between your ribs
I'm so, SO so sorry for the delay. Uni and life has been getting on top of me lately. I hope you're all still here regardless.
Chapter Twelve:
November 25th, 2015.
For a moment, she doesn't believe that the woman at her door is Maura Isles.
She's dressed like her. Heels and skirt and blouse and handbag. But she's almost trembling on the spot.
And her hair is so much shorter.
"Maura?" Her friend doesn't speak. "C – come in."
She knows that this is a huge step. Maura reaching out and coming to her like this, without asking permission first. As Maura steps into Jane's apartment warily, Jane has to force herself not to think back to the times when she would not need permission. When Maura took this entry for granted, like Jane would at Maura's apartment.
"You've cut your hair."
Jane closes the door and turns to Maura. The medical examiner brushes her fingers against the ends of her hair self-consciously, where it slants against her neck halfway between her jawline and her shoulders. It's… almost harsh looking. Completely straight and so not her.
"Melissa used to use my hair against me," Maura says absently, and Jane's mouth fills with cotton. "I didn't wash it for weeks in the end. Now I don't remember what it feels like for it to be clean."
Jane approaches her slowly. "And now, Maura?"
"It feels new. I feel… new."
New. The word is difficult to swallow and she stares at the woman in front of her. There are aspects of her that are so different to how she used to be. She is so timid and submissive compared to the woman who once dragged her off of her couch after being shot and forced her into her uniform. The facts that Maura knows are still there, rare but sometimes spoken. She is Maura. But she is not the same.
She knows that this will all be okay someday.
"Jane, I wanted to… I wanted to tell you. That I – I'd quite like it if you were involved in my life again."
"You want me in your life?"
"Yes," Maura confirms. "I've been… discussing you with Doctor Reyes recently. I realised that, before all of this happened, you were the only person I had."
"That's not true," Jane protests.
"It is. I think it… still is," Maura purses her lips. "Jane, I was so terrified of you when they rescued me. I didn't think you were real. Melissa told me you were dead so many times that I almost believed it. When I woke up I thought you were – her. Trying to pass in plain sight. And when I didn't believe it, when sometimes I would just start to wake and I'd remember where I was all over again, I'd think about how you weren't coming for me. I told myself that so many times that when I finally understood that you weren't Melissa, that you weren't dead, I just felt disconnected from you."
Jane steps forwards and Maura steps back automatically. She pauses when she realises what she's done, so Jane steps forwards again, and Maura holds herself in place.
"Tell me what to do," Jane pleads. "Maura, I don't understand how to make this right. I try so hard and – "
And nothing ever pays off. The guilt of not saving Maura swathes her shoulders and is her only companion late at night.
Maura smiles. Eyes watery.
"Keep being you."
Maura stays for lunch.
Shame blooms across Jane's skin when she realises she has little to offer Maura, but manages to create some sort of salad to accompany a pizza she finds in her freezer. It is the kind of thing they used to eat, when Maura would lecture her that she needs to eat more greens and Jane would try to steal a slice of her pizza. This time, Maura makes no comment on the food at all. She eats everything Jane serves her like it is a gift.
She never wants to know what it's like to be hungry like that.
"So… the court case is in a couple weeks," Maura murmurs when she is finished eating. "Will you be there?"
"Of course."
"To testify?"
Jane reaches out across the island to rest her hand on Maura's arm without thinking.
Maura tenses, blinking suddenly. She doesn't move her arm. Jane slowly retracts her hand.
"You know I'd be there whether I testify or not," Jane says quietly.
The moment seems to pass. Maura fixes her eyes on her empty plate and places her hands in her lap. They don't talk about it.
"I don't know if I can do it."
For a moment, Jane's not quite sure whether she's imagined the words or not – Maura is so quiet. Her lips stay so still. But she notices the way the her shoulders begin to shake, her lips pressing together as though she's a second away from tears. And oh. Oh. Maura is confiding in her.
"We'll all be there for you," Jane tells her. "You don't have to go through this alone."
Maura's eyes snap back to Jane's.
"Please don't say things like that. I don't know – I don't know how to believe – "
"I'm going to keep saying things like that. Because it's true. Every single one of us are going to be there for you during that case. And we'll sure as Hell be there after. Don't be afraid to testify, Maur. She's just one woman," Jane says fiercely. "And you're worth ten times as much as her."
Maura's hands raise, fingers curling around the edge of the counter. Knuckles white.
"She's just one woman… She's just one woman…" Maura begins to gnaw on her lower lip. "If she's just one woman, how did she manage to hide me away for so long?"
"She doesn't have you. You're safe now, Maura. She can't hurt you anymore."
The tears really do spill from Maura's eyes then. She reaches up with trembling hands to wipe them away angrily, skin flushing – Jane makes sure she keeps still and quiet against her will. There is nothing she has ever wanted more than to pull Maura to her and hold her quietly and forever.
"I still dream about her. Sometimes I wake up and I still think that I'm there – that my bedroom, and all of my things, and even your mother are just my imagination, my own coping mechanism to deal with being held hostage. I never thought I'd get out. I'd given up hope. And now I'm here… and everyone wants things to go back to normal. My mother is already giving conferences in Europe again and my father has called once. Cavanaugh has offered me my job back. You – you treat me like your friend. But I don't know how to be normal, Jane."
Jane smiles. "You were never normal in the first place."
It's a risky thing to say. But Maura looks up at her, tears still shining in her eyes for a moment, before a timid laugh breaks free from her.
"No. I suppose I wasn't."
The world outside feels peaceful when she gets ready for bed that night.
She takes a long, warm shower, feeling her muscles loosen in ways that they haven't in months. Jo Friday settles at the foot of her bed as she dries her hair and pulls on her comfiest pair of sweatpants and an old BPD t-shirt. Jane pulls her curtains shut, switches her alarm on, and climbs into bed. When she closes her eyes, the space beside her almost feels warm.
It doesn't take her long to fall into sleep. Gently, and dreams swim into her view, in the shape of Maura's smile.
She's shaken out of sleep two hours later by her phone ringing.
Jane groans, reaching for her phone blindly. Please not a body. Please not a body.
"Rizzoli."
"Janie?"
Jane sits up immediately, rubbing at her eyes. "Ma? What is it? What's wrong?"
"It's Maura, honey. She's… She's been threatened."
Jane leaps out of bed, searching for her boots and keys in the dark. She accidentally steps on Jo Friday's tail.
"Ma, listen to me – Don't do anything, okay? Stay right where you are. And don't let anyone in. I'm leaving now."
"Hurry," her Ma says, and then Jane is almost flying out of the door.
Her mother hugs her tightly when she answers the door ten minutes later. Jane searches over her shoulder for Maura, finding her sitting on her couch silently, hands in her lap and staring at the floor. Her freshly cut hair makes her features almost look a little sharp.
"Janie. Oh, it's awful."
"Tell me what happened. Maura?"
Her mother follows her over to the couch. Angela sits beside Maura, wrapping her arm around her shoulder and squeezing tightly. Maura does not respond, and Jane approaches her slowly. Crouches in front of her and curls one of her hands around Maura's knees. Maura does not respond.
"Maura? What happened?"
But Maura stays silent, so Angela fills in the silence between them all.
"I was just coming over to make some evening tea – you know, Maura has that fancy kind I like. And I found an envelope on the floor. Well, it wasn't addressed to anyone, so I opened it – "
"Where is it?"
Angela points to the coffee table. Jane grabs it immediately, rising to stand as she reads the note inside the envelope. Testify and you're dead.
Well, it's not exactly creative. But she feels the fear of God travel down her spine and flare out through the rest of her body.
"This is the only one?"
"Yes," her mother replies. "I couldn't – "
"It's not the only one."
Jane and Angela both still, turning to look at Maura. Jane's mouth falls open to say something, but Maura's eyes are sharper than she's ever seen.
"I received the first one the day after Melissa was caught. This is the third one since then. All of them follow the same sort of theme – if I testify, and have Melissa put away, then they'll come after me."
"You've been getting these for over a month? Why the Hell didn't you tell me?"
Maura looks back down at the ground. She does not answer.
Jane pulls an angry hand through her hair. "What did you do with the others?"
Maura takes a long, deep breath before answering.
"I threw them out."
"You threw them out?" Jane yells. "Are you crazy?"
"Janie – "
"Not now, Ma," Jane snaps. "Jesus, Maura. This is why you're afraid to testify, isn't it? Because of these threats? What the Hell were you going to do – not testify? It's not like there isn't a Hell of a lot of evidence to send her down anyway, we have her confession; recordings of the basement; her brother's testimony – "
"I didn't know that!"
Maura is on her feet, fire blazing her eyes and Jane has to take a step back.
"I didn't know, okay? I know nothing about this case except for what I have experienced. And I know what Melissa is capable of. So forgive me if I wanted to choose my life over death."
For once. Maura is not trembling.
"Okay. Okay I – I understand," Jane says, stunned. "But, uh. I need to call this in, Maura. Phillips will want to know about this. I'll contact Ito – you met him – and they'll probably send some of their team down. For tonight though uh, I'll call Korsak and Frankie. They can watch the place and I'll keep watch too – "
"You can stay here."
Maura says it firmly.
"In the guest room. You still have some of your things here. So, if it makes you – and Angela – feel better, you can stay."
Jane nods, stepping forwards to take Maura's hand.
"I'll stay."
TBC