Thank you, luckyfourleafcloverlady and guest reviews from 10/11! Your reviews give me renewed confidence and put big smiles on my face! I hope Ch. 8 pleases you. This one was rather hard to write, not because of the actual process of typing the words, but because it sheds light on Hana's troubled and painful past, and a bit on Thorin's. Trust and vulnerability are at the forefront here. There is calm after the storm, however, so stay tuned. :)
"You can't change what happened. And nobody's asking you to forgive. But you can't associate all men with violence." - Tori Amos
They took their meal quietly, eating mostly in silence as the wind began to pound the walls around them. The stew was slightly burned, but they ate it anyway. Thorin was grateful for it, despite its taste. Hana finished hers first, and opened the box she had taken the yellow soap from earlier to wash his hair. She was going over what extracts she still had left. There was still athelas, rosemary, wild carrot, ground lichens, and the newly acquired flash flame ingredients from the vendor in Vik. She closed it and rejoined Thorin, and sat opposite him, the small fire crackling behind them. She reached over for her cup and drank some water from it. She reached for his cup, prompting him for more if he cared for it. He acknowledged her with a low side bow of his head and passed it to her.
"I won't bend your ear too long about it, Thorin, I know the trip was disappointing, but…I'm glad you returned safely." She handed him the water, and folded her hands in her lap as he placed his bowl on the floor, and took the cup. He looked down at the floor broodingly, and drank his water. Thorin took several loud gulps before placing it in front him, empty.
"I'm glad I did too. I told you I would. I just wish it had been a successful trip."
Hana did not want to push him too much further tonight. "Did any good come from it?"
Thorin slowly resumed eye contact with her. "Some did, I suppose." He flexed his hand forward at her as he spoke to stress his point. "I know who to count on in the future and who not to. I know who my friends are. I shan't forget those loyal to me." His brows were raised as he recollected what positive points he could. He exhaled with audible fatigue.
She nodded in silent agreement, and then he looked at her intently before speaking. "You are one of them," he said softly.
Hana held her hand out for his bowl to soak before washing. He shook his head. "I will do that, Hana," he said as she got up to soak them. "Please stay here. I have been without your company for weeks." He reached for her free hand as her other held the dishes.
Hana heeded his request and set the dishes down. She wiped her hands on the front of her tunic. "Tell me of your activities while I was away," Thorin spoke quietly, but the tone of his voice was slightly less glum. He scooted closer to her and held her hands in his.
Hana took a deep breath. "Mostly boring, mundane tasks. I hunted with spotty success, repaired the rope on the well out there, went to the tavern a couple times, and...I ventured into Vik. "
His tired eyes grew more alert. "Vik?" Thorin's heaving breaths echoed mild reproach and disapproval. "Whatever for?"
Hana's brows arched slightly. "Fire extender. Flash flame ingredients. I will likely need them for winter."
His stare was intense, a mix of concern and displeasure. "Could this trip to Vik have waited until I returned?" he asked.
Hana shook her head skeptically. "No, it could not have. I may not have the luxury of extra firewood this winter, Thorin. I am planning ahead. By all the signs I have observed, it will be a rough winter."
His glance lowered as he looked off to his right, fixated on her rolled up sleeve. He clasped both of her hands gently. "I will get you wood. And whatever else you need."
He moved closer to her, then sat alongside Hana, her knees tucked up to her chest, her back to the fire, he in a similar pose facing toward it. "I have to look after myself, remember?" she asked him.
He touched her chin gently. "And I respect that. But we have been looking after each other since we met. You know we have. Please let me help you, Hana." His hand moved to her right cheek as their gaze remained fixed. "There is no weakness in allowing someone to care for you." The statement resounded in the room like the sound of their breath. Hana's insides felt like they were burning. He summoned every shred of self-control he had to not pick up where they left off before their meal.
"Please stay tonight," Hana blurted out before she could stop herself. She shocked herself with her forward manner. "You can sleep there. I will sleep by the fire."
Thorin shook his head disagreeingly, and mustered up a slight laugh. "Never. I have spent much of the last two weeks sleeping on hard floor, or the bare ground outside. I will be just fine there, Hana." They both stood up, facing each other. Thorin touched her upper right arm gently. "Are you sure you want me to stay tonight? I can walk back to the smithy. I'll be fine. I'm armed." He motioned to his weapons beside the door in his knapsack.
"Yes," Hana said without hesitation. "It would give me peace of mind."
Thorin interlocked his hands with Hana's and contemplated her, his lips hinting at a smile. "As you command me," he answered. They kissed quickly, chastely. Hana handed him some bedding, and he laid it out on the floor before the hearth. He removed his boots and heavy belt and she washed her face with a damp cloth. Both averted their eyes, though tempted to do otherwise when they could hear each other preparing for bed. Hana almost got in to bed, but abruptly walked across the room in her loose nightdress. Thorin made no attempt to look the other direction as she passed, and watched her check the bolt on the door. She gave it a forceful push to ensure it was secure, her form noticeable under the fabric.
"Just checking it," said Hana quietly.
"Aye," he answered, enjoying the view. "A pleasant sleep, Hana. Many thanks."
She smiled back at him ponderingly. "Of course. I wish you the same." Hana got into bed; they both glimpsed each other once more before she blew out her stubby bedside candle, almost a pool of knobby wax. The fire was left, lapping and cracking listlessly. Hana heard Thorin shift a few times, but the sounds of the night were soon joined by deep, heaving breaths from the floor as he fell asleep. Hana turned over on her side, her back to him, happy he was back with her. She drifted into a state of contended languor as she fell asleep shortly after.
Hana woke before Thorin did, to the warm, insistent sunlight streaming into her hut. She quickly rose and made her bed, then sponge cleaned herself behind a blanket she pinned up for privacy. Thorin showed no sign of stirring immediately as she then dressed herself, pat dried her hair. She plaited and coiled it loosely at the base of her neck, a few stubborn strands fell around her cheekbones. Hana took care as she tread lightly across the floor, then stole outside, closing the door behind her. As it closed, she heard him shift in his sleep as the draft of cold air crept into the small room.
Hana relieved herself in the trees behind the well, then washed her hands in a small basin she kept beside it. She refilled it with clean water, and heard her door open as the rope creaked and scraped with each tug. She could see the bucket emerging from the darkness at the well's bottom. She did not know how long he had been watching her, but knew he was there.
"Can I help you?" he asked as he watched her pull the bucket into view, water spilling over the sides. She was flushed from the cold and the exertion, but he could not take his eyes off of her.
Hana gave a final tug with a grunt and detached the bucket carefully, then lowered it the floor, gasping. "No," she answered. "I've got some bread for breakfast, and some raw vegetables if you care for any."
The right side of Thorin's mouth curled into a smile. "I do, if you will join me." He leaned against the doorframe with his arms folded. He had clearly washed his face, and his long hair was gathered into a loose ponytail again.
"I will. I'm headed inside right now. We can use some of this for tea," she said, lifting the bucket as the water sloshed over the sides.
A large barred owl watched them suspiciously from the branches nearby. It made no sound at all but the rustling of the limbs as it shifted.
Thorin saw it and narrowed his eyes in assessment. "He's a sinister one," he said, nodding his head at it.
Hana turned around and looked. "He's always there. Keeps the mice away, so he's a help to me." She chuckled. The owl twitched its head and blinked its obstinate, slanted eyes at them both, as the feathers on its neck pricked stiffly upwards and on end with agitation. It did not seem at all bothered by their presence. She tipped a bit of the water out into the earth, then carried the bucket inside to boil. Thorin followed her, closing and bolting the door behind them.
Hana set out two portions of a hard, tough rye bread and raw rinsed vegetables for them both, a large carrot broken in two, and a radish each. She handed Thorin his in a small cloth, then sat beside him as they ate it. Neither of them spoke for a few minutes as they ate voraciously.
"I will be going back to Eldfell later," Thorin announced between eager mouthfuls. He chased the bread with the tea she brewed. "And I would very much like it if you came as well. I know you have work of your own to do, but perhaps after…"
Hana smiled timidly as she waited for him to continue. She waited a respectful few minutes before answering him. "I will. But I must hunt first. Maybe I can bag a couple more birds before the heavy snows fall. It is that or I will be eating a lot of crows and puny rabbits this winter." She took a long gulp of her tea.
Thorin eyed her with wonder and a hint of a smile. "May I join you and we venture to Eldfell afterwards?" he asked Hana hopefully.
She set her cup down. "That would be fine," Hana replied, nodding.
Her happiness warmed her inside. It would be more than fine, she thought.
Hana and Thorin set out in the direction of Eldfell, through the cold, tenebrous woods. She was armed with her blades and bow, but only four arrows in her quiver. They did not talk much to each other while stalking through the brush, but did motion. The wind was weak but noisy enough to muffle the sounds of any large game passing through. They were out about an hour, stealthily creeping through the woods no more ten yards apart when Hana gestured to him. She spotted something, and it was a target of substantial size by the way he saw her focusing on it. Thorin quickly strode toward where she positioned herself. Hana raised her bow and aimed the arrow, at what Thorin could not immediately see. She fired it, then closed her eyes and looked downward for an instant, disgusted with herself. He watched her walk toward the target, which was a deer. Hana had shot it below the neck, in the ribs, but the animal was lying on the ground, struggling. Thorin watched as Hana drew a knife from her belt, stepped behind it and swiftly slit the dying animal's throat, as she ended its suffering. His heavy steps grew louder as he walked up to where Hana knelt. The ground was soon soaked with warm blood, streaming from the deer's open wounds.
Hana cursed herself. "Damn me," she muttered, shaking her head as she looked at the creature.
"What is the matter? You got a deer. That will be a quite a few meals." His tone was optimistic. She retrieved her arrow, he helped her bag the animal, then Hana wiped her hands.
"It was in pain, Thorin. I try to aim so a target dies instantly. Quicker death means less work for me, and less suffering for the animal."
He shrugged and eyed her empathetically. "You did well. You cannot always be so hard on yourself."
She stood up and slung the bag across her shoulder. "I cannot shoot an arrow like I used to. That is the real problem. I have grown rusty. I suppose I don't need to hunt any more today, with this. I may stop along the way if I see any plants I need. Are you ready to head back?" She asked him. Her breath blew a white cloud through the biting cold.
Thorin nodded. He could tell she was irate. He watched her, hood drawn up and the sack across her shoulders. "Let's move on, then," he said.
The smithy was dark and quiet when they entered. A note on some battered parchment lay on the main table in the smithy, and Thorin lit a candle before reading it. He held the candle to it as he laid it flat on the table, reading with furrowed brows.
Hana laid the bagged deer down on the floor and then watched him read. It was written in Khuzdul, in a hurried hand. "Is everything alright?" she asked, concerned.
Thorin folded it and placed the note under a small cup on the table. "Yes, everything is fine," he answered. "My nephews, Balin and Dwalin are returning to Selfoss in a week, to try and renegotiate with the other Dwarves. I think it will be a fruitless venture, however." He noticed her standing with her hands erect, as they were still dirty.
"Where's your well?" Hana asked tersely. "I need to wash these and then get a few bucketfuls to dress the carcass."
Thorin shook his head in agreement as he folded the note up and tucked it under the candle. "Forgive me – it is out here," he said anxiously as he walked ahead of Hana into the late afternoon light. The sun was already beginning to lower. He led Hana to his well, abutting some woods, about fifty yards from the back of the smithy. He watched her as she rolled up her sleeves, and then he helped her hoist the carcass onto a low-lying tree limb to drain it.
"Sorry if I seemed curt just now," she said breathlessly, already tired for hauling the animal back into town. "But the sooner I can get it dressed and dried, the longer the meat can be preserved." The flesh made an unpleasant ripping sound as she pierced it at the neck, then cut carefully through down to between the hind legs. Slowly the remaining blood oozed out, and she peeled back the layer of fur and the skin, starting with the epidermis. Thorin watched her as she worked.
"Where did you learn to do this?" he inquired, intrigued, as she gingerly pulled the skin off the carcass.
Hana stopped a moment as assessed her work. Her hands were covered in blood, and she had smear of it across her left cheekbone. She was breathing heavier than usual, as she was fatigued from carrying the carcass and her hands barely stopped moving since she began to dress it.
"I was fairly young, probably about fifteen," she replied. "Went with learning how to use a bow and arrow. Luckily for me, I can still do one of those with some success," she grumbled sourly as she began to remove the deer's entrails and placed them in a pail underneath where the carcass hung.
Thorin noticed her thick, dark hair had begun to unravel from the bun she was wearing. Her plain brown tunic was remarkably clean considering her day's activities, her trousers were a bit dirtier, the ends tucked into her boots. He marveled at how unassumingly beautiful she was, even with bloodied hands and untidy hair. Her long eyelashes curled upward, her green, intensely focused eyes alight as she turned to look at him with her answer.
She dropped the intestines in the pail, splattering blood, and rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. She caught her breath a moment.
"Wait, Hana," Thorin said softly as he stepped forward. He took a cloth from his belt and dipped it in one of her smaller vessels of clean water, a ceramic pitcher. With it well moistened, Thorin stepped forward and gently wiped the smears of blood off her face, the freshest one on her forehead. He held her face still at the chin with his free hand.
"Thank you," Hana said sheepishly as he stepped back. She felt her face grow hot as he ogled her.
"Of course. I am going in to boil some more water and get supper started. Will you be long?"
Hana shook her head, panting, looking at what remained of the hanging deer. Then she mustered up words.
"Not too much longer. An hour at the most."
"Call me if you need help," he reminded her. "I'll come out."
Hana shook her head in agreement, and glanced at him as he touched her shoulder. She placed her hand on his briefly. Then Thorin retreated back into the smithy.
Hana was out exactly another hour. She cleaned up after herself and ventured inside to join Thorin. After their meal, which included boiled roots and some of the venison Hana had shot, Thorin got out his pipe and lit it as they sat outside the door of the smithy together, reveling in the quiet and the sounds of the coming night. She was smoking hers, watching the sky, mesmerized. The stars were out in full force again that night. A light wind blew towards them, cold. She turned and glimpsed fondly as it gently blew Thorin's bound hair. Her eyes traced the streaks of silver that highlighted it from his hairline to the ends.
"I ought to be heading back, Thorin. I will leave half of the deer with you. I'll take the other with me."
He snorted. "Never. You shot it. You bagged, dressed, and gutted it. I slung some of it over the fire and cooked it and that is all." He held his pipe upright in his right hand after a savoured drag. He looked to his right, where she sat beside him on the front step. "I will not take the spoils of your hard work."
Hana smirked to herself as she inhaled the glorious smoke. "Well then I guess it will rot," she declared simply. "It would be a shame, you know, to waste that."
He returned the half smile. She knew he was, even though she looked ahead of them both, fixed on the stars. "Woman, your stubbornness abounds," he said throatily, eyes looking forward.
Hana's smirk turned victorious. "Takes one to know one," she replied.
They faced each other; Thorin's smile growing as broad as Hana's. She appreciated it, as those smiles were few and far between.
"I should go, Thorin. If I don't soon, I will likely fall asleep here," She said wearily, stretching her neck and back. Her neck cracked as she flexed from side to side.
He did not break his glance at her. "You will hear no objections from me if that happened," he declared. "Quite the contrary."
Hana admitted to herself she did not feel like traipsing back through the woods to her hut at this hour. But she also was not sure what the night would bring. Temptation was at work with other feelings brewing in them both. Feelings neither of them had the courage to admit that night, but were plainly worn on both their faces.
"You asked me to stay with you last night, when I returned from my travels. Why?" He set his pipe next to him.
Hana looked down at her feet as her scalp became prickly. "Because I had not seen you for a long time. And I wanted to ensure you were safe."
That was partly true.
He leaned in close enough to her she could feel his breath on her face.
He nodded as he spoke. "I ask the same of you tonight, for the same reason. Please stay," he rasped, as his massive hand touched her right cheek gently. He held it there for a few seconds, then his fingers lightly traced her jawline.
Hana's heart hammered her insides. "All right," she answered quietly.
After the cold and nightfall sent them back inside, Hana noticed the fire had weakened. She asked Thorin if she could try the extender there, and he agreed. He watched as she crouched down before the hearth, the orange glow illuminating her face, and mixed pinch size amounts of the salts and hazel together. She tossed it into the waning flame, as one would birdseed to a flock. After a few seconds, the flames showed signs of life with an audible whir. Hana's pleased side smile showed again as they both saw the fire steadily grow. It looked like her trip to Vik would not be a waste after all.
"Is that the extender you just used?" Thorin queried as he stood behind her, fascinated.
Hana nodded. "And if I can make it last, it will help me during winter. The vendor who sold me that was rather forward. Forward and a peculiar sort," Hana said. Thorin frowned slightly as he took a seat beside her. "How do you mean?" he asked. Hana's lips turned upward as she smiled to herself. "He had some rather dark specimens. Seemed a bit annoyed by me at first. And he asked me if I was married." She spoke casually. Thorin froze his eyes on her. He quickly grew more alert. "Apparently in an effort to marry off his son. I think it was because he saw me eyeing a preserved spider carcass. He seemed eager to unload both the spider and the son," she said, as she laughed it off. Thorin looked at her anxiously. "What did you tell him, if I may ask?" he inquired of her.
Hana stared off ahead, watching the wall, expressionless. She sighed. "I said I was not, of course. I probably never will be. He didn't pursue the point much further. It was a trivial conversation," she muttered to herself in monotone, with a hint of regret. She urgently wanted to change the subject, upset she had mentioned the conversation. Thorin looked down at his lap in thought, then at her to his right. "Why do you say that?" he asked. "I'm rather surprised you are not, to be honest." Hana's eyes grew alert at his question, she shot him a sharp look. She would not speak for several moments and focused on the space in front of them. Thorin was sure he offended her. "Forgive me, Hana. Please."
She gulped nervously and began to bite her lower lip.
"Why do you want to know?" She demanded as she turned his direction. "Why aren't you, Thorin? What does it matter?" She was irate and uncomfortable, but tried to remain composed.
Thorin didn't answer. He just set his cup down on the floor between them and focused his attention even more intently on Hana. She squirmed where she sat and her cheeks grew hot, she was clearly on the defensive. She sat cross-legged, absentmindedly fidgeting with the hem of her trouser leg.
"It doesn't, I suppose. It is…none of my business. I was just curious, someone like you would hard to ignore." Thorin offered meekly.
Hana's cheeks were turning the color of ripe beet innards. She tried her best to speak with convincing confidence. "I…"
"Go on," he said calmly.
"The main reason I left home was because of an Elf. An Elf man. I knew him since I was a child; I grew up knowing him as an older brother sort of figure. We were close." Hana shifted uncomfortably where she sat.
Thorin held his own pipe in his hand, and spoke out of the side of his mouth as he inhaled. "What happened?"
Hana watched the fire in a stupor, her mind a windstorm of thoughts. She became preoccupied with the variegated remains of the logs burning. She waited a moment before answering.
"I always saw him as a kind figure. He was my friend. I never had any reason to fear him, or fear being alone with him. I thought I didn't, anyway. I suppose I was too naïve, too trusting. When we went out hunting together, or were alone in the woods, I felt completely safe. Until one day…he…crossed that line and revealed his true character." She pulled a thread on the trouser leg hem, and fiddled with it agitatedly.
Thorin's pipe was out of his mouth and he held it like a peculiarly shaped baton.
"He what?"
Hana held back, then took a deep breath and exhaled erratically, as if she were pulling splinters of glass from her hands. Her eyes were frozen ahead of her. "One day, when I was twenty five, we were out walking together, along some of the rocky terrain quite a ways from the mainland. Close to a stream, I can still hear the sound of running water flooding my ears. I wanted to point something out to him and he was a few steps behind me. I think it was a hawk. I called out to get his attention, he did not answer. Instead, he followed me wordlessly. When I turned to face him, he took a few steps towards me and slammed me hard against the cold rock, presumably to subdue me, and…(Hana sighed, looked down at her lap) and…before I could process what was happening, his mouth was all over me. He began touching me, everywhere. I kept trying to push him away and told him to stop, his mouth and hands hurt intensely. I did not want it. This is someone I had seen and treated as an older brother." She stopped and looked at the popping embers, very still. She wrung her hands again, agitatedly in her lap.
Thorin dropped his own pipe on the floor and the thud of impact sounded offensively loud, more than it should have. "Did he stop?" He asked softly.
Hana abruptly turned her face opposite his. He immediately felt he had overstepped. "Forgive me, Hana, it's not my busin-"
Hana shook her head. Her tone became sharp. "You wanted to know why I wasn't married, Thorin, so, I am telling you. No, he did not. When I tried pushing him away, he told me he had been waiting years to do it. He reached under my clothes, under my tunic. It made me feel sick, his hands on my skin. He had ripped open my trousers but stopped when I saw my chance to save myself and bit his lower lip as hard as I could. It drew blood and I pulled a knife on him. I thought that would make him stop, it only encouraged him. He tried to wrench the knife from my hand and I kicked him hard, in the groin. I slashed him in the arm, right here (she outlined where forearm and upper arm met on her right arm). He told me to watch my back because…he always took what he wanted. I ran as fast as I could back towards the mainland, and could not sleep for days afterward. I didn't know what he would say about me to my father or anyone else, no one would believe he was capable of such action. I didn't believe him capable."
Thorin was bristling, and stood up, facing the fire. He sighed loudly, weighed down with emotion. "Did he leave you alone after that?"
Hana looked up at him and shook her head. "I slept with my doors locked, and made a point of not being alone, except when bathing or using the toilet. The others saw it as annoying; they had no idea why I suddenly behaved this way. I had sort of made myself a bit of a loner since reaching adulthood, joined only by my few friends. One night he cornered me, said he was returning the favor. I have no idea how he got in my chamber, unless he somehow got past my father's servants. He was there to rape me. He told me so, said he would be the first to take me, even if I did not come willingly. Said he preferred it that way. I tried screaming and elbowed him in the stomach. He whispered in my ear he enjoyed a struggle, then silenced me and said if I told anyone he would take what he wanted and leave my body for the beasts outside Rivendell's borders. No one would notice the mortal bitch was gone, anyway. He started by taking my hand and proceeded to break every finger (she held up her right hand). Bent each one, all the way back, I heard every digit crack like a branch. It was excruciating. The thumb was the worst. As far as injuries go, broken fingers are minor, fairly quick to heal, unless - it happens to be your stronger hand. He was about to break the left, and dropped his trousers as he took my left hand. I heard them fall to the floor, he had ripped the back of my gown open. The only thing that stopped him was the sound of people coming to speak with my father. They were right outside my door, approaching it. He stopped abruptly, only after slamming my head into the wall, leaving a large wound on the side. His vile breath blew in my year, he said next time, it would hurt worse. I felt dizzy and could feel blood running down my scalp. He then stepped outside my room and if anyone saw him about in our residence, no one would have thought twice. He spent a lot of time there. But…I knew he was not finished."
"And you're right handed." He spoke through clenched teeth. She nodded. "Recovery was slow. I was slowed down in everything, which was what he sought. He knew I would not be able to defend myself with one functioning hand. My father, acquaintances, they asked me what had happened. I lied and said I had hurt myself through clumsiness. I experimented with and learned a lot about medicine, though, which I suppose is a positive….and became somewhat ambidextrous." Hana sniggered bitterly. "An Elf maid I knew as a girl told me a mere week later she and my attacker planned to marry soon. She was oblivious to what he really was, and I feared for what would happen to her if she ever told him no. She went through with it anyway. I knew no one would believe me. Shortly after, my father left for the Greenwood for several months, and he was my one true ally. The one person who might have believed me. I did not want to tell anyone else, I was so humiliated. I was miserable, petrified. So I fled. I did not tell my father anything, and when he left for the Greenwood, he had no idea I'd be gone when he returned."
Hana wiped tears from her cheek with the heel of her right hand, ashamed. She felt pressure and pain under her ribs as she stopped herself from crying aloud.
"It looks like you can still use the hand, to an extent?" Thorin said tentatively.
"I can use it fine now, but third and fourth fingers did not heal properly. Hana held up both hands side by side to demonstrate. Her right fingers were clearly more crooked than the left. The two middle fingers bowed toward each other slightly at the tips, knuckles prominent. It was more apparent on closer viewing. They looked like the beginnings of arthritis.
Thorin, still standing, took a step towards Hana and cautiously touched his hand to the back of her head, his fingers in her hair. He could still feel her cringe slightly at his touch, slowly she relaxed a bit. Hana stared down at the floor.
"What is his name?" Thorin asked noiselessly.
Hana did not glance up. She waited a few moments before answering him. Hana mouthed silent words before the name left her lips. "Daervrethil," she said.
"I have not told this to anyone since it happened. I have not uttered his name in five years." She leaned forward over her lap, her head aimed downward as she allowed herself a moment of recuperation. Suddenly Hana felt as though she would be violently sick all over the floor.
"Where is he now?" He did not try to mask the concern in his tone, or the anger. She knew by now the slight deflection of tone in his voice that signaled when he was cross. Thorin, still behind her, seemed to loom over her, but she felt no fear.
Hana sat up, scoffed and shook her head. "Probably still at home, making everyone around him believe the lie that he is." The look in her eyes echoed her morose tone. 'So you see why, why it is hard for me to trust, especially men," she said dolefully. "There have been none since. But, I'm getting better at trusting." Hana wiped her eyes again and sighed loudly. "And you see why I carry those (she motioned to her knives beside her boots) and my hand claws wherever I go. Uuhhhh….(she groaned and shook her head in disbelief)..that was harder than I thought it would be." Hana wiped tears from her cheeks with both hands, mortified.
Thorin strode over to her cup and filled it with ale. "Just a little, please," she said, her thumb and pointer finger almost pinched to show how much. He poured it only a fourth full and handed it to her. "Thank you," she murmured. "This helps a bit. As does that," she declared, pointing to her pipe. She finished the ale in a few sips. It was not her first choice of beverage, but it helped after the heavy story she had just shared. She lit up her pipe again shortly after. Thorin sat to the left of her again and surveyed the vulnerable, rattled woman beside him, his mind racing with her revelation and conflicting emotions. Several loaded minutes passed, as Hana composed herself and rubbed more tears away with her sleeve. They listened to the flames hum and crack against the reflective quiet of night. There were several minutes of silence as Hana settled down.
"Are you feeling a little better?" he asked timidly. Hana finished the ale off with a sip and put the cup and pipe down in front of her. "Yes, thank you. I guess that's enough gloom for one night, eh?" She scoffed and breathed in a lazy drag of weed.
"I'm sure someone of your status has more interesting a romantic past," Hana said as she simpered at him. "I'll bet you had more than a few admirers." Her fingers pinched the end of the pipe. "Most of them women, I'm sure."
Thorin turned to her, his facial expression growing stiff and broody. "What do you mean by that?" he asked, rather affronted.
"Well, you're a king, Thorin. You can't absorb into the scenery, into obscurity, like a commoner could. Like I could." She gave him a shrug and a raise of her brows finishing the sentence. It was true, and he knew it.
He blinked slowly at her, and Hana saw him blush. Usually, it was she who was blushing. Thorin had situated himself next to her, cross-legged as she was, facing the hearth. He gaped downward, breath heavy. "I'm not innocent…..if that is what you mean, Hana," he admitted. "Far from. There have been two before the dragon attack. One was a fellow Dwarf, her name was Breda. She had flame colored hair and wove the most impressive tapestries and banners I had ever laid eyes on. She was a distant cousin of mine. Our families decided we would marry, and we entered the state of azlâf…"
""Azlâf?" Hana repeated, puzzled.
"It means betrothal," Thorin continued. "But she wanted to pursue her craft, and was in love with another. (He motioned expressively with his right hand). Breda was despondent. She was my first, I her first man. It was…awkward. Neither of us wanted to forge ahead with the union, and we broke it off, parting as friends. Breda and her female companion went to live in the mountains, and I never saw her again."
Hana was watching him so intently she was not blinking. "So she could still be alive?"
He nodded. "I hope she is," he said emphatically. "I pray she is happy. She was fortunate, to leave when she did."
He surveyed the ends of his boots, preoccupied. Hana passed him a cloth as she noticed his forehead was sweating. He took it and wiped his brow, and nodded at her in thanks.
"The second was Rosamund, the daughter of a Dale based merchant. I met her when I accompanied my kin on a trade meet with her father. She was tall, blonde, and bold. A hot-blooded beauty. I lost my head with her, ours was a torrid affair. Our families, if they knew, looked the other way because they had a mutual alliance. I was not her first. I should have been wiser about her, but was not." Thorin groaned a little and shook his head, barely. He paused a moment.
"I learned a year into our affair she was becoming unfaithful; partly because I told her I would not marry her. Rosamund had an appeal that many a man could not ignore, but she knew it and used it to her advantage. I mourned the end of that affair, and her demise. She and her family almost certainly perished when Smaug came and laid waste to Dale."
"Why wouldn't you marry her?" Hana asked bluntly.
Thorin studied her verdant eyes, which had grown more attentive. "I did not want to. She would not have made a good wife, Hana. She made it clear she did not know if she could stay with me and only me for life."
Hana was trying not to show her discomfort. "I am only being honest with you. Does it bother you greatly to hear?" he asked.
She relaxed. Hana leaned her head back and contemplated his question, then sat upright again. "It does not bother me….greatly. I appreciate your honesty. They were part of your past, Thorin. Before you met me… before I was even born. What's in the past is done." She looked away from him at the wall, then slowly faced him again. "Did you love them?"
He delayed before answering. "At the time, yes. Not anymore. Breda, more as a close friend I'd do anything for. Rosamund was a grand passion. Now they are but memories to me. As you said….in the past."
"Yes, indeed," Hana agreed, undisturbed.
"I have seen a few women since the exodus who have caught my eye and I have might have looked. I'm not dead yet. But I thought that part of my life was over. I accepted it, until about four months ago."
Hana felt her scalp constrict again. She fidgeted where she sat.
"You struck me like a force of nature." His gruff voice froze her on the spot. Hana swallowed nervously.
"In a good way, I hope?" Hana ventured. She noticed the specks of light reflecting off his eyes.
"Most definitely, in a good way. You put me in my place, you listen without judgment. And you saved my life."
Hana smiled, pleased and touched by his words. Thorin watched her smile, inches from him, and smiled also with contentment. "Thank you, Hana," he continued.
"For all that? You are welcome, Thorin." She genuinely meant it.
"Not only for that. For the smile. I…it warms my heart to see you smile like that, like nothing else can."
He gently touched his left hand to her cheek and pushed his fingers back, into her loosely bound hair. They both leaned forward and embraced tightly, as Hana turned her face into his neck and inhaled him. Thorin rubbed his big palms across her back and held her a few minutes. Neither of them made any attempt to let go. When they did, he gently touched her chin, rubbing his pointer finger against the side as his thumb tucked underneath. They kissed painfully slowly, grazing their hot lips together as their tongues gradually overlapped. Hana's hands pressed onto his chest. They languished in their slow longing this time, savoring their kiss to the greatest.
"And for these," he rasped, planting short, repetitive kisses on her mouth between his words, murmuring with delight. "I'll be needing more (kiss) of these (kiss) as it gets colder." He finished with a longer one.
Hana grinned at him, inches from his face as she rubbed her chin on his bristly beard. "I think that can be arranged."
Thorin abruptly opened his eyes at her . He took her slender right hand off his chest in his, as he carefully spread her cracked, dry fingers into a fan, tracing over the small, bent joints. He glanced down at them with sorrow, as he was reminded of how they were damaged. He lightly rubbed her rough knuckles with his fingertips, then her stubby, short nails.
Thorin let out an elongated, grim sigh. Then he pressed both his palms to her cheeks tenderly. "You know I would never harm you." His dark irises burned right through her like the remnant tinder in the hearth.
Hana opened hers lazily and stared back at him.
He looked blankly at her, in both eyes, awaiting an answer. "I would sooner die," he declared emphatically, as the whites of his eyes grew prominent.
She nodded, as he relaxed his hands and they slipped down to her shoulders.
"I know you wouldn't," Hana answered plainly. "That is why I am here with you right now, Thorin."