Arabella

I wasn't back in an hour, no I had stayed an extra two instead. This was me avoiding and eluding. If we didn't talk about it I didn't have to worry about it. That was the lie I told myself to feel better, even though it was clear it made it worse. Even Erica had left, she gave me a weird look when I didn't go with her.

I did what I always did and just sat in the bar nursing a useless drink. The only reason I left is because I knew I had to face him eventually. I couldn't sit in this bar for the whole trip. Now I was standing in front of the door to our guesthouse, working up the courage to open the door.

'Stop being such a wuss, go in already.'

My thoughts commanded me, I roll my eyes at myself. Did I really need to give myself a pep talk? Shaking my nerves off I open the door, it was dark in the living room, I close the door behind me and walk toward the bedroom.

"It's been three hours." Bucky announces abruptly.

I stop my walk to the room and move my body to face him, he was sitting on the couch. He was leaned back on to the sofa and his arms crossed. I could see a look of angry on his face through the dim lights outside, the room was lit up and it confirmed his angry.

"I lost track of time, sorry." I push it off, trying not to make it a big deal.

"That's a damn lie and you know it." Bucky stands from his spot and runs his hand though his hair. "I am trying Arabella, I'm trying to make this work and not to be upset about these things. But it seems like you don't even want to fix this, you just keep pushing me away."

My breath gets caught in my throat. I don't know how to respond to that, this was the first time he called me out on it. Not that I didn't want to fix it, but that I was pushing him away. I try to answer him the best I could.

"I'm just. I don't know. I'm sorry." I shake my head, clasping my hands together.

"Stop apologizing, that's not fixing it. You do know, come on Arabella. What? Do you want me to stop training S.H.I.E.L.D. agents? Do you want me to not go out at all?"

"No that's not-"

"Then what is it that you want from me? Because I will do anything for us to be okay." He's pacing around the room now, desperation in him.

'I don't deserve him. This is too much, I've done enough damage it's time to be done.'

My eyes start to water and I swallow the lump in my throat. I watch Bucky as he looks at me with sadness, desperation, and love. I sit on the couch and put my head in my hands, rubbing my face a few times I stop and look at him through my fingers. He's still in the same position.

"I can't do this to you. You shouldn't have to put up with any of this. We have to be through now before it gets worse than it is. It's enough, you've had enough." I declare, conviction firm in my words.

Bucky's eyes light up and in two large steps he is in front of me, taking me by the arms and making me stand up.

"Oh no, that's not fair. You don't get to make me love you, put me through this and then tell me when I've had enough. That's not a decision you get to make." Passion in his eyes tell me he believes every word. Tears trial down my face and he takes one hand away from my arm to wipe the tears.

"We are going to make this work. We'll talk about the things that have been putting this barrier between us." It's not a suggestion or plea, it's a command. I can't do anything but nod to him, really not wanting to leave him in the first place and very happy that he didn't let me too.

Bucky takes a seat on the couch again and pulls me down with him, turning me to make sure that I was in his direction. He runs his fingers across his chin and sighs.

"Let's start with why you have been staying out long and not coming home when you should be." Bucky starts, facial expression telling me to answer.

Biting my lip for a minute, I release it once I find what to say. "I know that I have been getting mad lately and it's been very tense, I just wanted to save you from a fight by staying out."

"I thought that was why." He states drily. "I'd much rather be fighting with you then not know where you are for hours, I get worried."

"So do I Bucky, you don't come home till 1:00 in the morning, I don't know what to think." I shoot back to him, wanting to know it was the same for me.

"I know, I only started doing it because you were doing it. I went to Steve's and didn't tell you. It was wrong of me, just wanted you to know how I felt." He explains rationally.

Shame fills me, I thought that he was messing around when he was just at Steve's.

'Just like the phone calls and text.'

Shame an obvious thing on my face, Bucky changes it to the next part.

"I want to know where you go when you don't come home." The tone of the question was rougher then when he asked the first one.

'He had his doubts about me too.'

"It depends on the day, if its lunch with Pepper then I stay at the food place for a few more hours. If its training with Erica then I keep going with her longer, or I go and work out by myself."

Relief floods his features, and he closes his eyes for a second a small smile spreads on his face. He nods a few times to me.

"I want to explain this to you, and I really don't want you to say anything till you heard it all." I say to him, wanting to tell him the source of all of this fighting. Bucky stares at me questioningly, giving me the go ahead to speak. "Right. Since you got the call from Agent Rule," He opens his mouth to speak, I hold a hand up stopping him. "I had been feeling insecure, and that's not your fault. That was all me, I let myself feel that way about nothing. So eventually every little thing had to be a girl that you found somehow, and all I could think was how she must be so much better than me."

"Arabella-"

"Wait I'm not done." I interrupt him, ready to say the hardest thing for me. "I am just so afraid that you'll see how messed up I am and that there are girls out there who can give you more with less baggage. I don't want you to leave me, but I am broken and everything that I shouldn't be. I am not the same girl you fell in love with." I finish in a small voice, looking at the ground. I feel Bucky move my head back up and I let hm. He looks seriously into my eyes.

"Same girl I fell in love with? Ara I didn't fall in love with a type of you, I fell I love with you; all of you, no matter what changes you go through." That brings a minuscule smile to my face, Bucky gives me one in return. "You're not the only one who has been through it with Hydra. I worry that you'll see it, I have insecurities too." I lift my hand to his face and trace circles with my thumb.

"You're perfect to me." I assure him, a loving tone strong.

"Why can't you see it's the same way for me?" He shoots back. I chuckle at that, and nod; understanding his struggle.

"I can't promise you that I'm going to be better right away, but I can promise that I'll try harder and stop avoiding the situation."

"Okay, and I'll try too." He offers, I move my hand from his face to his hair, liking the way it felt between my fingers. I had missed touching him and being so close to him. Emotions flooded through me, longing, need, and love. I lean into him and bring his face down to mine, locking our lips together. He pulls me closer to him by the small of my back, making our chest touch.

I pull my lips away from his to breath. "Can you just hold me tonight?" I whisper to him, hand still in his hair.

"Anything you want love." He tells me, moving to get up from the couch, picking me up and taking me to our room. He lays me down on the bed and gets beside me, cuddling me into his arms. I was facing him, tracing the features of his face lightly, and trying to memorize everything about him.

Bucky's eyes stayed locked on my face, his fingers drawing circles into my back. This was the closet we had been in a long time.

The tips of my fingers reach his cheek, and his eyes close as he leans into my touch. I close mine too, letting my body rest and enjoy the moment.