Moving on or out?

Ana's POV:

I had almost forgotten how hard it is to wake up to an alarm. Regardless of the annoying ringing sound, I welcome it. Today is the first day of getting back to normal and it is about time I start moving on in my life. Okay true it's not how I wanted to progress, but with the economy the way it is, I don't have much of a choice. It's been ten weeks now since the date of my doomed wedding and two weeks since I saw Christian last at his apartment. Boy, I had never seen Christian in such a state; a horrible mixture of regret, self-loathing, alcohol and confusion. I pray one day he can accept that no matter what he has unconditional love from his parents. Grace contacted me last week and requested to meet me for lunch. I told her I would as soon as I got back from Montesano. I went to see my dad. One because I knew that some time away from Seattle would give me the motivation and head space to get what was left of my life in order. Second because it would provide some distance from Christian and avoid his invitation. At least, that is what I thought. Actually, I can't believe that I have woken up as well rested, from dealing with Ethan to my former lover's continuous actions and then, of course, Leila...

Two weeks ago

Monday:

"I better go or I am going to be late. Thank you, ladies, for breakfast, and Ana thank you for cooking dinner last night." Elliot smiles getting off his breakfast stool. He stayed at our apartment all day yesterday after waking up late from being at his parents' house comforting them over Christian confessions. I am sure that Elliot wanted to talk to me about myself and Christian, but refrained. The only time we spoke about Christian was in the context of his physical state the night before. He didn't even say anything when a dozen beautiful roses were delivered. No one needed to ask. Not Kate, Elliot or Ethan. It was obvious they were from Christian.

"Elliot wait! I will walk you out" Kate practically jumping off her chair. Thank goodness, it will give me a few minutes reprieve to eat my breakfast without a front row seat to their love fest. Okay.. It isn't precisely a love fest but I know what each look and subtle touch mean. I swear Christian and I were never this infuriating? No, we were probably worse.. at least in private... poor Taylor must have wanted to throw cold water over us countless of times.

"Have the two love birds flown away for the day?" Ethan asks entering the kitchen. I don't make eye contact. I need to distance myself from him and ensure I don't to send the wrong message.

"Elliot has, but Kate will be back in a few minutes."

"I have never seen my sister like this." I nod politely but focus on pretending to read the newspaper article. "But it's nice isn't it? I mean regardless of how much it makes everyone around you sick... love; It's pretty special." Ethan stops talking when we both hear the door slam. I have never been so grateful for such a loud noise.

"Damn, I didn't realise how late it was," Kate calls out reentering the apartment. She rushes into her bedroom and comes out with her hairbrush in one hand and her bag in the other. "I have my phone, laptop... umm.. coffee.. I will take one with me". I feel a little guilty giggling at Kate being so flustered but it reminds me that even she isn't perfect.

"Okay, I better go. I will see you both tonight... oh before I forget Elliot has tickets for some new club on Thursday night. Do you both want to join us?"

"No thanks" I reply and then hold my hand up to prevent her from trying to coerce me to change my mind.

"I have classes all day on Thursday and papers to complete. I can't." Ethan replies.

"Oh well... suit yourselves."

I say goodbye to Kate and then Ethan, who leaves soon after, for college, then grab my Ipad and open up the British literature application. It is the one and only item I allowed myself to keep from Christian. While I ought to have returned it, I am glad I didn't. It has allowed me to get lost in the pages of all my old favourite books anytime and anyplace I have wished. I had just got comfortable on the couch when the doorbell rings. I sigh when voice announces that it is delivery. I smile politely at the delivery boy. He came here yesterday with a dozen red roses. Today there are two dozen red roses. I bet this the start of a pattern. One dozen yesterday, two today, then three onwards. I wonder when Christian Grey will give up? I would throw them out but they are too beautiful.

"Thank you," I reply. Being rude to a stranger wouldn't help anything; however, I sigh with each step I take back to the apartment. Interestingly the card that goes with these flowers isn't in an envelope. A deliberate act to increase the chances of me reading what he has written.

Anastasia,

Call me, email me, come and see me. Please

Love you, Christian

Wednesday:

I was wrong on Monday. Christian wasn't adding another dozen roses to my daily deliveries. Yesterday four dozen arrive and today eight came. He was doubling the number of flowers each day. We had 180 roses in the apartment. They were everywhere. Damn this means that sixteen dozen roses could arrive.

Today the card is concealed inside the envelope. Thought the words 'open and read me' are written in Christians perfect handwriting.

Call me. Email me. See me. Anything.

I groan loudly, but I know that it must be the only way to stop our apartment becoming a flower garden.

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: The destruction of the Earth's flora

Christian,

Please cease to transfer every rose on the western coast of America to my apartment.

Sincerely,

Anastasia Steele

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Preservation over Annihilation

Dearest Anastasia,

Since we are aiming to preserve, then may this generous act be extended to our relationship. How about dinner?

I love you,

Christian Grey

Anxious and missing you terribly, CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings

To: Christian Grey

From: Anastasia Steele

Subject: Mother Nature Only

No to dinner. Just stop with the flowers.

Sincerely,

Anastasia Steele

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Subject: My Pledge

Dearest Anastasia,

I will stop with the flowers, but I am still fighting for you! I miss you.

Sincerely,

Christian Grey

Still fighting for you; Still madly in love and desperately missing you, CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings.

Thursday:

Christian kept his promise. He stopped sending me flowers. Instead, the next day a large box arrived. I wouldn't have opened it, except my curiosity got the best of me. The box was so light while so big. At least, I knew that Christian Grey wasn't inside. Upon opening the box, a stream of balloons popped out. Pale pinks and silver. Each helium it tries with ribbon with a little note attached. I open several expecting them to state the standard messages of, 'I am sorry'; 'I love you'; 'Call me'; let me give you more'; 'You are my more,' etc. Rather, they all had quotes from one of my favourite English authors, Thomas Hardy. All of the quotes related to forgiveness, love and moving forwards.

"Don't think of what's passed!" said she. "I am not going to think outside of now. Why should we! Who knows what tomorrow has in store? "

"Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."

I know Christian wrote these himself. It is in his notable script. I considered what to do with these balloons. They were large enough that the notes didn't weigh them down. I couldn't keep them in the main room. It would only cause Kate to finally question me about my feelings. Also, I didn't I want the balloons to make the apartment look like a hospital gift store. So I grabbed as many as I could and let them go out of the window until none was left. I notice Sawyer on the path. He is never far away. Sawyer was looking up at the balloons which are floating above and is talking on his cell phone. Probably to Taylor, but it's none of my concern.

# # # #

"You still reading Ana?" I look up, and frown. Ethan is home but it's only half past five. He wasn't supposed to be back till late tonight. Well, at least, that is what he said on Monday when Kate invited us out.

"Yes," I reply casually. Careful not to give him any sort of indication or false belief that I am interesting in him. I am more than aware of his feelings but I can't and won't reciprocate.

"One of my classes got cancelled and I remembered you said that you didn't want to go out with Kate tonight. So when I got some Chinese takeout for me, I got your favourite, Sesame Chicken. I though that you probably wouldn't have eaten and not made plans. Therefore, I thought we could eat together."

"Thank you, but I am not hungry," I respond. I hear Ethan groan.

"Sure you are and if you're not going to come to the table, then I will just have to come to you." I watched stunned as Ethan grabs the bag of food, a couple of glasses of wine and sits right next to me on the couch.

"Ethan.. we need to talk" Okay time to do this. Set him straight.

"We can talk while we eat." Ethan passes me the chicken and some chopsticks and commences to eat. I take a double take. He is bossy and so unlike his usual demeanour.

"Ethan I am not interested in you. I mean not beyond our friendship."

"Is that so?" Ethan's voice is cold, and there is something I just can't put my finger on.

"Yes"

"You kissed me. Remember?" I shake my head at myself. I did kiss him during my short-lived I 'I hate what you did to me Grey and now I will piss you off by acting reckless' period.

"That was wrong. I was acting stupidly and immature. I admit that. It's an error I won't repeat" I start to stand up, but Ethan grabs my hand forcing me to remain sitting.

"Sit and eat."

"What is wrong with you?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Yes, you do. You are acting like..." It finally hits me. Ethan is acting like Christian... at least like when I met Christian.

"Like what?" Ethan probes.

"Controlling." Something stops me from actually naming Christian even though it is evident.

"I figured it was your new preference." Okay, time to get down to the nitty-gritty. This is growing old quickly.

"Why did you withhold the photo until the day I was supposed to get married? What were you trying to achieve?"

"You know why Ana" I can't believe that this is Ethan in front of me, saying these words. Acting the way he is. Even without him saying the phrase I know why he didn't show me the photo.

"I hate that you did that to me."

"I wasn't the man with another girl. If we were together, I wouldn't even so much as look at another woman."

"But we aren't together nor will we be... Christian fucked up and made a mistake. A huge one, but a mistake!"

"Mistake? My God, are you really that naive? Seriously, this is why I didn't give you the photo earlier. Knowing you, you would have forgiven him in time to be married as scheduled. Ana, you are supposed to be intelligent. Which apparently you're not because if you were you wouldn't..." I walk towards Ethan, ensuring I don't show any emotion, and fueled over his words, I raise my hand and slap him. Ethan, however, looks unaffected. Before I can react, he places his hands on either side of my face and kisses me hard. I pull against him, horrified that he just acted in such a manner.

"Ana.. just come to your senses."

"I am."

"Good. Thank you. Then let's eat."

"No.. I have come to my senses. I am moving out. Away from you."

"No, Ana. Don't!" Ethan and I turn towards the door. Both of us recognizing the familiar voice. "Do not even think about moving out."

"Kate." She raises her eyebrows at Ethan and doesn't look at all impressed.

"Apparently big brother... and Ana I want you to stay. This is your home as much as it is mine." Kate declares in her familiar take-charge voice. If the circumstances were different, I would be excited. Kate has been too meek towards me for too long, starting from the day after my failed wedding.

"No, it should be me to move out. It was both your parents that bought this apartment." I refute. It's the right thing to do. Ethan is her brother after all.

"Correction, my parents bought this place for me. It was a graduation gift for me. My name is on the deed and only mine. I get to decide who lives with me, besides our parents probably love you, Ana, as much as they do us myself or Ethan." Kate smiles at me before looking at her brother sternly. "Ethan you need to move out. Grab some of your stuff. Elliot and I will drop you off at a hotel or at our parents or one of your friend's places. You can come back tomorrow and collect the rest of your things."

Ethan looks impassive as he turns and storms into his room. Or at least, what was his old room.

"Kate, please. I can go."

"No. I want you here! I heard what my brother did."

"Oh .. sorry."

"I am the one who should be sorry. He shouldn't have withheld the photo."

"Do you think that I would have forgiven Christian and married him if Ethan had acted differently?" I ask Kate, praying her sharp journalistic skills are able to appraise the end result.

"Honestly, I am not one hundred percent sure. The relationship you have or had with Christian was different to any I have ever seen.. ever." I nod, understanding what Kate means. "Though at the end of the day, I do believe that you and Christian would have married eventually. You are both so different while so perfect for each other!"

"It would have been easier if you told me that us being apart was the best thing for me" I reply, hoping that I sound humorous. I fail.

"Have you decided what you are going to do? Work wise and Christian-wise?"

"I need to go back to work, either SIP or another publishing house if possible. I can't hang around at home all day. When it comes to Christian, well it is never easy. I still need time."

"I guess then OUR apartment is to resemble the world floral expo then.." Kate jokes briefly before looking at me sympathetic. "Elliot and I saw Christian yesterday. He misses you. Christian has those pictures of you in his office and supposedly he stares at them continually."

"He should have them taken down then."

"He probably hasn't for the same reason that you haven't opened that envelope he had delivered last Sunday, and why you still have the photo of you both In your room." Before I can reply or Kate can comment further. Ethan walks out of his room with a rather full duffle bag.

"I will collect the rest of my things tomorrow," Ethan announces. He is emotionless and not looking at either of us as he storms out of the apartment.

"Ethan is your brother. I don't want to be the source of conflict between you and him."

"My brother shouldn't have played mind games. He is studying psychology for Christ sake. Besides, he is the one that needs to apologize." I shrug not at all convinced "Look I need to drive Ethan to where ever he wants. Why don't we come back and pick you up or meet us for dinner?"

"No Kate. Thank you.. for everything. But I want to just stay here."

"You sure?"

"Yes!"

"Okay, but I will cancel my weekend away with Elliot then."

"No, you can't" I reply too quickly. Kate glares at me as if I am out of my mind. I can't have her cancel! This is the weekend that Elliot proposes. "Look, Kate, I don't want you changing your plans or life any more than you already have for me."

"Alright Steele, but you owe me a big night out."

"Will do."

Friday

I was drinking my ritualistic morning tea when I realized that my now standard delivery from Christian hadn't arrived. I knew it wouldn't be flowers and I doubted that it would be a bunch of balloons. Christian would have been informed that I let yesterday's batch go. Maybe he has finally given up. No, Christian Grey never gives up unless he has lost interest or a better deal came along. A submissive maybe? My thoughts don't have long to wonder as the doorbell buzzes. I walk down the stairs and standing there is Sawyer. This is unusual. I know that Sawyer is never far away, but protocol dictates he remains discreet. He wouldn't be at the door unless … oh no has something happened to Christian or maybe one of the Grey family members?

"Morning Sawyer. Has something happened?"

"Good Morning Miss Steele. I have been asked to deliver this to you." I take a deep breath as relief overcomes me. I glance at the envelope and notice its is Christian's handwriting.

"What if I don't accept it?"

"It would make it things… difficult." I sigh interpreting Sawyer words and take it, knowing that if I refused it would just get him into trouble. Sawyer's job is probably a hundred times harder these days as it is. "Miss Steele, I am to ensure that you open the envelope."

"Are you serious?"

"I am afraid so."

"Did Christian tell you to come upstairs and check that I have opened it? Time how long I spend reading it?" Sawyer looks uncomfortable and fails to answer. "Seriously! Just because he is Christian Grey, master of his own universe, doesn't mean that he is the supreme ruler of ours. Fueled by anger, I call his cell phone.

Christian: Ana. Good morning. It is wonderful to hear your voice.

Ana: It was a good morning until I learned that you basically bullied Sawyer to ensure I opened a letter from you.

Christian: I do not bully. I just tell my staff what I want them to do. It is what I pay them to do. It is the essence of an employer and employee relationship.

Ana: Goodbye...

Christian: Stop Ana.. did you read my letter?

Ana: No.

Christian: Well, since I doubt you are going to open it and I have you on the phone then let me just tell you what's written on it.

Ana: I could hang up.

Christian: If you wanted to you would have already hung up.

Ana: Really?

Christian: Yes!

Infuriated by Christian I hold my phone away from my face and disconnect the call.

"Sorry Sawyer but I think your boss is going to be displeased."

"Thank you for the heads up."

"How has he been? You know.. Is Christian alright generally?"

"Mr. Grey is missing you. He has become difficult to work with. More than usual. The security staff has started to debate on who will lose their hair first, Taylor or Grey." I giggle slightly then compose myself. Poor Taylor. He would probably resign if he didn't respect Christian so much.

"Understood."

As I walk up the stairs to the apartment, I ignore the persistent ringing of my cell phone. It finally stops, but I notice there is a text message.

If you are not to continue talking to me or answer your phone, then read the letter. Please. Love you, Christian

I groan. I open the envelope, not because Christian requested it, but merely because I want to know what is written in it.

Dearest Anastasia,

Since you didn't wish to have any more flowers and the balloons I sent you ended up decorating the Seattle skyline, I thought maybe a letter would have been more to your liking. I know how much you liked the written word.

I have it on good authority that you ate dinner alone last night, and since my brother and Kate are going away for the weekend, I thought you might like some company. I know how much you dislike eating alone, and I would rather you weren't alone. It increases your risk. I propose dinner. How about I pick you up for dinner at six? We have much to talk about. Particularly in regards to the contents of the manila envelope. If you have opened it then, you will have many questions that I can answer.

If I don't hear from you, I will accept your silence as acceptance of my dinner invitation.

I love you and miss you terribly. Do you still love me?

Christian Grey

I consider emailing him, but the letter gives me an idea. If Christian doesn't like me being alone, then I will put his fears to rest. I pack several pieces of clothing and essentials while setting about the impossible task of avoiding Sawyer. He has been positioned at the front of the apartment but no matter which exit I take, he is close by. I am not reporting to him like I once was, so I didn't understand how he always knew when I was moving. When I grabbed my purse and phone, I realized how Sawyer was keeping tabs on me. Why did it take me so long to work out? They were tracking my cell phone. I unlocked my iPhone and there in plain sight was the application that would be able to trace all my movements in real time. I decided that there was only one option. I would leave my smartphone at home. I have spent quite a lot of time here so my not going out wouldn't raise suspicion. I did take my laptop with me. As much as I hated it, I would probably need to email Christian Grey and ensure he doesn't fire Sawyer or anything. Actually, no I will email Taylor, and only if needed. I go downstairs and when I am sure that Sawyer isn't looking I head through the back exit and then quickly walk down the street, ensuring that I don't look conspicuous. I get on the first bus that takes me past my apartment building and feels a sudden rush when we go past Sawyer. Did I actually manage to evade security? Well that was a first. I don't stop until I reach the Seattle times, and manage to get hold of Kate. At first, she was a little reluctant, but she allowed me to borrow her car. Her hesitation was directed at her concern for me over her car. I reassured Kate that I wasn't running and would be back soon.

I head south, until I hit the 1-5, and decide to just enjoy the drive. I wish now that I had been able to bring my phone with me. I could have but I need space from Christian and I have to admit that even the thought of him going to the apartment to pick me up for dinner and finding me gone and with no idea of where I was, didn't pain me. Maybe it is a little childish of me, but I hate that I still love him so much and that everyone thinks they know how I should run my life. I pull into my father's driveway. I smile when I see his truck at the front. While my dad is going to be happy to see me, he doesn't like to be surprised and I know he will worry about my impromptu visit.

It is strange being here now. I feel so at home and also a stranger. It's the same feeling that I get at Escala, although less so at Kate's apartment. The reality is I don't feel like I fit in anywhere. I smile as I watch my father work on a cabinet he is building. I watch as he carefully carves the wood and double checks for any flaws. This is his talent. I wait till he finally raises his head and see me. Just like when I was a child and came home from school or from being out, my father stops and greets me.

"Annie. You didn't say you were coming to down!"

"I thought I would visit for a couple of days. If that's okay?"

"Of course, it is. Give me several minutes to finish this and I will be inside for a cup of tea."

# # # #

At precisely three minutes past six, my email pings.

To: Anastasia Steele

From: Christian Grey

Subject: Not a game.

Anastasia,

I am aware that I once told you that I enjoyed playing the game 'where in the world is Carmen San Diego' in early elementary school though I do not wish to live out of a real life. You can imagine my fear when I arrived to take you to dinner to find you missing and Sawyer is unaware the you left the apartment today. It wasn't until Kate informed me that you borrowed her car, that my blood pressure dropped enough to prevent me having a heart attack. However, you failed to divulge exactly where you were going even to your best friend. Where are you? We were supposed to meet for dinner.

You left your cell phone. Do you know how dangerous it is to leave without a means to be contactable, traceable or alert the authorities in the event of an emergency?

I have Taylor, Sawyer, Ryan, Welch and Barney seeking you out! Anastasia, email or contact me. Tell me where you are and I can come and get you. Do not worry about Kate's car. I will have it returned to Seattle. Please, Ana. I am dying a thousand deaths here.

I love you.

Christian Grey

Worried and anxious, CEO of Grey Enterprise Holdings

Three minutes... efficient and very Christian Grey. He learned I was gone, spoke to Kate, found my cell phone and wrote me that email all in a matter of minutes.

From: Anastasia Steele

To: Christian Grey

Subject: I never played computer games

Christian,

I am a not a child nor am I in any danger. I just decided to go away for the weekend. You can call off your task force. It isn't needed or wanted.

Do enjoy your dinner. I know I will enjoy mine. I better go and eat it.. my dinner is ready cooked and I don't want to keep him waiting.

Ana.

Okay so it's pretty cruel to torture Christian by not being clear about whom I was having dinner with, but I can't help it. I still feel pain when I think about him with Leila. Not long ago I went to see Flynn and I asked him why Christian did it; why he felt, he was only looking after me by acting in such a manner. Flynn said, that since Christian didn't have time to think the situation through, he acted irrationally. Forcing Leila to be submissive was the only way Christian knew to keep me safe from her since she was so erratic. He had never accepted unconditional love until he met me and valued it so much that he had to do whatever he needed to protect me. Even if it was wrong. I have been thinking about this for a long time.

After cleaning up from having dinner with my father, I sought the peace from the comfort of the old wooden rocking chair on the porch. My dad had made it years ago and it was my favorite place to read as a child growing up. I don't know how many hours I have spent in this one spot. Just like so many other times, I allowed myself to become completely lost at the moment. I almost even didn't realize that a car had pulled up to the house. Almost that is. Its pretty damn hard to ignore an R8 Audi Spyder. I focus on my book, ignoring Christian as he got out of his car.

"Good Evening Anastasia"

"Christian… are you lost? You are a good distance away from Seattle."

"If I said I was, would you come with me and direct me home?"

"Clever."

"Ana.. can we talk?"

"The definition of talking is an act of engaging in speech.. we are both already doing so," I reply not looking up from my book. "We have already done so, just now."

"Actually, I prefer the word talk regarding an adjective, in terms to speak to give information or express ideas or feelings; converse or communicate by spoken words. " As a lover of words and their expression, I am once more impressed by Christian.

"Christian we have talked. I don't feel that there is anything else to say to each other."

"You are right. Then the only thing left is for us to accept what we have said to each other and progress." I cock my head to the side, shocked that Christian just stated that we are finally over. At least, that is what I thought he meant. "I still love you and you have told me that you still love me, right?"

"Yes. " I wanted to explain my point further but Christian interrupted me.

"No buts. Let's start again if you want to. I don't want you falling into my office again and taking the risk of you hurting yourself, but I cannot keep going without hope that you will be mine again."

"I am tired. Good night Christian."

# # # #

I sleep in late the next day. I think exhaustion finally took over. It may seem strange, but wake up to the calming sounds of my father's tools. I heard this sound almost every day growing up. I decide to take a cup of hot tea to my dad but almost drop it when I see he isn't alone. What the hell!

"Morning Annie." My father takes the cup and kisses my cheek.

"Good morning dad. I didn't know you would have company."

"Good Morning Anastasia." Christian looks so down to earth in a flannel shirt. I didn't even know he owned one. Christian moves towards me to kiss me, but I move my face away, avoiding him entirely.

"What are you two doing?" What I am actually asking is, why is Christian Grey with my father, apparently working on one of my dad's jobs. My former lover is moving around the workshop as if he grew up here. I will never understand how he manages to be so competent, always.

"Your father offered to let me stay here last night and I wanted to thank him for helping him out this morning. Ray, is this tool you wanted?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

I stand there immobile. My father doesn't know the real reason why I never married Christian and I never intend on telling him. I think Ray has assumed that I got cold feet or something. I watch as they both focus on their task. It is almost as if I am living in a different dimension.

"Dad, if you could excuse Christian and me for a minute, I would just like a word with him." Christian walks towards me, smiling and even places his hand on my back as we walk away. I reach back and remove his arm. When we are a decent distance from the workshop, I turn sharply to face Christian.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Helping your father and fighting for you!" Christian replies impassioned, placing both his hands on my arms.

"It won't help! The issue of you and Leila will still exist. The intimacy you experienced.."

"It wasn't like that. Not for me. It was about ensuring that Leila wouldn't hurt you. She wanted to kill you. I couldn't allow that to happen!" I shake my head in disbelief, but an idea pops into my head.

"Okay. But I need proof. I want to talk to Leila, alone". Christian narrows his eyes but then agrees.

"When do you want to go?"

"Now.. today."

A/N: In the next chapter I will finish explaining what happened in during these two weeks. (I have only discussed the first week) I am looking forward to the Leila and Ana encounter and Ana's reaction to the contents of the manila envelope. I also want to thank you for your kind words at the passing of a special little girl in my families lives. I know angels exist now as we have our own. Thank you for reading.