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Afterwards

Virgin Suicides

I'm choking on the wind. I'm choking on blood. Is it mine or yours!? Aw, I hope it's both mingling. Aw I hope it's both choking me down. I hope my blood already choked you silent. I hope that it choked you to death. Aw, aw, wouldn't it be such a cute sight to see you gurgling on the mingling sweat and blood that we share. The jerk of a car slams me into obnoxious realities.

I look around and there's only gray. Aw, aw has this world finally shattered!? Are we dead. Is he dead with me? I wanted to be the one to kill him though, kill him before something horrible happened after all. Kill him before he was taken from me! And if the environment killed him then he didn't choke on our combined blood. Where am I anyway? Where am I? I look down at myself. I'm in a gray cab. The screaming as almost every blood vessel in my body popped. The laughing. Aw, the laughing. I like to laugh. I wanted to laugh with him as I died but he crawled away like a scared mouse. I want to strike him down like he did to me! Curiously as I am curious and curiouser and mad and mad and mad and delightfully endlessly mad!

"Where are we going?" I ask stifling giggles.

"Afterwards." The woman with the sultry voice replies.

"Your voice sounds like smoke. Would you mind if I strangled you to see the smoke come out!"

The woman remains silent. I wonder if I scared her! Do you mind if I kill you, the words always come out so light. I wonder if someone will let me one day. Yuusei. He should have died with me. Aw as I am dead then I'll come back as a ghost and kill him and make him choke on the mixed blood and sweat and laugh with him as he dies and no one can have him but me.

"Unlike most of the others you did not question afterwards." The woman starts again with the smokey words appearing in yellow and black letters in front of me.

"After means death." I giggle.

"Hmn, clearly you are deluded."

"Deluded? Me? No, no, YOU are the deluded one!"

"Hmn. This is bound to be interesting."

The car bounces. I wanna choke her from behind. Why do they always scream? I just want them to stay the way they are, to pay for their betrayals. Why do they mind if I kill them? It's silly. Death is just another heart stopped. And heaven and hell know that the more hearts stopped the more peace. Death is a part of my very nature. Death is my soul. I'm the angel of death. Ha ha ha!

"Do you know which afterwards this is?" The smoke asks.

"Don't care! Death is the same! The thing I don't get is how I died as I am the angel of death, no the God of death and Gods of death don't die!" I scream in reply.

"Death takes everyone. You are in Janus, the afterlife of choices."

"And I choose life!"

"That is not an option. The options are forever or redemption. Pain or ascension? Suicide or letting go?"

"Hmn, I choose forever, pain and suicide!"

"We'll see."

The car stops abruptly and slams my head against the seat. I laugh yet again.

"This was fun! We should do it again sometime!"

"We'll see. Time to pay me!"

"Oh I have no money and oh I have no things and oh I have no soul so what payment will you take?"

"Your angelic appearance to give to the virgin suicide you allowed to fall into a personal hell."

I laugh as pain surrounds me. I feel different somehow. I feel deader. Aw how great! I've always wanted to FEEL death! Sharing death was as close as I could get after all! The gray car speeds off and in my hand is a small silver key. Instantly I am pulled to a tall building. Death has great living accommodations! I jam the key into the lock and the building opens. A building all for me? Wow! I've never owned a building before! Heh. Oh wait do I have to share? I wonder if I can make them choke on their own blood! Dying after death! Such a lovely concept!

The door opens. In there are people suffering the effects of death, a man without arms, a man without legs, a woman without eyes, suffering, suffering, they are all suffering! The thin key develops a raised number four. Four, four, four! Four is death! I am four! I walk pat the suffering people with a quick smile. The legless man recoils. I glide up the stairs humming. Humming, humming, four! Four different songs pull at my tongue! I jam the key in the lock and twist it and open it. I walk inside. I smell gasoline. I smell Yuusei. I lift my nose up and go to the smell. A bedroom, his perhaps, aw did Yuusei join me? I run into the room. It's empty, sadly. I sit down on the bed that smells of him and wonder and wonder and wonder! If I choke on my blood what will happen? Will I see him again? I lie down and sleep grasps at me. Goodnight Yuusei, I'll see you soon.