she left. She figured it would be less sad to wait and put up the decorations with Rory when she returned. Now, seeing all of her neighbors' lights, she wasn't so sure.

She gasped and the Jeep fishtailed again as she stomped on the brake in surprise. Her multicolored Christmas lights were hanging in swags between her porch columns. She loved them dearly because in her mind they made the house look like a circus. In her front yard the five-foot inflatable snow globe was set up and perpetually blowing around the Styrofoam pieces of contained snow. She remembered how much Luke had ranted about it when she purchased it last year but she still believed it was the coolest thing she'd ever seen.

She threw the Jeep into the drive and bailed out into the snow. She left everything in the car and ran up the shoveled path to the front door.

"Rory!" she screamed as soon as she was inside. She shut the door with her hip and tore off her wet coat. "You stinker! Why didn't you tell me you weren't in London?"

She took another few seconds to peel off her soaked, ruined boots. Paul Anka trotted in to greet her.

"Hey! You even sprang your brother from the kennel! Way to show the Christmas spirit, Kid!" She patted him happily and followed him back into the living room. "Rory!" she yelled again.

She stopped short as she beheld a mammoth spruce set up in the designated Christmas tree corner. The top branch was scraping the ceiling. Lights were shining from every bough of the magnificent evergreen.

Movement from behind the tree caught her eye. Green-and-red plaid sheepishly emerged.

"It's not Rory," he said, shifting a string of lights from one hand to the other uncomfortably.

She couldn't remember ever feeling so shocked. Well, maybe that day she'd met the girl filling salt shakers in the diner … But she wasn't going to think about that now.

"Right, because Rory's all done with the plaid thing," she said. She realized in some far recess of her memory that the shirt he had on was one she'd given him last Christmas to try and give him some holiday flair.

He was looking at the tree and at the floor, barely glancing towards her. "I, uh, I thought you weren't getting home until tomorrow."

"I got done early. I changed flights."

"Oh." He nodded. "Good for you, then."

"Yeah." She took a deep breath. "Luke, what are you doing?"

He put the lights down on the coffee table and wiped his hands on his jeans. He looked back at the tree and then he finally looked at her. "Well, I know how much you love Christmas. You love every kitschy, over-the-top thing about it. I drove by a couple of times to check on the house once I knew you were out of town and I just couldn't stand the thought of you coming home to this dark house. So, uh, I thought I'd come and put up your outside stuff. And then I realized that you didn't have any decorations inside either, so I thought I'd get you your tree. Then I thought, well, might as well get the lights down from the attic and make sure they work, you know? But I didn't put on any of the ornaments," he hurried to add. "I brought them down, but I didn't hang any of them. I know that's your favorite part, taking them out and looking at the ones Rory made when she was a kid. And those fancy ones your Aunt Hope sent you." He pointed over at some open boxes lying by the tree.

There was a long pause as she looked at everything this clearly nervous man standing in front of her had done. Ready or not, it was time for her to plunge in.

"Luke," she said, her voice calm but steady, "why did you do it?"

"I told you. I didn't want you comin' home to a dark house―"

"Not that," she interrupted. "I mean about April. You kicked me out of your life. Why did you do it?"

He took a step closer to her and then stopped, looking down at his feet with his hands at his hips. He exhaled forcefully. Finally he looked at her, his eyes searching over her face. "Would it be OK if I ― could I touch you?" he requested hesitantly.

Her head reared back in surprise. So not what she was expecting to hear from his mouth. Little tingles of excitement started to float through her stomach. She carefully angled her arms out from her sides. "Please," she said politely.

He was next to her in an instant. One arm wrapped around her waist, drawing her against him, while the hand from his other arm snaked under her snow-dampened hair, cradling the back of her head.

Blood roared through her ears in a rush as she tried not to melt completely into him. She held him to her as tightly as she could, feeling almost lightheaded from breathing him in. She raised her face and kissed his sweet, scruffy cheek before she could stop herself.

He moved the hand that had been massaging the back of her head to her face, his thumb stroking over her cheek. His mouth headed for hers.

She turned her face and his kiss landed on her cheek instead. "Not so fast, Santa's Little Helper. You've got some talking to do first." Inwardly she cursed her newly rediscovered strength.

He buried his face in her hair and groaned. "Well, let's get comfortable. This might take a while," he warned.

He sank down to the floor right where he was. He fitted his back against the couch and then reached up his arms to her. He guided her down to his lap, where she sat sideways and leaned against his chest, her head tucked right underneath his chin. His arms were circled around her and she could feel each breath he took. For a moment she just sat there with her eyes closed, basking in a blissful sense of satisfaction.

"Where should I start?" he asked, sounding overwhelmed.

"Hang on. I need to do something first," Lorelai decided. She turned and snatched the black hat off his head and flung it like a Frisbee into the darkening recesses of the room.

He blinked at her, stunned. "Why'd you do that?" he asked bewildered

"I really hate that hat," she explained. She smoothed down his hair that had gotten ruffled and then surveyed her beautification process. "Much better," she decreed. She leaned against him again and got comfortable. "Start talking," she ordered.

"Easy for you to say," he griped. "But OK. Here's as good a place to start as any, I guess. Back in high school, did you know kids who were always stumblin' around in the dark, always complainin' that they needed to find themselves?" he began in his customary pre-rant grumble.

"Sure," she said as a teenaged Christopher sprang to mind.

He gave a derisive snort. "Well, I thought those kids were worthless. And it seems every book written for kids and every teen movie is the same thing. It's always about some loser running around tryin' to find themselves. It's like if they don't have some grand epiphany about what life's all about they can't figure out how to just live," he complained.

"OK," she chuckled agreeably, anxious to hear where this was leading.

"That wasn't me," he unnecessarily explained. "I always knew who I was. At least, I thought I did. I wasn't one of those touchy-feely, get in touch with your feelings guys, but I knew who I was. I knew what I believed and I knew who I loved and I knew what I wanted. I knew right from wrong. My parents ― especially my Dad ― had made sure of that. As far as I could tell, I had things all figured out and it wasn't hard."

She smiled at his take on life.

"That doesn't mean I didn't make mistakes," he readily admitted. "I made some monumental ones. Jess, for example. I wish all the time I could go back and do things over with him. And that last time Rachel came back. I should've never let her think things were the same when I knew they weren't. And then Nicole―" He bit that thought off abruptly.

"Go on," she encouraged, wanting to hear it all.

"I know why I made the mistake I made with Nicole," he said, slowly letting the words out. "She saw me, and you didn't, and I gave up and decided to take the easy way out. Only it was wrong, it wasn't easy, and both she and I ended up suffering for my mistake. It was my fault and she suffered for it."

"Oh, Luke," she whispered, leaning into him more. "I'm sorry."

He put a finger softly over her lips. "Don't," he said. "You've given me enough 'sorrys' for a lifetime."

"Still am," she insisted.

"But then I got you after all. It seemed like I learned my lessons and that life was going to give me everything I deserved for playing by the rules. I had the woman I loved, my business was doing OK, and everything was good."

"'For one moment, everything is good'" She quoted a favorite line from While You Were Sleeping under her breath. "But it wasn't that moment, was it?"

"No. Suddenly…" She felt him sigh. "I found out I didn't know anything. My life turned upside down. Everything I believed got thrown out the window. Turns out I'd once gotten an old girlfriend pregnant and she didn't think enough of me to even tell me. For twelve years I'd had a kid walking around. Someone who was half me and I didn't even know it. Shouldn't you know those things? Shouldn't you feel them?" he loudly demanded of the universe in general.

"I don't know," she answered, since she was the only one around.

"Here I was, the type of guy who wanted to beat the Christophers and the Jimmy Marianos to a pulp for the way they neglected their kids. But hell, at least they knew they had 'em! Where does it put me on the list of slimeballs when I didn't even know?"

"That wasn't your fault. It was Anna's decision to keep you in the dark. If you'd known you would have been there every step of the way."

"But that's exactly my point, Lorelai! Here's this woman that I'd been with for awhile, someone who I had a freakin' relationship with, and she thought I wasn't even capable of knowing I had a kid, let alone helping to raise one! Can you imagine how that made me feel?"

"Anna was wrong," Lorelai said stubbornly. "She was wrong and her decision to keep April a secret was hateful. I don't care what her reasoning was about not telling you. It was horrible."

"When I found out about April …" Luke struggled for the right words. "Well, it destroyed my center. Turns out I didn't know who I was after all. How could I possibly be anything to you when I was nothing? How could I let you love me or depend on me or marry me when I didn't even know what kind of man I was? How could I?"

"That was my decision to make! Not yours! You robbed me of even getting a choice!" She took half a second to gulp down a breath and tried to sound less irate. "Really, Luke, did you think I was that shallow or cared so little about you that I'd stop loving you so easily? How could you think that I wouldn't love any child of yours?"

He put a hand on her shoulder and rubbed it gently, trying to take some of the sting out of the words he planned to say. "It wasn't about you, Lorelai. I know some of it should have been, but it wasn't. I couldn't handle thinking about you too. Finding out about April blew me apart. There just wasn't enough left of me to worry about you. You've always been so strong, and I guess I thought you'd be OK while I tried to get straightened out. I know I'd always watched out for you and taken care of you, but I wasn't me. I was just stumbling around in the dark, trying to find myself, like some stupid teenager."

She closed her eyes and tried to listen to his words with her heart. She reached blindly for his hand and held it tightly. "Maybe that was how you felt, but I knew better. The one thing I was always the most sure of was you."

"I let you down," he said in low voice, letting his forehead rest against the side of her head. "I was struggling so hard that I just wasn't me. I let you flounder around on your own and I couldn't even let myself be concerned about how everything was affecting you because I was so lost. I'm sorry, Lorelai. Jeez, I'm so sorry."

She stroked the fingers of his hand while she thought about his words. Except for the lights on the tree, the room was darkening as night fell.

"I think it was sort of the same with me," she carefully admitted. "I think I forgot who I was ― who I was capable of being. I pushed with Rory and I lost her. I think I was scared that if I pushed with you, I'd lose you, too. Or maybe I was just scared to be myself because you weren't you." She felt tears pressing and dropped his hand so that she could cradle her face. "It was awful," she said brokenly.

"Hey." His voice was gentle. His arms came around her and cuddled her back against his chest. "I promise this is never going to happen again."

"No more love children popping out of the woodwork?" She teased, sounding like the Lorelai she used to be.

He snorted. "I can assure you of that." He brushed her hair back from her face. "I promise I'll never leave you alone like that again. I'm not confused anymore, Lorelai. I promise I won't let you down. And you need to promise me that you'll never let me get so off track again. I depend on you to call me on my crap. Don't ever let me take you for granted again. Do you promise?"

"I promise," she said quietly.

He pulled himself away from the couch so that he was more upright. He held her tightly and angled his face closer to hers. She could smell the peppermint on his breath as he nuzzled her face. "Can I kiss you now?" he asked lightly, but she could sense the heat behind the words.

"No," she said, and he slumped back in disappointment. "Because there's still … me. We haven't talked about me."

"What about you?"

She swallowed hard. "About what I did. About how I hurt you." She shook her head, and looked straight into the glowing lights on the tree because she couldn't stand to look at him. "Do you really think we can get past that? Do you really think you can forgive me?"

He sat up again and brought his mouth right next to her ear. "I wouldn't be here if I hadn't already forgiven you."

For the first time real hope surged through her. His hands were crossed over her, holding her to him, and now she pressed her own hands over his, binding him to her. "Are you sure?"

"I know you so well, Lorelai. I understand how abandoned you felt when I ignored you. I understand now how much that hurt you, but I didn't realize how bad it was until you told me you thought I didn't love you anymore. That must have killed you. I've watched you for years and I know that when life knocks you down you try to find comfort somewhere. Usually you came to me. But this time I was the one who knocked you down. I even understand why you thought he was a good choice. I hate it, but I understand."

"I never meant―"

"I know." He held her tighter. "I know."

She couldn't stop the tears. She was still so ashamed. "I'm so sorry. I'm just so sorry."

He folded her to him and rocked them back and forth. "I know. I know. And I'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt anymore, because it still does. But I love you and I want you back in my life and we are going to find a way to get through this."

The glow from her heart had dried up the tears. "You love me?"

"Of course I love you," he said, trying to sound exasperated, but that facade didn't last any time at all. "And you'd never do anything like that again, right?" He hid his face against her hair and his voice came out raw with pain. "Because I couldn't take it again, Lorelai. I think it'd kill me."

The guilt tried to strangle her again but she twisted around and put her arms tightly around him. "I promise, Luke. I think it'd kill me, too. Please believe me."

"I do," he choked out.

They sat wrapped around each other for several long, healing minutes. Lorelai finally pulled back and graced him with a beaming smile. Her lips were still quivering, but happiness was starting to shine out of her again. She reached out and carefully touched his face.

"So scruffy," she sighed happily.

He tried to read her eyes and then frowned at the floor beside them. "I don't want to rush you, but … do you think …" He grunted in frustration, apparently not able to land on the words he wanted. "I just need to know. Do you think there's any way you could ever love me again?"

Laughter bubbled out of her. "Oh, Luke." She collapsed against his chest, giggling. She could feel his diminishing patience so she pulled back to look at him. "Silly," she said fondly. Suddenly it was hard to get the words out around the lump in her throat. "What makes you think I ever stopped?"

His eyes lit up and she could see he was struggling just as much as she was to not break down. "Can I kiss you now?" he asked gruffly, obviously using up his last bit of control.

"No," she said and grabbed his face before he could snap. "Because I'm kissing you."

She'd surprised him but it only took him a split-second to catch up. He tipped her back, holding her securely in his strong arms as his face lowered to hers, joining her in knocking that supposedly awe-inspiring kiss from the Princess Bride down a notch or two.

Coming home, Lorelai thought. The kiss was like coming home, yet it felt brand new. It was making rivulets of warm honey pool in her center, but at the same time it was soothing and comforting. He'd taken complete possession of her mouth, but he was also cautious, almost as if he was asking permission.

Once she was confident that he had her anchored in place and wasn't going to let her go, she let her hands start exploring over him. She touched his face and ran her fingers through his hair. She dipped down underneath his collar, rubbing her fingertips along the neck of his t-shirt. She flattened her hand and ran it all over his back, greeting each smooth plane and tensed muscle with a welcoming rub. She wouldn't have been able to describe his back with anything but a few generic words, but now that she was touching him she realized she would have known it was him with just one touch. She knew him by heart.

At first he seemed occupied with the reacquaintance of her mouth, but then he started touching her as well, holding her firmly with one arm so the other one could meander. He slid his hand over her arm, through her hair, down her back. His fingers stroked the few inches of bare skin under her jaw before the neck of her sweater covered it. His hand tracked downward and his thumb swept under the curve of her breast.

She gasped, not because she thought he shouldn't do it or because she didn't want him to do it. She just never dreamed it would be this easy.

Her startled breath broke the kiss and he drew back, his eyes dark and wide-open. His own breathing was heavy as he studied her face. He pulled her up so that her face was nestled against his.

"Missed you," he said, his tone telling her so much more than the simple words. "I've wanted to do that for months," he further admitted.

"Me too," she whispered back. She moved to kiss him again, still hungry, but this time he turned his face so the kiss landed on his cheek. She looked at him quizzically and he looked away, shrugging in what seemed to be an apology.

He settled back against the couch again and hugged her to him, apparently determined to be content with that for now. "Tell me about Utah," he suggested.

She stared over at the Christmas lights. Luke seemed to be trying to calm them down, and for now she was willing to let him set the pace. This was all new again and she had learned to trust him.

"Well, it snowed out there," she began. "But the snow isn't anything like what we're used to here. Some days the sun's shining so brightly, and the sky's so blue, but the top of the mountains are just hidden behind this curtain of snow."

"Sounds pretty," he said softly, curling a strand of her damp hair around his finger.

"Very pretty," she agreed, shivering with the thrill of having him there, and went on with her descriptions of Salt Lake while he held her close.

---

Eventually she realized he was trying to ease her off his lap. She had no idea how long they'd been sitting there on the floor, getting used to each other again.

"You need to go, don't you? You need to get back to the diner." She scrambled up, trying not to panic at the thought of him leaving her again.

He shook his head as he stood. "I should probably call Caesar, but no, I'm not going back to the diner tonight." He stretched and then moved towards the fireplace. "I laid a fire earlier for you. I'm thinking maybe that would be nice now."

She nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, that sounds perfect."

She shadowed his every move as he walked to the fireplace and used the lighter to catch the kindling. She leaned against his back, her arms loosely woven about his waist while he called the diner. She couldn't ignore the fear still tickling her heart that he'd slip away if she wasn't extra vigilant.

He smiled down at her as he shoved the phone into his jeans pocket. His arm came around her shoulders and he steered them back to the couch.

They settled against each other comfortably. His fingers stroked through her hair and urged her face upwards for several soft and tender kisses. Their arms entwined as they watched the fire start to blaze.

After a few quiet minutes Luke drew her right hand to a resting spot on his thigh. He traced over her fingers. "I've noticed you don't wear your ring anymore," he mentioned, sounding cautious.

"Oh. Um, well…" She made a face, trying to show him she knew she was crazy before she stuck a finger down the turtleneck of her deliberately-mockable holly-sprigged sweater. Her finger caught the hidden chain she'd worn for the past month and fished out the ring for him to see.

"It didn't feel right to have it out there, sort of flaunting it anymore," she tried to explain. "But at the same time, it really didn't feel right not wearing it, either. So this was sort of a compromise."

He took the ring between his fingers and looked it over critically. "If you're wearing it because you like it or because it still has some nice memories, that's fine, but I don't want you wearing it as some sort of punishment. That's all over. Do you understand?"

She nodded, watching the ring sparkle as he moved it. "April asked me if I was wearing it because I still loved you and wanted you back. I freaked out, of course," she admitted easily to him now. "I was so horrified, wondering if that's what you and everyone else thought." She held her breath as she bravely brushed her fingers against his face, swallowing hard when she watched his eyes close at her touch. "It took me until yesterday to realize that was the truth. I do love you and I do want you back. That is one perceptive kid you've got there," she said, trying to change her heartfelt tone into something more teasing.

Luke smiled gently. He dropped the ring, letting it dangle from the chain and come to rest against her. "Perceptive and persistent," he commented dryly and then kissed her hand where the ring had been for so long.

Although she was touched, Lorelai had to stifle a yawn without success. "Sorry," she said self-consciously.

"It's OK. You've watched me fall asleep on the couch plenty of times." He pushed her forward slightly so that he could stretch out behind her. "Come'ere," he offered, holding out his arm.

Eagerly she fitted herself on the couch in front of him, letting every bone and muscle relax into the heaven of his embrace. "Umm," she sighed. For a moment she nearly drifted off but then other topics popped into her head.

"Speaking of April," she began boldly. "I'm going to get to see her now, right?" Her bravado and her voice had faded by the end of the question.

Luke's mouth went tight as he looked down at her. "Of course you are," he said quickly. "April'd have my head if she didn't get to see you. She thinks the world of you, you know," he added, his voice gruff as he looked away from her eyes.

Lorelai nodded uncomfortably. "And that's… I mean, that's OK with you? That she likes me?"

His jaw clenched as he searched for words. "When I said that to you, that was me being a jerk. I was scared and unsure and… a jerk. I didn't understand then, but that's still no excuse. Now I know that she's my daughter. I mean, I feel that, you know? I understand that there's nothing that'll take that feeling away. It's just like with you and Rory. Rory'd stand by you no matter what, because she's your daughter, and now I understand what that's like. I know no matter how much April gets attached to you, I'm her dad and that won't change. I'm glad April already loves you. That'll make being a family together that much easier."

She took a deep breath and felt her mouth trembling. "Those are some awfully pretty words you're spouting there, Mister."

"Well then, let's try some more." He propped up his head on his hand so he could look down at her. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you enough that I loved you."

"I wasn't very good at that either," she protested.

"But you got to the point where you really didn't know," he said, sounding angry at himself. "I feel terrible about that. That's never going to happen again. I never want you to doubt me again."

"I believe you," she said and pulled him down for a kiss to seal her words.

He kept an arm wrapped around her as he laid his head on her shoulder. "I think the reason I didn't say it enough was because of your name."

"My name?" she laughed. She couldn't stop touching him, still amazed that he was pressed up beside her. She ran her hand through his hair, over his stubbled cheeks, down his flannel-swathed arm.

"Your name," he admitted. "To me, every time I said 'Lorelai' I heard 'love' in my head. They were linked together in my mind. I'd say 'Lorelai' but I heard … 'love.'"

"Every time," she teased, not sure how seriously to take this.

"Every time," he said firmly. "Lorelai," he said softly next to her ear. He moved his face over hers. "Love," he breathed out, the word ending as his lips pressed against hers.

Lorelai gasped as he pulled away. "Oh, I think I like that."

"Then we'll make it a thing. You'll know that every time I say 'Lorelai' I mean 'love.'" He kissed her again.

"Do I get a kiss every time, too?" she asked, her eyes still closed after the last one.

"Depends on how many people are around." His voice was so warm and silky. "Lorelai," he said again, and she realized that he did have a habit of drawing out the last syllable of her name. Almost as if he was thinking about adding another word to it.

"Mmm," she sighed, content.

In her mind she was thinking about how Luke was right next to her, warm and real and telling her he loved her. Her brain was calculating how to climb up on top of him and really get reacquainted. Her body, unfortunately, was remembering how early she'd gotten up, her long treks through airports, and the tension-filled drive home. She snuggled closer against him, breathing in the scent of French fries and fabric softener that she'd never really forgotten.

She was still aware when he pulled the afghan off the back of the couch and tucked it around them. She smiled, remembering the day she'd come home and tried to hide underneath it.

And that was the last thought she had for several hours.

---

When Lorelai's eyes opened next it was to a dark, cold room. The fireplace held only a few still-glowing embers. The Christmas tree had apparently been put on a timer and its black bulk in the corner blocked even the faint light that might have come in through the window. Her back was warm where she was pressed up against him, but the rest of her was chilled, especially her feet encased in the socks still damp from her epic snow battle.

She groaned as she sat up, taking the afghan with her. Luke made noises of protest, his arms flailing for the cover.

She stood up, feeling a little wobbly. "Come on," she said, pulling at him.

"Why?" His voice was hoarse and full of complaint, but he moved into a sitting position, his head leaning against the back of the couch, his eyes closed in objection.

"Come on," she ordered again, pulling harder at his arms.

"Where?" he asked, still annoyed as he stood.

"Upstairs." She tried to think of all of the reasons why while she tottered off towards her goal. "Bed. Blankets. Comforters. Electric mattress pad."

She was surprised to hear the couch creak when he plopped down on it again. "I'm not sleepin' with you," he announced.

"Oh, for ―" She pulled the afghan tighter around her and came back to the couch. "Luke, you've been sleeping with me!" she pointed out, cold and irritated.

She could barely make out his features but his voice sounded firm. "I mean I'm not doing anything but sleepin' with you," he clarified.

"I'm too tired and too cold to debate this with you now, so just come on," she insisted, tabling all of the arguments rolling through her head. Warmth first, discussion later. She put all of her strength into tugging at his arm and he finally stood up and followed her with minimal grumbling.

Halfway up the stairs his words kicked in.

"Whatd'ya mean, you're not sleepin' with me?" she demanded, turning around and giving a push to his chest.

He grabbed the banister to keep his footing. "Do we have to do this now?"

"Yes! Yes, I think we do!"

"I've spent a lot of time thinking about all the stuff we did wrong, and I think sleepin' together as fast as we did was one of our first mistakes."

She gulped. "You didn't like our first night together?" Her voice was squeaky with disbelief.

"Of course I liked it! But we shouldn't have done it. We should've waited. We went straight from being friends to bein' …you know, together. Maybe if we would've waited, had some transition time, it would've been better. Maybe we wouldn't have had all of the problems if we'd discussed some things first."

"But ― but the horoscope!" she sputtered.

"What about it?"

"You showed me the horoscope!"

"Because I wanted you to understand that it wasn't some casual thing for me," he explained.

She pulled her arm back to clobber him again, but apparently there was enough light for him to see her intention and he grabbed her arm. "What is wrong with you?" he exploded, no longer sounding half-asleep.

"Why would you show me the horoscope if you didn't want to get me into bed? Do you not understand the power that thing wielded? There's not a woman on the planet who wouldn't have tumbled into bed with you after that! Mother Teresa would have slept with you!"

"Well, thanks for that visual," he muttered. "The horoscope was not a ploy to get you into bed."

"I know," she grumbled. "But it was so sweet, and so… so you…" She put her hands against his chest, softly this time. "How could I resist?"

He drew her to him, rubbing his hands over her back as he held her. "But this time we're going to. We're going to take our time and figure things out. We're going to do this right."

"We didn't do it right before?" she teased.

He sighed, pushing her away. "Let's just go to bed."

"That's what I've been saying!"

They made it the rest of the way upstairs and into the bedroom. While Luke took his turn in the bathroom Lorelai found some flannel pajamas and some fuzzy socks to prevent him from complaining about her ice cube toes. They wasted no time in hopping into bed, the temperature helping to diffuse what might have been an otherwise awkward situation. They automatically curled into their normal sleep positions: Luke on his side with Lorelai pressed up against his back. He tucked her hand under his where it rested on his chest and she swallowed back a squee of happiness as she rubbed her face against his t-shirt.

She was starting to drift off into dreamworld when she felt Luke struggling to look over his shoulder back at her. "Wait. Did you say you have an electric mattress pad?"

For some reason his question made her want to giggle like crazy, but she fought the urge. "Yeah. I had to do something since you weren't here to keep me warm."

"Oh." She felt him running his toes against the warm sheets. "Well, it's nice."

"Yes. It's very nice," she agreed and snuggled back against him, sighing in comfort.

She fell into a contented sleep, feeling that things were finally almost back to where they were supposed to be.

---

In that drowsy world of not-quite-awake, Lorelai could tell instantly that it had snowed. The walls in her room always took on a particular silvery light when the ground was covered in snow. The room was still dark in this very early hour of the morning but her walls had already begun to glimmer from the snowlight.

She soon realized that she wasn't alone, and in the nanosecond that came next she remembered Luke and their reunion the night before. She turned her head, her heart beating fast. She held her breath, worried he'd disappear into a cloud of regret if she looked too quickly.

His eyes were already open. He was watching her. "Hello, Pretty Girl," he whispered, his voice husky.

Her heart flipped, quivered, and melted ― in that order. She'd buried deep in her memory how he used to call her that during their more intimate moments.

"Hi," she whispered back, trying to act calmly. "Have you been awake long?"

"Not too long," he judged. He trailed a finger lazily up the side of her face and tucked a strand of hair back behind her ear. "Went downstairs. Let Paul Anka out. Closed the damper on the fireplace."

"Thanks," she said, striving for politeness as her body twisted itself up in urgent need.

He nodded and propped himself up on an elbow. "Lorelai," he began, once again drawing out that last syllable of her name, and the parts of her body that had not already turned to liquid went squishy. He carefully pushed one of his long, muscular legs between hers and moved himself up above her. He slowly began to nibble along the side of her face. "I may have lied to you last night," he admitted between tastings.

"Oh?" She was going to die, she knew it. Her heart was pounding too much. She couldn't get any air into her lungs. The heat collecting inside her body was going to burst into flame at any moment. "What did you lie about?"

"About not making love to you." He kissed her lips quickly, over and over, not giving her a chance to latch on. His questing hand found the edge of her shirt and slipped underneath, making the most delicious shivers run across her skin. The shivers met the heat that had been pooling inside and made her explode into action.

"I forgive you," she said, attempting to yank his shirt off over his head without any finesse at all.

He pushed up to his knees, helping her with the shirt. "I've missed you too much. I don't want to miss you anymore." He pulled her up by her shoulders, grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it off, too, before pressing her back down on the bed.

The sensation of his skin against hers brought everything back to her. She knew how to touch him. She knew how she wanted to be touched. Her body writhed against him, frenzied, knowing she'd never be able to get enough of the feel of him.

He started kissing her then, deeply, and she responded, losing herself in the play of their mouths and tongues, once again welcoming back this most intimate form of communication. He shifted slightly and moved his chest away from her so his hand could curl around her breast. His thumb brushed over the peak and she whimpered, once again sure that she'd go crazy before she got what she wanted. She pushed her breast deeper into his hand, letting him know how much she wanted his touch on her body.

It had been too long. Slowing down to a more romantic pace was not an option. They needed to be together in every sense of the word. There would be time later for seduction and teasing and long, smoldering looks. Today there was only the unassailable need to be joined to one another again.

"I've missed you too," she breathed out during one of the few times her mouth was free. Whatever reserve that had existed between them was gone. There was just skin and need and them. "Oh, Luke. So much." She wrapped her legs around him and pushed with her heel, urging him to find his way back to her.

He entered her and muffled a cry by burying his face into her neck, trying to regain control.

She didn't want control. She moved herself against him, relishing every bit of his body pressed into hers. "So good," she muttered breathlessly. She rambled on, as was her habit. "Oh God, Luke, this feels so good. You feel so good. I can't remember the last time―"

She froze. Her body shut down. Because she remembered. She remembered exactly when the last time was. She remembered exactly who she was with.

Her lungs went into a spasm, desperate for air. She covered her face with her arms, not able to stand having him see her. She tried to roll her body away from him.

"Lorelai. Listen to me." She heard his voice, and it made her even more ashamed. She whimpered in distress as she thrashed from side to side, her eyes shut tight against the mistakes of her past.

"Lorelai. Open your eyes. You need to look at me. Look at me, Lorelai!"

His voice was sharp and commanding and she did what he asked. She gasped for air and opened her eyes. His face was right above hers, agonized and determined and strong and loving her. She put her hand against his cheek, needing to touch him, and he quickly turned his head enough to kiss her palm.

"Listen to me. He's not here. There's nobody here but you and me. There's not ever going to be anybody here but you and me, right?"

She listened and swallowed down some wild tears. After a moment she managed to nod.

"That's what we're promising each other, right? From here on, we're pledged to each other only. That's what we talked about all last night, isn't it?"

She was starting to regain her sense of self from the dark abyss she'd nearly tumbled down. Her hands griped his shoulders, confirming that he was still here. He wasn't leaving and he was calm and strong, and her panic started to subside.

"Pledged?" she questioned, with a raised eyebrow. She was still shaking, in spite of the mocking tone she was trying to achieve.

He carefully disentangled himself from her and lay down next to her. He pulled her over to his chest, holding her to him, enveloping her in his arms. He did nothing but hold her for several calming moments, stroking her hair.

"When I was a kid, there was a summer when it seemed like I got dragged to a wedding every other weekend." His voice was low and sweet and laced with a throbbing intensity from their aborted tryst. "This was a long time before Reverend Skinner. The guy who was the minister then always had the couple say the same vows. They'd promise to love and honor in sickness and in health and all of that stuff, but the one thing that always stuck in my head was that he'd have them repeat 'With my body, I thee worship.' Have you ever heard that before?"

"I think so," she said, lightly running her hand over his chest as she listened to him.

He brought her hand up to his face and kissed it again. "It probably stuck in my head because I figured out it had something to do with sex," he admitted. He rolled to his side, looking down at her, and she could see the smile on his face. He reached out and softly ran his fingers through her hair. "It wasn't until I was with you, Lorelai, that I understood how much more it meant than just sex. It means that I'm giving you my body. It means that I love you so much that you're the only one I'll ever do this with. It means that I'm promising you with everything I've got ― my body, my heart, everything I own ― that this bond we have together is not going to be broken. It means that every time we make love we need to remember that we belong only to each other."

She swallowed hard and pushed her face into the crook of his arm, letting all of those soothing words from her normally verbally reserved guy to burrow into her heart.

"Are you going to be OK?" he asked after a lengthy bout of silence.

She nodded and found the courage to lean back enough to look at him. "Are you?"

His jaw tensed for a moment and then he looked at her levelly. "I've made my peace with this. I need to know that you have, too."

She let out a lingering sigh, releasing the regrets with it. "I think I have."

"Good. That's good." His hands reached for her and he held her carefully, one hand angling around to smooth her hair. "So, um, could we, uh, try this again?"

A huge smile broke out on her face. She could hear the hopefulness in his words as well as a note of desperation. She'd forgotten what it was like to feel this happy. "Yeah, let's try it again. Without the oops this time."

"Definitely without the oops," he agreed wryly.

He lowered his head and she met his lips tentatively, still apprehensive about how her body might betray her. But then they were pressed together and their whole history flooded through her. She remembered how much she wanted him to kiss her years ago, back when they were picking out the new colors to paint the diner. She remembered how frustrated she was with him on the night they broke the bells because she didn't dare tell him then why she so desperately cared. The memory of their first night together ― best first date ever ― pushed away any doubts still troubling her. Luke was right. He was so right. He was hers and she was his and nothing was going to change that. He was getting everything she had. Her heart was his. Her body was his. From this point on that would never change.

She pulled him to her and opened herself to him. She loved him deeply and without one bit of reservation. For the first time she lavished him with not only her body but her heart as well.

They moved together and everything was brand new. And then they came together and it was like they'd been joined as one since the beginning of time. Their bodies found the rhythm in their promises and bound them together in a way that words couldn't replicate. When they reached their limits and the love exploded through them it was like a guarantee that nothing in heaven or earth could separate them.

They came down slowly, neither willing to let go of their new-found connection.

"That was― intense," Lorelai observed, still winded but needing to talk about what they'd just experienced. 'Intense' wasn't exactly the proper description but her mental Thesaurus was off-line at the moment.

"No kidding," Luke agreed, breathing hard against her side. He raised his head enough to give her a heartfelt kiss.

"So, uh, are we married now?" Lorelai was only half-joking. She couldn't forget the way they'd felt so united. She could still feel the connection to him pulsing through her veins.

He looked at her again and grinned. "I think Reverend Skinner would have to be here for that. And there'd probably have to be some paperwork, I guess."

She nodded, almost able to speak without panting. "And that would be awkward."

"That would be awkward indeed." He nuzzled her neck, finding a spot he seemed to remember next to her collarbone. "What with the nakedness and all."

"Oh, that. Right." Her eyes fluttered closed as she enjoyed the sensations still cascading through her. "When do you need to be at the diner?" she asked, attempting to steel herself for when he'd have to leave her.

"Caesar and Lane are going to keep it open until after lunch," he told her. "Then we're closed until after Christmas."

"Really?" She couldn't believe what she'd heard. She struggled up onto an elbow to stare at him. "You never close for holidays!"

He shrugged at her lazily; the smile on his face showing that he loved her response. "Things change," he told her. "I've got better things to do today."

"Oh. Better things, huh?" She chuckled as she fitted herself next to him and smiled when his arm tucked around her. "Good Christmas." She sighed, her eyes closing again.

"Great Christmas," he lovingly corrected.

They cuddled up and took turns dozing off against each other. When they finally got out of bed and started looking for clothes the sun was reflecting off the snow and the room was bright.

Downstairs Lorelai got another surprise. Luke had restocked her refrigerator and cupboards.

"Or was it Santa?" she asked, eying him suspiciously.

"I don't know," he said laconically. "Have you been a good girl?"

"You'd have to answer that," she pointed out but the smile on her face was confident.

He was already mixing up pancake batter and paid her no mind, but she did notice his smile was remarkably similar to the one she remembered from the house-hunting day. She watched as he started a pot of coffee and she told him her theory about what made his coffee so special.

"I like that," he said. He wrapped his arm around her neck and pulled her to him for a quick kiss. "I like the idea that there are some things you can only get from me."

"Swooning now," Lorelai groaned, pressing her face against his neck.

He laughed and set her aside, hurrying back to the stove to flip the pancakes.

After they ate they went into the living room and Lorelai eagerly sat down by one of the opened ornament boxes. She started pulling out tissue-wrapped pieces of art and macaroni-encrusted construction paper stars, babbling stories about each. Luke took them carefully from her hands and started to place them on the tree.

When that box was empty she grabbed the next one. It was filled with other Christmas paraphernalia, including their stockings. She'd been sitting awkwardly on her legs and now she hobbled a little as she stiffly made her way over to the fireplace.

She put her stocking in the center, Rory's to the right, and Luke's to the left. She ran her finger over the miniature tool belt she'd stitched to the top of his. She tried not to think of how hard it would have been to open the box and see his stocking if he hadn't been there with her.

"Looks good." His arms circled around her, pulling her back against him. "I forgot you made that for me last year."

"Oh, crap!" She pulled away and turned to face him. "I don't have anything to put in it!" She looked around the room frantically. "I need to go shopping! Like, now!"

He grinned. "You're not going anywhere today," he said, reaching for her. "Unless you have to go to work. Do you?"

"No. I wasn't supposed to even get back until today." Every other possible plan for the day disappeared as he pulled her back against him.

"Then we'll just do Christmas when Rory gets back." His hand found a way under sweater. "Agreed?" He nosed aside her hair and kissed her neck.

"Agreed." She'd probably agree to eat lima beans if it meant his hand stayed right where it was.

"Besides, there's nothing else I need," he added unselfishly.

"Nothing?" She quirked an eyebrow as she rubbed her body delicately over his. "Huh. I thought maybe there was something you needed."

"Maybe there is at that," he muttered, his eyes sliding closed and his breath coming faster. His fingers tightened around her.

"Maybe we should go back to bed and look for it," she suggested and led him over to the stairs.

---

They had dozed off again but Luke's pants woke them up.

He groaned as he stretched his arm to the floor to reach them. He fished the phone out of the pocket and then his eyes widened in concern as he read the number showing on the display.

"Rory!" he barked out in alarm.

"Rory?" Lorelai was equally as apprehensive. She struggled up to her knees.

"Are you OK? What's wrong?" Luke shouted into the phone.

The worry lines relaxed between his eyes and he nodded reassuringly at Lorelai.

"Speaker! Speaker!" she implored him. He ignored her so she leaned over and pushed the button herself, falling back onto the bed as she heard Rory's voice.

"― hate to ask you, because I know you guys have been sort of apart lately, but I'm so worried that Mom's going to come home and then just lock herself up in the house all alone. She's been sort of struggling lately. Grandma and Grandpa are out of town, and Sookie's already got a full house with Jackson's family, and I'm afraid she won't let Babette know she's alone. So I know this is all kinds of awkward, but do you think that maybe you could make sure she gets some Christmas dinner tomorrow?"

"I'll feed her," Luke agreed quickly. He smiled smugly at Lorelai.

"You will? Oh, thank you so much, Luke! I hate being so far away from her."

"Wow. So I guess she's really in bad shape, huh?" Luke asked, putting as much concern into his voice as possible.

Rory paused. "Well, not really in bad shape. I just don't want her to be all alone on Christmas."

"I feel terrible. I guess she must really be pining over me," he observed. He moved his legs quickly as Lorelai aimed a kick at him.

Even from across an ocean Rory was exceedingly perceptive, a trait she shared with April. "She's right there with you, isn't she?" Rory said accusingly.

"Hey, Kid!" Lorelai called out. "How are things in London Town?" She used her best faux British accent.

"Fine," Rory answered dutifully. "Are you at the diner?" she asked slowly.

Lorelai bit her lip as she searched Luke's face, trying to determine what was the right answer. "No, Rory, I'm not at the diner."

There was another long pause. "So… I guess… that means…"

"Luke's here at the house," Lorelai admitted.

"Oh." They could almost hear the gears shifting in her head as she worked through to the conclusion. "So… does that mean the two of you have reached some sort of understanding?"

"Yes," Luke said at once.

"We understand we love each other," Lorelai clarified further. Then her eyes flew to Luke. "Right?" she asked, suddenly not as sure.

"Right," he chimed in at once. "We do." The words were directed at Lorelai and she smiled back.

They heard Rory's gusty sigh of relief. "Finally."

"Yeah. Finally." Lorelai scooted over and kissed his shoulder.

"You're not doing anything disgusting, are you?" Rory asked, deeply suspicious.

"Of course not!" Lorelai winked at Luke while pulling the sheet up over herself. "Who, us?"

"Luke, don't let her corrupt you," Rory pleaded.

"Might be too late," Luke replied.

"Listen, I've got to go. Logan's waiting on me," Rory said. "I'll call you again tomorrow, I promise. But I'm so happy for you. I guess this is going to be a really good Christmas for us after all, isn't it?"

After saying their goodbyes Luke tossed the phone onto the bedside table. Lorelai started to get out of bed but he pulled her back. He pinned down her arms over her head and eased himself on top of her.

"So tomorrow's Christmas," Lorelai began conversationally, attempting to ignore his romantic overture.

"Yep," Luke agreed, just as casually. His teeth toyed with her earlobe.

"And you'll be here?" That came out as a question despite her best efforts.

"Right here," he said, apparently deciding he really liked the skin right under her jaw.

"And then there's New Year's." She waited but he didn't respond. "Do you think you'll be here for New Year's?"

"There's a very good chance."

"Oh? Well, that's great. Glad to hear it." She nodded as much as possible with him on top of her the way he was. "What do you think about Valentine's Day?"

He sighed and rose up more on his elbows. "Lorelai, this next part is all up to you. I'm willing to go as fast or as slow as you want me to, but it's your decision." She started to tease him about his choice of words but he cut her off.

"Have you ever thought that I might know exactly what I'm saying? Have you ever thought that after all of these years I might in fact carefully choose the words I say around you?"

"Occasionally," she admitted with a giggle, squirming under him.

He shifted his weight a little, still careful not to crush her. "If you want me to move in here today, I will. If you want me to put that ring back on your finger, I'll do that right now. If you want to drive to Maryland as soon as Rory gets home, that's fine with me."

"Maryland," she repeated, feeling somewhat dizzy.

He frowned slightly, watching her eyes. "And if you want to ease back into things more, maybe just date for awhile until we get our feet back under us again, I'm OK with that, too. You just say the word. Whatever makes you happy is what we'll do."

She was really having trouble catching her breath, and it didn't have anything to do with the naked hunk of man lying on her chest. At last she got some words to wobble out of her mouth. "I think I want to take it kind of slow."

He tensed and she saw disappointment flit over his face. "That's fine," he said. He took a moment to shore up his feelings. He bent down, hiding his expression as he kissed her cheek gently. "We'll go slow."

Her fingers played with the curls on the back of his neck. "I'll need at least an hour," she whispered into his ear.

His head jerked up as he frowned down at her. "An hour for what?"

"To clean out the closet," she said. "I need to make room for your stuff. I'd like to think I could do it in just half an hour, but realistically I probably need at least an hour. So can you wait an hour before you move in?"

He lowered himself, letting her take more of his weight for a moment as he kissed her. Then he all but leaped out of bed and grabbed his clothes. "As long as I don't get waylaid in the diner, an hour should be fine."

She rolled over, watching him get dressed in what looked like record time. "About the Maryland thing. Would it be OK if we waited until Reverend Skinner could do it?"

He stopped in the middle of buttoning his shirt to look over at her. "Sure," he said.

She was nodding thoughtfully. She was trying to pretend this was just one of their normal conversations again, but her heart was ready to burst open. "Do you think maybe he could find those vows you remember from his predecessor? I think― I know I'd like to say those."

His hands fell limply to his sides as he stared down at the floor. She saw his shoulders rise as he took a deep breath. And then he was back beside her, kneeling down so his face was looking into hers, his eyes suspiciously wet.

"I'd like that too," he said simply. His kiss told her the rest of the story.

He pointed at the closet as he hurried to the door. "I don't need half. Just do whatever you can in 45 minutes." He quickly tucked in his shirttail. "I'll be back soon, Lorelai." He grinned at her before he disappeared from the doorway.

"Love you too," she whispered to herself, hearing his love wrapped around her name. She'd make sure to tell him when he got back. Maybe with some visual aids to make sure he got the point.

She rolled over onto her back and listened as he clattered down the stairs. The door slammed. Her brow wrinkled while she studied the cracks in the ceiling and made a mental note to ask Luke about them. That thought made her smile peacefully. After all, it was his house now, too.

With a groan she pushed herself out of bed and found her clothes. Then she walked over to the extra-big closet and flung open the doors. Her eyes sparkled as she ruthlessly heaved out at least half of her wardrobe.

She wanted to make sure there was plenty of room for those flannel shirts she'd missed so much.

---

"Do you see her?" April asked worriedly.

"Lorelai, where did Rory say she'd met us?" Emily asked, sounding every bit as worried as April.

Lorelai shrugged. "We didn't really set a meeting place."

"Honestly, Lorelai! What were you thinking?" Emily only had to stomp her foot to look like a toddler ready to throw a fit. "There's such a crowd here! We'll never find her!"

Lorelai knew there was a time in the not-too-distant past where she would have tossed a disrespectful comment at her mother, starting both of them off down the path of nastiness and hurt feelings. But not today. Today was too perfect. The sun was warm, the breeze was light, her baby was graduating from Yale, and a handsome man was holding her arm. Life was very, very good.

Plus, she wasn't worried about Rory finding them. Her daughter would always find her. Just like Luke's daughter had found him.

"What if we don't see her in time?" April sounded truly nervous, nothing at all like the confident girl she normally was. Her head turned frantically from side to side.

"Allow me." Richard put his hand on his wife's shoulder and stood up on tip-toe, giving his already tall frame some more viewing room. "Ah, there she is! Rory!" He grabbed the wide-brimmed red summer hat from off Emily's head and waved it back and forth. "There. She sees us now," he informed them, trying to put the hat back on the fuming woman next to him.

Luke gave his father-in-law a look that mixed awe with disbelief.

Emily fished a mirror from her bag and tried to repair the damage, glaring at Richard at the same time.

Rory ran up to them. Her graduation gown was hanging open and the mortarboard was clutched in her hands. "You're here!" She laughed as April and her grandmother rushed up to her, both talking at once.

Lorelai hung back, content for once to watch. She didn't need to talk to Rory today. They both knew what this day meant to them.

As if she could read her thoughts, Rory's eyes found hers. She was smiling and laughing at April's chatter and Emily's advice, but her heart was speaking only to her mother.

April broke away and dashed to Luke. She rifled through his suit pocket until she found the jewelry box, and then she rushed back over to Rory.

"Lean down," she requested. As Rory bent her neck, holding up her hair, April fastened the pearls around her. "I was so worried we wouldn't find you, and then you wouldn't get to wear them."

Rory straightened up, her hand pulling on the pearls to settle them into place. She fluffed her hair and posed. "Well, what do you think?" she asked shyly.

"Oh, my, those are lovely," Emily said. Lorelai wished she didn't sound quite so shocked, but again, she let it slide.

"They belonged to Luke's mother," Rory told her. Her eyes flashed to him with love.

"They're very pretty, Luke. Nicely matched," Emily further complimented him.

"She only wore them on special occasions," Luke reminisced.

"Like today." Lorelai squeezed his arm and he smiled at her in agreement.

Rory hurried over to them. "Thank you," she said, hugging her stepfather.

Luke hugged her back without reservation. "They look perfect on you." He took an extra moment to look at her. "My mother sure would have loved you."

Rory pointed at him sternly. "Don't you dare make me cry."

"Nah, that's my job." Lorelai grinned at her girl.

"Actually…" Rory sighed and stepped a little closer to them. "I have something that might make both of you cry."

"Is Logan bugging you?" Lorelai asked sharply, looking around. Logan's surprise proposal had them all a little on edge.

"No, it's not Logan. I mean, he's here somewhere, and I'm sure he'll want me to tell him my answer― and don't ask me what it is, because I'm still mulling ― but that's not it," she rambled on nervously. "I wanted you to know that Dad's here. He stopped by my apartment this morning."

Lorelai could feel the uneasiness that drifted over both her and Luke, but then she leaned against him and he lightly grasped her elbow and they were OK again.

"Does he have G.G. with him?" she asked matter-of-factly.

"No. It's just him," Rory said.

Luke glanced at Lorelai and she nodded. "Tell him he's welcome to come to your party if he wants," he said.

Rory's mouth dropped open as she stared at Luke. "Really?" she asked, not believing her ears. Her laugh was from shock. "You're a good man, Luke Danes."

Luke shrugged. "He's your dad, Rory. He should be here today." He looked uncomfortable while their faces beamed at him in admiration. "Plus, I got the girl," he added lightly. "I can afford to be magnanimous."

"Text him and let him know it's OK," Lorelai instructed her.

Rory nodded distractedly. "They're starting to line up. I've got to go."

Everyone got a quick hug before she ran off to join her graduating class, trying to zip up her gown as she went.

The Gilmore-Danes-Nardini contingent surged over to the seating area and shuffled past a lot of well-dressed knees to their seats. Richard and Emily stopped numerous times to say hello to acquaintances.

They settled into the folding chairs and Emily fussed with her hat some more.

"Stop." Richard grabbed her hands. "You look lovely, my dear."

"You're just saying that so I'll stop being annoyed at you for tearing it off my head," Emily told him, still snippy.

"Emily, you look as beautiful as you did the first day I laid eyes on you. After the ceremony we should stroll over and find the spot where you first captured my heart," Richard suggested gallantly.

Emily tried to look agitated, but everyone could see the pleased smirk forming on her mouth. Luke gave Richard another nod of admiration.

"Are you taking notes?" Lorelai whispered to him.

"Yep," he said at once. "Need all the help I can get."

"Hardly," Lorelai scoffed. "You could give Dad lessons."

Luke leaned over, pretending to look at the building closest to them, but it was really so his mouth could press a kiss against her hair. "They don't need to know that, Lorelai," he whispered, putting his special emphasis on her name.

Her heart stuttered with desire and she opened the program, trying to estimate how long they were going to have to sit there.

Too long. There was music. Then careful, non-denominational prayers. Then a poem. More music. A speaker who talked way too long. Then, finally, the reading began of the graduates' names.

She remembered how she could barely see through the proud tears in her eyes when Rory graduated from Chilton. Today she started blinking rapidly as soon as they started on the names beginning with 'G.' Today she wanted to be ready.

"Lorelai Leigh Gilmore."

They all clapped and cheered. Even Emily and Richard clapped without their normal reserve. From somewhere off to the side she heard another cheer. Christopher, she realized, and the thought didn't fill her with dread. Luke was right. Rory's dad needed to share this day with her.

She caught Rory's eye as she passed down the aisle and she stuck out her tongue. Rory did the same.

"Lorelai, honestly." Emily sighed.

She eased herself up against her husband, letting his strength cushion her comfortably. She grinned over at April who was leaning against Luke's other side, fascinated by all of the pomp and circumstance in this place she revered just as much as her stepsister did.

Lorelai put her hand on his knee and the light played through the facets in the diamond in her wedding band. It was the same diamond, although they'd found a new setting for it and several smaller diamonds had joined it for company. It seemed the perfect blend of old memories and their new life.

"Well," she whispered to him, "one down." She smiled at him, that special I-love-you-so-much-it-hurts smile she smiled only at him.

His hand covered hers while his other arm squeezed her shoulder. He nuzzled her hair. "One to go," he added before nodding towards April.

"Actually," she began. Her smile slid towards that mischievous, boy-do-I-have-a-surprise-for-you one that usually made him sweat. She picked up his hand and moved it to her stomach, pressing it tightly against her pretty summer dress. "You'd better make that two," she advised him.

She felt him freeze. Then he turned in his seat to stare at her, dislodging April. "You're sure?" he asked, forgetting to whisper.

She nodded. "That's what all of the extra time was in the bathroom this morning."

She watched his mouth open and shut helplessly as he tried to take in what she'd just told him. She watched as delight filled his eyes and she could sense that her normally levelheaded husband was about to embarrass himself right here in front of his daughter, her parents, and the multitude of upper crust Yale alumni. She loved him too much to allow him to be humiliated that way.

So she grabbed him and kissed him instead.

"Lorelai, honestly," she heard her mother say.

She didn't care. It was a perfect day, and she didn't care what anyone else thought of her. The only opinion she cared about belonged to the man she was kissing. The man that she loved so much. The man who had loved her and had waited for her and had forgiven her and had made room in his life for her forever.

What more could she possibly want?

---

"Congratulations," the doctor said, beaming down at them. "It's a girl."