I sat with my back to the wall and listened to the demon laughing, which ended abruptly. I heard Ruby say, "Not funny," and knew she had stabbed the demon with her knife.

This was the third demon in the last week. They'd go out and collect one, bring it back to the house after I was in bed, and then Sam would try to use his abilities on it, to kill it. I was supposed to stay in bed while he practiced, my doors and windows salted, for my safety. If I needed something, I was supposed to text or call either Sam or Ruby.

Like I'd ever call Ruby.

Tears dripped down my cheeks as I listened to them talk softly, cleaning up the mess. I knew the next thing they would do was go outside and bury the body. It was late enough that it might be light before they were back in the house, depending on whether they'd dug a hole for the body before they started. I scooted away from the wall and crawled into my bedroll, pulling the snowman close to me.

I was losing Sam to Ruby. Or rather, Ruby was stealing him from me. She was pulling all of his attention. He was going to her for help and advice, although not comfort, not yet. Eventually, I'd have nothing. Already, when she interrupted me, he'd stop listening to me and start listening to her. Sometimes he wouldn't even come back to me to find out what I'd been saying. It was frustrating and it made me mad.

I woke up to the sound of Sam and Ruby coming back into the house, their footsteps crossing the wooden floor. They started talking, at first too low to hear, but after a minute, I heard Sam say loudly, "What's wrong? Where do I start?" Then their voices dropped back off.

Not two minutes later, I heard Ruby moan. I scrambled out of the bedroll and pressed my ear hard against the wall. I heard it again, and that was not pain I was hearing. Yeah, I'd walked in on my parents before. I knew what that was.

Fresh tears stung my eyes. I pulled on jeans, a t-shirt, a hoodie, and my shoes. While I shoved my feet into my shoes, I caught a glimpse of my snowman. Sam had given it to me. Anger sparked. I picked up the snowman and threw it as hard as I could across the room, where it bounced off the wall and landed in the corner.

I stalked to the window in my room, already open halfway to let in the summer breeze, and brushed the salt off the window pane. I slid through the opening and took off into the dark woods.

It had been light for hours when I came back. I'd spent most of it walking around the lake in the woods, crying, and when I'd gotten tired, I'd sat on the grass and stared at the lake, moonlight sparkling across the ripples in the water. Eventually, I couldn't cry anymore, and when the day had warmed, I'd stripped down to my bra and underwear and gone for a swim.

One thought echoed through my brain over and over: Sam was having sex with Ruby. I'd lost him.

After I was done swimming, I lay in the morning sun and let it dry me. I put my clothes back on and moved into the shade. As the sun neared its zenith, I got to my feet and headed back to the house.

I slid through the window into my dark room. As I turned and my eyes adjusted to the light, I found Sam sitting in a chair next to my bedroll with his arms crossed in front of him and his eyebrows raised. I stopped.

"Where have you been, young lady?" he asked. Dread and relief warred within me. Dread because I was obviously in trouble, but relief because at least he'd noticed I was gone.

I nervously put my hands behind my back, and dragged one of my feet behind the other. "At the lake I told you about. I went for a swim after I woke up." Not precisely a lie, I told myself.

He held up my phone. "You didn't take this?"

I flushed. No, I'd left that behind quite deliberately. "I forgot it," I said. "Sorry."

"You're supposed to have your phone on you at all times. You got that rule when you got the phone," he said.

"I know," I said. "I'm sorry." The front door slammed and I jumped, looking towards the noise.

"Sam, I brought food!" Ruby yelled.

Sam got to his feet. "Ok, then. Don't do it again," he said to me. "And next time, leave a note or text when you leave the house." He raised his voice and hollered back to Ruby, "Ok! I'll be right there." Looking back at me, he said, "Come get some lunch," he said, and then he left the room, talking to Ruby the entire time.

I stared after him in shock, relief gone, dread rising up to consume me. That was it? I'd been gone for hours, for hours. I'd left the phone behind. I hadn't left a note. I'd gone swimming without letting him know, and this is what happens? A mild statement to not leave my phone at home again and to make sure to leave a note? No spanking?

No spanking?!

I sat down on my bedroll and swallowed against the rising tide of despair that was filling me. He didn't care about me. He hadn't even yelled at me. He'd just left me to go eat, to spend time with her.

"Jessie," Sam hollered. "Come have some lunch!" I got to my feet and trudged to the door, trying to swallow my feelings. I joined them at the table and grabbed a burrito from the bag that Ruby had brought. I didn't meet either of their eyes, but they were too busy talking to each other to really notice me. I watched them from beneath my bangs. They were working through what Sam had done last night when he'd failed to pull the demon from its host. I bit into my burrito, and it tasted like ashes in my mouth.

Three days later, before Ruby got there, I asked Sam if he would take me to the library or the bookstore in town.

"Sure, honey," he said absently, studying the newspaper. He had his laptop open too and was switching his attention between the newspaper and the laptop.

"When?" I asked, dropping into the chair next to him.

"Soon as Ruby gets here," he said.

I blinked. "I don't want to go with Ruby. I want to go with you," I said.

"You are going with me. Ruby's going to be there, too."

"Sam," I started.

"Jessie," he said, looking up from his computer, "we've seen some omens, and we need to look into it more."

"So?" I asked. "You're an expert. You don't need her to find demon omens." I pulled my knees up into the chair with me and wrapped my arms around them.

"I'm not arguing about this with you, young lady," Sam said, folding up the newspaper with jerked movements. I'd gotten to him. "Ruby is coming with us. Omens that Lilith is here are different than just normal demon omens."

"So just ask her what they are," I objected. "I don't understand why she has to be here all the time, with you, doing everything. I don't understand why I can't just have some time with you. I don't understand why you can't take the morning off and just take me to the god damned library!" I slammed my feet back on the floor and stood up so fast that the chair tumbled backwards. "I never get any time with you anymore. You never pay any attention to me. You just foist off hunting assignments. Jessie, study lock picking. Jessie, look up werewolves in this book. You haven't gone running with me in weeks!" I went to stomp past him to go to my room and he grabbed my arm.

"Jessie, calm down," he said. "I know you're upset. Ruby's new. Things have been going fast. I need her if I want to kill Lilith."

I lost it. "Why is she helping you? Why the fuck does she want to kill Lilith? It makes no sense. She's just using you, just like Dean said she would."

Sam dropped my arm. "Go to your room until you can calm down," he said.

"That's where I was going," I snapped, "before you stopped me. And it's not my damned room."

"Go," Sam said. "And stop pushing me or you'll be sorry."

My sight narrowed down to just him. "Why?" I asked coldly. "It's not like you're going to do anything."

Sam stood up and picked me up. I let him. I didn't fight. Relief flooded me, followed by a quick dose of adrenaline at the realization that I was probably in deep shit. He carried me into the room where my bedroll is and set me down. I looked up at him, waiting for him to say something to me, or to act, pressure pulsing in my head.

"You're glowing. Stay here until you calm down," he said. "Breathe. I'll call you when it's time to go." He turned and left the room, shutting the door after him.

I stared at the closed door, my breathing still heavy and quick. I'd pushed. I'd pushed so hard that Dean would have had me over his knee. I might have even been grounded.

Sam just let me. He just let me. What the fuck? Didn't he care? I sank into the bedroll and started crying with my knees pulled up to my chest, the pressure in my head fading. When I realized I wasn't going to be able to be quiet, I pulled the pillow onto my knees and buried my face in it, sobbing as softly as I could and hoping that the pillow would block out the noise.

I heard Ruby open the door and come in. Sam met her in the hall, and I could him through the door. "Jessie wants to go to town to the library and the used bookstore." I stopped crying and held my breath so I could hear them better.

"That's fine," Ruby said. "We were going to go anyway. Just bring her with us." Even the sound of her voice grated on my nerves.

"She threw a tantrum when I told her you were coming," he said, his voice getting a little softer as they passed in front of my door. "She's in there calming down right now."

"You still want to bring her?" Ruby asked.

"Of course I want to bring her," Sam said. I could barely hear him and I knew he was in the main room. "She's just overwrought. She's gone through a lot lately. She needs a break. Wait here and we'll go."

I heard his footsteps approaching the door and scrambled to my feet, dropping the pillow on the bedroll behind me. I wiped my face with my hands, but it wasn't enough. Sam opened the door and after taking one look at my face, he rushed over to me and pulled me into his arms. "It's ok, Jessie. Nothing's wrong. You just lost your temper and needed to calm down."

When his arms went around me, I started crying again. He held me to him and stroked my hair. "Jessie, what is it?"

"You don't care about me," I whispered. "You only care about her and revenge against Lilith."

"No, honey," he said. "I love you. I care about you."

"Then how come you don't spend any time with me. You spend it all with her!" I said. "You don't care if I run off without my phone or if I lose my temper and almost light the house on fire."

"I do care, honey," he said. He unwound my arms from around his waist and crouched down in front of me. "I want to spend time with you, but our timeline is short. If Lilith is closing in, we have to act fast. I need to learn as much as I can from Ruby. That's why she's around so much. It doesn't mean that I don't love you or don't care about you. As for the rest of it, things have been crazy lately. I thought maybe you could use a break. Ok?"

"Ok," I said. "Will you spend time with me after you kill Lilith? Without Ruby?"

"Yes," Sam said. "Of course."

I took a deep breath and nodded. "Ok."

"You ready to go to the library and the used bookstore and maybe get some lunch?"

"Yeah," I said.

"Ok, wash your face and we'll go," Sam said.