"As you all know, Mr Keeler expelled me last week for stalking Miss Gilmore. Text messages, phone calls... Purposely bumping into her in the village. I could go on, but I'm guessing you already know the grounds of my exclusion. I know most of the time, when a student appeals, its because they feel the school was unfair in their decision. But that's not why I'm here. I want you to know that I completely understand why I was expelled. What I did was wrong, and I deeply regret it. Miss Gilmore did what any good teacher would have done, supporting her students through a tragedy that effected so many of us. But somewhere along the line, I got confused."
Tilly looked down at the paper infront of her, but the words were swimming about on the page. She looked up at the governors, faltering slightly. She felt her wall start to wobble, the bricks becoming lose. She swallowed hard.
Come on Tilly, this is your chance. You can do this.
"Maddie, Neil and Jono were such a huge part of my life. I couldn't even begin to try and explain to you what it did to me, losing them all in one unjustified swoop. I was so consumed in grief, it felt like I was drowning. Miss Gilmore was the only person who managed to reach through it. I don't know why. She just seemed to know the right things to say. I became infatuated with her, I realise that now. She was a small light at the end of a very long, dark tunnel and I ran for it, desperate to battle through the depression. I'm not excusing what I've done. I feel awful that I put Miss Gilmore through so much after she was kind enough to be so supportive. But I need you to know, my actions were completely out of character. I'm a straight A student. My friends call me a geek, and get annoyed with me when I'd rather stay in and revise than go out with them. Now I'm starting to feel better, I'm mortified at what I did. To be honest, it doesn't feel real. It's like that was a different person, someone who took over me for a while."
She stopped, her second wind rapidly declining. It was making her feel sick, all this stuff about how lovely and kind Miss Gilmore was. It was so far removed from the truth that Tilly couldn't believe the words were actually leaving her mouth. Still, she had to finish this. It was nearly over, then all she'd have to do was wait. She had to leave here knowing that she'd done everything she could to claw her way back. She felt her mums hand find hers and gently squeeze. Tilly glanced at her and smiled.
"If you rethink the decision to permanently exclude me, you have my word that I will never act like that again. All I want to do is complete my A levels. I'll keep my head down, move quietly from class to class. Stick by every rule. Anything, so that I can take my exams. I promise you that nothing like this will happen again."
She sat still for a minute, quietly holding her breath. All four governors were looking down, scribbling on pads of paper. It was disconcerting, knowing they were writing about her but having no idea what they were thinking. Sat beside her were her parents, the three of them a united front. Both had left work early to be here with Tilly today, and she was genuinely grateful for their support. Arriving and walking into the school had been more nerve wracking than she realised it would be. The adrenaline was still there, along with the anger she'd mustered up in the car. Reminding herself of all the things Jen had done. Her selfishness, her inability to put anyone else before herself. But when they'd pulled up at the school, Tilly had felt the anxiety creeping in. The past week, she'd been in a bubble. Moving about the house, not having to think about the outside world. Back at the school, it all felt too real. The situation she was in hit her full force, nearly knocking the wind out of her. It felt ridiculous, walking upto the main doors, that she was about to beg for a chance to walk through these corridors again. Sit in those classrooms. On a deeper level, she was absolutely petrified about bumping into Jen. She just hoped that Jen was already aware of the meeting, knowing that she'd avoid this part of the building like the plague. Thankfully, Jen had been nowhere in sight and Tilly and her parents hadn't had to wait long at reception before being ushered into the room where the governors were waiting for them.
And now, it was over. She'd said everything she could. She slowly let her breath out, trying to regulate her heartbeat. Eventually, one of the governors looked up from his writing.
"Thank you, Matilda. I'd like to say, on behalf of us all, that we're sorry such a mature and intelligent student has found themselves in this situation. We'll now discuss what we've heard today and will report our decision back to the Acting Headteacher as soon as possible. As you're probably aware, we will be speaking with Miss Gilmore and she will need to be a part of the decision process, which may mean it takes slightly longer than normal. Do you have any questions?" Tilly shook her head and began to stand. She was feeling slightly dizzy.
"Thank you very much for your time" Tillys Mum said, resting her hand on Tillys shoulder. Tillys Dad gave the governors his best smile, before pulling the door open.
"Thank you" Tilly stated simply, before making for the door. She kept on walking, down the corridor, desperate for some air. Adrenaline was pumping through her again, making her feel light headed. She heard her parents footsteps tapping along the lino, trying to catch up to her. She finally made it outside and lent against the nearest wall, drawing in deep breaths. As her parents reached her, she turned to them and smiled.
"Sorry, just needed the air. God, that was nerve wracking!" she said, trying to act more light hearted than she felt. It was terrifying. Knowing her future hung on every word that she spoke. They walked back to the car, aimlessly chatting about how it had gone. By the time they were on there way home, Tilly was feeling much better. The worst was over. She knew she'd made a good impression in there. Jen would feel she had no choice but to agree to Tillys readmittance, and Keeler wasn't going to be there to chuck any spanners in the works. Tilly had a good feeling about this. Now all she had to do was wait. Wait for the phone call that would shape the rest of her life.