I was starving. I hadn't eaten since the middle of the day before, but I still turned my head from all the food people shoved towards me. Eventually, Sam said we would try again in the morning and we left for the tent. He raped me again and I tried to pretend I was somewhere else. It was probably hours before he stopped this time. Luckily, afterward he was so exhausted he didn't notice when I got dressed and left the tent.
I stumbled down the path to the quarry, my legs ready to give out from under me. I tripped once and muddied my jeans. I frantically tried to brush it off, but it was no use. I continued to the quarry and there was Merle, waiting for me by the water. I stopped a few feet away.
"You gonna tell me what's really goin' on?" Merle looked over his shoulder at me. I hesitantly walked up beside him.
"He hittin' you?" I nodded. He hissed through his teeth.
"And you bein' crazy. That's just bullshit isn't it?" I nodded again.
"Girlie, you got yourself in deep," He shook his head and stared across the water.
"That's not it," I said quietly, drawing his gaze back to me.
"Well spit it out, then. Ain't nobody else gonna listen to ya after what he's been sayin'," I swallowed hard and fought to get the words out of my mouth.
"I don't even know him. He was my neighbor in Atlanta. He let me ride with him when we left. Then, he just decided I was his and I didn't know what to do. He started raping me. He wants to get me pregnant so its, I don't know, official. So I can't leave," Tears slipped down my face and I started to feel hysterical, like all my sanity was slipping away in that moment. That was the first time I'd ever said it out loud.
"Sick son of a bitch," Merle muttered. He looked out at the quarry again before staring holes through me.
"What?" I snapped after a while. "You want to know if I'm okay? I'm not. You should have shot him," My voice trembled.
"What'd I tell you earlier?" I looked at his stern expression, confused. "Said I'd take care of it. Now, I'm goin' on that run tomorrow so you're gonna have to wait. When I get back I'll have a little chat with your boyfriend," All I could do was stare at him.
"Now, go on. Get back before he finds you missin'," I found myself rooted to the spot, unsure of what to say.
"Merle, why-"
"I said go! Get," Merle waved me away and this time I listened.
I kept looking back at him on my way to camp. Why was he doing this? What does he care if someone is abusing me? I'm not his to worry about. He doesn't seem like the type to just help people.
I had no trouble getting back into the tent and lying down without waking Sam. I stared into the deep green shadows of the tent and made a decision. I was going to go on that supply run. There was no way I was staying here. I'd be safer in a city full of walkers with Merle than at camp with Sam. With that in mind I knew I had to sleep. I managed to get a little.
Sam woke up and I pretended to be asleep. He kissed my head before leaving the tent. I waited about five minutes before getting dressed, throwing things in a backpack, and leading the tent as well. As I'd suspected, everyone going on the run was getting their things together. Knowing Glenn had more authority over this particular thing than Shane, I went to him.
"Glenn," He looked up from his bag, seeming surprised to see me.
"Oh, Lydia, hey," He stood up, shuffling a bit awkwardly. I shouldn't have been surprised. Everyone thought I was crazy.
"I'd like to go on the run," I told him quietly. I didn't want anyone else to hear me.
"What? Why?" He shot me a confused look.
"I just really need to get out of here," I leaned closer to him, hoping my eyes portrayed my point better than my words.