*Hello dear readers, I decided to post another chapter this week. I know it's weird that I'm posting a lot faster but I have a lot of time on my hands. There may be some material in this chapter that could be triggering to some people so please read with caution. Disclaimer, I only own Lillianna and Cassandra. Loki and the rest belongs to Marvel. I hope you like this chapter please R&R let me know how you like it! 3 :)*
Lilly's POV
Cassie woke me up at a quarter to two in the morning, it had been a long night and I was still tired. In fact it had been a long couple of months, I wasn't holding up well. I was barley able to care for me and my baby, I had also gone back to my old habits of cutting. Some nights when I couldn't stop thinking about him I'd drink till I passed out, I would yell at Cassie whenever she wouldn't stop crying. I put a good many of holes in the walls, thank God we owned this house and it was paid for. I didn't have to worry about to many bills, I guess it was another plan of Loki's paying the bills heavily in advance. Sometime I hallucinate that he is there by my side, then I'd blink and he would disappeared. The house was always a mess, I never really had the energy to clean. I really hadn't had the energy to do much of anything besides lay in bed and cry.
I never had visitors or phone calls, I never went out the house except to get groceries or diapers. Every now and then I'd have a major breakdown crying in the bathroom till I passed out. I almost lost my life a few time, cutting too deep, or drinking to much. Sometimes I wish I could just float away, this pain was so intense I could hardly bear it. Then one day I found a paper with the plan I made months ago, that turn things around for me.
I started to dress better. I started to clean the house and take care of Cassie. The pain began to lift as I began planning. I started going out of the house to self defense lessons, and learning to shoot. I still was cutting and drinking though not as much. One day there was a knock at my door, I was suspicious because I didn't know anyone and no one knew were I was. I grabbed the gun I hide under my pillow, hid it behind me back and moved slowly to the door. I looked through the peephole and relaxed a bit, I opened the door still holding the concealed gun.
"Sif? How in the fuck did you find me. Does the others know about this? Are they coming?" I asked not able to stop myself. She walked in like it was nothing and looked around. I became irritated, how dare she come here out of no where and ignore me.
"I looked for you for a while and no nobody knows about this, I burned all the evidence about you that I found. It looks like your doing well here place is clean there is food in the cabinets and in the fridge. Where is Cassie though?" She said after a few moments pause. She sat down on the couch making herself at home.
"She is sleeping, why are you here Sif?" I asked again, my irritation flared again. I put the gun down liking how here eyes got wide when she saw it. I was thankful that that day I decided to wear a long sleeve shirt.
"I came to check up on you, I'm still on your side you know." That shocked me to the core. She just sat there waiting for me to speak.
"I'm fine Sif, so is Cassie. You don't have to worry about me, I've been able to take care of the both of us without help." I said a little sharp, If she'd have come about a month earlier I wouldn't have been able to lie as good. I held my breath hoping that she couldn't see through this lie.
"Well, I guess your right. The house is clean, I can see you have food. You also have protection, so I'm glad your doing well. I promise that I will alert you if they ever find your whereabouts, stay safe and have a good life Lillianna." She got up and walked out the door, I watched her leave but I couldn't feel safe just yet. I always carried the gun near me but out of a very curious Cassie's hands. At three months she was already reaching for things and she was kind of able to hold her torso up for a few seconds. It was funny when you made her laugh, you couldn't help joining her in laughter. At two months I noticed that she had dimples, people loved her automatically. I never left her with a babysitter or daycare no matter what the erred was I couldn't stand to leave her then have something happen to her.
Sometimes she sleep through the night, others she is up every two hours. As the days passed I started to see more and more of Loki pop out in her. Like her attitude, she does have her father's attitude. It's kind of funny to watch her scream and slam her little fist down on her bassinet when I didn't prepare her bottle fast enough. At one point I noticed that her skin would turn a lightish blue color, like a dull repetition of Loki's skin. I also saw some of me in her, live her strength. She has hit me when throwing her temper tantrums and it left a little bruise. Her eyes changed slightly to a more blue color rather than green.
Most nights when it's time to put her to bed I sit in the rocking chair that I brought from Asgard that used to be Loki's. I would sing to her, or sometimes tell her stories from my passed. Like how I met her dad, and how much he loved her even if he never got to see her. Then I would tell her how much he would still love her and would be so proud. Sometimes I would cry while saying those things and she would just lay there and listen.
I had just put her down when another knock came to the door. I grabbed the gun again and went to the door, I couldn't see out of the peephole so I slowly opened the door gun pointed and ready.
"Hello Lillianna, Welcome back." Said a female voice, I open the door farther and there stood Natasha. I suddenly got worried, why was she here and how the hell is everyone keep finding me.
"What the hell are you doing here! How did you find me?" I snapped, I still had the gun pointed at her. Her lips turned up in a smile, but it was friendly rather that evil. I kind of relaxed a little but I didn't drop the gun.
"I'm here because I wanted to visit you, and there is a resource that I rely on to get information." She said I looked at her trying to see if she was lying. "Aren't you going to invite me in?" She added a little annoyed. I moved aside to let her in, I followed her to my living room where she sat right where Sif did. I put the gun down close to me and looked at her waiting for her to talk. I watched as she took In the baby things around the living room. "You and Loki had a baby?" She asked shocked.
"Yes, her name is Cassandra she is a couple months old." I replied.
"Where is she, and where is Loki." She asked innocently, but the last question still hurt me.
"Cassia is asleep in my room and Loki...well um he's...dead." I forced out tears stinging my eyes, I tried hard to not cry. I watched at she took it all in and her face grew sad.
"I am so sorry for you loss, I bet it has to be hard to deal with." She whispered, she looked as though she might cry as well.
"I've pushed through, but I have a baby to worry about so I pulled myself together for her." I said sternly, I didn't need her pity. After all she and the rest did try to kill him once a long time ago, and me too. She noticed me go on the defensive and she smiled.
"No need to get upset about talking to me, I know we had a hard first meeting but that is in the past now. Can't we be friends? Put the past behind up?" She asked holding out her hand. I stared at it like it was a live wire, I wasn't sure what to do.
"I guess but if you double cross me I will kill you, and I wont miss this time." I replied grasping her and shaking it. "So what have you been up too?" I asked and we continued to talk to late into the night.