Chapter 6 – Depression & Bargaining
For the next couple of days Joker was despondent. Now that they were at the warehouse in Tri-Corner and he had a real bed that wasn't slashed to bits he had been sleeping a lot. It was too much sleep for a regular person, for him it was unheard of. When he was awake he was restless, but couldn't seem to muster the energy to really do much of anything. There had been no violent outbursts, no arguing, no insults and no sign of his normally manic behavior. In fact, it was becoming increasingly rare for him to even engage her in conversation. It was not normal and was really starting to worry Harley. She had been urging him to start new projects but so far the few times he actually went into his office, his time was spent staring out the window at the Bat-symbol that was still being lit every night. She needed to find something to cheer him up and get him back in the swing of things. She had an idea but she'd have to go out under the cover of darkness to put it into action. She snuck her costume out of the bedroom while J was sleeping and hid it in the linen closet where she could access it later without J getting suspicious.
Joker was currently in the bedroom, not sleeping, but sprawled on his back across the bed staring blankly at the ceiling and trying to figure out what on earth to do with himself. Had Harley not been constantly up his ass for the past few days he would have gotten into the cocaine he had hidden in his wardrobe. It was the one thing that almost made him feel like his old self again. There was a lot Harley would tolerate, she didn't freak out if he drank or took a few pills but she hated it when he did harder drugs, particularly coke. If he recalled correctly, although he was pretty high at the time so it was kind of fuzzy, he had beaten her pretty badly during that period of time when he and Harvey were on the outs and warring with one another.
He wanted to find something to keep himself occupied but he just didn't enjoy anything that used to make him happy. He'd tried finding a new hobby. Jigsaw puzzles just aggravated him, they took too long and there was always one piece missing by the time he was nearly finished. He had tried drawing, but he always seemed to draw the same things, Bats, dead Robins, Bat-symbols and Batmobile's. It merely served to depress him further so he gave it up. Harley had tried to get him to exercise with her in the mornings and although he knew he should, he just couldn't seem to bring himself to do anything about it. He'd even gone so far as to take one of Harley's suggestions and tried to learn more about the internet and social media. That lasted about thirty minutes before he became disgusted with it and closed the laptop. He sighed heavily and sat up. The clock by the bed read one PM. His stomach growled and he realized he hadn't eaten since yesterday afternoon. At least it would kill a little time.
He slowly made his way down the hallway, feet dragging and posture hunched, until he got to the kitchen. The place was quiet and there was no sign of Harley anywhere. He walked to the fridge to rummage around for something to eat when he saw the note tacked to the freezer with an Arkham Asylum magnet.
Puddin, Have to run a few errands. Be home later. Love, Harley
"Figures, I'm so bored I actually wanted to talk to the ditzy twit for a change and she's not even here. Story of my life these days! I get no respect, I tell ya. None at all."
He rummaged in the fridge and settled on a slice of cold pizza to take the edge off of his hunger. Then left to his own devices he first paced the place. Once he was bored with that he slumped onto the couch, staring at the blackened TV screen. He knew it wasn't going to hold his attention and if there were any news reports on Bats it may just set him off again so he didn't even bother picking up the remote. He eyeballed the wet bar at the other end of the room. Harley wouldn't be happy with him, but he needed something to get him through the day. He was pleasantly surprised to discover an unopened bottle of Maker's Mark whiskey. He peeled off the wax seal, uncorked the bottle and poured himself half a glass. He took a swig and enjoyed the burn as the liquid coated his throat. He sighed as he swirled the liquid around the glass.
"Is this what my life has come to? I've become a bored, depressed, day drinking clown? Something's gotta give." He set the glass down on the coffee table. He looked up at the ceiling and decided having a conversation with God couldn't hurt. "Listen, big guy. I know you and I haven't necessarily been on the best of terms. I get that some of my 'activities' have probably given you agita over the years, but can we make a deal? Look I'm no good without my Batsy, you can obviously see that right? So how about you bring Bats back and I'll….. no, that won't work, if you bring Batsy back I'll need to do that. Um, okay how about this, you bring back Bats and I promise to never go after the Gordon's again. Huh? What do ya think? Not big enough? Ok, you bring back Bats and I won't kill anyone for an entire year. Whaddya say old buddy, old pal?"
He wasn't really expecting an answer, but he found himself thinking a sign of some kind would have been nice. He sighed again and picked up his whiskey and stared at it as he swirled the glass.
"I guess it's just you and me until Harley gets back."
At the same time, across town, Dr. Leslie Thompkins was just getting to the Martha Wayne Community Home. The Martha Wayne Community Home was a homeless shelter down on Church Street funded by the Wayne Foundation. Leslie was there to see an old colleague, Justine Cole, who had asked if she could have a look at one of their current 'guests'. She entered the front door to the shelter and spotted her across the room. Justine saw Leslie enter and met her halfway across the vast space.
"Leslie. Thanks so much for coming on such short notice."
"It's no problem at all Justine. Who's the patient?"
"He's back in our medical bay. We don't know who he is. It seems he doesn't know who he is. We've been calling him John for lack of anything better. The thing is, Leslie, he seems so familiar but I just can't put my finger on why."
"He's suffering amnesia of some kind?"
"Apparently. He's young, approximately late thirties to early forties. Due to the extent of the scarring on his body I have to guess this fella was in the military and obviously saw active combat. I think he might be suffering severe PTSD."
Justine led Leslie into the small medical bay. The man had his back turned to her.
"Leslie I have a few things I need to see to, will you be okay on your own?"
"Of course. I'll let you know my diagnosis when I've finished the examination."
Justine left the room. Leslie cleared her throat as she approached the young man, she didn't want to startle him.
"John, my name is Dr. Thompkins and I'm here to examine you." She came around to face the man and blanched. "Oh my God. Bruce?" He blinked at her in incomprehension. "Bruce, do you know who I am?"
He shook his head as he stared blankly at the kind looking old woman with the gray hair and light blue eyes. She grabbed a towel, ran it under warm water and wrung it out. She needed to be sure it really was Bruce which meant cleaning off the caked on dirt and grime from his face.
"Bruce I need to get you cleaned up a little. I'm not going to hurt you okay? Will you allow me to help you?"
The man nodded. She carefully removed the hat from his head revealing his jet black hair and set it aside. She slowly washed the filth from his face to reveal the adult face of a boy who once clung to her in tears having just witnessed the brutal murder of his parents in Crime Alley over thirty years prior.
"Oh Bruce. What happened to you?" He stared at her blankly. "Don't worry Bruce. I'm calling your family." She pulled out her cell phone.
"Wayne Manor."
"Alfred! It's Leslie."
"Doctor Thompkins, how lovely to hear from you. To what do I owe the pleasure?"
"Alfred I need you to get down here to the Martha Wayne Community Home right away!"
"What on earth is wrong, Leslie?"
"I found Bruce." There were a few moments of stunned silence on the other end. "Alfred, are you there?"
"Yes, terribly sorry Dr. Thompkins. You just gave me a bit of a start. Dick and I will be there directly! Thank you, Leslie. You have no idea how relived I am."
"Alfred just be prepared. He doesn't know who I am, or who he is for that matter. I'll stay with him until you both get here. Hurry."
Dick and Alfred sped from the Palisades all the way to the shelter. While she waited for them to arrive Leslie filled Justine in, leaving out as much information as possible to protect Bruce's identity.
"What do you mean, you found his family?" Asked Justine, puzzled.
"Justine, I know this man. I've treated him since he was a child."
"Then who is he?" Leslie shook her head.
"I can't tell you that. Let's just say he is someone very important whose identity must be protected at all costs. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't. Just know he'll be going home in just a little while. I hate to ask you to do this but can we have the room to ourselves until after the family leaves?"
"Yes of course, Leslie. Whatever you need."
Leslie cleared the room just in time for Alfred and Dick to arrive. They dashed to the medical bay and stood staring in shock at a very disheveled and confused Bruce Wayne. Alfred's posture loosened with relief as he gazed at the man that he loved as if he were his own son.
"Thank God, Master Bruce." The old man grasped Bruce's shoulders as he examined the details of his face. "I prayed, we'd find you. I asked God to spare you and guide you home to us and here you are! I am so very relieved." His eyes were becoming watery with unshed tears.
"Bruce? Do you know who we are?" Asked Dick. Bruce shook his head. He had no idea who any of these people were but they did seem vaguely familiar, as if he'd met them in a dream. "Leslie, will you come back to the Manor with us? I think we're going to need your help on this one."
"Of course, Dick. Let's get him to the car."
In Tri-Corner Yards, dusk was falling and Harley was just getting in from running errands and doing the weekly shopping. She entered the kitchen and dropped the groceries on the table, then went to go find Joker to check up on him. She immediately saw the half empty bottle of whiskey on the coffee table in the living room and sighed. She walked to the bedroom to find J snoring loudly, which indicated he had definitely had too much to drink. He'd likely be out for hours, which actually worked out well. She wouldn't have to sneak out of the house now to accomplish her mission. After putting the groceries away, Harley changed into her costume and clown white makeup and headed out into the Gotham night.
Joker was just stirring from his extended whiskey induced nap. He glanced at the clock, it was just after nine in the evening. He should probably go find Harley, but his head was pounding slightly and he just didn't feel like getting up, so instead he rolled onto his side and pulled the sheet over his head instead. He had just started dozing again when he was suddenly pounced on. He jumped in shock as Harley's shrill voice brought him to full consciousness.
"Get up Puddin!" He stared at her in the semi-darkness.
"What the hell are you doing in costume, Harley?" She smiled broadly, her eyes twinkling.
"C'mon Pud, ya gotta get up and get dressed. I gotcha a present! Come see, come see!" Her body was straddled over his, her hands on either side of his head and she bounced on them, shaking the entire mattress. He pursed his lips and looked at her through narrowed eyes.
"Harley! What the hell is the matter with you? Can't you see I'm sleeping here?"
"Awww, whatever, Mistah J. You do nothing but sleep anymore. Get up, get up, get up! I got something to cheer ya up!" He released a heavy breath.
"Fine! Just quit it with the bouncing already, Daddy has a headache." She leaned over and kissed his nose.
"I'll get ya some aspirin while you get dressed."
He put on a pair of black sweats and a green tee shirt wondering what in the world had gotten into his girlfriend. She was in the kitchen sitting on the counter in her harlequin suit holding two aspirin in one hand and a glass of water in the other.
"Here Mistah J, for your hangover." He glared at her as he grabbed the pills.
"I'm not hungover, I just have a headache." She rolled her eyes but continued smiling.
"Sure, if you say so Mistah J. The half bottle of whiskey has absolutely nothing to do with your headache." She replied still smiling widely. Once he downed the pills she hopped off the counter and grabbed his hand. "C'mon Pud, it's this way."
She dragged him out of their living space and down the stairs into the warehouse. As they descended the stairs he couldn't help but notice how great her ass looked in her uniform. It had been weeks since he'd seen her in costume and he had to admit it stirred a very mild longing in him.
"Harley, where are we going? What are you up to?" She flashed him a mischievous grin.
"You'll see!"
She led him to the very back of the warehouse where he kept a private, soundproofed room that he used primarily for interrogation and the occasional impromptu torture session. She stood in front of the steel door posed like a game show model. She turned the knob and slowly opened the door. He peered in as she shouted.
"Ta daa!" He turned and looked at her in confusion then back into the room. "Come in and check it out!" She walked to the large table in the center of the space. Strapped to this was a middle aged white man, dressed in a white button down and navy blue dress pants. "Puddin, say hello to Phil. Phil meet the Joker." Tears began to form in the man's eyes and he began screaming beneath the duct tape covering his mouth.
"Harley, I don't understand. What's this all about?"
"Well Pud, you've tried some new hobbies and so far nothing's cheered you up, so I got you a new toy to play with. Once you realize you can still have fun witho-, I mean by yourself, it should help you get back into the swing of things Pud."
"Harls, while this is a nice gesture and I appreciate you for thinking of it, I just don't feel like killing anyone right now." She waggled her index finger at him.
"Nu-uh Mistah J, look. I laid out all of your favorite tools." She motioned to an adjacent table. "A wide array of knives, razors and scalpels are at your disposal. Bone saw, circular saw, reciprocating saw, power drill, nail gun, belt sander, files, wire cutters, bolt cutters and an array of different sized chainsaws. I hooked up the car batteries and the alligator clips, both the nipple size and the big boys. I even brought down anything you might need for waterboarding Pud. Not only that, but look over here." She brought him to another table. "I made you a nice mix of music to get you in the mood." She held up an MP3 player attached to a small speaker. "Plus I made sure you have plenty of cold water and snacks." He looked at his moll in awe. She really had thought of everything.
"Well this is all very sweet, Poo. But-" She screwed up her face and put her hands on her hips.
"No buts, Mistah J. I went through a lot of trouble to set this all up for you. You need this, Pud. I expect you to get to work and you had better take the time to enjoy yourself or I'm really gonna be pissed. Got it?" He couldn't help but chuckle at her.
"Okay Poo. Out of curiosity, where'd you get the guy?"
"Ah, he's just a white collar John who was trying to pick up a working girl. I car jacked him." He leaned down and gave her a peck on the cheek.
"Thanks Pumpkin. I'll do my best to try to have a good time, but no guarantees."
"As long as you give it a try, I'll be satisfied. I'll leave you to it. Have fun Pud!" She left him alone with Phil.
"Sorry about this fella, but you heard the lady. If I turn my nose up at her gift I'll be in the doghouse and believe me when I tell you that's not a fun place to be where my Harley-girl is concerned. If it makes you feel any better, my heart really isn't in this."
The captive struggled against his bonds and yelled incomprehensively under the duct tape on his mouth. Joker walked over the MP3 player and hit the play button. The room filled with the sound of Stealers Wheel, Stuck in the Middle with You.
Hmmm… she did a really good job. It's a shame I'm just not really in the mood right now. I know exactly how I could get into the mood but I'd have to sneak it past Harley. I'd hate to waste a perfectly good hostage after all. Meh, it's worth taking the chance.
"Hey there buddy. I gotta run and grab something from upstairs, you just relax and I'll be right back."
The captive screamed behind his gag as J headed back up to the lair. As the door opened Harley turned with a frown and stared at Joker.
"Puddin, what are you doing? It hasn't even been five minutes yet!"
"Sorry Poo, I just need a few more pieces of equipment from the other room. Your gift has rather inspired me." She smiled in pride. See it was working already!
"Okay Mistah J. I'm hopping in the shower, so you go have fun now."
He entered the bedroom and opened the wardrobe. He fished the bag of cocaine out of its hiding place and stuffed it in his pocket, then grabbed his favorite knife, a pair of pliers and some twine and headed back downstairs for several hours where, after a few of lines of coke, he actually managed to enjoy himself for the first time in weeks.
Once he had thoroughly exhausted the usefulness of his gift, he finally helped Phil shuffle off his mortal coil by using an axe to separate his head from his shoulders. Then he decided to celebrate with just one more line of coke. He was covered head to toe in Phil's blood and as he listened to Queen preforming We Will Rock you on the mix Harley had made him he realized he was feeling a little… anxious. He wiped the sweat from his brow and headed back up to the lair. Harley was just coming out of the bedroom as he walked in the door.
"Hey Pud! So how did it go?" He smiled wickedly at her.
"It was quite a treat Pumpkin. I'd very much like to thank you for thinking of it." The look in his eyes was predatory.
He advanced on her and before she could open her mouth again he had her pressed against the hallway wall, his hands pinning hers above her head, tongue plundering her mouth, his long body pressed against her. She could feel his obvious excitement as his swollen member pressed against her belly. She moaned into his mouth. It had been at least a week since he'd touched her intimately. He broke the kiss and covered her mouth with his hand.
"Harley, Daddy is going to have his way with you now and I need you to keep quiet. If you speak I will gag you, understood?"
She smiled behind his hand and nodded. He was obviously in an aggressive mood. This was shaping up to be a good night. He turned her towards the bedroom and marched her inside where the two clowns indulged in some very sick fantasies for quite a few hours until J eventually came down from the drugs and collapsed on top of her panting and sweating. He looked at Harley. She was smiling widely, her hair tousled and her eyelids half closed. As he gazed at her he realized that this was the best he had felt since Batsy's death. A little coke, some mutilation and several hours of natural endorphin release seemed to do the trick. If he could keep this up, he was pretty sure he'd be able to get over the emptiness he felt over Bats.
Harley was thinking something similar and the thought of the possibility of more sex made her smile even more widely. She would not be smiling for long.