As we descended the stairs towards the main floor, I noticed that there was a puzzled look on Gabriel's face. I paused for a moment on the stairs, catching his arm. He looked at me with raised eyebrows as we stopped. He glanced to Carrigan who was still descending the stairs before us.
"What's the matter?"
"I thought you took a test and it was negative," he whispered so Carrigan wouldn't hear us.
"I did," I admitted. "But I've completely missed my period. I took another and it came back positive."
Gabriel nodded his head as he studied me. "So, there is the possibility…"
His voice trailed off.
"At this point, anything is possible," I replied. "I just wanted to tell you before I went to the healers on the twelfth. Especially because I've been so worried about it."
Gabriel nodded his head and motioned for me to continue down the stairs in front of him. We caught up to Carrigan on the main floor in the foyer of the house. She raised her eyebrows at us as we appeared.
"Where'd you go?"
"Just stopped to have a private word," Gabriel said easily. He wrapped an arm around Carrigan's shoulders and guided her forward towards the basement stairs. I trailed behind, still thinking about the conversation Gabriel and I just had. Was it really possible that I wasn't pregnant? I didn't want to get my hopes up…
I stopped before descending the stairs and ran my fingers over my stomach. As I stood there, I thought of what it felt like to be pregnant with Carrigan and Caspian. I bit my bottom lip thinking of holding a new born baby in my arms as it slept peacefully. I blink and stood up straight, catching myself day-dreaming. I sighed bitterly and stepped forward down the stairs leading to the kitchen.
Everyone had gathered for dinner and few people had remained from the meeting: Bill Weasley (the eldest of the Weasley children), Mundungus, Tonks, and Remus had stayed after the meeting discussing with Arthur the finalized plans to guard the Department of Mysteries, while Molly and Sirius had gathered the children: Fred, George, Benjamin, Ron, Ginny, Hermione and Harry. My eyes fell on him instantly. He was sitting next to Sirius, talking quickly. As he spoke he looked up at me and stopped speaking. Sirius followed his gaze to me and gave me a winning smile.
"Gabriel, we were starting to wonder if you would ever return to us," Molly said as she made him a plate of stew and bread. He thanked her as she placed the food in front of him. He had taken a seat next to Remus and Bill.
"It's good to see you well," Arthur said with a nod.
"Welcome back," Remus clapped Gabriel's back.
"To the chaos," Sirius said with a smile. Gabriel looked directly at him and bowed his head in thanks.
Carrigan took a seat next to Ginny, who was being entertained by Tonks changing her nose as she ate. Carrigan immediately fell into conversation with Ginny and Hermione, but her eyes kept glancing across the table to Benjamin who wasn't speaking to anyone. I frowned as I studied him for a moment. Carrigan wasn't kidding when she said he was a loner. Perhaps that is why he did not want to go to Hogwarts.
"Cadence," Harry said my name.
"Hey," I said beaming at him. I gave him half of a hug as he remained in his chair and kissed his forehead. "I'm happy you're here. I'm sorry I couldn't come retrieve you."
"It's fine," Harry returned. "Sirius explained that you were at St. Mungo's."
I moved to the opposite side of Sirius and took a seat next to him, so he sat between Harry and I. Molly was just setting out dessert when I sat down. She passed me a plate of stew, which I was thankful for, I hadn't eaten all day.
"How has it been since the Dementor attack?" I asked leaning forward to look past Sirius.
"Fine," he said with gritted teeth. "Carri is the only one who was responding to my letters."
I looked directly at Carrigan for a moment, then back at Harry. "Was she putting any details in her letters?"
"No," he said. "She was just responding. It was hard to get a response from Ron or Hermione."
"They've been busy cleaning the house," I replied. "Carrigan gets out of cleaning because of her lessons with Benjamin."
"Yea," Harry leaned in closer to Sirius. "I don't know where you guys found him, but I get a weird feeling from him."
Sirius nodded his head once and looked at me with a 'told-you-so' expression on his face. I rolled my eyes. Harry didn't understand that Benjamin was Carrigan's Guardian, a mythical guide to powerful young witches and wizards. Most of the population didn't believe in them, especially since they were so rare. So, in Harry's eyes, Benjamin was just a random kid we met and were showing trust to.
"Harry," I said softly. "Benjamin is not some kid I picked off the streets to give private lessons to Carrigan. You have to understand that she has very strong powers and only certain people are capable of training her."
"Why not Gabriel?" Harry asked honestly. I smiled at him.
"Why don't you trust Benjamin?"
"It's just a feeling."
"Well you shouldn't trust anyone," I responded. "The most important thing is that Carrigan trusts him. And you two had better keep your distrust to yourselves. She doesn't need you questioning her gut."
Harry frowned and nodded his head, realizing he had crossed a line. He sat back in his chair and helped himself his third serving of rhubarb crumble that was being passed around the table. Sirius had a spoonful, and handed the dish to me, which I graciously passed on to Arthur next to me.
"I think it's time for bed," Molly announced because no one appeared to be eating much anymore.
"Hold on," Sirius said as he put down his glass of wine and looked to Harry. "I'm surprised at you. You haven't asked one question about Voldemort."
I frowned slightly as the demeanor in the room changed drastically. Everyone had been relaxed and cheerful as the meal drew to a close; chatting away as if we were not living in a dangerous time. They were enjoying the simple things of life—food, company and love. The moment Sirius said my father name everything changed. All conversation stopped. The air was tense and alert, as if people were afraid that Voldemort may bust into the kitchen at any moment.
"I did ask questions," Harry said quickly to Sirius. "I asked Ron and Hermione, but they said we're too young to be in the Order—"
"And they're right," Molly said sharply standing over the table. "You're too young." She was rigid with sternness.
"I'm not asking to be in the Order, Mrs. Weasley," Harry said quickly. "I just want to know what is going on."
"Since when does someone have to be in the Order to ask questions?" Sirius said smartly. "Harry's been stuck in that Muggle house all summer without any knowledge of what has been going on—"
"Hang on!" interrupted George. "Harry gets his questions answered, but we don't?"
"Yea, we've been begging you for a month to tell us what's been going on!" Fred joined in. "Harry isn't even of age!"
"What your parents decide to tell you is their decision," Sirius replied to the Weasley twins. "Harry, on the other hand—"
"It is not up to you to decide what is best for Harry," Molly cut Sirius off. I frowned deeply as I stared at Molly. "You haven't forgotten what Dumbledore said, have you Sirius?"
"Which bit?" Sirius replied with a bittersweet smile. I put my head in my hand and messaged my temples strongly with a sigh. This was not going to go well. Sirius had been in such a horrible mood the last few weeks that the worst thing Molly could do was patronize his responsibilities to the Order and to Harry. I admitted that Sirius was reckless with his behavior and often acted as if Harry was James and not a teenage boy who needed guidance and protection, but Sirius never put Harry at risk. I saw nothing wrong with giving Harry information, he had to be prepared for the war that we were about to fight.
"The bit about not telling Harry more then he needs to know," Molly said crossly.
"I was not intending on telling him more then he needs to know," Sirius said. "But seeing as he is the one who witnessed Voldemort's return he has more of a right then most to—"
"He is not a member of the Order! He is only fifteen years old!" Molly insisted. She was turning red in the face, and Sirius was sitting up straight in his chair with every word that they exchanged.
"He's done and seen more then most of the Order combined!"
"No body is questioning his abilities—"
"—he is not a child, Molly!"
"But he's not an adult either!" she raged back. "He's not James, Sirius. You seem to forget that often. You act like you have your best friend back!"
"What's wrong with that?" questioned Harry.
Molly turned her harsh eyes to him and they softened slightly. "What's wrong Harry, is that you're not your father, despite how much you look like him. You're still in school and the adults responsible for you should not forget that!"
"Are you implying I'm an irresponsible godfather!?" Sirius raised his voice as he gripped the arms of his chair tightly.
"I'm implying that you have a tendency to act rashly, Sirius! There is a reason that Dumbledore keeps reminding you to stay at home and—"
"Please leave my orders from Dumbledore out of this!" Sirius yelled sharply.
"Enough!" I shouted sternly as I hit my hand on the table. "Please, you're acting worse then the children, right in front of them!"
"Arthur," Molly turned to her husband. "Please, help me here."
Arthur frowned and did not answer his wife instantly. He took off his glasses, cleaned them with his shirt and replaced them on his nose before he spoke.
"Molly, I expect that Dumbledore knows things will change now that Harry is here at headquarters," he said quietly. "I'm sure he is anticipating that Harry has questions."
"Personally, I think that it best Harry hears information—not all of it Molly, but the general picture—from us and not from third parties who may overhear our conversations," Remus said as his eyes glanced at Fred and George who sunk back in their chairs. His expression was calm, as it often was. Remus had a way of remaining calm and focused while others (like Sirius and myself) lost their cool.
"Well," Molly fixed her shirt and stood up straight. "I can see I'm being overruled. Let me say though, Dumbledore has his reasons for not wanting Harry to know too much, and as someone who has Harry's best interests at heart—"
"He's not your son," Sirius said.
"He's as good as!" Molly snipped back as she leaned across the table glaring viciously at Sirius. "Who else does he have?"
"He's got me!" Sirius yelled.
"It's been difficult for you to keep an eye on your own child, let alone Harry while you've been locked away in Azkaban," Molly's blow was low.
Sirius began to rise out of his chair. I grabbed his arm and looked up at him with begging eyes. I could see Carrigan across the room with her head in her hands. When Molly made the comment of Sirius' ability to take care of her she looked up at him with sad sullen eyes. I wasn't sure if she was embarrassed or afraid of what Sirius might say.
"Please," I whispered up at him as he shook his arm, trying to get me off of him.
"Molly, you're not the only person at this table who cares about Harry's well being," Remus said sternly. "Sirius, sit down."
Sirius blinked and looked at Remus who was giving him a stern, professor-like, stare. Sirius rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair, grunting and crossing his arms tightly over his chest.
"I think we should hear Harry's input," Remus continued. "He is old enough to decide."
"I want to know what's been going on," Harry said almost instantly. I noticed that he did not look up at Molly, who was red in the face with fury.
"Very well," Molly sighed with defeat. Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Everyone else, out of this kitchen, right now!"
"What!?" Fred and George immediately retorted with defiance. "Harry isn't even of age, we should stay!"
"I said out of this kitchen, now!" Molly yelled at her children. "Hermione, you too!"
The uproar continued, with Ron and Ginny arguing against their mother just as feverishly. I sat back in my chair and blocked it out. I couldn't listen to anymore arguing. I looked across the room to Carrigan, who was sitting quietly.
You may stay if you wish, I said as she looked into my eyes.
It's alright. I know what you're all going to talk about. She replied with a smirk. I shouldn't have been surprised. Of course, Carrigan would have figured out what the Order was up to with her telekinetic abilities. Ben and I have some stuff to work on.
I nodded my head, then she stood up as Molly dragged Ginny from the room.
"Good night, everyone," she said peacefully as she moved around the table. She stopped at Sirius first and kissed his cheek. She whispered something in his ear before pulling away. Sirius gave her a tired smile.
"Thank you," he said. "Good night, Carrigan."
She bid me good night, with a mild chill to her voice. Then kissed Gabriel's cheek and wished him sweet dreams. Benjamin stood up from the table and said his farewells, then they both disappeared up the stairs to the main floor of the house.
"Okay, Harry," Sirius said once the kitchen settled down again. "What do you want to know?"
"Where's Voldemort? What's he doing?"
"Nothing," I replied softly. "Well, not in the open anyways."
"What?" Harry said confused. "Why isn't he out killing people?"
"To our knowledge he hasn't killed anyone since June," Sirius said. "And we know a great deal."
"More then he thinks we do," Remus nodded.
"He's taking advantage of the Minister not believe he has returned," I said easily. "He's acting in secret, doing so requires not drawing attention to the fact that he has returned."
"Only his Death Eaters were supposed to know he had returned in June, but you ruined that for him," Sirius said with a large grin.
"How did that help?"
"It guaranteed that Dumbledore knew of his return," Remus said.
"And if there is one person my father did not want to know he had returned it was Dumbledore," I said.
"Thanks to you, Harry," Gabriel said carefully. "Dumbledore was able to recall the Order within the night of Voldemort's return. Even if the Ministry and the general public don't believe he is back, we have been able to start fighting against him."
"What have you all been doing then?"
"Working as hard as possible to make sure that he cannot carry out his plans," said Bill with a smile.
"How do you know his plans?"
"Well, Dumbledore has an idea of what he's up to," Remus said. "And Dumbledore is usually right when it comes to Voldemort."
"So, what does Dumbledore think he's up to?"
"First of all, he has to rebuild his army," Sirius responded. "In the first war, he had huge numbers at his command: people he bullied and bewitched to follow him, his Death Eaters, and all sorts of Dark creatures. He not going to try to take the Ministry with only a handful of Death Eaters, so you can bet he's rebuilding his army."
"So, you're trying to stop him from gaining followers?"
"Trying being the key word," Remus said sadly. "It's proving to be harder then we anticipated."
"How so?"
"The main thing we've been trying to do is conscious raising," Bill said. "Spreading the word that You-Know-Who has returned."
"But the Ministry's attitude is making that very difficult," Tonks piped in. "Fudge hasn't changed his position since June. He refuses to believe that You-Know-Who is back."
"Even worse," I added. "He's preventing us from investigating crimes that may be linked to Voldemort."
"Why?" Harry questioned sharply with anger. "Why is he being so stupid? If Dumbledore says—"
"Well that's exactly it Harry," Arthur said. "Dumbledore."
"What?" Harry looked bewildered.
"Fudge is afraid of him," Tonks shrugged.
"Afraid of what he's up to," Arthur nodded. "Fudge doesn't want to believe that You-Know-Who is back, so he believes that Dumbledore is plotting to over-throw him. He thinks that Dumbledore wants to be Minister of Magic."
"But Dumbledore doesn't want—"
"Of course he doesn't. He's never wanted the job, despite people encouraging him to take the position when Millicent Bagnold was murdered. Dumbledore has always had popular support, and that's what worries Fudge."
"Why would he think that Dumbledore just wants to cause trouble?" Harry persisted. "That I would lie about—"
"Because it's easier to believe that you two are trouble makers then own up to the fact that my father has returned," I said sadly. "It's easier to believe all that then to face the fact that the Ministry is in deep—"
"Accepting that Voldemort is back would mean more trouble then the Ministry is prepared to deal with," Remus cut me off from swearing in front of the children. "They haven't had to deal with this type of evil in fourteen years and they're not prepared for it."
"What else is he up to?" Harry asked. "Besides trying to gain followers?"
"Well, we think he's after a weapon right now. Something he didn't have last time," Sirius said.
"When he was powerful before?"
"Yes."
"What kind of weapon?" Harry questioned. "Something worse then death—"
"That's enough."
Everyone stopped and turned in their chair to see Molly standing at the base of the stairs, leaning in the door frame of the kitchen with her arms tightly crossed over her chest. She was still red in the face from her argument with Sirius.
"All of you, to bed, now," she spoke sternly.
"You can't boss us around—" Fred started to say.
"Watch me," she said crossly to her deviant son. The look she gave him was ravaged, like a wild animal that would attack at any moment. "You've given Harry plenty of information. Any more and you might as well induct him into the Order."
"Why not?" Harry said quickly. "I'll join! I want to fight—"
"No."
It was Remus who had stopped Harry from going on. He was looking at Harry with stern, yet weary, eyes.
"The Order is for of age witches and wizards," he said. "Who are out of school," he added glancing at Fred and George. "There are dangerous that not even you, Harry, could fathom. I think Molly is right, it is best that you are all off to bed."
Sirius shrugged and sat back in his chair, looking grumpy, but he did not argue. I took a quick sip of his unfinished wine and watched as one, by one, each of the children stood up and left the kitchen. There was no doubt in my mind that they would all discuss what they had been told the moment they reached their bunks.
"I'm afraid I'm going to turn in too," said Bill with a yawn. Arthur clapped his son's back and said good night as he stood.
"I'll be heading out too," Tonks stood up and pulled on her cloak. "Come on, Dung. You'd best be getting out of here."
"Right, right," he said as he scratched his chin and stood.
"Good night," I said politely as Arthur, Bill, Tonks and Mundungus made their way from the kitchen, exchanging good-byes with everyone else. Once the commotion had settled, I found I was sitting with Remus, Sirius and Gabriel, quietly drinking their wine.
"It was uncalled for," Sirius broke the silence first. "The way Molly—"
"It's over with," Remus said quickly. "Let it be, Sirius."
"I may be rash, but I am not an irresponsible godfather, or father for that matter!"
"Stop worrying about what other people think," I said sternly. "What did Carrigan say to you before she went to bed?"
"Just said I'm not an irresponsible father," he replied. "I do the best I can…" His voice faded as he swished the wine in his glass. I frowned deeply because I could see in his eyes that he was sinking into another depression. It was possible that he believed and agreed with everything Molly had said, even though he wouldn't admit it.
"When is Harry's trial?" I asked softly.
"The twelfth," Remus replied. My heart dropped into my stomach. That was the date of my doctor's appointment. "Arthur thought he could take him into work if you've got a case."
"Dumbledore won't allow me to go," Sirius shook his head.
"I would think not," I said quickly. "You'd be crazy to go parading around the Ministry when you're a wanted murderer!"
"I know," Sirius said quickly. "The only relief I have is that you'll be going with him."
"Actually," I hesitated because I wasn't sure if I wanted to inform Sirius and Remus of my pregnancy. Gabriel looked at me with curious eyes, but didn't say anything. "I won't be able to go."
"Why the hell not?" Sirius asked quickly.
"I have a doctor's appointment."
"Well reschedule it," he snapped at me. "Harry could be expelled for Merlin's sake. You have to be there—"
"Do not take that tone with me, Sirius," I snapped right back. "I can't reschedule this appointment. I'm already over due."
"For what?" Remus asked with sincere concern on his face. I noted that he seemed to recall the brief discussion I had with him and Sirius about my fears of being pregnant. Sirius, couldn't remember a damn thing. He was so narrowed minded and only worried about his selfish issues.
"I'm going to have a baby," I whispered. I regretted saying it the moment it came from my mouth because the color drained from Sirius' cheeks. Gabriel reached forward onto the table and took my hand, giving it a squeeze.
"We're going to have a baby," he corrected as he gave me a weak smile. I couldn't help but return his smile.
"I'm happy for you two," Remus beamed.
Sirius looked at us with disdain. He picked up his glass and drained it of the wine, then stood up and reached across the table for the full bottle. He sat back down and drank straight from the bottle.
"Great," he said. "Good for you."
I frowned deeply as silence fell in the kitchen again. Sirius' word were bittersweet and dipped in sarcasm. I wanted to smack him. I knew I shouldn't have said anything to him. I realized in that moment that Gabriel and I had to find our own home. We could not remain at Number Twelve if we were going to have a baby. We needed a place of our own…and Sirius' attitude made it easy to move out. There was no way I could raise a child with him drowning himself in bottles of liquor in the same house.
There was such a thing as too much information. Harry had been given just the right amount to satisfy his curiosity about Voldemort and the Order, but not to get him into trouble. The information of my pregnancy was too much for Sirius. Now, he was going to drink himself to sleep.