Authors note - Thanks so much for all of your reviews, I've had a long day at work and busy evening but will try and upload another chapter tonight! Enjoy and let me know if you have any ideas you want me to try and include :) Ruben x
As the day moved on, time seemed to stand still for Tilly. She moved about the house restlessly, searching for something, anything, to occupy her mind. Deciding to block out her feelings, and actually doing it were two completely different things. She desperately needed the pain to stop. It was becoming physical, making her body ache and her head throb. The tears came and went silently, tracing lines down her delicate skin. What could she do with her time? She'd tried watching TV, listening to music, surfing the internet. But she couldn't concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes without feeling the need to stand up and move around. She'd turned off her phone again, not caring to know if news that she'd been expelled had made its way to her friends ears. She knew she should do some research online, try to find out what she could do about finishing her A levels. But the truth was, she was scared. Terrified that she'd find out that sitting her exams wouldn't be possible. Somewhere deep in her subconscious, she knew she was close to breaking point. Finding out she'd never get to university would tip her over the edge. She was relieved that both of her parents were working. She was uncomfortable in their presence, her dishonesty feeling like a second skin. It was almost surreal that they couldn't see it. Couldn't hear the pounding of her heart against her ribcage. She knew they'd be scrutinising her every move. It wasn't just the counsellor she was going to have to fool. She was going to have to pull off her best performance yet. If she'd learnt anything in the last year, it was how to wear a smile, even if inside she was in turmoil.
She was making yet another coffee sometime through the afternoon when there was a knock at the door. She jumped, the noise breaking through the bubble she'd consumed herself in. Her insides turned cold and her hands began to shake, the spoon wobbling uncertainly in her hand. Nearly every part of her wanted to make her way to the front door and answer it. But there was a tiny niggle, somewhere inside, that was telling her not to. So she kept out of sight, standing against the wall in the kitchen. Whoever it was knocked again, louder this time. Tilly held her breath, scared to move. Eventually, she heard the crunch of gravel as whoever it was made their way back down the drive. She slowly exhaled before sliding down the wall to floor. Drawing her knees to her chest, she hugged them tightly. Waiting for the shaking to subside and her breathing return to normal.
What was happening to her?
The daylight was drawing in and Tilly knew her parents would soon be home. She dragged herself upstairs to freshen up. Going to the bathroom, she lent on the sink and looked hard at her reflection.
"I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror."
She jolted at the memory. Was it really only yesterday? Why had she listened to Jen? She could have walked right out of that art lesson, going to Keeler before she changed her mind. She genuinely hadn't intended on doing it to hurt Jen. All she wanted to do was put things right. Tell the truth. Why had she let Jen get a reaction out of her? It didn't matter. She had to stop with the what-ifs and maybes. She couldn't change what she'd done. The choices she made. But she could change how she dealt with it. Starting with making a fool proof plan that would slowly pick apart Jens life. Destory everything Jen had worked so hard to get, just like she'd done to Tilly. She knew she could get it over with quickly. She had texts, phone logs, e-mails. Plenty of evidence to prove it was never the one-sided fantasy Jen claimed it to be. But that would be way too easy. No, she'd string it out. Cause as much damage as possible. She splashed water on her face and dried it slowly with a towel. Looking back at herself, she painted on her best smile.
Time to toughen up, Evans.