Gleestuck
Episode 1
Season 1
Don't own mspa or glee.
==» Later, at school: Be Dave Strider
You are now Dave Strider, and you're in a shit situation. No, actually, you're quite sure shit has found itself in much better situations than you are currently in. As a matter of fact, the more you contemplate it, the more you think of how much you'd rather be squeezed out of some random animal's ass than the situation you are in.
You don't know how the fuck this happened or how in the name of fuck one of your bro's puppets got in your locker but jegus christ you're not happy.
You're sitting across from Mr. Egbert, the Spanish teacher, and Ms. Lalonde, the guidance counselor, in the guidance office. Mr. Egbert is giving a stern, paternal look that says "Son, I'm disappointed in you." even though you are most certainly not his son. Ms. Lalonde is sipping a martini daintily and going between not so subtly eying Mr. Egbert and looking at you and trying not to laugh at the profane article on the desk.
Between you and the authority figures is a large, plush rump. Someway, somehow, somebody planted a plush rumped bright orange Smuppet in your locker.
"Well, what do you ahve... have to say about this, Mr. Strider." asks Ms. Lalonde.
You remain silent.
"Do you recognize this?" she asks. You remain pokerfaced, like hell is anybody penetrating your facade.
"Listen Dove... Derve... Dave. Right. Anyways, listen, Smuppets are... illegal contraband at Skaia High School. And here it was. Found. In your locker. Do you have anything to explanate... explerate... explaei... whatever." she tells you.
You speak, "I don't know how that got in my locker. I never-"
"I am sorry, but that is contrary to the evidence presented by our random bi-weekly locker searchea." Mr. Egbert said out of the proverbial blue. You wonder if they're trying to go for a stoic cop/drunk cop act. The worse part is, you're not entirely sure that it's not working. Silence occurs once again.
Ms. Lalonde talks again,"Err... Well, then. Bottom line, as sad as it is that you supposably...supposedly haven't seen this before, it was found in your locker and-"
"Aaanyway," Ms. Lalonde continues, "Since Mr. Egbert made this discovery, he came up with an alternative to the situation. You could either take detention every day for the rest of the yar... year, orrr, you could join Glee club and this allll disappereats, diserearpets, whatever."
Wait. What?
What. The. Actual. Fuck.
You can't even deal. You ponder every day detention, it would look terrible on an application. But Glee would look terrible in the hallways. But then again what would bro do to you if you had to go home and tell him that you had detention every day. He'd probably cut you into pieces and feed the pieces to Li'l Cal for Sunday Brunch.
You shudder at that thought.
"I'll join glee." you say, trying not to let the dread show in your cool kid voice.
You can't believe you're doing this. Say goodbye to being the cool guy. Your life as you know it is officially over.
==» John: Call glee club to order