I gritted my teeth, feeling my hips buck once.

Twice.

"Shit," I muttered under my breath, trying to just rub one out before the start of the day.

I knew Ymir hadn't left at all because I didn't hear the front door close. And I trusted her enough not to ditch early morning without telling. I didn't want to accidentally get too excited to see Ymir still here so I had to take the pre-caution.

I clenched my jaw, eyes squeezing shut. My hand working all the while as I felt it build up, threatening to release any moment.

"G-God," I whispered to myself, shuddering, and it was done.

I licked my lips, grabbing tissue and cleaning myself and finally rolling out of bed, limping a bit as I got up.

I shuffled to the bathroom, tired and feeling a bit refreshed and drained at the same time, washing my hands, and beginning my morning ritual of putting on my face.

However, that sinking feeling was back from last night.

What was I even doing?

No matter how much I thought of ways to get around it, Ymir was a lesbian… and I didn't know if she'd see me as the girl I was.

And I didn't know if I had the courage to invest all my trust and budding feelings on her to have it all ripped to pieces when she saw what I had.

I didn't even want to picture her rejection and how I'd feel.

Alone.

It always hurt the most to have someone with me, holding hands and kissing, because I knew how alone I truly was. It was a gaping distance that echoed hollowness and inevitable despair.

Things just never lasted and that's how it always was—get together, have crushes, and before things got too deep quickly break away before they knew so they couldn't officially hurt me. I was a coward for it.

I kept staring at my own eyes in the mirror, trying to find the reason why I wasn't enough when it finally came to gender.

I wondered if there would ever be a day where I would be more.

I stopped, sighing.

What tiring thoughts so early in the morning.

Just enjoy it, Historia.

What if I was tired of taking the little things I could get? I felt spoiled to admit it but I didn't want to have just scraps anymore. I wanted all or nothing.

My heart couldn't take another round of chicken.

I will…I would just have to drop contact with her…

I don't want to leave her or drag her along. For once, I didn't want to do that to someone. Maybe it was because she was different and I actually really did have a big stupid crush on her, or maybe it was my heart saying it was done pretending I could have a romantic love life with this body.

I spent a generous amount of time in the bathroom, applying makeup, brushing hair and putting it up in a messy bun.

While I made my resolve to drop things with Ymir, I still wanted to look cute. It was at least one thing I wasn't fickle about.

When I was done, I sucked in all the will and air I could and went outside my room.

The moment I opened the door I was met with a waft of delicious smells—seasoned sausage, succulent potatoes, steaming coffee, crunchy toast, and a hint of peppers. The kitchen radio was on, too, blaring whatever flavor today's pop had.

My stomach immediately growled as I wandered down the hall, padding quietly until I saw Ymir working the kitchen with the promise of a big breakfast. Only wearing the loose button up and her boxer shorts.

In fact, she was so engrossed in it that she didn't notice as I stood, blankly watching her as she danced about, humming to the song, and setting down our plates.

She did a quick twirl on the ball of her foot, grinning and snatching the toast, placing it on the plate, and was about to dance some more till she did see me.

She stopped, gasping, and slipped.

I winced at the crack of her falling on the ground and then speedily getting back up, red-faced.

"I-I thought I'd surprise you with breakfast!" She nearly squeaked in embarrassment. I could practically see her almost slap herself at her lack of swag.

"I figured you'd like breakfast," she grinned that boyish charm at me, rubbing her no-doubtingly sore bum.

Oh.

My chest was fluttering and heavy, making me realize how hard it was to breathe—how could I do this naturally without forgetting to?

I put my hand up to my face, feeling my cheek, rubbing it—hot and burning.

I couldn't stop the grin that came to my face as she perked up. I could practically hear her tail wagging at my smile—I couldn't stop it! Stop, oh, Historia, no, no, no—stop! If you keep this up—

"Can I say I love you?" It bubbled up my throat into a chuckle and she rolled her eyes with a lopsided grin, staring up at her bed-frazzled bangs and blowing them off to the side.

"You can if you say you'll forget me falling on my ass and dancing to One Direction."

It was too late to stop this train wreck.

-x-x-x-

"So…how long have you felt this way?" I asked, walking beside Historia, holding her hand, and watching our breath linger in the cold brisk morning.

"Mm," she was quiet.

Despite the lively breakfast, we were back to slowly opening up to each other with choked questions, afraid to offend or go too far, and casual replies even though it was far from okay.

"A very long time. As long as I could remember," she admitted as we went to Riverfront Park, back to where we met.

I didn't question if she was being dramatic. I accepted her answers as if they were universal truths. After all, who else would know better except her on how she felt?

"…have you thought of—"

"Therapy?" She smiled and leaned against me, showing me she wasn't being cheeky. She must've heard this over a thousand times.

"I have and it seems helpful when I'm in there—talking and being seen as a person—but the moment I walk out and see the world again I remember that it's not like that." Historia was quiet after that, thinking.

"I see you as a person," I told her, kissing the top of her head, reminding her that I wasn't as shallow as the world seemed to be.

"Do you?" She didn't waste a second to follow-up.

This time it seemed a bit venomous—the kind as if she was cornered.

"I do." Like her, I was quick with my answer and that seemed to quell the storm in her from bubbling up again.

We continued our walk to the bridges over the Falls. I was contemplating what I could say to make her trust me, or even consider me more than just another shallow person.

When we got to the bridge we met on, she startled the shit out of me by jumping on it, stomping.

She turned towards me, smiling a little.

I rolled my eyes and marched on it with her as she snickered.

But I stopped and caused her to do so, too. She turned, wondering what I had to say.

"I don't think," it was hard to believe after these two or so weeks of knowing her that I felt so strongly. It was like we were magnets and that this dating phase was irrelevant. Just a silly walking through of an unnecessary dance we knew.

"I don't think I want to stomp on the bridge anymore." I told, resisting any urge to pop my knuckles.

She stared and then looked very tired, taking her hand from me.

Ah.

She thought I was telling her I no longer wanted to be together, wasn't I?

"I—I like…hanging around you more than hoping the bridge will fall." I cleared my throat and she was shocked for only a moment.

"So…I was hoping we could be more," I took her hand again and I closed my eyes.

Come on, Ymir, fucking pull through. Don't fuck up now.

"Girlfriend will be mine?"

A wind blew through.

Historia quickly bowed her head, doubling in with a laugh as I felt my cheeks turn deeper than roses.

"Shut up! I—"

Historia always got me like this—tongue-tied when otherwise I could charm the skin off of snakes.

"Girlfriend I will be," she mocked but I felt a wolfish smirk overcome me as I launched her up and then onto my shoulder.

"Y-Ymir!" She cried out, frozen in fear as I raced across the bridge while I carrying her.

"You're mine now!" I barked out a laugh as she struggled once we got to stable ground.

"Let me go!" She was laughing so hard causing me to almost topple over from laughing with her, too.

"Never, once you're mine I won't let you go," I snickered, pulling her off my shoulder but hugging her close, planting a kiss on her cheek.

"Really?"

"Really." She pressed her nose to mine.

She gave a soft kiss to the corner of my mouth.

"I will keep you to that word."