between your ribs

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Chapter Six:

September 26th, 2015.

The drive to work makes her restless. The city is alive and thrumming while she taps her fingers against the steering wheel, impatient, foot flexing against the pedal. It's the usual morning rush of traffic but this time it makes her skin hot, irritates it until she's itching with need to just move. She needs to do something. Anything. These past few days, it feels as if she's accomplished next to nothing – has been taking step after step backwards even if her hands scrabble to pull her forwards.

Phillips had called the search off yesterday after three hours. It was clear Melissa had managed to evade them and they were going to have no luck that day.

She knows. Before she's even reached the precinct, she knows what Phillips will ask of her today. It had been clear in Phillip's eyes yesterday. They want Maura's statement. She and her whole team clearly think it will be best to send Jane along to collect it, think that Maura will be more comfortable that way, and Jane doesn't have the heart or the courage to tell them otherwise. The muscles in her neck scream with discomfort.

"Rizzoli," Phillips spots her as soon as she enters the room. "Good. You're here. I contacted the clinic our victim is staying in and the nurses have informed me that she's level headed enough to give us that statement we need. Take Ito with you."

The words are difficult to swallow. Our victim. Even after what she's witnessed – after seeing the bomb shelled figure that looks like Maura but isn't, the tiny basement that she had been held in – it's difficult to think of Maura has anything other than her best friend. Strong, and fierce, and intelligent. Not a victim. Never a victim.

"It's nine in the morning. Pretty bad time to burst in demanding she speaks, isn't it? Rise and shine, time to talk about your nine month long nightmare!"

As soon as the mocking words have left her mouth, she regrets them. Phillips lips pinch together tightly as she scowls. Crap. Okay. She can't test this woman. The agent has the power to take her off of the case if it comes to it, and she can't afford to take that risk. This case – solving it, bringing closure – is the only link to Maura she has left. It could be the only thing she ever has left of her.

"Detective Rizzoli, if you are unable to follow orders and conduct your work maturely – "

"No, no – I can!" Jane insists, holding her palms out. "Sorry. I'm sorry, Agent Phillips. I shouldn't have said that."

Phillips nods, but it's curt. "Take Ito with you."

Once again, Ito lets her drive without argument. He shoves a small notepad into the inside pocket of his blazer – the kid is a walking stereotypes sometimes, she thinks – and brings doughnuts along for the journey. An actual box of doughnuts.

"You thinking about switching to the force or something?" She grumbles, guiding them through downtown traffic.

Ito takes a bite of a custard-filled one and hums happily. "Why, you want me around?"

Jane rolls her eyes. "In your dreams, kid."

Ito shrugs and returns to his doughnuts. Offers one to Jane, but she shakes her head. She hasn't eaten a thing since the sandwich her Ito had given her yesterday morning and she doesn't plan on eating until this day is done. Even thinking about food makes her stomach riot, so she opts to settle things in her life before she thinks about her body. It's not the first time she's ditched food for the sake of a case. It's not the first time she's rejected food since Maura was taken. It's the first time she's ever been so lightheaded with it – the car is wonky in the corner of her eyes and sometimes the road in front of her wobbles.

But she knows. It's not because of hunger. It's nerves.

The nurse greets them at the reception before leading them three flights up to where Maura is staying. Everything is completely sterile, like the hospital – there are a few moments of colour, however. Patients in red dressing gowns or rooms painted dark blue or children visiting with their innocent laughter. They interrupt the grey Jane feels crawling over their skin.

3J. The name of Maura's room. Ito thanks the nurse before she leaves and cocks his eyebrow at Jane, holding up the box of doughnuts.

"Think they'll let me give her these?"

Jane shakes her head. "Constance – her mother – says they have her on a special calorie controlled diet, so that she can gain back the weight she lost safely – "

"Aw, c'mon, detective. Live a little. After nine months in a basement, I'm sure anyone would be happy to see one of these little beauties."

"Maura won't eat them," she tells him, and when he opens his mouth again she rolls her eyes. "White flour, okay? She doesn't eat things that contain white flour. Or, well, she didn't."

Ito digs into the box and pulls out a jam doughnut. "You can't keep insisting she's not your girl if you know these things about her, you know."

"And you have got to stop eating those," Jane grabs the box and, as Ito whines, throws them into a nearby trashcan. "Trust me, kid, I'm saving you from becoming a walking stereotype."

The first thing she registers about Maura's room in the clinic is that it is much lighter than her hospital room back in Connecticut.

The blinds are open, just slightly, allowing enough light in for Jane to see the way Maura twists her hands nervously in her nap. Her friend is staring out of the huge window that sits on one of the four walls of the room, and although the view is obstructed by the partially closed blinds, Maura does not turn to them when they enter the room. She seems perfectly content to continue staring out of the window, sitting in her hospital bed.

Her jaw is sharper than Jane has ever known. Dangerously so. It feels as though, if she were to reach out and touch her, she would be cut. Her knuckles protrude from her hands awkwardly, too large on such delicate hands and Maura's throat constricts when Ito clears his throat to introduce himself. When she turns to them, Jane isn't quite sure whether her eyes are open are closed. They are so empty.

"Doctor Maura Isles? I'm Agent Kei Ito, and you're familiar with Detective Rizzoli, of course. We're here to collect your statement, if that's okay with you."

For a moment, Jane thinks that Maura isn't going to speak. Her skin is pallid, and if she were to close her eyes, Jane thinks that she would mistake her for dead.

"Kei Ito," Maura tests the name in her mouth as Kei sits in the chair beside her bed, pulling his notepad from his blazer. "It's a lovely name."

"Thank you, ma'am," Ito replies.

"I've never been to Japan," she tells him absently, and then she notices Jane. "Jane."

Her friend's name claws its way up her throat and demands release from her lips. "Hey, Maura."

Maura blinks slowly, too slowly. What on Earth have they got her on here?

"They told me that you couldn't see me," Maura tells her, sluggish. Ito glances between them nervously. "You still aren't coming to get me."

"No, Maur. I…"

She doesn't finish. It's true. She has backed down, delved back into her work as she always does while Maura begins to pick up the pieces. But it's for the best. This slow, uncertain person before her is not the Maura she knew and loved before. If her presence causes her to become this small and passive thing, she'll stay away for as long as she has to. She just wants to see Maura happy. It's what she deserves.

Ito clears his throat again.

"Doctor Isles, would you be willing to give us your statement?"

Jane hovers uselessly by the foot of Maura's bed. Phillips will kill her if she doesn't make any notes. But she can't tear her eyes away from Maura, not when she watches the way fear ripples through her eyes, makes her curl her hands around her ribs.

"She came the night Jane encouraged me to sleep before it was appropriate for my REM cycle. It was almost half eleven at night, and I heard the engine of Jane's car as she left. Then there was a knock on the door thirty seconds later… I thought that she'd left something behind. Or was too tired to drive home. When I opened the door, someone covered my face with a cloth, and then I woke in. In… In."

Maura stares blankly at Jane, and Jane stares back. Thirty seconds. She hadn't even turned off of Maura's road in the time it took Melissa to drug and abduct her.

Ito is glancing between them, but Maura continues to stare at her. Not so much staring at her as she does through her. Does she remember that night as vividly as Jane does? Does she hate her for leaving? Yeah. Of course she does. Everything she's said, the way she's acted, makes that clear enough.

It's okay. She hates herself for it too.

"The basement," Jane prompts her gently.

Maura jerks at the sound of her voice and that same terrified look crosses her again. Jane takes a step back, away from the bed, raising her palms, but Maura's breathing quickens anyway. No matter how much distance she puts between them.

"Have you come to take me back, Melissa?"

Ito reaches out to touch Maura's wrist gently as Jane closes her eyes, burying her head in her hands. There is silence around her, and she stares into the darkness, hoping that this small moment of peace can last for a few seconds more. She can't break down in front of Ito. Needs to collect herself.

"Focus on me, Doctor Isles," she hears Ito request.

"Agent Ito?"

"Yes?"

"The basement they held me in. No-one should live like that. Are they going to take me back?"

"I promise you, Doctor, you won't be anywhere that isn't safe ever again. Can you tell me about the basement? How they treated you there?"

Jane lets her hands slip from her face and finds Ito still leaning forward, fingers resting lightly on the inside of Maura's wrist, over the veins that are too bold now that she's lost so much weight. Jealousy splinters her bones and she crosses her arms across her torso to keep herself together. What she wouldn't do for one moment of contact with Maura.

"I woke. I thought of all the different drugs Melissa may have used on me. The bed was silk."

She pauses, frowning, and Ito jots this down in his notepad. Belatedly, Jane pulls her cell out of her pocket and begin recording the conversation.

"She gave me a small bowl of rice at the end of the day. I think it was the end of the day. At first, I refused. I think I may have refused for a few days. Melissa began force-feeding me when she lost her patience. She had a lot of patience in the beginning... I don't know how much time transpired while I was there. I've been told, but that time doesn't seem long enough. Bowls of rice were a blessing, after a while. Rare. Most of the time she would put her leftover dinner in front of me. Sometimes it wouldn't be more than a crumb. Once it was half of a frankfurter. That was one of the only time she ever gave me meat."

Ito glances at Jane as Maura turns slightly to face the window again. His eyes see too much, as usual.

"Mr Matthews was kind. He was rare. Sometimes it felt like years between his visits. He'd bring me books. Melissa didn't like that. But she told me that sometimes even experiments need recreational hobbies."

Experiments. Jane wants to move forward, take Maura's hand, and remind her that she is not an experiment. Not everything is about science. That she is human, and she deserves to be treated as much. Instead, she widens her eyes at Ito, encouraging him to press on the point. If she speaks, she thinks it'll only spook Maura.

"Experiments?"

Maura ignores him. "He brought me food sometimes. Small scraps. Once, he brought me a freshly baked roll. It was the first thing that hadn't tasted of dust in… I don't know how long. How long have I been lost, Agent?"

Ito shifts nervously. This must be new territory for him. It's fine, working a case, as long as you remain distant. Having to hear the ordeal from the victim – hear the suffering in their voice. That's when it almost becomes unbearable. It's also where you learn to compartmentalise. To put the things that hurt you away in a small file in the back of your mind and only think about when it is dark and you are alone.

"Doctor Isles, you mentioned that Melissa referred to you as an experiment. Could you expand on that?"

"I was her experiment. She tested the limits of human perseverance on me. I don't believe there's anything scientific in that at all," Maura frowns, and when she realises she has spoken against Melissa, her eyes dart to Jane. "She was clever. You were clever."

"I'm not Melissa, Maura."

It hangs in the air between them. Heavy, and dragging her shoulders down. Maura's eyes begin to fill with tears as she turns to Agent Ito, and she holds her hands up. A surrender. Jane turns away. This is more than she can handle.

"She beat me if I spoke out of place. Gave me scars to see how long I could handle pain before passing out. She taught me that if I was passive, then I was good. Being good got me rice. It meant sleeping without fresh bruises," Maura's voice hitches as she begins to cry. "In the beginning, I told her that Jane would come for me."

Jane turns, hopeful.

"She told me Jane was dead. She told me she'd killed her in her car before she'd gotten to me," Maura whimpers, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks and Jane takes a step forward. I'm here. She did not get me. I was always going to save you. "She forged pictures. They couldn't be real. If Jane had died, I'd know – I'd feel it. But Jane didn't come. I waited for what felt like years and Jane didn't come and I don't know if she died or if she didn't care. I don't know what is real, Agent Ito, I don't understand."

"I'm real," Jane croaks.

It only serves to make Maura cry harder. Long, heaving sobs that wrench their way through her body. Her small hands are trembling as she uses them to cover her face and then she's shaking her head no.

"I don't understand. Are you dead? Why didn't you save me, Jane?"

"Maura – "

Ito stands. For a moment, he almost looks old.

"Detective Rizzoli…"

He doesn't have to finish. Jane clicks off on the recording program and tucks her phone into her pocket as Maura's cries grow heavier and distorted. Soon, she's babbling nonsense and Jane removes herself from the room, grabbing a nurse in the hallway to tell her that Maura's – well, she's. She's. She's all wrong and she needs fixing.

The nurse hurries into the room quickly and Jane sinks down to the floor, holding her head in her hands as light footsteps approach her. Ito.

He sits beside her, watching her even as she clenches her jaw in warning. This isn't a good time. She can't do company right now. She's forgotten what it feels like to let someone comfort her and now she doesn't know how to comfort the only person she prioritises higher than herself.

"You'll get through to her," Ito murmurs. "You've got this, Rizzoli."

She shakes her head no.

She hasn't.

TBC