Road Trip!
"Ugh, Scourge, put your back into it!" Firestar hissed in exasperation as he strained against a particularly heavy duffel bag, trying to cram it into the already jam-packed trunk of Pinestar's rented minivan.
"Put your fat into it!" Scourge retorted, knowing what would happen next.
"I am not fat!" Firestar shrieked, pouting. He turned towards Jake, dropping his half of the duffel bag. Scourge, unable to support all of it, collapsed under the weight with the bag coming down on top of him, squishing the tiny black cat.
"Daddy!" Firestar whined, ignoring his half-brother's muffled yells for help under the bag. "Scourge called me the F-word again!"
Jake waved his son off, used to his ginger son's dramatics. "Not now, Scourge- er, Firestar. Be nice to your brother!"
Firestar spluttered. "But-bu-"
Scourge wriggled out from under the duffel bag, glaring death needles at the annoying ginger tomcat. "Thanks for all your help!" he spat.
All of a sudden the offending duffel bag began to move. The half-brothers watched with amazement.
"Can you keep it down? Some of us are trying to sleep." Tigerstar yawned as his head popped out of the duffel bag.
"AGH! GHOST BAG!" screeched Firestar in fright, diving behind the much-smaller Scourge, oblivious to the lazy Dark Forest leader hopping out of the bag.
"It's just Tigerstar you idiot!" Scourge growled in annoyance as he cuffed his half-brother over the ear, still more mad at Firestar for dropping the bag on him than at Tigerstar for being in there in the first place.
"Daddy! Scourge called me the I-word again! And he hit me!" Firestar wailed, pouting and rubbing the ear Scourge hit while Tigerstar snickered and Scourge hissed, "Tattletale!"
Jake decided to ignore his over reacting son, and continued to pack stuff into the car.
"Okay, does everyone know the plan?" asked Pinestar eagerly. Pinestar felt more happy than ever that he would get to go camping with his best friend and their kits.
"No, thanks to stupid Tigerpoop I wet my pants!" complained Firestar, turning back towards the house to use the bathroom.
"You're not even wearing pants!" yelled Scourge in exasperation as Firestar scurried away.
"This is the world's most stupidest idea ever!" snapped Scourge and Tigerstar in rare unison, both worrying about how the car would be too small for all of them...or that they would run out of gummy mice before the ride even started.
"Kiddos, hop in!" Pinestar called, going around to close the trunk. Scourge and Tigerstar looked at each other for a second before both shrieking, "I CALL SHOTGUN!"
The two enemies stared each other down for a heartbeat before both racing for the passenger seat, arriving at the same time and erupting into a shrieking ball of hatred as they fought over who got to sit up front. The duo's quarrel was interrupted by the sound of the passenger door slamming shut. Both cats leaped to their feet, looking in through the passenger window in slack-jawed astonishment as Jake waved happily at them from the prized shotgun seat.
"Enough shenanigans you two, we need to get moving!" Jake chided, gesturing at the back seat. Tigerstar and Scourge climbed in grumbling darkly to themselves, briefly playing Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide who got the middle seat; neither cat wanting to be stuck next to Firestar. Tigerstar, who always picked rock, whooped at crushing Scourge's scissors and plopped himself smugly in one of the window seats. Scourge unhappily buckled himself into the middle, protesting, "But Firestar always picks paper!"
"Well, we're all packed and ready to go!" said Pinestar cheerfully as he closed the trunk of the car and started the engine.
"I'm just wondering if we forgot something..." Jake mused, a concerned expression on his face.
"Nope, nothing at all let's go!" chirped an oddly cheery Tigerstar, suddenly eager to get on the road and away from the house. Scourge was already not paying attention enough to be suspicious, rummaging through his backpack for his music player.
"In that case let's roll!" exclaimed Pinestar, just happy to see Tigerstar actually excited for the trip, switching to drive and turning out of the drive way and moving off. It wasn't until they stopped at a traffic light and heard a screech from behind them did they figure out what exactly they forgot.
Or, more accurately, who.
"WAIT FOR MEEEEEEE!" screamed Firestar, running with his suitcase to catch up with the car, hurtling across the lanes of traffic, nearly avoiding getting flattened by an 18-wheel semi carrying bedding liner and vaulting over the hood of a convertible, ducking the wadded up greasy sandwich wrapper flung at him by the angry elder driving the car along with some very choice words about the "youth of today".
Scourge and Tigerstar both immediately burst out laughing as Firestar sprinted over to the car, huffing and wheezing as he climbed in.
"Tigerstar..did you try to make us leave Firestar at home?" asked Pinestar.
"Maybe..." Tigerstar drawled, still chortling at the toilet paper still stuck to Firestars paw.
"Now that we actually have everyone, does anyone have to go potty?" queried Jake. "We'll be stopping at a rest stop before we get on the highway."
"I think that's taken care of." Scourge rolled his eyes, looking disdainfully at his half-brother with his toilet paper.
Tigerstar reached over Scourge to jab Firestar sharply with a paw. "Why'd you come after us? I did you a favor; you could have gotten out of this and we wouldn't have had to deal with you."
"Are you -huff- crazy?" Firestar panted, still out of breath from chasing the car. "My gummy mice are in here!"
"Now everyone, just a warning that there's some traffic up ahead, so we'll be sitting still for a while, okay?" said Jake.
"Actually, I'm fine with traffic." Scourge remarked. "More waiting means more time to sleep!"
"Waiting doesn't bother me." shrugged Tigerstar, stuffing chips in his mouth and spraying them all over the minivan.
"Perfect." breathed Jake, relieved that the two more violent ones were cool with this. "Then let's just all sit back and-"
"PICK A LANE A-HOLE!" howled Firestar, who was yelling out the window, shaking his fist.
"A-hole? Seriously?" Tigerstar snorted. "Just swear like a real tom!" he exclaimed, ignoring the struggle as Jake tried to pull his ginger son back through the window while Scourge at the same time was trying to shove him out of it.
"Cursing is not good or moral!" Firestar lectured as he rebuckled while Scourge and Jake argued over why Jake let that "thing" back inside the car.
"Good or moral? Seriously?" Tigerstar laughed. "Well I say FU-"
"You better be about to say the word fudge!" Pinestar warned his son.
"Yes Daddy." Tigerstar shrunk back, ignoring Firestar's smug grin.
"Well then," Pinestar proposed, still surprised Firestar was the one with the road rage, "How about we sing the road song?"
"Seriously? Who would sing that song?" Scourge scoffed.
"WHEN I'M ON THE ROOOAADDD!" Pinestar began, horribly off key.
"Please don't." Scourge protested, long claws digging into the leather seat.
"I SEE STUFF GOING BYYYY!" Jake joined in, equally as bad
"Uuuggghhh!" Scourge plugged his ears, screwing up in horror. "None of us are going to sing that awf-"
The small black cat's complaints were suddenly cut off by Tigerstar and Firestar chanting the backup enthusiastically.
"ROAD! ROAD! ROAD! ROAD!" chanted Tigerstar and Firestar, who where having a blast singing the road song until a completely fed-up Scourge put a stop to it by stuffing a napkin into Firestar's mouth, and his sock into Tigerstar's.
"This is the last time I EVER hear that song." spat Scourge determinedly.
"Alright!" Jake began, hurriedly steering the conversation into friendly waters. "How about everyone says what they want to do when they get there?"
"I guess hiking would be fun." Firestar admitted.
Tigerstar spat the sock out of his mouth, nailing Scourge in the face. "I knew how to fish once. I bet I can totally catch every fish in the river!" he boasted.
"I want to kill every single one of you, and float your bodies down the river and watch the water turn red with your blood!" Scourge spoke with a completely straight face, flicking off the spat-out sock with a nonchalant flip of his paw.
After that everyone was silent until they reached the rest stop.
It was afternoon when Pinestar stopped the car at a local PawWa gas station to refuel, while Firestar, Scourge, and Tigerstar ran into the bathroom.
Minutes later all three came out sopping wet and covered in a very suspicious smell.
"That was so disgusting!" Scourge squealed like a kit, wringing the stinky water out of his tail fur.
"Hah! This time it wasn't even my fault the toilet blew up." laughed Tigerstar, flicking toilet water at Scourge.
"Yeah, sure it wasn't, heh." snorted a slightly-less-wet Firestar who was hiding a wrench behind his back and whistling suspiciously.
"Well, are we ready to go?" asked Pinestar.
"No! I'm not leaving until I get more Gummy mice!" whined Tigerstar, stomping his paw childishly.
"Scourge can share his gummy mice with you." Jake told him, trying to hurry up and get back on the road."
"What?! Why can't Firestar share his?" asked Scourge angrily.
"Because you know what happens if we try to steal Firestar's gummy mice..."
"My precious! My precious!" Spoke Firestar in a golem voice, holding his gummy mice to his chest.
"Okay golem let's all relax and take a nap." Said Jake as he buckled up the squealing Firestar.
At that moment Pinestar's phone started ringing.
"So have you gotten there yet?" Asked Flamestripe while dancing around his office with his "I hate my job" T-shirt.
"Oh...not yet." Said Pinestar as he checked his upside down map, witch he thought was a GPS.
"why won't this map talk to me?"
"Hah! You watch Dora the explorer?" Laughed Tigerstar.
"First, Dora the explorer is a great show for kits to learn how to count to three. Second, This is a GPS, which is supposed to talk to me!" Yelled Pinestar, as he threw his map on the ground and stopped it in the dirt.
"Uh, dad? I'm not supposed to be the smart one, that's a map. Said Tigerstar.
"I already knew that you were an ideot son, because clearly it doesn't take a genius to find out." Snapped Pinestar.
"Well clearly, because you found out." Said Tigerstar.
"Well anyways...I just we wanted to check in and see if you killed anyone and i need to call the police." Meowed Flamestripe.
"Please. Our kits are angels." Exaggerated Pinestar.
"Firestar stop beating up that delivery man!" Screeched Jake.
"Give me your gummy mice!" Yowled Firestar.
"What's going on back there?" Asked Flamestripe suspiciously.
"Oh, nothing..." Lied Pinestar as he watched Firestar getting pulled away by scourge.
"Heres twenty bucks." Said Tigerstar as he handed it to the delivery man.
"Anyways, I'm just going to hang up now." Said Flamestripe.
"Bye!" Said Jake as he hung up.
"Daddy, are we there yet?" Asked Scourge obnoxiously.
"Because the seat belt is rubbing against my beautiful (Flamestripe of windclan is not responsible for any rages about what color Scourges collar is.) **** collar.
"No not yet, we just have a few more miles to go." Explained Jake, as he looked at his map.
"Do you think we'll see any mountain lions?" Asked Tigerstar.
"Probably not. But if we do then I'm feeding them to Firestar, considering the fact that he has more meat then the rest of us." Replied to scourge.
"Yea, the mountain lions only eat the fat cats.
"Daddy, Scourge called me the F-word again!" Whined Firestar, as he finished off the last of his gummy mice.
Jake ignored his son and looked at his watch. "Oh my gosh! It's 7:00!"
"We need to get there before dark or the lions, tigers, and bears will attack us!" yelled Pinestar, as he waved his paws wildly in the air, accidentally hitting Tigerstar.
"Oh my." Said Scourge, thinking the others would get the reference.
Jake floored the gas pedal.
"What if the police see us speeding?" Asked Firestar.
"Then it'll be a high speed chase..hopefully." Said Tigerstar, taking out a camping knife.
"Because I can throw knives really well."
"Tigerstar! Putt that weapon down at once!" Screamed Pinestar.
"Fine..." Moaned Tigerstar.
"And besides, there's no cop in sight. What could possibly go wrong? Asked Jake.
Suddenly a police siren went off in the distance.
"Please, pull over your car!" Yelled the police man, as he spoke threw his loud speaker.
As ordered, Jake pulled over. "Don't worry, I'm probably gonna just a get a warning." Said Jake.
"Sir, I'm gonna have to give you a ticket." Explained the police man."
"I don't want one." Whined Jake.
"Sir, don't make me bring out my taser." Said police officer sternly.
"But! I! Don't! Want! One!" Cried Jake.
"I warned you." Said the police man as he took out his taser.
Suddenly as if on cue, the police mans eyes rolled back and he passer out.
Out from behind behind the knocked out man stood Scourge. "Next time can you not make him try to tase you?" Asked Scourge as he blew dust off from his paw.
"Okay...Let's hurry up before it gets dark." Said Pinestar.
Jake quickly floored the gas pedal again and drove off.
"Are we almost there yet?" Asked Firestar.
"Sorry Firestar, but since we got pulled over it might be hours until we get there." Said Jake.
"Then why is there a sign that says you are now entering woodland forest on the side of the road?" Asked Tigerstar.
"FREEDOME!" Screeched Scourge as he jumped out of the moving car.
"I think this is the perfect place to set up camp." Said Pinestar.
"We're right next to a mountain, a waterfall, AND a lake."
The small group of cats then set up camp...ignoring the mountain lion paw prints right next to a tree.
Hey guys! Flamestripe of Windclan here, I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in a few weeks. School has started and teachers are being a butt so I PROMISE that I'll upload more frequently. But for now review for support and PEACE!
-Flamestripe of Windclan