A/N: In response to a review, yes Wes and Steph are dating :)
'We need to talk.'
Wow, those words sounded oddly serious coming from Blaine's, bitten raw lips. Blaine's gaze was fixed upon Kurt, who was staring straight back at him, a small smile playing on his lips.
Ok, so a slight hesitation from both men there. Breathing faulted and limbs trembled in anticipation.
Both were eerily silent before Kurt let out a small squeal and launched himself onto the older man. Wrapping his arms around Blaine's neck and his legs around the man's waist.
Blaine let out a low grunt as the wind was smacked out of him and stumbled back a little, almost dropping his gifts as Kurt nuzzled closer into his chest.
Kurt pulled away slightly as Blaine choked out a breath, but still hung awkwardly to the shorter man.
'Oh, My God! Blaine I am so sorry and I know you probably hate me and want me to never speak to you again but I just want to say I'm sorry and please don't hate me and if you do then...I don't even know I...Please like me again?' He rushed, barely stopping to take a breath as the words poured from his mouth.
Blaine stared at Kurt. (who's lips were inches from his own... seriously so unbelievably close if he just leant in a little further then-)
Kurt slid down and out of Blaine's embrace. The momentary joy in his expression quickly being replaced by one of angst and nerves.
'Blaine?'
'Ku- Mr. Hummel. I- I don't even know what to say!'
Kurt sighed. 'I knew it. You hate me. I'm such an-'
'No. I could never hate you I- I just... I messed up so bad and I really don't want you to hate me.' Blaine said, in barely more than a whisper.
Kurt scowled a little as Blaine edged closer towards the doorway.
'Can I err...' Blaine said, this time a little louder, gesturing to the room behind Kurt with his hand containing the flowers.
'Oh, yes, of course, I'm so sorry. Come in.'
Kurt stepped aside, and guided Blaine through the door by his shoulders. Blaine slowly laid his bags down on the coffee table and spun to face Kurt who had shut the door behind them and followed Blaine over towards the living area.
'Umm...These are for you!' Blaine said, holding the flowers out at arm's length as Kurt's cheeks flushed a deep crimson.
Kurt accepted the stems and held them to his nose, taking in a deep breath through his nose. 'They're beautiful' he murmured, a grin gracing his face.
Kurt meandered over to the bathroom, which was a little down the hall from the lounge, and fetched a pitcher of water, into which he gently placed the flowers.
As he returned, pitcher in hand, he could swear he heard squeaking coming from the table by the couch on the far side of the room.
'So...you said we needed to talk.' Kurt said as he swooped down to place the flowers on the coffee table.
'Oh. Yeah. I guess we do.' Blaine said, as Kurt dropped into the seat next to him.
So...where to begin was the next big question.
xXx
'Hush, you absolute tard. They'll hear us.' Mel hissed as Steph snorted, obnoxiously loudly.
'Ha, Course they won't. Kurt's too busy with his flowers. My input there I must say.' Steph smirked as she clutched her cell to her ear.
'Can you hear anyt-'
'SSssshh.' Steph said hurriedly as she waved her arms frantically through the air. 'Ooh, shit is about to go down.'
'What's going on?' Mel asked, trying to shove Steph out the way and get within earshot of the conversation spilling through the phone.
'Shut it.' Steph barked as she shoved Mel away. 'I want to hear.'
The pair were seated next to a small wooden table in a far corner of the Three Wishes. It was late by now. The sun was setting, casting an ethereal glow across the sky. Which of course meant nothing to the two huddled together in the coffee shop.
Now, Mel had decided that as her boys were in the same room. Some disagreements could occur. And of course, what with them being locked in, it may be harder to sort out from long distance. So she had stealthy left the land line off the hook, and rung it from her mobile, so she could listen in. (All professional of course. No way was she spying, no way. Definitely not for gossip mongering)
So far, all they had overheard was the boys greeting each other. A distinct 'Oomph', which sounded like Blaine being punched or hugged, of which either was possible, (although for some morbid reason Steph hoped it was the first) and the muffled conversation as the pair moved around the room. A faint splash of water on metal cursed the line, and blocked the sound of the voices momentarily.
Now the two were fighting over the phone. Both wanting in on the juicy conversation their boys were having. And of course, hoping that they would become friends again, because for the short time they were apart, both were soppy, moping men, who would piss off the Dalai Lama they were so depressing.
'MELLISSA HAWKS. YOU GIVE THAT PHONE BACK THIS INSTANT.' Steph screamed, lunging at Mel and snatching the cell from her grasp.
'Sssssshhh.' Mel hissed, though far too late as she was sure anyone on the other end of the line would have heard the squeal straight through it.
xXx
The two men sat in silence, both staring at the opposite walls. Waiting for the right words to fill their minds.
The framed photos hanging limply on the wall were suddenly very appealing to both men.
'Ummm.' Kurt said, his voice wavering with anticipation. 'Can I start?'
'Yeah, Sure.' Blaine agreed, settling down into the soft folds of the leather couch.
'Ok. So...' Kurt's voice faltered slightly, and his eyes betrayed the deep (and argumental) thoughts that were threatening to overflow into his speech. 'Firstly, I am Kurt. Not Mr Hummel. I don't even know what I was thinking. I was being a stuck up, obnoxious douche and for that I apologise.'
Blaine made to interrupt but was cut off by a quick. 'I-will-cut-you-if-you-make-a-sound' glare.
'So, basically. I just want to apologise. I was far too quick to judge, and I let my stupid brain go into overdrive rather than actually thinking like a normal human being. I gather Mel told you pretty much everything you needed to know. And although I am now rather pissed at her, I can completely understand why she did it, and you do deserve to know. I mean, we were...and I hope still are...best friends. I should tell you about my issues if I don't want another freak out again. And I really really am sorry Blaine, I never meant to hurt you, I just... I was just being stupid. You don't deserve that, and if you still hate me, I can understand.'
Kurt stared into his lap, knotting his fingers together like string.
'Can I speak yet?' Blaine questioned, after a moments silence.
'Oh, yeah, sorry' Kurt replied quickly, momentarily looking up from his knees.
'Ok. Well first, I do not, and never have, nor will hate you Kurt. You were, and still remain to be my best friend. (Though don't tell Steph)' he stage whispered and Kurt giggled.
'Bah, we'll see who the best friend is when I hold his sunglasses over a fire.' Steph hissed, causing the phone to crackle again, and the two men to look up at the noise.
Both surveyed the room with twin puzzled expressions before Blaine continued.
'I am sorry too Kurt.'
'But you didn't-' The other man started.
'If you're going to say I did nothing wrong, then you sir, are a liar. I most certainly did. For one, I didn't come after you. I should have, then we could have worked this out far sooner. Also, to be frank, I didn't do anything about the press or those photo's. I mean...look, I'm a novice in this whole celebrity world. The only time I've had cameras on me are at things like my graduation. So I really didn't expect for people to want to photograph me. And I should have, because I was with you...not that I don't want to be seen with you.' He quickly added.
'I mean, I honestly wouldn't know what to do when faced with a camera, I just freeze and look goofy, so at least the undercover guys got some good shots eh?'
The joke wasn't received as well as planned. Kurt's hollow laugh showed he wasn't exactly thrilled that jokes were being made of the issue. Way to be insensitive Blaine. You idiot
'Err...right...sorry...Kurt, but I should have expected this, and prepared myself for the consequences... This is getting the pair of us a lot of publicity, and I need to learn how to avoid it, if I don't want to piss you off and start some media frenzy. So I apologise, and I shall do my best to not be a hopeless buffoon, and at least get some sneaky secret agent sunglasses for me to hide behind. I will even buy you one of those peep hole papers for you to hide behind if needs be.'
This time Kurt let out a genuine laugh, his head thrown back and his eyes shining.
Blaine smiled in appreciation. This gorgeous man was laughing because of him, and that itself made Blaine's day so much better.
xXx
'Oh my God, those guys are as bad as Kate and Leo, so freaking soppy.' Steph said, an endeared smile playing on her lips.
'It's so unbelievably sweet. I'm just...god...I feel like I should be puking rainbows and kitties or something.' Mel replied.
'So I take it they are friends again right?'
'Well, it sounds like they are at least amicable. Kurt doesn't laugh like that with just anyone.'
'Yeah, he's like a closed book. Seriously different to the idol I had before. But different in a good way. I think I like this Kurt more than the public Kurt.'
'Yeah. He's like, the nicest guy you could meet. You just need to give him a chance to open up'
'Totally, or he'll bite your head off. I bribe him with coffee so we're cool.'
Mel began to laugh, but quickly stifled her chortles with her fist as the phone line crackled again.
'Shit' Steph hissed, quickly pulling the handset away from the pair.
xXx
'Did you hear that?' Kurt asked, from his position on Blaine's chest (So sue them, the pair had hugged and then Kurt sorta...leant down...on Blaine. Neither made any attempt to move, so it's hardly that bad. Totally Platonic...right?)
'If by that you mean the weird demon shriek that came from over there.' He raised his hand and waved it in the direction of the phone. 'Then yes!'
Kurt sat up, and straightened down his shirt. 'We should check it out!'
'Err...ok,' Blaine said, feeling slightly put out by the loss of contact with his friend 'But I warn you, if it is a mouse, I will scream.' Kurt snorted at this and Blaine just glared.
'Not funny.'
'It's a mouse Blaine. They are cute and furry, not some rabid demon of the night.' Kurt quipped as he stood up.
'Pfft. Seriously? Those little bastards are the spawn of Satan.' Blaine said, as he followed Kurt up.
'Really?' Kurt said, giving Blaine a patronising glare.
'Really!' Blaine nodded. 'And just in case, I am taking your copy of Vogue to swat it with'
'You dare! You die.' Kurt stated as he crept towards the source of the sound.
There was no movement where to sound came from, and no twitching whiskers either.
'I don't know what it was' Kurt said as he surveyed the area.
'Ssssh.' Blaine hissed, waving his hands around. Kurt held his breath and gave Blaine a wide eyed, and questioning look. Blaine (whose cheeks were puffed out like a hamster) raised his eyebrows forcefully and nodded in the direction of a small table.
Kurt turned his attention to said table, and saw only a phone sitting on top. He scowled at Blaine, who in turn moved closer to the phone and pointed towards the handset with his pinky.
The handset was lying right next to the base of the phone, and was therefore off the hook. Blaine slowly extended his arm and picked up the receiver. He held it too his ear, all the time keeping absolutely silent.
The faint sound of sniggers and deep breathing echoed down the line, and Blaine smirked internally at the sound.
Three guesses who was on the other end.
Blaine set the receiver back down next to the phone, ensuring he didn't hang up. Instead, he laid his hand on Kurt's shoulder, and pulled him quietly away from the phone, and over to the opposite side of the room.
'There's someone on the phone' He whispered, tilting his head in the direction of the landline.
'Oh God.' Kurt said, eyes wide. 'Who is it? Is it the Paparazzi, oh hell-'
'No no' Blaine assured him, squeezing his shoulder gently. 'It's Steph and Mel, I'd recognise their voices anywhere'
Kurt tilted his head and narrowed his eyes at Blaine. 'What the hell are they doing?'
'I couldn't say. Checking up on us I presume.' Both men turned to stare at the phone again, where a small squeal rang out.
'Yeah, probably making sure we're not killing each other. Though I'm sure that would have been more entertaining than our current soppy speeches.' Kurt whispered.
'Hey, I worked hard on mine.' Blaine said, giving Kurt a playful shove.
Kurt snorted. 'Yeah, but we can hardly say either of us was particularly invigorating.'
'Well what would you say classes as invigorating? Baring in mind our lovely lasses are the ones you're trying to impress.' Blaine said, giving a particularly judgemental look at his taller companion.
'Well...considering the mentality of our girls... I would say they either want blood... or sex. So pretty much like my high school.'
Blaine scoffed rather loudly at the sex part. (choking on your own saliva was hardly becoming now was it Blaine)
'Seriously?' he croaked, still in shock.
'Seriously, though I'm afraid to say I won't be taking you here on the desk.' Kurt smirked at Blaine's expression.
How did he know that was what I was thinking. Freaky psychic man. Blaine's subconscious said.
'Hey, who's to say you'd take me.I would so be the top.'
'Haha, you wish.' Kurt said, avoiding Blaine's gaze.
'No, I know.' Blaine replied with a coy smile.
'And are we seriously discussing this with those two on the phone?' Blaine asked, gesturing back across the room.
Kurt smiled 'There you go. Change the subject like a good boy.'
'Kurt.' Blaine hissed. 'I mean it. What are we going to do? We can hardly just hang up.'
'I know. That would be no fun. Besides, they deserve pay back for their eavesdropping ways.' Kurt said, with a malicious grin.
A moment of silence passed whilst the men listened carefully to the hushed voices babbling down the phone.
'I have a plan.' He said. 'But you're going to have to play along Blaine. And this will be a little awkward.'
Blaine scowled slightly. '...I trust you. I probably shouldn't...but I do.'
'Good.' Kurt said. 'Ok...so listen close.'
xXx
'Is it just me or are those two being unnaturally quiet?' Steph asked, shaking her phone a little.
'Yeah. It's freaking me out.' Mel said, sipping tentatively at her coffee.
'You don't think...?' Steph started hesitantly.
'Don't think what?'
'That they...i don't know...took our advice a little...literally.' She finished.
'What do you mean?' Mel questioned.
'Well...' Steph began. 'I basically told Blaine to...how do I say this sensitively...fuck Kurt's brains out.'
'Oh!' Mel said, her eyes widening.
'...Yeah!'
'Well...I don't think they are...doing that. I mean...I reckon they'd be a little louder.'
'Yeah... wait...I CAN HERE SOMETHING.' She shrieked, waving her arms frantically through the air, taking a close swipe at Mel's face.
'Sssh Ssssh Sssh.' Mel said, pulling the phone between them.
xXx
'Are you sure this is going to work?' Blaine asked, as the pair stood next to the phone, covering the receiver so they could talk.
'I hope so. Just play along, and we can give those two something to listen to.'
'...ok. But if I die of embarrassment, I will come back and haunt the hell out of you'
Kurt snorted and released the phone, then began a count down on his fingers. Once he reached one, he locked focus with Blaine, and nodded solemnly.
They both took a deep breath, before releasing them in slow, drawn out moans.
'Oh Blaine.' Kurt whined, he voice deep and lustful, but his eyes alight with humour.
'Kurt...oh Kurt right there...Yeah...YES.' Blaine said, trying desperately not to laugh. 'You're tongue is soo talented.'
Kurt glared at Blaine, before making a terribly loud and obscene groan.
'Blaine...baby...yes YES...you're so ...Ungh.' He grunted and stuck his tongue out as the ebony haired man who was biting back laughter.
Blaine began to make deep breathy noises that resembled panting. He rolled his tongue around in his open mouth, causing some outrageous sloppy and wet sounded to leave his lips.
Kurt's eyes were tearing up with laughter as Blaine began thrusting into mid air, in some mad dance like way, spinning as he did so.
Kurt's tone dropped another octave before he next spoke, his voice deep and gravely. 'Oh Baby...So good for me...'
Blaine's jaw dropped, and he scowled menacingly at Kurt, who just winked before continuing. 'Yeah...keep that mouth wide open.'
Blaine snorted and began to choke... quickly moving over to cup the phone speakers to hide his coughs.
The sound on the other end was enough to tell the men they had done well.
xXx
'Was that...?'
'Did they just...?'
'OH MY GOD!.' Both women screamed together, flailing up and down like squids.
'We just heard...'
'Oh god...'
'I feel dirty...'
'That was so wrong...'
'They couldn't...'
'They wouldn't...'
'We Didn't.' Came the voices of Kurt and Blaine down the line.
'AAAAAAHHH.' The two women shrieked, jumping into the air as panic filled their bodies.
'Hello ladies, nice of you to join us.' Kurt said, his smirk echoed in his tone. Blaine's laughter ringing out in the background
'Didn't your mother ever teach you that eavesdropping isn't polite?' the designer asked. 'You might hear things you regret.'
'That, being one of those things.' Blaine chimed in.
Both women stared blankly at each other, before Mel built up her voice.
'Did you two...you know...?'
Both men laughed at this, and their chuckles just added more confusion to the women's expressions
'No Mel. We didn't' Kurt said, regaining his composure. 'But judging by you girlies reactions, we did a pretty good job acting it.'
'You can freaking well say that again. You scared us shitless, we thought you were actually doing the dirty right there.' Steph said, her eyes still wide in shock and slight dread.
'I will never see the couch in the same way.' Mel complained, rolling her eyes despairingly.
'Wha- Oh, Ewww, Oh God...now you've got me picturing it and...oh go that's just...No no no all kinds of wrong.'
'That's not what you were saying earlier, was it Steph?' Blaine said with a sly leer. 'From what I recall there was a large amount of desk involved in your little lecture.'
Kurt turned a questioning eye to Blaine, who nodded back towards the phone, where Steph was reeling out a string of excuses.
'No I meant- Not there- just- you know – apologise and see what came next- wait- no, that sounded wrong- I didn't mean came- oh god I said it again- this is so wrong- my mind – oh god those mental images- I am scarred' she groaned in despair and allowed her head to slam down onto the table.
Both men began to giggle again. The panic stricken women providing an entertaining high to conclude the day on.
'Look ladies. We did nothing, and we will be doing nothing, But I believe you have learnt your lesson.'
Both women murmured in flustered agreement.
'You girls have a pleasant evening, and we'll see you on Monday. Ok?' Kurt said, getting ready to hang up.
'...Ok. But please...no more...that! Capeesh?'
'You got it Mel. See you soon.' Kurt chirped, smiling to himself at a job well done.
'Byeee' Blaine chimed in, just before the receiver slammed down, and the line went dead.
Mel took a hesitant look at her friend, who was sitting with her head cradled in her hands, moaning explicitly into her palms.
'God, are we in for an awkward confrontation.' She murmured, before busying herself with her drink, ignoring the pained cries of her companion, who was still struggling to relieve her brain of the obscene mental images.
'Monday could not come late enough.'