CHAPTER 17: FIRST LESSON
Monologue
(Ilya POV)
To say that Ilyasveil von Einzbern-Emiya was happy to hear such words would be an understatement. The girl was touched…the girl was overjoyed…
It had been a long time since she felt such happiness, not since everyone she cared for died. She loved them, she loved her friends, she loved her family, she loved her brother. They were, after all the ones who saved her, from the many long years of agony and suffering, alone.
At first she was just testing him, to know what he was really after. She wanted to pressure the raven-haired boy (and Ilya was rather skilled at psychological warfare), to force him to confess his true intentions.
I want power, Sev declared.
Upon hearing this, Ilya was saddened.
He's just like everyone else, the white-haired girl thought upon hearing his answer.
Her first thought was to leave him, leave the raven-haired boy. Ilya did not like being used, not when she spent more than half of her life being manipulated by her grandfather as nothing more than a puppet to further his objectives.
She would not put up with it. She did not want to become anyone's tool. She will not teach Sev. She will not have part in any of this mess, the Dark Lord Voldemort, or whatever his name was, can either conquer the world or die and go to hell, it didn't matter to her either way. She wanted to be out of it.
But then she remembered, the time she spent with her friend, and the strange dream…
Flashback
(Ilya POV)
"SEV!" cried Ilya, as she rushed towards her friend, who collapsed after seeing the mutilated corpses of Death Eaters on his lawn.
Ilya and the raven-haired boy arrived at their house after the little rescue mission to the Evans'.
"Hey, are you all right?"
Ilya actually contemplated on dousing the boy with another bucket of cold water, but then, she noticed that his breathing was short, as if he had just run a hundred miles.
At first she thought that the raven-haired boy was simply in shock from seeing the gruesome sight, and thus fainted. But when Ilya held his wrist to check his pulse, the white-haired girl noticed that it was abnormally weak. Sev was panting. He was sweating, the look on his face is of one who was greatly fatigued.
Ilya pressed her face against her friend's chest, and noticed that his heart's beat was weak.
As the white-haired girl further inspected, she noticed one something else, something which would be dangerous for anyone, whether that person was a weak person, or a normal person, or the strongest in existence.
What Ilya noticed almost made her panic. Sev was low on prana, critically so.
In her world, the white-haired girl had been in many battles. She had faced and worked together with so many people, mostly magi like herself. Many times Ilya had seen them drain themselves to a point when they would not be able to use magic for a while, and thus disabled. However…
None of them had ever drained themselves to a point that the lack of prana and energy would put their lives in danger. They also kept enough in reserve so that they can still escape, or if there was no other choice, used so much that left themselves weak, but enough to keep themselves alive.
The raven-haired boy, however, used up so much energy in the spell that he used, it was a miracle that he managed to stay conscious all this time.
'His body is recovering the prana lost, but it's not fast enough', thought the white-haired girl, feeling really worried. 'At this rate, he's going to d…no! I can't let that happen…'
Clasping Sev's wrist with both hands, Ilya began transferring some of her own prana into the body of the raven-haired boy. It was a slow process, as the energy transfer had to be slow and steady, to ensure that the recipient will not go into shock. A few painful minutes passed.
Finally, the boy's breathing was stable was once again.
'Thank goodness, he'll be ok now,' thought the white-haired girl to herself, wiping the sweat that formed on her head.
Reinforcing herself, Ilya then carried the raven-haired boy into the house (in the same way that Sev had carried Ilya caught her from her fall off the roof), up the stairs, placed him on his bed, and watched over him for the rest of the night.
Ilya remembered the dream vividly, as if she herself had been there to witness it.
She saw a raven-haired boy, a child, ten or eleven years of age. The boy was crying. He was crying, wailing loudly, as he put a pillow over his head and tried to cover his ears, because he did not want to hear it. Not his own cries, but his mother, crying in pain, as a male voice who could only be his father was shouting, the breaking of china can clearly be heard.
Not able to take anymore, the raven-haired boy opened his window and jumped out, to escape, even just for a little while, from the hell-hole which is his home.
The raven-haired boy cried, wailed, shouted, alone, wandering aimlessly through the streets.
Then, the boy stopped voicing out his sorrow as he saw a girl, a red-haired girl about the same age as the boy running toward him.
"SEV!" yelled the red-haired girl, who immediately buried her face in the boy's chest. She too, was crying.
The boy immediately wiped away the tears in his eyes with his elbow,
"Lily, what happened?" said the boy in a calm tone, completely hiding the cries and sobs that desperately wished for an outlet.
"It's Tuney," wailed the red-haired girl, as she looked at the boy in the face, emerald eyes on a pair of black ones, tears pouring down her face. "She s-said I was a f-freak," the girl Lily continued to sob, not even noticing that the raven-haired boy's eyes were also red and swollen.
"It's okay Lily," said the raven-haired boy In a calm and sympathetic voice to the red-haired girl as he gently caressed her hair to soothe her,
Ilya watched, as the raven-haired boy led the red-haired girl to a park, the park where the white-haired girl met the older version of the boy, as Ilya was now sure of who he was.
The white-haired girl watched as the raven-haired boy pretended to look proud and happy, as he tried his best to cheer up the girl called Lily, telling her about the wonderful things about magic, telling her what he thought was fun, just so that he could stop the tears that were flowing from the girl's eyes.
Despite his sorrow, despite his own sadness, his own problems, his own fears, his own dilemma, he ignored it. Not having an outlet for his pent-up emotions, Ilya knew that the boy was breaking from the inside, but he hid it, he kept it all to himself, pretending to be strong on the outside when in reality he was breaking apart from the inside.
And as Ilya continued to watch, the white-haired girl felt a tinge guilt. Guilt, at the fact that she did the same thing the red-haired girl did to the raven-haired boy. Still, Ilya did not know, how could she know, when the broken young man who had been in front of him was already so good and adept at hiding his brittle inner self?
'But this girl'…thought Ilya.
There was no doubt in her mind that the red-haired girl could tell exactly how the boy was feeling. Even though Ilya was at a distance, even though she was just a watcher, a spectator, she could tell. Without a doubt, the white-haired girl knew. She knew that the girl called Lily could feel the boy's pain. Lily may not know everything, but she could no doubt feel the sadness her friend was feeling.
But she didn't care She only ever saw herself. All the red-haired girl could think about was herself. The raven-haired boy's teenage self told Ilya that Lily was kind, caring, and the best and only true friend he ever had.
Ilya saw that it wasn't the truth, not from her perspective.
She was inconsiderate, she was selfish. Sev was Lily's friend, but Lily was not Sev's friend. It was a one-way relationship.
As far as Ilya was concerned, true friends share both joy and sadness, good and hard times, together. But all she saw was the boy giving the girl joy, while the girl kept bringing the boy sadness.
The dream ended in a flash of white light, as the white-haired girl was awoken by the sunlight passing through the window of Sev's house.
Ilya could have let it pass if the girl didn't know how the boy felt, but the girl knew. It was clearly visible on the raven-haired boy's face, and on his body. The boy had bruises on his arms, undoubtedly done by his father. There was a fading black-eye on his left eye, a sore yellowish-black spot on his right cheek, and his eyes were still a bit swollen from all the crying.
But Lily did not notice. No. She did notice, but she did not care. She simply didn't care.
To Lily, the boy Sev was nothing more than a convenient piece of tissue that she could cry on whenever she felt down or lonely. And she has been using him for years.
Ilya then remembered what Sev had told her.
"She was the only true friend I ever had," the raven-haired boy sobbed. "She was the only one who stood by me, despite all my mistakes, yet I hurt her. I called her a Mudblood. After all she did for me I hurt her in the end. In the end when she wouldn't forgive me anymore, I told her that she should have been thankful that I ever thought of her being worthy as my friend…when in fact I was the one who wasn't worthy of her… I was the one who wasn't even worthy of being her friend."
'No Sev,' thought Ilya to herself. 'You're wrong. You were right about what you told her. She should have been thankful that you ever thought of her as a friend. She was the one who wasn't even worthy of being your friend…because while you were truly her friend, she was never truly your friend.'
End of Flashback
-BREAK-
(Ilya POV)
It hurt Ilya. The raven-haired boy in front of her told her honestly. He wanted power. He craved it. He wanted it so badly that he would be willing to gamble his own life for it.
Still, the white-haired girl had known the boy for a little while now. It may have less than a month, but living under the same roof, she noticed what seemed like her friend's true nature.
He pretended to be tough on the outside, but he was actually soft in the inside, of that Ilya was sure. Sev acted proud and kind of mean, but in fact he was actually kind hearted.
Which is why the fact that he told Ilya that he wanted power shocked the white-haired girl.
It was not because Sev said it. It was because the raven-haired boy stated it in all honesty, for by now, Ilya could more or less tell when her raven-haired friend was telling the truth. But…
Something does not seem to add up, thought Ilya.
Ilya was upset by her friend's declaration. But there was one thing the white-haired girl needed to know. She needed to know why. Why did her friend seemed to have suddenly changed? Why did he want power? Was she actually deceiving herself all this time? Was what she thought she knew of raven-haired friend nothing but a lie? Was it all fake? Was it all just a show? No, she couldn't have been wrong, could she? Just to make sure…
I have to ask him why, the sentence formed in the white-haired girl's head.
So the white-haired girl asked her raven-haired friend why he wanted power so badly…
Ilya was already sufficiently capable of squeezing the truth out of people. She was already good at it, but being a close friend of Rin Tohsaka, as well as being acquainted with many despicable people from the Clock Tower and the Burial Agency (as well fighting against some wordy-type Dead Apostles and meeting a certain, kaleidoscopic Dead Apostle Ancestor) added a lot to this useful ability. Ilya was skilled in word manipulation. By putting pressure on the raven-haired boy, Ilya would be able to get the truth out from him…
BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THE POWER TO BE ABLE TO PROTECT YOU! BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT BY YOUR SIDE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ALONE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE! I HATE HAVING TO WATCH HELPLESSLY IN THE SHADOWS, WHILE YOU GO OUT AND FACE DANGER TO PROTECT ME! I DON'T NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME! I DON'T WANT YOU TO PROTECT ME! I WANT TO BE THE ONE PROTECTING YOU! YOU'RE THE WHOLE WORLD TO ME! I DON'T EVER WANT TO LOSE YOU! I,,,
And the truth shocked Ilya senseless. It was not what she expected.
Whaa…whaat did he just say? Sev… he wanted to gain power so that… can…he wanted to protect…whaat? thought Ilya, as her brain stopped functioning properly.
The white-haired girl was touched, she had never felt so confused, and at the same time, happy before.
But then…
At first, the white-haired girl thought that it might have been Lily Evans he was thinking about, and the thought felt bitter.
But then again…
BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THE POWER TO BE ABLE TO PROTECT YOU! BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT BY YOUR SIDE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ALONE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE! I HATE HAVING TO WATCH HELPLESSLY IN THE SHADOWS, WHILE YOU GO OUT AND FACE DANGER TO PROTECT ME! I DON'T NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME! I DON'T WANT YOU TO PROTECT ME! I WANT TO BE THE ONE PROTECTING YOU! YOU'RE THE WHOLE WORLD TO ME! I DON'T EVER WANT TO LOSE YOU! I,,,
The white-haired girl, though still confused, noticed something in the raven-haired boy's honest declaration, words that couldn't possibly apply to the red-haired false friend...
No, Sev wasn't talking about her, Ilya realized, as happiness welled in her heart. He was really talking about me!
As Ilya managed to regain her composure, she realized she had found someone, someone who truly cared for her, someone who wanted to stay by her side.
Not knowing what else to do, Ilya did the only think she could think of at the moment, for Sev, the boy who truly wished to protect her and keep her safe… two words straight from her heart…
"Thank you…"
She wasn't alone anymore. She now had Sev. She now had a friend. She now had someone who was like family.
This time, however, something was different. For her it was the first time, in her twenty-four, almost twenty-five years of existence (even though her body was that of a fifteen year old soon-to-be-sixteen physically.), that she had felt this way about someone.
Her servant Berserker, who in a way had been like family to her, then her brother Shirou, then Rin, then Saber, then Sakura, Fuji-nee…friends…family... She had a family. Ilya was important to them, and they were important to Ilya. They worried and cared for her, and Ilya worried and cared for them back.
Ilya realized, that the raven-haired boy felt the same way as they did, in a way, as the white-haired girl now realized.
Sev worries about me, Sev cares for me, thought Ilya. But…what was he about to say before he regained control of himself?
For some reason, despite the happiness she felt, Ilya felt disappointed. Somehow she felt that there was something Sev did not tell her…something he managed to prevent himself from telling her… something Ilya had been unconsciously expecting him to tell her…something Ilya hoped and wished he would tell her.
Ilya did not yet understand exactly what it was, but she felt that there was something different…she wanted that something else…for the first time…she wanted more…not just a friend, not just a brother, not just a family…
Still, this is enough for now, thought Ilya, telling herself a half-truth, half-lie…
End of Monologue
-BREAK-
(Severus POV)
Severus Snape had finally managed to get his brain functioning again.
At first, to say that he was confused would be an understatement. After shouting angrily as loudly as he could at Ilya, logically speaking, he expected the white-haired girl to cry, feeling sad, hurt, betrayed. He expected her to be furious, to even blast him with magic, to hurt him badly, before leaving him for good, though Severus was sure Ilya would never kill him. (She could kill me easily if she really wanted to though, thought the raven-haired boy with a shudder.).
He was feeling guilty, he was feeling nervous. He had expected the worst. Instead…
"Thank you…"
The girl smiled. After what he did, the girl actually thanked him.
Severus was confused. He was missing something. Therefore, he calmly collected his thoughts and tried to recall what could have been the possible reason. And then…
BECAUSE I WANT TO HAVE THE POWER TO BE ABLE TO PROTECT YOU! BECAUSE I WANT TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT BY YOUR SIDE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE ALONE! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE! I HATE HAVING TO WATCH HELPLESSLY IN THE SHADOWS, WHILE YOU GO OUT AND FACE DANGER TO PROTECT ME! I DON'T NEED YOU TO PROTECT ME! I DON'T WANT YOU TO PROTECT ME! I WANT TO BE THE ONE PROTECTING YOU! YOU'RE THE WHOLE WORLD TO ME! I DON'T EVER WANT TO LOSE YOU! I,,,
I see… Severus calmly thought to himself, as he remembered the words he yelled aloud. That's probably why…
"And so, that is why you will need the jewel on which your energy on…" a female voice was saying.
"WHOAAAAAAAAAA!" the raven-haired boy couldn't help but shout.
"Hmm?"
Merlin! What the hell? What the hell was I saying? thought the raven haired boy.
"Sev?"
He was once again disoriented, having difficulty processing the memory.
"Sev?"
No, it can't be. There's no way I could've have said that. Or could I? Wh…
In an instant Severus felt his cheeks being painfully picked on by a pair of white hands.
"OUCH, what did you do th…" but then the raven-haired young man froze, as he looked into the face of the one who brought him out of his reverie.
Ilya was staring at him with cold emerald eyes.
"Waaaa…I'm sorry…I…what was…" the raven-haired boy stammered, shivering under the state.
I must have been ignoring her again, thought Severus. But normally she would yell at me until her voice runs out...
Severus thought that he would have preferred Ilya shouting at him, rather than looking at him in a way that made him feel like he could get killed at any moment.
"You were not listening," the white-haired girl was saying in her 'Professor Emiya' voice. "You did not hear a single word I said, did you?"
"I'm sorry," said Severus sincerely. The white-haired girl was once again using her monotonous, teacher tone (although the raven-haired boy could feel her irritation to the fact that he was distracted). Still, despite the aura emanating from Ilya, Severus thought he could feel that the girl was a bit more warm than she usually was when she was in lecture mode. Then again…
He was thankful that there was something to distract him from his earlier, confusing, uncomfortable thoughts. The raven-haired boy will just delve on it later. For now, he had to focus.
"Very well, then," said Ilya. "I will repeat what I was saying a while ago. After that, we will start with the first step. If you end up dying because you failed to listen, you only have yourself to blame."
Severus gulped.
"As I told you a while ago," Ilya began. "The backwards thinking in your magical education has caused a number of setbacks. One of these setbacks is related to the magic circuit."
The white-haired girl took a deep breath and continued.
"Because of your overreliance in the use of the wand, which acts like an extension magic circuit, the magic circuits in the body of witches and wizards remain undeveloped. Those who can use wandless magic may or may not be utilizing their circuits, this I have not yet confirmed…but I am sure that if they do, then they utilize only one or two, and that circuit probably remains almost underdeveloped."
Severus merely nodded.
"Now, then, for our first lesson" said Ilya, and Severus felt the tension in the air. "We are going to awaken your dormant magic circuits. Tell me when you are ready."
Severus gulped (This was it, thought the raven-haired boy.), then closed his eyes, as he (with difficulty) shut away all other thoughts in his head, what happened earlier, the fact that the white-haired girl was beautiful (he felt himself blushing at this) and everything else. Finally…
"I'm ready," said the determined raven-haired young man.
"Now, then, Sev," said the white haired girl. "First, I want you to focus your magical energy. Focus it at the tip of your index finger if you like, any finger will do."
"Just focus?"
"Yes."
"Without a wand?"
"Yes, just do it."
The raven-haired boy then imagined himself preparing to cast a spell…He could not see anything, but he could feel the magical energy building up. Then, he thought he saw an almost invisible faint whitish-blue light near his index finger.
"Now, then," said the white-haired girl as if she noticed what was happening. "Using the mana you have accumulated, cast a spell?"
"What?"
"Just do it," said Ilya. "And refrain from talking, you might lose your concentration."
The raven-haired boy fully focused his attention to the task at hand, then…
"Wingardium Leviosa!" he cried, pointing his hand at a piece of log.
To his own amazement, the log rose a few feet into the air. He couldn't stop himself from saying it aloud.
"I did it! Did you see that, Ilya?" Severus said in his excitement. "I managed to cast wandless magic."
"Congratulations, Sev," said the white-haired girl, and although her voice was still monotonous, a small smile flashed across her face momentarily, before her face turned back into its serious, almost emotionless look. "However, do not lose your focus. We are not done yet for the day. Still, at least now I was able to confirm another bit of information. It is possible for you to cast your spells without a Mystic Code or magic circuit, as long as there is prana."
Severus nodded, as he once again prevented his mind from thinking of stray thoughts (Severus actually wanted to ask Ilya what a Mystic Code is).
"Do not forget the steps, and the feel of it," said Ilya. "You can follow the same steps for any spell you want to cast without a wand. And the more you practice, the faster you will be at casting it."
The raven-haired boy nodded again in response.
"However, I must ask you," the white-haired girl said. "Did you feel where the magical energy you used came from?"
"Yes I did," responded the raven-haired boy. "Some of it seemed to come from my body, while some of it seemed to have come from the air around me."
"I see," said Ilya. "Then you can passively manipulate both mana and od. That is a good sign. Now then, remember the jewel I made you swallow a while ago?"
"Yes," Severus replied.
"Can you feel it?"
"Yes."
The white-haired girl crossed her arms.
"Now then," said Ilya. "I want you to focus your prana, or in other words magical energy, like you did a while ago. Focus it on the jewel."
This time Severus decided not to ask questions. He merely nodded and started focusing his magical energy on the jewel. Soon, the raven-haired boy could feel a warm sensation from within him.
"Now, Sev, I want you to focus on the jewel and imagine it as a switch which you are about turn on," said the white haired- girl. "It could be a gun trigger, or a radio being tuned in to your favorite station, or a television being set at your favorite channel, or a light being turned on or off, anything will do, anything that can be turned on, preferably anything that can follow the on and off concept. I'm sure that whatever image it is, it will come naturally to you."
Severus tried to think of what could be a good on and of switching concept…then it came…a stove he was about to light to be brew his potions…
"Now, then, I want you to imagine yourself turning it on," said Ilya,
His concentration better than ever, Severus followed the white-haired girl's instruction.
Severus imagined himself igniting fire on the stove…
And then found himself flung into a world of pain…
It was painful. It felt like every single nerve in his body felt like they were on fire, were being ripped apart to tiny little shreds. It was almost unbearable.
Severus, as a prank by Lucius, had been placed under the Cruciatus Curse before. It was immensely painful, but it was nothing, compared to what he was feeling right now. It was like comparing being bitten by a mosquito and being thrown into a wheat thresher on a burning furnace.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAAAAAAAARGH!"
Severus screamed. Screamed as he had never done before in his entire life. He screamed as he felt like every single part of his body was being torn apart by something like a hurricane…
As he was about to lose consciousness from the pain, Severus thought he heard someone. It was distant, but the raven-haired boy thought he could hear a female voice yelling at him.
"SEVVVVV!"
The last thing he saw was a silver-haired girl running toward him, her face full of panic and worry, tears forming around her eyes…
AUTHOR'S NOTES
Well, another chapter out I guess (Though I think I made a bit like another cliffhanger). To be honest, I've been doing a bit of review on the Type-Moon Universe. Yeah, I looked for the werewolf concept there (The Golden Wolf Ancestor Thing), and since it doesn't suit my taste, I decided to make the werewolf in the my story different from it. Since the HP universe only describes it (lycanthrope) as a curse which forces wolf transformation during the full moon, then I think I can do that (though I'm still thinking of what to add). One thing that's for sure is that the werewolves in my story will at least have a vibe or feel similar to the Dead Apostles in the Type-Moon Universe, though as to their level of power (meaning the strongest werewolf. I haven't established yet if it should be Greyback or if I should make an OC), well that's still to be decided.
Also, I almost got the prana-mana-od thing mixed up. I've been used to using the word prana for mana and at least I got my usage of od correct. However, as both mana and od are forms of prana, the word prana can be used to substitute for either of the two…
As for the updates, well, Christmas Vacation's about to end, and since I both work at office and taking my Master' Degree, well, I'll at least try and have this updated once a week.
Still, if something I think is good comes to mind, I write it down at once or else it will vanish into nothingness.
And one more thing, I hope you don't ridicule my attempt at romantic and lovey dovey thoughts and moments, both physical and mental. That has never really been a forte of mine so I apologize to those who read and find it corny. ^_^
Later then….