Chapter Two
Because of Sam's fragile mental state, Dean and Bobby moved him into the bedroom the Winchesters shared whenever they stayed with the older Hunter. Bobby moved around the room, carving and recarving sigils to keep demons out. After Dean settled Sam on the bed, he kept trying to lay on the floor to Dean's distress, he went to help Bobby put up the protections. They both had a feeling that something had been averted with Sam's mental breakdown, something apocalypse big but they weren't sure and Castiel hadn't been around to let them know what was going on.
Dean was finishing salting the window while Bobby was putting final touches on a demon's trap when the sound of wings filled the air. Turning around, they saw Castiel standing next to a submissively posed Sam. The only thing he was doing differently to the Angel than he had done to Dean and Bobby was that he wasn't offering his throat and stomach. Bobby had explained to Dean about pack mentality and how lower ranked pack members greeted those of higher rank. From Sam's pose, Dean knew that Sam considered Castiel as having higher rank but not of his pack.
The Angel looked at the man and asked, "Sam?" Sam just waited until he heard his own pack members give him an order. "What's happened?" Castiel asked the other two men.
"We honestly don't know," Bobby answered. "We think that Sam retreated into his mind because of everything, including the cold turkey withdrawl. He's not himself, as you can plainly see."
Castiel turned back to the young Hunter and reached out to touch him. Even though Sam's eyes were on the floor, he seemed to know what was happening and he leaned away from the touch. Castiel frowned. The first time he met Sam Winchester, Sam was eager to shake his hands and Castiel was the one who hesitated then called him the "boy with the demon blood." Sam had flinched at that but Castiel was able to shake his hand then. As he thought about it, Castiel realized that Sam's withdrawing from everyone seemed to have stemmed from that one incident. Sam slowly stopped touching anyone, even to the point he never hugged Bobby or Dean. He avoided even shaking hands with people he interviewed, preferring to stay in the background while Dean did the talking. Sam also stopped meeting people's eyes, looking away or down at the ground.
At the time, Castiel really didn't think anything of it except that Dean had put Sam in his place but now that he thought about it, there were other signals that he hadn't even seen. The one that really started to bother the Angel, when he thought about it, was that Sam started to avoid him, even going so far as to leave the area whenever Castiel appeared. If the Angel appeared next to the door of whatever motel room the Winchesters were in, Sam would make a hasty exit into the bathroom, closing the door and staying there until Castiel left. Sam had also stopped talking to him, again something that really bothered the Angel. He, himself, wasn't much for small talk but a nice greeting was always welcome now, though, Sam didn't even give him that much after a while.
Dean watched as the Angel tried to touch his brother and Sam leaned away from him. He knew that Castiel was trying to find out what was going on so he said, "Sam, stop moving and let Cas check you out." Just like that, Sam stopped moving and gave Castiel access to the body he felt he didn't have a right to. Since he was the lowest ranked member of his pack, his body was the alpha's to do with as he wished.
"This will hurt," Castiel warned. Sam didn't acknowledge the statement so Castiel looked up at Dean who nodded his okay. Then, slowly, he put his hand in Sam's chest to find his soul. He knew it must be excruciating but Sam didn't move or make a sound. Usually, the soul is very easy to find since it inhabits the whole body but Sam's soul hid itself and Castiel had to search for it. When he finally found it, the soul cringed and tried to back away from the questing Angel. Castiel frowned at the action since souls had a habit of rushing towards the Heavenly touch. This soul, however, was fearful though fully human and it cowered, submitting without joy. Castiel's frown deepened as he withdrew his hand. Wanting to know why the soul was so fearful, he dove into Sam's mind where all he found was a desolate landscape surrounding a large house full of light and laughter. Curious, the Angel went over to the house and was shocked by what he found.
Instead of Sam being in the house, Castiel found him outside chained up to a barren doghouse. He was very thin, dirty and looked as though he was ready to die. The doghouse was positioned so that he was looking in the large window. Castiel looked in the window himself and saw everyone who had ever been in Sam's life having fun, laughing, eating and, in general, ignoring him. Dean figured very prominently in the crowd and Castiel knew that Sam had made him the central figure of his life. Through the window which started to show Sam's life, Castiel watched as Dean became Sam's parent, always there and protecting him. The window's scene changed and Castiel watched as a young teenaged Sam watch while his father and brother started to leave him alone and form their own subgroup. He saw how it came to a head one day when the two older Winchesters learned how depressed their youngest was and they brought him to Bobby for help. Sam was happier than he had been for a very long time then he told his family about Stanford, thinking that they would be happy for him but John proved him wrong by throwing him out. Castiel's heart went out for the man he called an abomination then. Nobody deserved to be treated like that, he thought.
The next scenes were equally disturbing. Sam meeting Jess and falling in love with her but somehow, he believed, his love had killed her showing him that he was unworthy of a female. Madison was next, the werewolf who, in a very short time, had stolen Sam's heart and broke it soon afterward by her begging him to kill her. Unworthy. The parade of deaths continued in the window, John's death in exchange for Dean's life with the words of warning for his eldest told in no uncertain terms, Mary's death with her eyes accusing her son of causing it just by his birth, Jim Murphy's death, Caleb Reeve's death, Dean's death caused by the deal he had made to keep Sam from resting since he was unworthy of such a mercy.
Ruby started to figure prominently in the window. Castiel watched as she saved Sam's life, giving Sam hope even twisted as it was. He saw how she had actually saved Sam from his self-destructive desire to kill as many demons as he could before they killed him. He watched as Ruby showed Sam kindness and how Sam was desperate enough to lap it up. Castiel began to feel guilty about how the Host had abandoned Sam to what they considered his fate even though he had no choice in the matter. Dean, who had started to become a demon and broke the first seal was actually lauded in Heaven while Sam, who had believed in God for most of his life even after everything that had happened to him was seen as an abomination. No, not just guilty but ashamed at the way he and his brethren had treated this man.
The next scene showed when Dean got back from Hell. Dean's first question to Sam was "What did you do?" The brothers greeted each other with suspicion, Sam because he thought Dean was a shifter and Dean because he thought Sam did something to get him out of Hell. After Castiel's conversation with Dean, his relationship with his brother went downhill from there. Suspicions, accusations, and even beatings served to weigh Sam's soul down until he became desperate for someone who treated him with kindness, even if it was a lie. Castiel heard, for the first time, what Uriel had told Sam that also helped to break the young man. How, when Sam ceased to be of use, Uriel would make him into dust.
Castiel observed how, in Sam's mind, everyone started to shine brightly and he dimmed with every word and action. Dean became bigger than life, holding the Sword of Damocles over his brother. Bobby was now seen as someone who stood behind Dean, supporting him while kicking Sam in the stomach anytime he moved in a way that was different than how Dean wanted him to. Ruby was a female that Sam dared to have sex with and Dean drove her away since he was the only one who had that privilege. Castiel found that Sam was one of those special people who could see his true form which also stood next to Dean, whispering in the Hunter's ear about how Sam was dirt, something to be trodden on. Castiel hung his head and cried for the first time since he was a fledgling. He really hadn't understood what he had done until now. By following orders, he had reduced a very bright soul into one with no hope, no warmth and no love. He wiped his tears away and continued to watch. He needed to know how to help the young man.
There were more scenes of desolation and abandonment to the point that, when Sam went cold turkey from his addiction, were intensified so that Sam now believed he was no more than a worm that crawled in the dirt. Castiel, for the first time, saw the hallucinations that just confirmed Sam's suspicions and cemented them in his mind and heart. Finally, Castiel couldn't stand watching anymore. He turned to give the suffering man a kiss but the man pulled away as the thought, "dirty, no good," was heard through his mind. Castiel left Sam's mind to let the others know what he found. He prayed to his Father that, between the three of them, they could find a way to heal Sam of all the hurts they had inflicted on the young man.
SPNSPNSPNSPNSPN
Dean was concerned about Castiel. After the Angel finished his examination of Sam, he "angel proofed" the bedroom with the slight sigil that allowed only him to enter the room then he took off, looking pale and sad. He told Dean that he needed some time and would be coming back to talk to him and Bobby. That was two days ago and Dean was beginning to worry. This reminded him too much when Castiel had entered a dream he was having and asked him to meet at a warehouse where they found Jimmy but no Castiel. Jimmy was able to tell them that there had been a big fight and the Angel was dragged out of him by others, presumably back to Heaven. When they did end up finding Castiel again, he had reverted back to the stick up his ass Angel he had been when he first appeared to Dean and Bobby after Dean's resurrection.
Before he left, Castiel warned both Dean and Bobby that, even though Sam wasn't responding to anything but Dean's voice, he could still be tricked to go outside of the protected area by thinking that it was Dean's will to take a walk or go with any other Angel. In his current state, Castiel said, Sam was vulnerable to anyone who took on Dean's image and the sound of his voice since, to Sam, Dean was the voice of authority, the one who dictated his every movement. Dean was more than shocked when he heard that. He knew that Sam considered him the alpha of the pack but he really hadn't understood what that meant until Castiel had put it so bluntly. He sagged to think about the weight, the pedestal his brother had put him on but he was at a loss as to how to help Sam. Nothing he could say or do this time would be helpful in trying to get Sam out of the hole he was in. Sam saw everything Dean said as an order to be obeyed no matter how he may have felt about it and that really didn't sit well with the elder. That was the reason for Castiel leaving. He wanted to find a way for the Hunter to help his brother so he went to talk to someone who was a Healer.
Both Dean and Bobby were careful about what they said in front of Sam. They tried to engage the younger man by asking him questions or even his opinions. When it came to the questions, he answered in a very quiet voice but when it came to his opinions, Sam would just shrug his shoulders. As the lowest member of the pack, he rightly didn't have any opinion, likes or dislikes. It wasn't for the good of the pack that he did. That lesson had been "impressed" upon him by the current alpha so much that it actually hurt to think for himself.
The older Hunters were also very careful about keeping Sam in their sight and in the house where the Angel and Demon proofing were the best. Bobby suggested that one of them stay near Sam at all times to show that he was indeed not the lowest man on the totem pole but a valued member of their family. That backfired with a vengeance but the other two didn't know it. Sam, seeing that a high status member was near him all the time just reinforced his belief of his own status. The others didn't trust him to not screw up so they guarded him and kept a weathered eye on him. Sam accepted that fact as part of his life since he had screwed up so badly before. Echoes of Not-Dean and Not-Bobby screamed those accusations in his head and he believed them.
Things came to a head a few days after Castiel's revelation. Bobby was called away by another Hunter needing some information that couldn't be given over the phone while Dean worked on a car that came in for an overhaul. Dean had put Sam in the reinforced bedroom with orders not to move out of there. Sam just nodded and sat on the bed with his feet squarely on the floor, his hands resting on his lap and his head down with his eyes on the floor. It bothered Dean to see his brother so pliant and quiet but, at that moment, there was nothing he could do short of sending Sam to a mental institution which he absolutely refused to do.
What he didn't know was that Zachariah had kept Sam beaten down by sending memories and pictures of Not-Dean and Not-Bobby into Sam's head, into his mind.
"You're a monster Sam, a vampire. If I didn't know you I would hunt you," Not-Dean told the tormented young man.
"No, Dean, please. Don't say that," Sam moaned.
Not-Bobby walked up behind Not-Dean and said, "You tried to kill me once, boy. I can't trust you anymore, especially since you drink demon blood. Makes you demon in my book."
"Bobby, no, not you too. It wasn't me, I was possessed by Meg," Sam tried to explain.
"No excuses, boy! You did it just like you ran after Dean died. You left me, abandoned me to my grief to hook up with a demon and drink her blood. You are just as bad if not more so than the monsters we kill," Not-Bobby shouted. "Leave my house and never come back!"
Not-Dean backed up Not-Bobby, "Yeah, Sammy. Leave, you are not family, not my brother anymore. I'll give you a day's head start before I come after you. I'm going to send you to Hell where you belong, just like Dad said." Sam nodded and got up from the bed. He hastily packed his duffel then made his way down the stairs. Quietly he opened the door and walked out.
He was so quiet that Dean, who was working in the shed, didn't even hear him go. Tears streamed down Sam's face as he watched his brother for a few minutes then he turned away and walked down the driveway. When he stepped off the property, Ruby was there, waiting for him with a car that had the nurse in the trunk. She smirked as she noted his defeated posture then opened the door, "Get in," she said. Sam obeyed. Ruby knew that time was short so she turned the vehicle towards her goal and floored it. She had only twenty-four hours since time was very short.
As Ruby drove away with Sam, Dean was straightening up from the engine he was working on. Wiping his greasy hands on the rag he kept near him, he turned in time to see Zachariah touching his head. The next thing he knew, he was cleaned up and in a beautiful room with a large table filled with burgers and beer. He barely heard a word the Angel was saying since his ears were filled with the sound of his own wrath.
When Zachariah had finished his gloating over his acquiring Sam and how Dean would become Michael's vessel to bring about Paradise on Earth by killing his brother, he turned to leave only to run into the youngest Angel. Castiel's eyes were filled with the same fire as Dean's but he had something more, an Angelic sword designed to kill Angels. "The second you touched them, you were doomed," he snarled as he rammed the sword home into Zachariah's heart. Jerking his sword out of the vessel, Castiel turned away from the dying Zachariah and went to Dean. Touching Dean, he got them both out of the room and back to Bobby's where the Impala was waiting, already packed.
Both "men" got into the car and Dean turned the ignition. Listening to the engine roar into life, Dean turned to his companion for an explanation. "Zachariah had been working with the demon, Ruby, to prepare your brother. He wanted Sam to break the final seal, to kill Lilith in a designated place. I don't know where that is but the Prophet does." With that, Castiel transported car and passengers to Chuck's house. Both got out and ran to the door for answers.