Chapter Seven: To Thine Own Self Be True

"Your task is not to seek for love,

but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."

~Rumi

Rumplestiltskin woke with the rays of the sun, warm and comfortable in his bed. His arms were wrapped around another body, hugging them closer to him. He took a deep breath and brought in her scent. She had stayed with him through the night. Just like she said that she would. He opened his eyes slowly and was glad to see that she was still asleep. He smiled and quickly kissed her hair. She moved just slightly and repositioned herself closer to him, pushing her head against the underside of his chin.

Last night was a close call for them both. She almost lost him to the darkness that grew from Chernabog's influence, and he felt the darkness grow to the point of lashing out and hurting her. Something bright came from her and beat back the darkness, decimating it as the light spread and brought him back to her. Maybe it was magic, maybe not. Whatever it was, it was from Belle.

He looked toward the window and looked at the leaves of a tree outside. He needed to find a way to fortify his mind and his soul from Chernabog. He couldn't risk another night like the one before from becoming worse. If he could, he would send Belle away, but that would only make her latch on stronger and raise her temper. She chose to stay and that's what she will do. She never backs down from her promises.

He breathed in her scent and the feel of her in his arms one more time before he began to abstract himself from her arms. He didn't know when the next time would come that they would both allow themselves to be that close to one another again.

A quick change into a clean suit, a note and a breakfast for one later, Rumplestiltskin stood in the doorway of the bedroom and watched her for a few moments. He knew he missed her immensely. It was hard to find sleep the first few nights without her next to him. Now, she was in his bed again, sleeping safe and sound with a hint of a smile on her face. He put the breakfast tray and note on the nightstand furthest from her just in case she would tip it in her sleep from her side. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on her temple and left the room.

"Archie Hopper," Archie read out loud from looking over his credentials that hung in his office space. He looked at the paper through the glass and then looked at his reflection staring back at him, "Is that who I am? Jiminy or Archie… or as James has said, a little bit of both?"

He looked at his hands, still as peach as his childhood days, not a speck of green on him. He wondered if he would stay as he was, or if he would revert to a cricket when they went back to the Enchanted Forest. Everything was so up in the air. He was the one that was trying to keep everyone else calm about their double identities, and here he was breaking down over his own. He shook his head and continued to fix up his office. He didn't have any appointments today and he promised Ruby that he would spend a day out. Or as Ruby said…

"You need a day out of the office and out in the town. Get some fresh mountain air and figure things out for yourself, for once. Heck, I'll even be your guide seeing as you probably don't know the livelier places around here."

He chuckled a little and looked at his office clock; he still had an hour and a half before she would forcibly take him out on the town. Well… maybe not that forcibly.

A knock at the door confused him as he knew Red was never this early to anything. More often than not she was a little late. He cleared his throat and opened the door, surprised to see Mister Gold, or Rumplestiltskin, at the door.

"Mister Gold…" Archie sighed and looked over the man standing in the hallway. He looked more worn than usual, a sign that something was eating at his mind. Something that couldn't be solved by his magic, "It seems you always show up at my door without an appointment."

"I always try to talk myself out of coming, so showing my face is a huge step forward, cricket," Rumplestiltskin kept a firm grip on his cane and looked hard at Archie. He closed his eyes and gritted his teeth to keep Belle in his mind. He was doing this for Belle, "Please, Doctor Hopper."

Archie saw the struggle and stepped inside the door to gesture him inside the room, "Please, come in."

Rumplestiltskin sat in the same chair that he had the last time that he was in the room to talk about Baelfire. When he thought the puppet was his son. He watched as Archie sat down in the chair opposite and took a deep breath before he turned his eyes to the powerful man across from him.

"It looks like you have a lot on your mind," he started and saw Rumplestiltskin nod in agreement, "Is it about your son?"

"I cannot reach my son until this curse is either weakened or completely gone. He is not in Storybrooke," Rumplestiltskin frowned and shook his head, "No, this is about… despite what you may think of me or of my reputation… this is about a whole different kind of love."

"Love?" he asked surprised that he got to the main subject so quickly, but knew that it would come up. He thought back to the talk that he had with Ruby when he walked her home, "Her name is Belle, right?"

Rumplestiltskin nodded again and looked at Archie in the eyes. He paused and shook his head, "You have been talking with Miss Lucas."

Archie nodded himself with a large smile, "She's told me about what she has seen and what Belle has told her. They are great friends."

"I am glad," Rumplestiltskin said in a quiet tone, "She deserves to have friends who will listen."

"What is the problem, Gold?"

"What isn't one?" Rumplestiltskin put his hands out as if to elaborate and when Archie didn't answer, but just sat with an expectant look on his face, "Where shall I start, then?"

"Where did it begin?" Archie asked quietly and leaned back in his chair as Rumplestiltskin began his tale.

Rumplestiltskin told of the horrors of the Ogre Wars and the injury that would never heal and the shame that blemished his name forever. He told about his wife and how she never truly loved him, and yet still bore him a son- a son that she left to live an adventure on the open seas with a pirate lover- a man that she could and did love. He also talked of his son, his brave son that would and did sacrifice everything to bring back his lame father, who already sacrificed his being to keep him alive and in one piece. Then that led to the story of the curse. The curse he brought on himself to keep the only thing he loved safe.

"You must have known that it was dark," Archie finally spoke when Rumplestiltskin took a break to breathe, "Why choose something so dark?"

"I was a coward, and to a desperate coward light and dark doesn't make a difference," Rumplestiltskin shrugged, "All that made any kind of difference was my son's life."

"So, you were a man once. A father…" Archie paused for a moment when Rumplestiltskin lowered his head in what looked close to shame, "…what made you change?"

"The blade was made by a much deeper evil. It was part of him. I didn't know this, but he could influence the cursed. Whisper of destruction and death and wallow gleefully in the horrible actions of the wielder. Chernabog, the death god of old, would reach into any soul and pull out the darkest of emotions, the deepest of wants and the most cherished thoughts… and turn them into dreadful weapons.

"That's what changed me. My want for my son's safety pushed me to kill those who may have hurt him; a scratch to the knee, a bump on the head. They were dead by the end of the day. In protecting him, I was killing innocent people and that deep voice from the blade, that essence of Chernabog reveled in it. In turn, the growing dark part of my own soul began to as well. Baelfire saw it and I lost him because of it. He was the only thing that kept me human. He was my light to shine through the darkness. My light went out the day he left and I didn't have another to light my way."

Archie waited for a moment before something clicked behind his eyes, "Until Belle."

Rumplestiltskin nodded his head slowly and looked at the man across from him and whispered so reverently, "… until Belle."

"She turned into your new light?"

"Ever since I met her," he took a deep breath, "Regina told me that she had died in one of the most horrible of ways after I tossed her out. I was crushed and broken, but the light that she had instilled, somehow still broke through and shown in a small corner of my soul. I am a cruel man, cricket, you know this. But never as evil as the one who created my curse. I owe that to Belle."

"What happened last night?" Archie asked in a solid tone. He knew that Rumplestiltskin would not come to him unless something happened. From the way he held himself, it must have happened very recently.

"He nearly took a hold of my mind and my body," Rumplestiltskin said and stood to stand behind the chair, "That devil almost had me under his control. He has found magic and found a way to sneak into my soul. Belle saved me last night because of the bright star that she is… but I could have hurt her. I am not strong enough to push him back. The darkness in me too ingrained. I… I need your help to stop it from spreading and possibly stopping it all together."

"That is going to take a lot of time and a lot of strength," Archie said seriously, "You will have to tell me everything, just like you will have to tell her. You will have to give up some of your ways over time. You will have to find that voice inside of you that was smothered when Chernabog began to take control. And you will have to let go of the past. Are those things that you are willing to do?"

"For her," Rumplestiltskin nodded and took a deep breath, "To be the man that she deserves and to protect her from that devil that resides in me and devil god that put it there, I would do anything."

"Then you've already started," Archie stood up and held out a hand to Rumplestiltskin. The powerful man hesitantly took it. Archie smiled lightly, "I know you don't ask for help, but if and when you do, you are invested. I will help you discover who you are, Rumplestiltskin. Not the devil that you have become. Come here tomorrow and I will have some work that we will both begin."

"That is the first time that you have called me by my real name," Rumplestiltskin said as he took back his hand and began to walk toward the door.

"It's the first time that I think I have ever truly talked with you," Archie shrugged and opened his door, "Remember, tomorrow. Bright and early, eight o'clock."

"I will be here, cricket," Rumplestiltskin nodded and walked down the hallway. Archie watched him, but noticed that he seemed to walk lighter, more relaxed. It was the closest that he ever saw the man get to happy. Then he made a connection, it wasn't exactly happiness… it was hope.

Ruby walked into the building of Archie's practice and nearly ran into Rumplestiltskin as he made his way out. He nodded to Ruby in semi-apology before he went out the door and down the street toward his shop. Her eyebrows raised in surprise and a tilt of confusion to her head, she walked down the hall to Archie's office.

He answered the door with a smile this time, "Morning, Ruby."

"Morning," she smiled back and then pointed over her shoulder, "What was Gold doing here?"

"Trying to find his humanity again," Archie shrugged and grabbed his coat and umbrella as he closed and locked his door, "You were right, Belle is his salvation. She's the main reason he is trying."

"I'm always right," Ruby smiled in pride with her chin up. She looped her arm through one of his, "Now, come on. You owe me a day out on the town, and I got to be at the diner by six tonight."

"You told me to skip work today, and yet you are still going to work tonight?" he asked with a lift of one side of his mouth.

"You needed it," she shrugged and began to tug him in the direction of the front door, "Besides, I will give you a slice of Granny's peach pie for your trouble if you come with."

"How can I say no to an invite for dessert from a lovely lady," he said in a playful tone and smiled as he spotted red over her cheeks.

Baelfire spent a good portion of his first day in Storybrooke watching the people. He came in the middle of the night and the only interactions that he had were with a stranger, the man that had taken his mother and the woman who ran the bed and breakfast. He needed to have more than that to give a proper assessment of what was going on.

He definitely knew and felt that these were people from the land that he was originally from. They openly talked about what it was like back 'home' and how the border prevented them from going anywhere worthwhile outside of the town. They also talked of a savior and their lost princess-queen that had followed her daughter through a portal to yet another land. He heard talk of many names that didn't make sense nor felt familiar to him. He then realized that, yes these people were from his land, but they were not from his time.

He heard very little, if anything about his father or his name. He was sure if he really was the scourge of the town that he would have been brought up before now. It seemed like most of the time he heard the name Regina or the evil queen than he heard of Rumplestiltskin.

By the cusp of evening he finally found the push to eat something and came across a diner that was owned by the same woman at the bed and bath he was staying at. Granny either owned many properties, or she was trying hard to make a decent living.

Baelfire entered the diner and watched the full diner spill over with life. The tables were full of couples and groups having their dinner. There was a man at a smile table in the corner with a piece of what looked like pie and a large smile on his face. Baelfire noticed that his eyes were following one of the waitresses. Either his friend or something more. Baelfire couldn't figure out which.

"Hey there," the same waitress came over to him with a few trays in her hands and nodded her head toward the counter, "There are a few empty seats at the counter. I'll be with you in a minute."

"Thank you," he nodded and took one of the seats that were set apart from others.

The waitress went to check with the man with the pie before she went to the back and unloaded the trays. She came back out and straight over to Baelfire.

"You're new," she said with a lift of one eyebrow.

"Arrived early this morning," he said with a nod.

"I know, I heard you come in," she nodded with a roll of her eyes, "My granny is the one who runs the inn and diner."

"Ah."

"Been getting a lot of new faces in town lately," she said and looked the guy over, "It's kind of weird."

"I know that feeling," he shrugged his shoulders and looked at her, "What's good here?"

"Well, I hear the hamburgers are good and the soup of the day is clam chowder," Ruby said from memory, "I can mix up a fantastic hot chocolate."

"The chowder, please," Baelfire patted the counter, "Maybe I could go for a comfort of some chocolate too."

"Coming up," she nodded. She came back after a moment and stared into his eyes for a moment or two and held him there, "You're familiar. I just don't know from where."

"I highly doubt that we have ever met," he said pursing his lips.

"You're right, I haven't been out of this town in quite a while," she nodded.

"Look, I know this may sound crazy…"

"Ha! Try me."

"I was wondering if you knew anything about a Rumplestiltskin."

Ruby's eyes narrowed slightly and she saw Archie's body straighten at the mention of the name as well. She took a deep breath through her nose to try and get a scent off of the man, but apart from something that was slightly familiar, she didn't smell anything distrustful about the man in front of her. She opened her mouth to tell him, until a small brawl between Doctor Whale and another patron began to get too rowdy.

"Break it up!" she said and rounded the corner of the counter. Ruby's wolf attributes were reinstating themselves and she had no problem breaking up fights.

"If you want to know about Rumplestiltskin, you're asking for trouble," a man with the name of Leroy stitched into his shirt mumbled and sipped on some coffee.

"Why's that?" Baelfire asked and thanked another waitress when she brought over the chowder.

"He's a miserable and somewhat waste of human tissue," he grumbled and sipped again from his cup, "… or whatever he is."

"Grumpy, that's a bit much, don't you think?" Archie asked as he brought his plate with the half eaten pie on it and sat next to the young man.

"Oh?" Grumpy laughed a little to himself, "I think you just think that everybody has a good side. That man never had one."

"He is better," Archie frowned at him, "I know you've seen it too. In fact since…" he paused there and looked at the man he was talking around, "… the change in the town Regina's caused more problems than he has."

"One word…" Grumpy put up one finger and then pointed to the psychologist, "wraith."

"You don't know what was going on behind that," Archie tried to defend the absent Rumplestiltskin.

"You do?" Grumpy asked and then immediately shook his head, "Nevermind. I don't want to know. I refuse to ever have sympathy for that guy."

Grumpy shook his head and jumped from his stool after putting down some cash to cover the cup. He walked over what was left of the scuffle and out the door of the diner.

Baelfire watched him leave with Archie beside him.

"You have to forgive, Grumpy," Archie smiled sadly and poked at the crust of his pie, "He's had some bad experiences in his life. A lot of them more recent."

The man stared at the red haired man.

Archie offered his hand for a shake, "I'm Archie Hopper. Jiminy to those who remember."

Baelfire took his hand and hesitantly shook it, "Brandon."

"Nice to meet you."

"Is he right about Rumplestiltskin, though?" Baelfire asked.

Archie shrugged, "An opinion is just that; an opinion. It changes from person to person."

"You are avoiding the question," Baelfire took a spoonful of the chowder.

"I am being truthful," Archie offered, "Do I think he is that bad? No. Has he done home pretty despicable things? Sure… but haven't we all at some point?"

Baelfire paused and took the words to heart.

"He's a man just like any of us," Archie continued and chewed on a piece of pie for a moment, "He has shadows that haunt him and I agree that they may be more numerable than most of us. That's the cost that he paid willingly to try and save someone he loved. I don't think that makes him bad or evil. What's evil is when he falls willingly to the shadows and darkness for revenge or to inflict pain. He's fallen a few times in that category, but never completely. He's trying like the rest of us to stay alive and not lose ourselves in the struggle."

"Nicely said, Jiminy," Ruby came back up with a huff and threw a dish towel over her shoulder. She looked at Baelfire and smirked, "He's not all bad. As my friend tells me… 'He's a good man that makes bad decisions.' I think he's just looking for a second chance. As hesitant as I once was… I am willing to give him one."

"Why are so many people against him then?" Baelfire thought back to the people he knew his father's touch had left a scar on their life.

"Look," Ruby sighed and leaned on the counter, "If you want to know about the real man, the low down, I would talk to Belle."

"Who?" Baelfire asked.

Ruby shot him and knowing smile, a secret that she wouldn't just dish to anyone, "Why so interested in him anyway?"

"He did something in the past… something to me. I was just wondering if he ever regretted it."

"It's very few and far between, but when it comes to the last few weeks, he's starting to learn from his mistakes," Ruby shrugged and handed Archie some napkins, "About damn time, too."

"Red," Archie narrowed his eyes up at her with a smile.

"Sorry, Jiminy," she chuckled.

Baelfire spent the rest of his meal in near silence, a word or two would pass between himself and Jiminy who stayed with him until he would leave. Ruby would stop by and check on them and would give him a careful glance every so often. He was pretty sure that she didn't trust him- at least not completely. If she had met the new faces that he had that morning, he could not blame her.