"Sirius?"

I called his name quietly as I stood in the foyer of Number Twelve. I honestly didn't expect him to respond, I had just hoped he would be in the sitting room and not in the basement in a drunken stupor because he was trying to drown his sorrow. I unzipped my coat and hung it on the coat rack before moving to the sitting room. The dusty, dark room was empty of any human presence. I turned on my heel and headed for the basement. I doubted Sirius would be upstairs, but that would be the next place I looked if I did not find him in the basement.

As I descended the stairs I heard Sirius' voice cursing loudly, which gave me some relief. He was in the kitchen so I did not have to climb three flights of stairs to make sure he was alive. Also, if he was cursing in such a clear, angry tone, it meant he wasn't drunk enough to be slurring his speech. I hadn't come across London to speak to Sirius while he was drunk and angry.

"Sirius?"

He was kneeling in front of the fire, throwing a pot of water over the dancing green flames. The flames went out instantly, with a hissing sound and smoke rising. I paused at the kitchen table and raised my eyebrows at him in confusion as he stood up. He turned abruptly, pulling his wand and dropping the pot loudly onto the floor with a clank!

"What are you doing?" I asked as I raised my hands in the air.

"What was the last Christmas gift you gave me?"

"The star hanging around your neck," I said calmly. I was prepared for the question despite the fact that I was able to get into the house. I didn't blame Sirius for being thorough and careful. He lowered his wand slowly.

"What are you doing here?"

"If you don't want any company, I will leave," I said sorely.

"Maybe I'm expecting someone."

"Really? You want to play that game?"

"Alright, fine," he hissed as he turned and picked up the pot and threw it across the room into the sink of dirty dishes, which he obviously hadn't done in a few days. I suppose he expected Kreacher, the house elf, to do them.

"Why did you put out the Floo fire?" I asked as I took a seat at the table.

Sirius brought over two bottles of honeyed ail when he came to join me. I thanked him and popped the cap of the beer bottle off on the edge of the table. He was staring at me as I took a long drag on the bottle, thirsty from my walk across town. I relaxed and put the bottle down on the table, it was already half empty.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said with a shake of his head. "I was speaking to Harry, Hermione, Ron and Carrigan in the fire when I felt someone else coming through the network."

"What?" I leaned forward in disbelief.

"I'm not sure who it was," Sirius said casually. "Probably the High Inquisitor herself."

"Sirius, you should be more careful."

"What is with all of you women telling me to be careful? Molly, Hermione, even Carrigan, and now you."

"Forgive us for caring about you and the people you're communicating to."

"Are you suggesting that I'm being irresponsible?" He questioned sharply with a violent glare at me in his dark blue eyes.

"Well, are you?"

"No," he insisted. "I needed to speak to Harry concerning a few matters. We took a risk, obviously, but he needed to speak to me."

"What about?"

Sirius frowned for a moment as he opened his bottle of beer and drank from it. "He and the others have formed a secret group to study Defense Against the Dark Arts together. Dung brought it up last weekend after he followed them to the Hog's Head."

"Why am I just hearing about this now?" I said surprised.

"You haven't been around," Sirius shrugged. "They haven't found a place to hold their secret meetings, since Umbridge created that stupid decree, I was helping them brainstorm."

"I read about the decree," I nodded. "All school organizations and groups have to be approved by her. She must have found out about their meeting in the Hog's Head."

"Either way, they're still going through with it," Sirius said.

"Good," I whispered with a nod.

Despite the consequence of expulsion, I knew it was best for Carrigan, Harry and the others to be studying and helping each other learn how to defend themselves. The Ministry's imposed agenda on Hogwarts was taking away from our children's education, and limiting their ability to defend themselves. Any person in their right mind, whether they believed Voldemort had returned or not, would want their child to learn Defense Against the Dark Arts. My father wasn't the only dark wizard in our history, and he wouldn't be the last; besides, no one (including the Ministry) had a problem with Hogwarts students studying Defense Against the Dark Arts after my father disappeared, why did it matter so much now? It was obviously an attempt for the Ministry to regain control over some of the situation that they were in complete denial of.

"You didn't tell me that Carrigan was with you when you caught Form," Sirius said mildly. I frowned. I had left that detail out of the story when I reported it to the Order of the Phoenix the week after it happened.

"She's fine," I replied.

"Yes," he nodded. "She is. Have you talked to her since?"

"No, why?"

"She's been in detention every night for the last three weeks."

"For what?"

"Disobedience," Sirius said casually. "She's speaking out that I'm innocent, and Voldemort has returned. Umbridge puts her in detention for telling lies and disobedience."

"Well, she's obviously your daughter," I said with a smile.

"My daughter? Obviously yours as well, my dear Cadence."

"She just told you she was in detention?"

"No," Sirius said uncomfortably. "I saw her hands."

"Her hands?" I asked puzzled.

"Umbridge, apparently, has her students write with an enchanted quill when she has them write lines. The quill uses the students blood as ink. As they write their lines, the words are cut into the back of their hand and the blood comes out of the quill. It took a bit to get that much out of Carrigan. She doesn't want us to do anything. She doesn't want Umbridge to think she whined to us."

My skin was on fire. How dare that evil woman touch my daughter with anything, let alone something that was indirectly hurting her like that? I was going to have words with Dumbledore about Umbridge's treatment of my daughter.

"Harry has similar scars," Sirius whispered. "But Carrigan's are far worse. She might get expelled just for being so disobedient."

"Dumbledore wouldn't let that happen," I said with a shake of my head. "He is still in control at Hogwarts, for now."

Sirius shrugged. "I'm not crazy about anyone harming our daughter."

"Me either, but Carrigan can take care of herself and she has never appreciated anyone stepping in to save her, not even me," I said with a small smile. "She's very independent that way."

"As long as she asks for help when she needs it."

"Oh please, she's too stubborn for that," I said with a laugh.

We both fell silent for a moment, allowing me to take another drink of my ail. Sirius was staring at the table, holding the bottle by the neck with his fingertips.

"I was too harsh on her this summer," he said regretfully. "I wasted a chance to be close to her, to love her as a father should love his daughter."

"You can't beat yourself up about what happened in the past," I said wisely. "Just learn from it and don't make the same mistake twice."

"I feel like I've made the same mistake multiple times," Sirius shook his head. "With you and now Carrigan."

"Oh no, you're making all sorts of new mistakes with Carrigan," I said. "But so am I, Sirius."

He nodded his head and gave me a weak smile. "What do you propose we do?"

"Love her," I said with a smile. "Love her the best you can, that's all you can do. She'll understand some day."

"I don't know if that's enough," Sirius said. "I wish we had a normal life, even if we weren't together. I wish that I could have always been there for you and Carrigan, no matter what."

"You can't change the past, Sirius," I whispered sadly.

"Doesn't mean I can't imagine what it would have been like."

I laughed softly. "I'm afraid it would have been worse…we would have been worse."

"Thank you for having faith in us."

"I'm just saying, we ended so poorly, with so much pain," I sighed. "It happened the way it did for a reason. Let's not question that."

Sirius nodded his head and dropped the subject, which I was thankful for.

"You really only came over here to check on me?"

I looked at him with bewildered eyes. "I'm lonely too you know. I did get fired…I'm working at night for the Order, but I never see anyone."

Sirius laughed. "Oh, of course. At least you can do something for the Order."

"Sirius, if you're going to keep singing this sap-song, I am going to leave. You've done plenty for the Order by giving them this place to use—"

"Except they're not using it," he said shortly. "No one else is here."

"We all have to maintain lives so that the Ministry doesn't suspect us," I argued to his point. "The Order is using this house. We still have meetings here."

"You know I belong out there in the thick of things, just like you. I was not meant to be locked up in a cage."

I frowned as he heaved a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry you have to stay hidden. There is still hope in catching Pettigrew, then you would be cleared."

"I don't think there is that much hope," Sirius said sadly with a lame smile. "He is no doubt with your father still."

"I know," I forced a smile. "But there is still always hope."

Sirius didn't seem encouraged by my words. He finished off his beer and stared blankly at the table. "When Carrigan comes home for Christmas, can you all stay here for awhile?"

"If you'd like us to," I nodded.

"I'd just like to see her as much as possible," he responded.

"You're always welcome at our house, Sirius."

"Thank you, but I'm sure Gabriel would say otherwise."

I frowned deeply. "Gabriel respects you and knows that you are still a part of my life. Perhaps you should show him the same courtesy."

"You know I have a hard time playing well with others, especially when I resent them," Sirius said bitterly. I couldn't help but smile at his words. Not playing well with others was something he and I had in common. I tried to ignore the last bit of his comment, but it tore me apart inside.

"You shouldn't resent him."

Sirius frowned and leaned forward. "You have to know I still love you."

There it was. The conversation had gone from comfortable to awkward in less then a minute. My stomach tightened in my stomach, causing me to want to vomit. I didn't know what to say at first. The words seemed so sudden and unexpected. I wasn't sure if I could accept what he was saying to me.

"Doesn't mean you should resent Gabriel," I replied once I got it together. "If you truly loved me you would want me to be happy, no matter what that meant for you."

"Of course," Sirius nodded. "But that doesn't mean I can't resent or be jealous of the man that you chose. The man that also is raising my child with you."

I sighed and brushed my hand through my hair. "Things happen…"

"Yea," Sirius snipped bitterly. "I know they do. I know you and Gabriel would end up together no matter what happened, you two are soul mates and that is fine. I am happy for you. You deserve someone who could give you what I couldn't. It just hurts me that I couldn't give it to you. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm disappointed that I couldn't be a better man for you, or a better father for Carrigan."

"For Merlin's sake, Sirius, you're not dead yet," I retorted. "Sure, maybe you weren't a great man for me, but I wasn't a great woman for you either. And like I said before, be better now. Be what Carrigan needs. Don't try to control and don't put expectations on her. Just love her and let her be."

Sirius smiled as he sat back. "You know, you're a fantastic mother?"

"I'm a terrible mother," I replied. "I'm only good for Carrigan."

Sirius laughed. "That explains why she is your only child."

"It's better that way," I whispered sadly.

"You do want another child?"

"No," I said quickly. "No. It would all be too difficult."

"Doesn't mean you don't want one."

"Now, you sound like Gabriel."

"He's a smart man," Sirius nodded with a smile. I couldn't help but smile as Sirius seemed to have come around. He stood up from the table to pick up our empty beer bottles. "Would you like another?"

"No," I replied with a sigh. "Thank you though, I should be going. I want to lay down before heading to the Ministry."

"How are you getting in?"

"Gabriel is going back in for some papers, I'm sneaking in with him," I said as I stood and stretched. I turned, pushed my chair back in, then moved across the kitchen towards the staircase. I paused for a moment and turned back to look at Sirius.

"What?" he asked.

I strode across the kitchen and embraced him tightly. He hesitated before embracing me in return. His arms wrapped around me tightly, holding me like he used to when we were younger and I still loved him. "Be safe, Sirius," I whispered. "There are people who rely on you."

"Alright," he said softly in my ear. I pulled out of his arms before the embrace became awkward. "You too, especially at the Ministry."

"Thanks," I whispered. "I'll do my best."

I turned on my heel and exited the basement as I reviewed my conversation with Sirius in my head. He seemed happier after our talk; more understanding of his circumstances and more accepting of his life. I hoped that he would keep our conversation in his heart, and not forget what was truly important in our lives now. He did owe Carrigan more then what he had given her so far. I hoped that he would live up to his own hopes of being better for her. He certainly didn't owe me anything. We had burned that bridge already.

As I walked down the streets of London, back towards my new home (that was finally decorated and furnished) snow began to fall. I paused for a moment on the busy sidewalk and looked up at the grey sky. I let the snow flakes hit my cheeks and took in the natural beauty of the world around me. I pretended that no war existed; nothing was wrong with the world or the people in it. Everything was good and would continue to go on, no matter what happened.

My thoughts were violently interrupted when someone else's body slammed into mine. I hurtled forward, caught my balance and turned behind me to see an annoyed man in a business suit moving quickly along. I grumbled and fixed my coat.

"Bastard," I muttered. When I stood up straight, I sighed. The man who had run into me throttled me back to reality; out of my fantasy of peace and goodness. It was time I accepted the reality before me—Voldemort was still alive, there was still a war to be fought, Sirius would probably always love me and have a thorn in his side, Carrigan would always deserve more from Sirius and I, and Gabriel would always be my side. I just needed to accept the reality before me.

When I arrived at home to the brownstone, I was surprised to see Gabriel already home form the Ministry. He wasn't supposed to be home until eight or nine that way he could play off forgetting some paper work as the reason that he was returning so late. I was supposed to follow him in under an enchanted invisibility cloak that Moody had loaned me. If Gabriel was home early, either Dumbledore had changed our plans for the evening and I wasn't going to be guarding the Department of Mysteries, or something was very wrong.

I took off my coat as Gabriel came down the steps into the foyer. He had a stern look on his face, which made my stomach flip with discomfort.

"What is it?" I asked gripping my coat in my hands.

"Henry Thrett is dead," Gabriel said with no hesitation or forewarning. "He was found murdered in his kitchen this morning."

My heart plummeted into my stomach. If Thrett was dead, that meant that Death Eaters were onto us; they were closer to breaking into the Department of Mysteries then we had originally anticipated and they were taking the necessary measure to ensure that we did not stop them. They probably went to Thrett after they failed breaking in with Podmore. If they tried to use Thrett, perhaps he refused, so they killed him. Or even worse, they tortured him for a way to get in and out of the department and killed him when he was no longer useful. I hoped the first theory was the truth…I didn't think I could accept the second option.