"Strike Out"
Christian's POV:
I have been holed up in this meeting with Ros and several of my key employees for the past four hours as we wrap up a major acquisition that I have worked on non-stop. It kept my thoughts occupied allowing me to focus. Though the reality is, that Ana isn't far from my thoughts. Her punishment was well dished out. In my mind, I have married and taken her wedding dress off hundreds of times. Sometimes she had lingerie on underneath, other times my naughty little Aphrodite didn't. I sigh, bored with the meeting. At least, it's been fruitful and is now over. I don't know how much longer I can maintain my focus.
"Once the paperwork is signed tomorrow, and the Federal Trade Commission gives it the seal of approval, I will hold a press conference announcing the purchase. Good work." I remark but remain expressionless.
With the meeting at an end and declining Ros's offer of lunch, I lie back in my chair. I allow my mind to daydream. Who am I kidding? Even if I didn't allow it, I wouldn't be able to stop.
This time, I imagine, us opening the door to our new home for the first time. The one we designed. It is completely furnished. Every piece of furniture was handpicked by us. We are moving in today. Before Ana takes a step inside, I pick her up and carry her over the threshold, but I don't put her down. I am only partly aware of the portraits on the wall of our wedding day, a day that went off without a hitch. I eventually put Ana down when we have gone up the stairs to our bedroom.
"The first thing I want to do in our home is to make love to you. Slowly. I want to savor each moment." I whisper into her ear. Ana blushes but her eyes tell a different story. She is ready for me. Hot and wet.
"Then you better undress me, husband."
"... Mr Grey." I am dragged from my fantasy by Andrea. I don't know how long she has been standing there in the doorway of the conference room, but I suspect that she has called my name a couple of times. I blink and breathe out harshly. There it is again. The darkness I can handle, I have dealt with that beast before. It is the unspeakable loss and emptiness I feel. It eats away at my soul and what there was of my heart. I am not even alive.
"What is it, Andrea?" I am abrupt, and no longer look at her.
"Excuse me, Mr. Grey, you wanted to be informed should Miss Anastasia Steele called or arrived. She is currently downstairs and on her way up." Andrea tells me. My attention is peaked immediately. Ana is here. I can't help but smile knowing that I will get to see her again' however, I would like to scold her for her activity last night. What was she thinking? The nasty thought hits me. Ana is trying to move on.
"I will meet her in my office. I want you at your desk. Be ready to collect some lunch or drinks for Miss Steele and me, if need be. I want you there. I don't trust Olivia not to fuck up my order."
"Yes, Mr. Grey."
I march to my office. A wealth of emotions hit me. It was only three days ago that Ana met me at Escala. I almost tore the place apart last night when security informed me that she went to a movie with some guy. They identified him as Charlie Brant. According to the background check on him, he studied at WSU with Ana. I would have hunted him down if she had invited him into her apartment... I still might. He kissed Ana. She kissed him back. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth, but I deserve it. I did more. Fuck! I want to turn back the clock!
Anxiety, trepidation and excitement hit me all over again once I am in my office. I get to see Ana again. I pray that she has decided to resume our relationship, then engagement. Maybe she wants to get married immediately. I am being irrational now. At best, I can hope for a civil conversation and Ana desiring to be in my company. She did admit to me that she still loves me.
Ana storms into my office. She has come here numerous of times, but always politely greets Andrea and inquires to whether or not I am free. Instead, today she brusquely asked if I was in. I only know that because Ana had already opened the door to my office as they spoke. I once wanted her as my submissive. For her obey my rules and commands, but I like her feisty side also. Nothing is more erotic that her smart mouth.
"Anastasia. It's good to see you. Please sit down. Would you like a drink or a..." Before I am able to offer her some lunch, Ana approached and slapped me. She has struck me. No one has struck me since I was four...before the crack whore died. My face stings. For someone so petite, Ana can hit. Of course, she can. She is fuelled by retribution.
"Fuck you, Grey."
"I deserved that. I am surprised you didn't do that when I saw you last at Escala."
"That wasn't because of what you told me on Saturday night," Ana calls out now walking out of my office.
"Ana... Anastasia...STOP!" I beg her. I wish I hadn't raised my voice, but I am desperate. However, she doesn't listen. I chase after Ana. I could care less who on my staff is watching us. Getting to Ana is the only important matter. I finally catch up with her at the elevator.
"Pressing the down button over and over isn't going to make it come faster," I comment apologetically. I wait a few moments for her response but it doesn't come. "Ana... this is killing me."
"Killing you?" Ana looks at my laughs. "That is the funniest thing I have heard in a long time."
"What did you mean by the fact that you didn't hit me because of my disclosure? What else have I done to make you want to hate me more? To force you to want to lash out?" I am desperate to know. Without information, I can't make everything right. "Please, Ana tell me."
"It is none of your concern anymore. Goodbye Christian." The elevator doors open and Ana rushes in. I concentrate on the elevator doors, waiting strategically for them to close. As soon as they start to move I step into the elevator. It's too late for Ana to push me out or make a scene.
"Anastasia, everything you do is my concern. I fucked up... I know that. I want to make things right. Tell me what else I have done."
"You don't deserve the privilege. When these elevator doors open I am going to get out and you will not. Don't push me. You will regret it."
"Ana, please! I spent all of yesterday talking to Flynn. I understand that I fucked up and what I did was wrong. I am going to work on me while fighting like hell to get you back. To regain your trust. To deserve your love."
"I doubt you or I will live long enough." Once more Ana stabs the knife deeper in my heart, but I am the one who gave her the tools. "This is the last time that I will willingly see you."
"You don't mean that... tell me that you don't mean it." I can't stop myself from becoming insistent and authoritative.
"I do. You have no idea how much you have hurt me. How much you have ruined everything!" Ana has expressed so many emotions in the short time we had been together but never has she been so enraged.
The elevator doors open before I can say anything else. I can't let Ana leave like this. I grab her hand before she is able to exit.
"Let go of me!"
"Ana, I don't know what else to say. If I could turn back time, then I would, but that isn't possible."
"Let go of me. Now!."
"I can't." I couldn't give a fuck how this scene looks to anyone who might be watching. I am scared if I let go I won't see her again.
"Let go of me or else I will scream. Don't test me, Grey; I have lost so much because of you. You have no idea how much. If you push me, I will destroy you just like you destroyed me." What? No Ana. Please don't say that. Don't think it. Don't let that be true. No Ana! I never wanted to destroy you! I only want to love you. Protect you. If I were to verbalize how I was feeling, then I would be falling into a void, with no sign of stopping.
I let go of her because I don't want her to get any more worked up than she is. Ana has always been pale, but she is even more so now. If only she knew how much I still love her. How much I regret everything. I know I am an adolescent. I did what I thought was right, making Leila heel, breaking her to prevent Ana getting hurt. I have spent hours with Flynn. She played me. Her short statement on the back of that photo was coming to true, 'master will be denied'. I was being denied the only person I have really ever wanted. Ana.
"I am still going to fight for you," I tell Ana. She turns around to look at me briefly and I try to read her, but it's not possible. How can I interpret her body language and expression when we are both in so much pain?
# # # #
"Elliot, I am not in the mood for company," I tell my brother who has entered my apartment without calling beforehand. After my encounter with Ana today, I cancelled my remaining meetings and came home, seeking refuge in my piano. Taylor and Gail have been hovering at a distance.
"I sent you a text. Are you ignoring your cell phone now?" I heard the phone beep but didn't pay attention to it. I didn't care to. I knew that it wouldn't be Ana. I continue to play my piano, attempting to lose myself once more, though my brother makes it a trial.
"Gail, that smells incredible... Christian, are you going to eat? If not then I am claiming your dinner!."
"There is enough for you both. Just give me a few minutes to plate up. I also have some of those boutique beers you like."
"Gail if it wasn't for Kate, and the fact that your boyfriend carries a gun and a trained marine, I would sweep you off your feet so fast." Elliot remarks having a small taste of the dish she is preparing. "Have you ever thought about leaving my brother? I probably couldn't pay as much as my brother, but I promise you would have more fun at my place." I narrow my eyes. I stand and enter the kitchen, ending my brother's smooth talk.
"Mrs. Jones, my brother and I will be ready to eat when it is convenient for you." I enter the kitchen and pour a couple of glasses of wine. I know my brother would prefer a beer, but it won't go well with our meal. He is thirty now, more than enough time to develop some taste. "Elliot if you may." I signal to my brother to exit the kitchen.
"Cheers for the wine, but after dinner, I am going to raid your beer supply. You owe me, asshole." That I do, even though I don't admit it. He would never shut up about it.
"Is that so?" I reply dryly.
"Shit yeah! By now, not only should I be engaged to Kate but since the debacle of your wedding that on the back burner. Tonight I should have already had me a couple of beers, a big juicy steak dinner at the local grill with Kate, taken her home and been balls deep inside of her. But no, instead Kate and Ana are at my house, drinking cocktails and eating ice cream together. I bet I am not even going to get any tonight. So, fuck yeah, you owe me and you will owe me more by the end of the night." Elliot complains. I do feel some guilt over Elliot not being able to propose to Kate yet. He doesn't believe that it is right at the moment and doesn't want his relationship to fail.
"You know where I keep my beer. Though if you are going to drink then give Taylor your car keys. You can stay the night or I will have you driven home."
"I prefer to stay the night. No way I am going to get lucky. Kate and Ana are likely to pass out from sugar and alcohol."
"Ana came and saw me today" I inform my brother.
"I heard. You still have a slight red mark on your face. Ana got you good!"
"Seems you heard a more than I presumed."
"Christian, you wouldn't believe what else I heard. Did Ana tell you why she hit you? Why she was so mad at you today?"
"She refused. Only said that it wasn't specifically the Leila situation."
"That's correct. Ana slapped you because she is mad at you. The last night she agreed to go to the new movie of some old book that she likes..." It was an adaptation of Jane Austen's book, 'Emma'. I knew it was being released soon. I had intended to take Ana to the premiere in New York. "...with an old college friend who studied English literature. He walked Ana come and then kissed her. She kissed him back." I can feel my blood boil. I already knew about this, but hearing it again is making me angry again. I take a step away from Elliot to prevent myself from taking out my frustration out on him.
"This is where you need to listen. Ana told Kate that she didn't feel anything. That the kiss was dull. Ana was shocked as supposedly every kiss with you was powerful and aroused her. She went inside the apartment and made Ethan kiss her."
"What the fuck? Ethan kissed Ana? I am going to have that boy castrated."
"Hang on! Ethan was forced to. Ana made him kiss her, seriously kiss her, but again nothing. Supposedly, Ana then kissed some other guy the next day but nothing. She just didn't feel the same. Ana is furious that you made her feel like she is floating on air every time you kissed her and she can't replicate it." I am jumping for joy while hating myself even more. "That's the good news."
"What's the bad news?" I order, rather than request.
"Ana is pretty angry at this discovery that she said that it's going to be no holds bars. She plans on kissing as many men as possible. The girl is on the prowl."
"Fuck. I am going to tighten security around her."
"I don't see how that is going to stop her. Ana has been hanging out with Kate a lot so I see her regularly. She still loves you, but you need to fight harder. You need to show Ana that you are ready to put everything out there. No secrets. That you love her so much that you are willing to risk everyone and anything!"
"I know. I intend to. I am going to speak to our parents this weekend. Explain to them." I have been trying to avoid this, but I have no choice. It will be evidence to Ana that I am sorry, understand that I was wrong and am ready to be accountable.
"Okay, but the other reason I am here is that you need help. I want to help you. I feel responsible that I didn't see what was happening with you and Elena when we were teenagers. I am your big brother. I should have known and stopped it. So, let's clean up your shit. First we need to work out where the photo came from and how it was delivered to Ana. We need to hunt that person or persons down."
"We have a theory actually. One which you could prove, or disprove now that you mentioned it."
A/N: So there were some interesting reviews... mixed responses, etc. Some didn't want me to write anymore, some did. Obviously, there are some difficult times ahead. Review if you wish.
Many thanks to Mrs CTGrey, who betaed this chapter.