A/N: First of all; I ask that you put yourself in Yuuki's shoes. Secondly – I WILL FIX DIS! Third; your reviews give me life, and my life is pretty sucky now so thank you for that.

Fair warning that I'm now bumping the story up to M-rating due to some swearing. Just to be on the safe side!

"I'd never dreamed that I could meet somebody like you. And I never dreamed that I could lose somebody like you."*

Chapter 9: Her Boss, Not Her Friend

"I'm in love with you…"

"I don't hate you... I need some space. Please, don't follow me."

Kaname sighed, his headache getting worse as memories from last night flooded his mind. He cast a glance at the empty seat across from his, sighing in the silence of his private jet.

"Do you need anything, sir?" The flight attendant inquired gently. "Some painkillers, perhaps?" She glanced at the hand that was clutching his forehead.

Anything to cure a broken heart? Heh…

"No, I'm fine, thank you," he politely declined. She nodded and retreated into the back of the plane, disappearing out of his sight.

Kaname leaned his head back against the seat, a rush of breath escaping his lips as his depression threatened to swallow him whole. It'd been like this since yesterday when he'd drunkenly confessed his love to his secretary.

Why'd he do it? Well, A) he was drunk, B) he was terrified that she was leaving him for good without knowing his true feelings and C) combining the feeling of abandonment and fear with alcohol consumption was a surefire way to spill secrets that should not be revealed in such a scenario.

He could still remember the look in her eyes as she realized he was dead serious; how her mouth opened in shock, her eyes widening like he'd grown another head. Then, she'd cooled completely; her jaw setting as she ignored him, trying to tuck him in. And when he reached for her and tried to say sorry, she'd completely shut him down.

"I don't hate you… Kaname…"

Then why aren't you here with me?

She'd done it over text, of all things. Sent him a simple message that read: "Something came up. Isaya said I could ride on his plane and the timing was just better. See you back at the office."

Kaname snorted. Seemed like the douche-face's habits were rubbing off on her; now she was texting him instead of facing him directly; fleeing him like he was some sort of walking, talking disease.

He could already feel the distance between them growing; not just physically due to air travel, but emotionally he could already feel her detaching from him. The tentative friendship they'd built was crumbling the longer they avoided each other.

He needed to fix this; mend whatever was left of their relationship. At this point he was so desperate that he didn't even care if she loved him back – as long as she could remain his secretary or his friend or just anything he'd thank the heavens.

The thought of losing her; never seeing her again, never ever interacting with her like he was so used to now seemed so foreign and… scary.

She was like second skin to him; losing her left him vulnerable and afraid of the big world out there. He was so used to her presence everyday, invading all aspects of his life – and now she could possibly end up leaving him?

Clinging onto the hope of fixing their relationship, Kaname closed his eyes and fell into a restless sleep, dreaming of her walking away from him.

The plane ride home was one hell of a ride. And not in a good way.

Though hungover, the majority of the people present found a way to continue drinking, the sound level rapidly rising as they began to let loose.

The only one that wasn't feeling like drinking was Yuuki, who sulked in a hidden corner of the plane, lost in her thoughts. She repeated yesterday in her mind like she was obsessed; his words of love rang in her ears like a broken record stuck on repeat and made her feel uncomfortable.

He was in love with her. Not like "oh I love you cause you're so great" or "you did all this for me? Gosh I love you!".

No, he loved her romantically, earth-shatteringly, and crazily. The I-can't-breathe-without-you kind of love; the you-light-up-my-life kind of love.

All this she realized as she pondered over the years they'd spent together. The dinners, the almost-dates; the expensive gifts and kind gestures; the comments from other people, his parents constantly suggesting she married him…

Her blood ran cold.

She hadn't realized he was in love with her; but had everyone else?

Ichijou plonked into the seat opposite of her, sighing. "Ah, man I'm glad this weekend is over. If I have one more drop of alcohol I'm gonna throw myself out of the pl–"

"How long have you known?"

"Hm? Known what?" Ichijou stilled, unsettled by her serious gaze.

"That Kaname is in love with me. How long have you known?"

"K-Kaname i-in love with you?" Ichijou chuckled nervously. "Oh boy! That's not true, not at all. Nope, that's… lies! H-he is a very platonic man who is only interested in platonic rela–"

Yuuki growled. "He confessed to me last night. I know everything now, but there are still things I need to figure out. I'm asking you again; how long have you known?"

"Woah," Ichijou gasped, "he did? Ugh, finally! Wait, what did you tell him? Do you love him ba–"

Yuuki slapped her hand on the armrest, surprising him. "Ichijou! Tell me the truth! How long have you known about his feelings?"

Ichijou sobered up immediately, afraid of her temper. With a sigh he slumped into his seat, gazing at her as he explained. "Since the beginning."

"Which is when?"

"The moment he met you."

Yuuki paled. "The moment he met me? You can't possibly be referring to my intervi–"

Ichijou ran his hand through his hair. "Oh, I wish I was kidding, believe me! It's been a mess all along – it all started with your interview. I didn't know what came over him at the time, but somehow he fell flat on his face for you and ever since then his brain hasn't been functioning properly. Instant attraction, you know. Love at first si–"

Yuuki visibly cooled. "So he hired me for my looks?" She questioned darkly.

"No, that's no-"

"That's exactly what it sounds like," she hissed. "God, everything makes sense now…"

"Now, listen, Yuuki – he's not that kind of guy. I mean… yeah, hiring you was dumb and all but the man was in lo–"

"Oh, I agree!" Yuuki spit out. "It was really dumb of him to hire the hot secretary he was attracted to. Because I'm just a dumb, inexperienced girl he could play around with. Oh, it's all so dumb!"

"Yuuki–"

"Leave," she commanded, crossing her legs and looking out the window.

Ichijou felt the panic rise in his veins. "Yuuki, please, talk to hi–"

"Now," she hissed darkly, her eyes shooting daggers at him. He gave in, reasoning that pushing her would only further push her away from Kaname and the company. This was something that the two of them would need to solve on their own.

She called in sick the next day. He accepted her formal text, thinking it was best to give her some time. Ever the dedicated secretary, Yuuki made sure that all his meetings and schedules were in order; everything was running smoothly like usually – the only difference was that she wasn't there.

She called in sick the day after that, as well. Kaname relented, afraid of demanding she'd come in.

On the third day, she didn't let him know if she was coming or not. He arrived at work to find an e-mail in his inbox, with detailed information about today's meetings and interviews.

As he stared at the clock on his wall, he realized she wouldn't show up today.

He sighed, ignoring the pain that bloomed in his chest, trying to focus on his paperwork to no avail. From his windows he could see the dark skyline over Tokyo, lit up by the buildings and the flashy commercials that glimmered in the streets. His office and the floor he occupied was pretty much empty; after all, work had ended two hours ago, yet he was still here – all alone.

He couldn't stop thinking about her; worrying how she was doing, how they would move on from this. Would she take it easy? Would she suddenly confess her undying love to him? Would she file a sexual harassment complaint on him?

Flashes of their weekend passed behind his closed eyelids. The way they'd danced at the party; close and so sensual, need and want humming in their bodies as they lost all sense of time. It'd been so simple and real with her; when she moved, he moved – and when his hands shyly explored her body, she hadn't offered any word of complaint. She fit so well in his arms; and she felt amazing, not just up against him but just having her so close.

He wished desperately that he could turn back time, rewind it so he'd be frozen in time with her, laughing and smiling as they drunkenly danced together – almost like lovers.

Yes. Through all the torment he'd gone through ever since his sloppy confession, only one thing remained absolutely clear in his mind.

He was in love with her. And he wouldn't stop loving her overnight – if not ever.

Even if she rejected him and insisted they stay friends, he'd still love her. There was just no going back.

The click of high-heels alerted his senses. He sat up, adrenaline rushing through his veins as he recognized her walk; soft, but gentle – yet also fiercely determined and headstrong.

The perfect representation of his lady.

His nerves made him jittery; faintly he felt his whole body buzz, the hairs on the back of his neck rising as he awaited her arrival.

She strutted in through his office doors like a Queen, stopping a few meters from his desk. He stared dumbly up at her, his mouth almost hanging open.

It'd been three days since he last saw her – and the last time he was blessed with her presence was when she brutally froze and left him for dead, having discovered his secret love for her.

Despite his heartache and hesitation, he still couldn't fight the feelings that rushed over him as he finally got to see her again. Like she was a painting about to fade away, he memorized every detail about her – committing it to his memory that was already filled with her.

It was a powerful feeling indeed, being close to the one you loved. No matter the situation.

Her face was hard, a frown marring her features as her lips remained downturned.

"We need to talk," she said tersely.

"Have a seat…" He offered gently, his voice soft and hesitant.

She didn't move an inch, piercing him with her eyes as she stared at him. He could hear the wheels in her head spin.

"Explain yourself," she demanded, crossing her arms. Her black trench coat flared with her movements; vaguely he could catch the outline of her red pencil skirt beneath her black ensemble.

"O…kay," he breathed.

The silence stretched on as they stared at each other. What was he supposed to say, anyways? He didn't feel comfortable baring himself to her when she was staring at him with so much distrust in her eyes. He felt out of place and vulnerable; afraid to expose himself and experiencing the sting of her anger.

"Well?" She tapped her foot, her annoyance barely contained.

"I love you." He said bravely.

"I gathered," she sneered. "Why?"

He leaned back into his seat, raising his eyebrows. "Why does the sun rise every morning? Why does energy equal mass times acceleration? How do you want me to explain something so simple yet so complex to you?"

Her tense posture softened.

"I just don't get it," she whispered.

"I didn't either, at first," he said, swallowing his fear, "but eventually I came to realize that fighting my feelings for you was a useless battle – I'd lose no matter what. I'm crazy about you, Yuuki. For so long I held back, willing the feelings to go away, but they wouldn't budge. The more I got to know you, the deeper I fell until there was no point of return."

Yuuki's bottom lip quivered. "All this time… since the interview?"

Kaname twirled one of the pens on his desk, looking down as a rueful smile made its way onto his lips. "Ah, Ichijou informed me that the two of you discussed this… situation. The answer is yes, Yuuki."

"So let me get this straight," her voice was thick with emotion, "you hired me not because of my skills or my experience, but because you were attracted to me? Just like that?"

"Well, that's not entirely true. Yes, I was immediately attracted to you and yes your experience was poo–"

"Poor?" Yuuki balked. "'Poor' doesn't even cover it. Lousy is more like it. I was a small-town girl with no proper education and a past job as a secretary for a small-town lawyer firm. I remember wondering why you'd picked me, eventually reasoning that it was just my circumstances that fit you the best out of all the other applicants. I even dared to think it was my skills that eventually made you pick me. God," she flushed, her anger rising as she spoke quickly, "how could I have been this naïve? Of course you hired me for my looks! Of course you weren't thinking straight! God!"

Kaname shot up from his seat. "That's not how it happened at all, I–"

"I bet I was an amusing little thing back then, huh? Wide-eyed and naïve – begging you for a job despite my poor background. How foolish of me to think you actually valued me for my skills. I bet it brought a lot of laughs in the office cafeteria, huh?" She smiled ruefully, tears threatening to spill from her eyes. "A running joke in the workplace. 'There goes innocent Yuuki, working hard and doing her best while her boss couldn't give a shit about her work quality – she's just a dumb pretty face!'"

"Yuuki," Kaname hissed. "You're taking it too far. I have never, ever thought that way about you and no one else has. You're more th–"

"Tell me your attraction towards me didn't make you favor me," she demanded. "Tell me that you hired me based on my skills and experience. Look into my eyes and tell me."

He faltered. "I… can't say that my love for you didn't play a part in me hiring you. I was reckless and love-struck, and I–"

"There you go again!" She accused. "Talking about love. How much you love me – how love-struck you were. Tell me Kaname, if you really loved me, why did you fool me for so long? Why did you lie to me?"

"I…"

His world shattered at once, seeing the hurt in her eyes as fresh tears spilled down her cheeks. She looked broken; eerily reminding him of the time she broke down because of her ill father.

Now it was he that caused her pain. And it made his own pain triple.

"Do you know how I feel?" She sobbed, wiping her eyes. "Do you have any idea how it feels to find out that all this time you've had feelings for me and I didn't know? Do you know how humiliating it is to find out that you hired me because you were attracted to me – that it wasn't my hard work or my dedication that made you keep me close, but the sole fact that you… that you were in love with me? Do you know how belittled and insignificant I feel right now?"

He closed his eyes, sitting down in his chair and resting his elbows on his desk as he clutched his hair. "God…" He breathed, feeling the guilt and shame overshadow everything. "I'm so sorry, Yuuki… so sorry." He looked up from his desk at her, begging her with his eyes for her to understand.

"Everyone knows, don't they? I feel like such a fool…" She sobbed.

"Tell me what to do, Yuuki," he begged, "please, I'll do anything."

"You know what you should have done?" Yuuki sniffled, wiping her eyes. "You should have told me. You should have been honest from the start. If you had, then… maybe we'd be celebrating our third real anniversary of dating right now – not one of your fake anniversaries which I now realize were just hidden opportunities for you to take me out on dates."

He hung his head in shame, recognizing his foolish behavior. God, he'd hurt her so bad – and it made his stomach churn knowing that he had caused the one he loved so much misery and pain, all because he had been a foolish coward for so long.

"See," she cleared her voice, staring down at him, "I don't believe you when you say you love me or that you loved me from the moment you met me. Know why? Because the way you've been treating me is not how you treat someone you love. And the whole "love at first sight" part? I'd believe you if my trust wasn't completely broken, like it is now. I used to consider you as one of my dearest friends, Kaname. Now… now you're just a stranger."

She raised her chin, her expressionless mask returning as she regarded him coldly. "I'll continue working for you for a short period of time until I can find a replacement. In the meantime, I'd prefer it if we worked less together. I'll stop by the office now and then, but the most of our communication from now on will be via e-mail or texts. You owe me this much," she concluded.

He nodded in a haze, feeling the urge to cry due to how severely he had messed up. He had never felt this level of regret before – it burned through his skin, snaring around his esophagus – making it hard to breathe.

She bit her lower lip, giving him one last terse nod before she turned and disappeared out the door.

As her sobs echoed down the hallway, he got up from his desk and threw his stapler into the wall, crying out as he berated himself.

His teeth grit together as the regret burned in his stomach, his vision blurring as everything around him darkened. He was a goddamn fool and now he'd ruined the best thing that'd ever happened to him.

"Fuck!" Kaname yelled, slamming his fist into the walls, not caring about the hint of red that stained the expensive wall decorations.

They functioned for a week, avoiding each other, barely exchanging words whenever they interacted – keeping all conversations short and formal. For the most part she stayed away from the office, keeping him updated via e-mails and such.

He'd tried speaking to her one more time about their relationship, trying to apologize but she'd effectively rejected him, shutting him down the second she realized another apology was about to fall out from his lips.

She was in the bathroom when she heard some other employees come in. Feeling vulnerable and raw after her exhausting week, she decided to stay inside her cubicle, too tired to deal with other people.

Ever since she found out about Kaname's feelings, she'd felt like an idiot. Now she was paranoid whenever she entered the company building that everyone knew; she felt like people's curious glances lasted longer than usual; smiles seemed more forced than she'd previously realized.

No matter what she did, she still felt like everyone was talking about her; whispering about her name and sullying it.

She chalked it up to it being her paranoid state of mind; surely the hundreds of employees at his company couldn't know about his feelings, could they?

"Did you hear? He brought her to Singapore!"

"For real!? Oh my god, he really does spoil her."

The woman sighed dramatically. "Free of charge and everything at that luxurious hotel. Well… free of charge, hah."

The other woman giggled. "Yeah, I bet free of charge. I bet she slept her way to the top; he probably cashed in a few of her services this weekend!"

"Gosh, I know right? She's just a dumb secretary; literally her job could be handled by a computer or something – hell, even his iPhone. He never took Seiren on any vacations as far as I can remember. But then again, I bet Seiren wouldn't spread her legs for him just like that. She actually seemed professional!"

"It's weird though, did you hear that rumor about her apartment? I don't know if it's true, but I heard he bought her an apartment! She isn't as cheap as we thought!"

"Really!? I'd sleep with him too if it meant I'd get an apartment! Well, actually, I'd sleep with him even if he didn't give me one, haha!"

The women laughed, their heels clicking as they walked out of the bathroom area.

As soon as the coast was clear, Yuuki opened the door to her cubicle and rushed out, sobbing uncontrollably. She reached the sink quickly and heaved, the contents of her stomach spilling out of her lips as she threw up.

Was that what everyone thought of her? That she'd…. slept with him to get the job? That she was really just a dumb airhead he kept around to warm his bed?

And what was this about her apartment? Was it really true? Had he… lied to her and bought it himself?

She felt faint all of a sudden as the lies piled up; she felt alienated and ridiculed at her own workplace and the stress was quickly wearing her down.

But worse than her fatigue was the anger that roared in her veins.

Kaname and Takuma were in a meeting when Yuuki stormed through the door a few days later, dragging a giant black bag behind her.

Ichijou smiled amicably "Ah, Yuuki! It's been a while, but right now we're a little bit bu–"

"Busy? No problem, I'll make this real quick," she hissed, casting Kaname a murderous look.

He sat paralyzed in his seat, arrested by her frightening glare. She dragged the black bag behind her to his desk, lifting it up and emptying out its contents on the floor next to him.

His eyes shifted from the contents to her, noticing that she was wearing the original skirt and blouse she'd worn at her interview and the following three days she worked for him until he bought her a round of clothes.

"Here," she hissed, pushing a way a stray hair from her face, "are the clothes you once upon a time bought and told me you would withdraw from my paycheck. I remember asking you why you hadn't cut it from my check after the first month, but you said you'd forgotten it and that you would fix it as soon as possible. Knowing you, that was a big fat lie and to this day I've been walking around in the clothes you bought with your money. So, here they are."

Blouses, skirts and heels littered on the floor, spread out like the debris from an airplane crash.

"Yuuki," he swallowed, "that's not necessary. Really it's n–"

"I'll refund you as soon as I have the chance to withdraw the money," she raised her voice, cutting him off. In the background Ichijou froze as he watched their hostile interaction, baffled at how much she'd changed.

"Now, lie number two," she announced, withdrawing a piece of paper from the crook of her arm and slapping it loudly down on his desk. "Do you see this? Hey, Ichijou, come closer and take a look," she pointed at the paper.

Ichijou warily took a step forward and bent over the desk, reading the document.

"This," Yuuki said, looking up at Kaname, "is the lease for the apartment you bought with your money for me – after you'd specifically told me that the company covered it and that it was a part of the healthcare package. Really, the blame is on me here for being so fucking dumb that I believed in you." She hissed.

Kaname was caught; if he thought he'd hurt her by not telling her how he felt all these years, then these two lies had to be the final nails in the coffin belonging to their relationship. God, how had he ended up messing things up this bad? He'd really only thought about her best at the time; not considering how she'd feel knowing that he was secretly paying for her.

If there was one thing he knew – and admired about her – it was her independence.

And he'd taken it away from her.

He bowed his head in shame. "I… I'm sorry, Yuuki. I only did what was best at the time, and I… I only wanted to take care of you and make life a little bit easier for you, but I ended up screw–"

"I'll give you back the rent money as well as the money for the clothes as soon as possible," she announced, refusing to hear him out. "Oh, and my final delivery to you for today:"

Yet again she fished a piece of paper from the crook of her arm, slapping it loudly on his desk, right in front of his downturned eyes.

"My letter of resignation."

His eyes widened as he stared at the paper.

"Y-you're q-quitting so soon!?" Ichijou spluttered, stressed out by the tension in the room.

"Company regulations demand I turn in my resignation papers two months before I quit, so here they are." She put the palm of her hands on his desk as she leaned down into his face. "Two months, Kaname. You'll have me around for two more months and after that you will never, ever, see me again. I'll be out of your life for good. So if you have any more lies to reveal, do it now."

His face hardened. Shame and anger swirled in his veins, clouding up his mind. On one hand he was ashamed of his behavior and ashamed that he'd hurt her – but on the other hand he was almost consumed with rage. Everything was happening so fast; she was cutting him completely out of her life and leaving him for good.

Everything around him was falling apart and all he could do was sit by and watch as the woman he loved more than life turned hateful eyes in his direction.

And he deserved it.

All of it.

"I've hurt you deeply," he whispered, sorrow in his eyes as he stared at her angry countenance, "and at this point I don't even think there are words to explain how sorry I am. Yuuki… you mean so much to me, but you have no idea since I've done such a terrible job of showing you. At this point I want your forgiveness more than anything; if we are to part so soon then… then I'd rather we separate as friends rather than enemies." His eyes shimmered as he begged, reaching for her hand.

She slapped it brutally away. "You want my forgiveness?"

"Yes, that's all I as–"

Her voice broke, almost splitting in half as she spoke. "Do you know what they say about me at the company? They say I…. I slept my way to the top. That I degraded myself and spread my legs for you like some dumb whore to get the job. Do you know that? Do you?"

"W-who said this!?" Ichijou bellowed.

Yuuki ignored him as her eyes glistened. "Do you know how it feels when people think of you that way?"

He was speechless, gaping up at her in shock. People could be so cruel… and now their crude whispers were directed at her because of him.

"So you want my forgiveness?" Her voice quivered. "Too bad, because you don't deserve it."

"I'll fire them immediately!" Ichijou bellowed. "Tell me their names and I'll–"

"No matter," Yuuki said calmly, holding up her hand, "I'll be gone soon enough. Let them talk; I don't care. In two months I will be out of your life for good." She turned and briskly walked out of the room, not before stopping and turning her head.

"Oh, and tell your parents to stop playing match-maker between you and me. I'm done with their games," she hissed and resumed her walking, leaving the CEO and his vice president stunned, heartbroken and speechless.

"I hate myself so much," Kaname slurred, downing his whiskey. "Why? Why did I have to mess up so bad? Why?"

Ichijou patted his back. "You did. You really did."

"God, I…" Kaname's voice broke as he struggled to breathe. "Did you see the look in her eyes? I did that! I caused her that pain! I love her so much and I want the best for her and still; everything I do just goes wrong! Why, Ichijou, why!?"

"Your actions came from a good place," Ichijou sighed. "But you should have known better; Yuuki is intelligent and her independence is one of the things she values the most. And if I'm not completely wrong, these two attributes are a few of the many things you love about her. I know you didn't want to cause any harm, but it is what it its."

"I don't want her to hate me…" Kaname sobbed, hunching over the bar countertop in Ichijou's home. "I just… I just wish she'd forgive me. That I could do something to earn her trust and her friendship. Separating from her like this is…" He shivered. "Is… killing me."

His shoulders shook with his pain. "There, there," Ichijou said, gently patting his back. "Look, I don't know how you'll make her forgive you, but… I hate myself for saying this, but judging from your previous interactions and what you told me happened before the shit hit he fan, I believe there's reason to believe she has feelings for you too. Right now those feelings are subdued by her hurt and the pain you've caused her – and to be frank she had the right to react like she did. But, seeing as you are unable to let her go, I don't think you should give up just yet."

"You don't?" Kaname wiped his eyes, no longer caring that he'd cried in front of his best friend.

"Not at all. They way you love her, Kaname – you don't see that often these days. And you shouldn't give up on that."

"What do I do?" Kaname asked sullenly. "She hates me. And she has every reason to."

Ichijou sighed. "I think you know what to do, now. You have two months, remember?"

"Yeah."

"Well," Ichijou grabbed his phone and searched through his contact list, handing it over to Kaname when he'd found the person he was looking for.

Kaname's eyes widened as he recognized the name. With a nod from Ichijou, he pressed the 'call' button and waited as the phone rang.

"Hello?"

A/N: Is it me you're looking for?

* = Quote by Chris Isaak