Arabella
"So I already booked everything, we just have to tell the group." Pepper told me excitedly, leaning forward in her chair to me. We were having lunch like we did every almost every day, Pepper and I had been talking about going on a vacation to the Maldives for a couple of weeks now.
She brought it up remembering when Erica had said about wanting a nice vacation from work. So Pepper being Pepper planned the whole trip for all of us, us being me, her, Tony, Steve, Bucky, Bruce, Natasha, and Erica. She took the trip when she knew Erica's son would be spending the week with his Dad.
"Great, so I'll tell Bucky and Erica and you can tell everyone who lives with you." I suggest, she nods in agreement. Her phone beeps a few times and she looks to check the message.
"Alright so I have to finish a few things up at work, but we are all set to leave in three days." She tells me while getting up and grabbing her things. I wave at her as she leaves the restaurant with her phone to her ear.
I sit back in my chair, not planning to head back home anytime soon. I had been doing this a lot lately, going out to lunch or to spar and just taking extra time after everyone leaves. Bucky and I had been fighting a lot, and I knew I couldn't blame it on him. It was mostly me and my insecurities, I would get mad over a phone call and I didn't even know who was on the other line yet. Texting would bother me, and it would end up being Steve.
Ever since that call from that Agent Rule, it's like I didn't trust him. That was crazy because he didn't do anything for me not to, he was just doing his job. I tried to ignore how I felt about her call, but eventually it was bothering me so much that all things started to get to me too. Recently I found it easier to stay away. I didn't stay away from him so I could relax, I did it so he could. The longer I was away, the less he would have to put up with me trying to pick fights for no reason.
Maybe I did do it for me to, so I wouldn't have to feel the jealously or inadequacy that always seemed to pop up at the worst times. I didn't really talk about it with anyone, despite how much time I spent with them. The only person who had an inkling was Erica, and that was because I would spar with her for many hours after our usual set time. I wouldn't do it with Natasha for two reasons. One – she had things to do for S.H.I.E.L.D. Two- she would probably end up telling my brother or Tony. I didn't want that to happen, I just wanted to cope in my own way.
It was times like this that I really missed having my own room. This is what I wanted to hide from, myself. I would destroy him, even the people around me. I'd push them away and fight with them. In the end they would hate me, and I'd hate myself even more. If I had my safe haven still I could've hid in there and not come out to the world.
So in place of that I sat in random restaurants that Pepper would choose for us to eat. I'd sit there for hours, I wouldn't count them, until I had enough courage to go home and face Bucky. Sometimes he'd be there, and sometimes he wouldn't. I didn't ask him where he went, but my thoughts had their own ideas as to where he had been.
It was the worst at night, we'd sleep like we were strangers. Never touching or talking. That's was my fault too, my anger would push him away and we'd sleep on opposite sides. He didn't know, but most nights I cried myself to sleep. On occasion I wouldn't sleep at all, opting to sit in the living room with a useless drink in my hand.
"Miss would you like to order something else?" I look up at the waitress who had a kind look on her face. Pulling out my phone I check the time, I had sat here for another two hours. I shake my head at her.
"No that's fine, I was just leaving." I get up from the table and leave money there for the food I had ordered. Truthfully I could've sat there for another two hours, but I had spent so much time here already.
Walking out to the warm air, I go in the direction of my apartment. It didn't take long to get there and soon I was turning the key in the lock and pushing the door open. I walk in surprised to see Bucky sitting there on the couch, he usually didn't come home until later than me. I contemplated just heading to the room without greeting him.
'You have to tell him about the trip, see if he even wants to go.' I bit the inside of my cheek, taking a deep breath before speaking.
"Hey." His head snaps to where I was standing.
"Hey." He greets coldly. I was about to ask him of the trip when he speaks first. "Where have you been?" I was taken aback by his question. He wouldn't touch that subject before.
"I was with Pepper, we had lunch."
"Lunch? It's 3:00. You guys ate for three hours?" he scoffed at my reply.
"No she left at 1:00, I sat there for two hours." I tell him truthfully, regardless of how unbelievable it sounded. He gives me a dry chuckle.
"Right. You know this whole time I thought that maybe you're upset just because of jealousy, But maybe it's just your guilty conscience telling you I was doing the same thing."
It was my turn to scoff in disbelief. "Oh really? Because it's not like your home for long either or that you've even noticed before."
"No I do come home, I just leave again when I realize you're not coming home any time soon and I have noticed. I just chose to leave it be."
"Yeah just like I leave it alone that you don't come home till 1:00 in the morning." I snap back.
'Crap! I promised myself I'd leave it alone.' I groaned internally. At this point he stands up, stalking towards me to tower in front of me.
"I'm not fucking around or going to bars, no I'm at Steve's. The only reason I do that is to get away from you! " He shouts. My heart drops to my stomach, and I blink rabidly trying to contain the tears in my eyes. An instant look of regret comes to his face. I walk past him heading to our room.
"Don't worry, me too." I say abruptly, not waiting for the apology that was bound to come.
"Really, you do it to get away from me?" He asks, a hurt tone lacing his question.
"No not you, myself." I answer as I slam the door shut locking it. I lean against the door. I breathe heavily, tears pouring down my face. I try to wipe them away, but they just keep falling. I slide down the door, not having enough strength to move away from it and to the bed.
'I should've stayed that extra two hours.'
I sat there for another fifteen minutes, waiting for my crying to subside. When it turned into sniffles, I found the will to get up and lay on the bed. Keeping my back turned away from Bucky's side, I close my eyes to rest them. I knew that there would be no sleep for me. There's a buzz in my pocket, I take my phone out checking the message.
Pepper: Hey Ara, did you tell Bucky and Erica yet?
Great with all of the arguing I forgot the reason I spoke to him in the first place.
Me: No something came up, can you do it for me please?
It wasn't five minutes until I got the reply.
Pepper: Sure thing, is everything okay?
Me: Yeah everything's good, thanks for telling them.
I toss my phone to the night stand, not bothering to wait for a reply from her.
Well at least I wouldn't have to deal with that now. I knew eventually I'd have to face everyone and deal with the underlining problems, but as of right now I just wanted to lay in bed and be peaceful. Well as peaceful as I could be.
I didn't actually sleep last night, and Bucky didn't bother me either. I had mixed emotions on that, I was glad to have the time alone, but upset he didn't come and check on me. I guess he needed his space too.
I walk out into the living room, no sign of Bucky but a large hole in the wall by the front door.
'I'm surprised I didn't hear that.'
Ignoring it more than I should have, I head to the kitchen to make myself a cup of coffee. I was supposed to meet Erica at 5:00 AM to spar, and lately I wasn't opposed to leaving home so early. The coffee was done quickly and I was pouring it in a to go mug and adding creamer. Grabbing everything I needed for the day, knowing that I wouldn't come back until it was late one again, I headed out locking the door behind me.
The walk to S.H.I.E.L.D. was short, and Erica was already waiting for me outside the building. As I approached she gave me a sheepish look.
"Hey! Look, I can't spar this morning. Fury has me on duty and I have to be there soon, I just wanted to tell you so you wouldn't think I stood you up." She looks nervous for my reply.
"I get it, I'll just do some running and work out. No big deal."
She relaxes at my response, a grin comes clear across her face.
"Great, and by the way so excited for our trip! I will definitely need it after today." I give her a small smile for that, agreeing with her.
'If she knows, then Bucky does too… I wonder if he's even going. Probably not.'
"I'm going to head inside, see you tomorrow Erica." I wave her goodbye as I step into the building.
I head to the gym, which was the opposite way from the practice room. I choose this one instead of the one by the practice room because it had a variety of weights that the other room didn't. There isn't anyone else there when I arrive, that was perfect for me. No distractions or interruptions, just a couple hours of pure training. I set my things down, and head to the weights to start off.
I do different sets and progress the weight till I was sure an hour had passed me by. I do yoga after that, the stretching helping me relax as much as I could with everything going on. This all in the end took me 4 hours, I really dragged everything out for as long as I could. I check the time, 9:22 AM.
Leaving the gym to head home I pass a room of agents sparing, I look in to see a two women and two men. It reminded me of Taylor, Knight and Erica. Well I had to scratch Knight out of it now, him being a Hydra agent. There fighting skills pretty sharp, as I pass the corner eyes still watching them, I see another figure in the back of the room. Bucky. He goes to one of the pairs that are fighting and corrects the girl's hit.
I turn my head quickly and hope that he didn't see me. That's why it was better to stay on my familiar side, I end up seeing the things that I don't want to. One of those Agents were her, Agent Rule.
'I just had to have more weights.'
As I reach the end of the hall I'm positive he didn't see me. That or he just ignored me like I did to him, which would be fair. Shaking that thought from my head, I leave and grab a cab, planning to head to the coffee shop I knew Pepper would be on her way to work. It just gave me an excuse to not go home, gave me a valid reason to go another place.
I knew that it was wrong, running away from my problems, but it was the best way that I coped. After last night's confrontation, I was trusting my coping skills to let there be no fight today.
I won't say too much about Agent Rule, but I will say that as of right now she won't be introduced much into the story. That doesn't mean she won't be back to cause trouble later on. Thank you for reviewing! Please let me know how you're liking it – Hannahg