Chapter 18

Brax's P.O.V

''Bro, you have been staring at that phone for ages, who is it?'' Heath asked,

''no on important'' I told him monotonously,

Charlie's P.O.V

As we drove deeper into the park, the trees closing in on us and blocking out the natural light provided. We drove down a stretch of dirt road and there parked up was Darryl Braxton's Ute in all its glory.

''isn't that sergeant Braxton's car'' Watson asked as we pulled up,

''Yes, I did say he might just surprise us''

We got out of the car and Brax avoided all eye contact with me, he walked straight past me and towards the inspector who had insisted on coming on this raid,

''Sir, looks like we just missed them, someone was definitely here, the crop looks freshly cut, and apologies for not being in uniform, me and my brother were out when we got the call from Sergeant Buckton, there wasn't enough time''

As soon as he said brother I noticed Heath sat in the front passenger seat,

''not to worry sergeant, looks like this was a wasted journey'' the inspector told Brax.

He was good, really damn good, the way the lies come out of his mouth; he stood there blatantly telling him this story that he had conjured.

-x-

An hour later the area was scoured for any evidence that might have been left behind but there was nothing, as expected he must have cleaned up really well, not left a single trace to lead back to him.

I stood with my back leaning to my squad trying to control my mind from thoughts of him, I couldn't even do my job correctly, even in the midst of it all, I just wanted him to hold me and tell me everything will be okay, I wanted all this to be a terrible nightmare and any minute I would wake up with my head buried in between the crook of his neck smelling his woodsy scent.

If thinking about him was bad I was now staring at him intently, my eyes bore into his back as he spoke to a bunch of officers. I didn't understand this feeling of wanting him but detesting him too. I broke my eyes away for him for a moment and when I looked up again he was gone, I turned around so now my front was pressed against the car, even before I could feel him next to me I sensed his presence, he came and stood right next to me,

''We need to talk, meet me on the beach when we finish from here''

I didn't say anything; instead he put his hand in mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. He walked away, I don't know what happened after that, my eyes brimmed with tears and I knew the reason for them.

-x-

I walked on to the beach and as expected he stood there watching the ocean, I stood next to him, a thousand words conveyed through the silence.

''you came'' he spoke softly,

''did you ever doubt it''

''no''

''so then''

''I'm sorry''

''as am I, but not for the reasons you think''

''what are your reasons?'' he asked me, the both of us still staring out at the water, the waves lapped gently creating this sombre atmosphere.

''they don't matter''

''to you they don't Charlie, to me they do''

I turned around and started to walk back a little bit,

''Don't go''

''I'm not, come sit with me'' I told him as I sat on the soft sand. We were conversing, they were not a right lot of words but the sexual tension was there, the huskiness of his voice which I loved was making it so unbearable to be here but I knew as selfish as it sounded one last time we would sit on this beach together.

''why did you do it, you could have just got me arrested''

''there was too much to lose''

He didn't say anything and nor did I, all I could think about was the fact that I helped him a criminal.

Flashback

Charlie's P.O.V

**you have ten minutes before I come, I'm not alone**

I texted it to Brax, he could do whatever he wanted with that info, ten minutes and then I would direct them straight to him, whether he covered his dealings or whether he gave himself up.

He obviously got rid of the boys but kept his brother, because when asked which way, I pointed to the left, and as expected his Ute was there. There was no reason for him to hate me for dobbing him in it and no reason for my colleagues to question my ability, because he played it really well, left some crop there like it's just been harvested but no evidence that it was him.

End of flashback

-x-

My actions made me feel guilty, this feeling in my stomach threatening to warp my insides.

Honestly there was only one reason I hadn't dobbed him in it and that was simply because the idea of not seeing him walk freely on the outside broke my heart. All for my own selfish needs.

I was lost in my own thoughts when he spoke,

''Charlie please can I explain''

I brought my legs up to my chest, and then rested my head on my knees.

From the corner of my eye I could see him pushing his hand forward to touch me and then retract it unsure how I would perceive it.

''can I touch you'' he asked after a while. I got up, I moved his legs either side and then settled myself in between his legs. Instantly his lips were on my neck,

''Charl...Charl...'' he couldn't even bring his words out, it was like I was his drug and he couldn't even let go of me, I felt his lips trace my neck towards my cheeks, he pushed my hair back,

''Brax, I didn't sleep with Angelo, I swear on Ruby's life, we were wet from the shower leaking and yes we kissed but that's it,

''mhmm...'' he was still engrossed with me, I wasn't even sure if he was even listening to me,

''Brax are you listening''

I felt the motion of him nodding his head,

''please could you stop that'' I told him as I tried to push his head away, it's very distracting, I thought to myself and I am on the verge of giving in.

''no'' and he continued, I just had to say it, and hope he hears,

''you lied to me, I feel betrayed but it doesn't matter because right now, after this moment of madness everything will be forgotten''

He lifted his head up, a smile playing on his face; I knew he interpreted it wrong,

''No Brax, everything before this is forgotten, me and you it's all forgotten'' I felt suffocated not because of his arm that he just snaked around my waist but the atmosphere around us. It was changing; my heart was thumping, literally about to break free from the confines of my body.

''Brax I'm sorry but I can't get over what you are and what you have made me do''

''No'' he said in an almost teary voice,

'please Charlie, what is all this then'' he stroked the side of my face, and then he moved my face towards him so he could kiss my lips, I moved my face,

''It's over'' I tried to get up, he didn't let me move,

''no'' his words riveting my insides, I wish he wouldn't, he might think this is easy for me but it isn't, I fell in love with him, it was different from Angelo, I learnt to love him, with Brax it was there as soon as I met him.

It was hard to explain, it was like loving your parents, it was there before you can even know what the feeling is.

''please Brax' I pleaded, ''this, us''

''see, you believe there is an us! I don't understand why would you do this, why would you come if you knew all along this is what you were going to do''

''Please Brax we are over''

''No we are not'' he replied automatically,

''there you go again, you address me and you as us, we, if there is nothing between us then why is it there are no constraints holding you down, you could have gotten up and left''

At first I was confused and then realised he was right, his arm was no longer around my waist but I hadn't got up. Once I realised, I got up, he was looking straight at me.

''I'm sorry, it's the way it has to be''

''What does that even mean?'' he bellowed as he got up, ''I'm sorry are just words, they are used when you bump into somebody, not when you rip that person apart, I wouldn't have cared Charlie but you did it in one go, everything about you invited me in''

My tears had well and truly just taken over; I struggled to wipe them fast enough so I couldn't show him how this was affecting me too.

''If only you knew why I do what I do then maybe you would understand''

''If only you told me, I might have just understood Brax'' this was the most honest thing I had said since the beginning of our conversation, maybe if he had told me then I would have understood.

I walked away,

''Don't go, what was all this about then, why come see me'' he shouted from behind me,

''tell me'' '' god dammitt Charlie, don't walk away, tell me''

I could hear his voice breaking up but the anger building up, pressure rising any minute about to explode,

''Why would you let me sit here and touch you knowing what you were planning along, Tell me''

I could feel him walking towards me, I tried to quicken my pace,

He was faster than me, he came and stopped in front of me, and walking backwards he demanded to know why I had let him kiss me.

''what was I to you?'' ''tell me''

''you meant nothing to me'' before my mind could even register what I was going to say the words escaped my lips. I went rigid knowing what I just said was a lie; I couldn't even look at him,

''and that was our goodbye Brax'' he began to laugh, it wasn't callous, it wasn't of humour but a cover up of whatever he wanted to say.

After everything I just said to him, I walked away still expecting him to walk after me but this time he didn't and that's when I knew everything was over. Well and truly over.

-x-

Brax's P.O.V

I awoke face down, embedded in to the pillow, the stench of stale alcohol exuded from my mouth, I lifted my head gently and saw the sunlight streaming through, I squinted my eyes and looked around the room, nothing was in its place, clothes strewn everywhere, things hanging of their hinges and a gaping hole where I must have punched the wall in. I looked down at my attire and I was wearing the same clothes as the night before, I felt around before I found my phone, the screen lit up and there was nothing, no message no miss call nothing. The word nothing ringing in my ears.

Nothing absolutely nothing, isn't that what she had said, I meant nothing. She took everything, mauled it and threw it back in my face. Right now I would rather be arrested, sat in the confines of a jail cell than lying on this bed wallowing. I grabbed the bottle of beer from the side drawer. Empty. Well that was a given, I had been drinking for the nonstop, until I had passed out; I was so drunk even my thoughts were slurred. I got off the bed and headed to the fridge, met with no beer, I grabbed my keys and headed to Angelo's.

I walked up the stairs, half stumbling, I walked behind the bar and poured myself a bourbon, the liquid stinging the back of my throat, I poured another one as fast as I had drunk the previous one.

I grabbed the bottle and the glass, taking a swig straight from the bottle this time, I pulled up a chair, I swept my hand across the table removing invisible fluff. Another swig of the drink.

I put my head down on the table, the coolness of the table helping my heavy head. I pulled my phone out and one again rang the last dialled number, it dialled out to voicemail once again. Since the moment she left me on the beach till this moment now she had not replied to a single call, a single message. Again nothing.

-x-

Charlie's P.O.V

''I just need to pop inside to Angelo's and then we will head to the diner for some breakfast how does that sound'' Angelo told me as we walked on the beach, a morning stroll like normal couples.

''yeah sounds good'' I told him as once more I cancelled a call, he was obviously awake and bombarding me with calls and messages again.

Since last night I had been inundated, Constant, one after another, his name flashing on my caller id. We walked up the path and as Angelo made his way to the restaurant I sat on the bench. Thinking about nothing in particular, just thinking.

''helloooo'' I heard a cheery voice, I looked up to be met by Ruby, I returned her gesture with a smile and patted the space next to me,

''come sit, it's been ages since we seen each other'' I told her,

''too long'' she replied,

''it has what have you been up to, and this is a bit early for you isn't it'' I asked her,

''nothing much, just been enjoying life'' she told me way to cheery for this time in the morning,

''really, and does that have something to do with a certain boy''

She raised her eyes up and down, ''not any boy but a certain charming handsome Braxton boy''

''oh'' was my reply, the word Braxton related to a certain Braxton and the thought of him caused me pain.

I was selfish I let him get his hopes up only for me to then destroy them, it was selfish but I wanted, I needed to feel him one last time on my skin.

''Charlie'' Ruby spoke whilst waving her hands in front of my face, ''where you gone?''

''nowhere, I'm really happy for you, finally you found someone who makes you happy like Angelo does to me''

I could see it again, the old me creeping back in, the one with the issues, the one who didn't have the ability to speak what she wanted to when it came to her life, I was becoming the one person I never thought I would return to, I was slowly slipping to the old way of life. All I needed to complete this scene was a pregnancy test, a cold bathroom floor and a five minute timer. I would be right back to where I was all them months ago before I met Brax, before I knew a different life, I was back to telling myself that I Charlie Buckton are in a loving relationship.

-x-