A/N: Serious question that I'm sure all of you can answer and then politely tell me I'm not stupid. Almost everyone I've ever introduced to Downton Abbey (and there have been quite a few, poor things…) have always asked during Mary's wedding or the Anna/Bates prayer scene if the family was Protestant. And without knowing the answer (it's never actually said, is it?) I always want to shout "They're Anglican!" when really, if it's never stated, that's just a generalization that could be completely false on my part. But...um...they are Anglican, right? And High Anglican at that, correct? *confused*
This, by the way, really has no baring on this chapter (though it is related in a way) or any other that I plan on writing. I just figured this was a good medium to pose such a question.
Timeline: Dublin. I'm just going to stop saying it at this point...
Song: I Will Follow You Into The Dark - Death Cab For Cutie
The house that morning was full of life and energy, and most importantly, love. Sybil was surprised to hear that she and Tom were allowed to eat breakfast together, much less see each other in passing while she, with her hair freshly washed and up in some sort of cap, smiled at him in his simple trousers and lightweight shirt.
It was September, and both the bride and the groom as well as the rest of the family were praying it would not rain. Every time a stressed out Helen muttered something about the clouds above, Sybil would just laugh back, ensuring her mother in law that they would get married regardless or that it was fitting for such clouds to be hanging over her and Tom's relationship.
Everything was planned as it had been for some weeks now but Helen and Katherine insisted that everyone be up early for a family breakfast before heading off to their respective places to begin getting ready.
Seated at the long table in the dining room, they had just finished praying when Sybil, along with the rest of the Branson family, heard a knock, then one more, at the door on the other end of the flat. Sybil looked up slowly, putting the pieces together as she did so. It was she who jumped up and ran to the door only for the rest of the family to hear laughter and excitement as they continued to eat.
Tom excused himself, following the voices he recognized all too well.
"Tom!" Sybil yelped at seeing him walk toward them. "Mary and Edith are here. And Anna too!" His fiance exclaimed, hugging her former housemaid with all of the happiness she could muster.
"Lady Mary," Tom said with a nod, knowing he should address her first. "Lady Edith," another nod. "And Anna," he said, giving her a nod and a smile. Anna touched his arm as she smiled back. She had often challenged the chauffeurs political ideals but they had a similar respect for one another and she rather enjoyed his company in the servants quarters, even after she went with the ladies to Gretna Green. If Tom remembered correctly, she was particularly nice the following morning as he walked around feeling broken and empty, wondering where to go next.
Mary stepped into him. "Please Tom, it's Mary." He could tell that such an offer was difficult for her, but he saw the way she continued to smile at her baby sister. It didn't take much to remind Tom that they were here for Sybil but a part of him swelled with pride as he realized that what was hers would soon be his.
Edith tore her eyes off of the drab wallpaper barely highlighted in the dim hallway long enough to speak. "Edith, will do as well."
"Oh, it's so good to have all of you here!" Sybil beamed. "How long are you staying?"
"Only the night. We leave on the first boat out tomorrow morning."
"I'm sorry we didn't write, darling. We got the notice about the wedding rather late and weren't sure if a reply would even make it here in time. You know how post from here to there is," she said with a wave of the wrist. "But we found the apartment quickly from the address you left with Papa."
"Right, well we're eating breakfast-"
Mary's eyes widened, horrified that she had interrupted something. Part of her had forgotten that the world was not running on the same schedule she was used to. Growing up on an estate could do that to a sheltered young girl. Mary wondered if the shock hit Sybil once as hard as it was hitting her now. "Darling, it's 6 o'clock in the-"
"We like to eat early. And with the wedding…"
"Well should we come back?"
Sybil shook her head as if to quietly say "no". She grabbed Mary's hand, leaving Edith and Anna to be ushered down the hallway after Tom shut the door behind them. Tom kept his head hung and his hands in his pockets, unsure of how to react to these women who he used to work for. Sybil was radiant though and he was happy for her, something he told her as she got them each a plate and invited them to breakfast.
After introductions, it took the Branson's time to get used to these three women. Anna insisted that she would standby and not join them for breakfast but Sybil and Mary quickly insisted she get herself a plate. Helen liked this, enjoying Sybil's eldest sister despite what Tom had mentioned about her.
It wasn't that Tom didn't like Mary. In fact, he liked her more than Edith who was much too quiet for his taste. Mary was, after all, Sybil's closest allie in the house and for reasons he was untuned to, the eldest of the Crawley girl's was protective and loving and even motherly with her baby sister. He was sure that as their marriage continued, the two of them would begin to see eye to eye. Mary was as passionate about her place in society as Tom was about eradicating it.
Edith was quiet inside and out and Helen noticed how Sybil and Mary both shied away from her, out of habit and not out of disrespect. Anna entertained Edith, the two of them talking to Mr. Branson as Mary and Sybil caught up with Tom and his mother listening nearby.
"How is Matthew?"
Mary smiled. "He's doing well all things considered. He thinks…" She stopped herself. "Well it doesn't matter what he thinks, really."
"And the two of you?"
"Sybil, darling, really. Need you ask?" She sat forward, lips pursed as she folded a napkin on her lap.
Sybil could only laugh. She continued to eat her toast, ignoring her sister's chiding, no matter how much she missed it.
The day Tom had asked Sybil about Matthew and Mary was long gone but he remembered the conversations after where Sybil was all too willing to open up to him as if failing to do so would result in her losing him. She told him about their on and off again relationship and he shared with her the conversations he always swore he had tried not to hear. Sybil would smile it off with him, both of them happy that they could meet on common ground by sharing information. Between the two of them, they were the most informed at Downton and they often joked about what could be done with such a power.
Edith had cleared her plate and was currently thanking Mrs. Branson for the lovely meal. This, of course, earned an eye roll from Mary. "How far is the church?"
"Only a few blocks. It is really the most beautiful little church and the garden's surrounding it are lovely."
"And it's a Catholic church?" Mary inquired.
"Mary!" Edith spat. She corrected her sister, wanting to appear polite; it was as if the same thought hadn't occurred to her moments earlier.
"She's fine, Edith. Yes, it's a Catholic church. I know, Papa will have a fit and-"
Mary sipped at her tea, trying to swallow the liquid down. "Forget Papa. If he had something to say he'd be here, but he's not so never mind what he thinks."
"I think him not being here is him saying enough."
Mary realized she had upset her sister and quickly pressed a kiss to her cheek. Sybil smiled into it, with her mouth tight lipped and tense. "May I help clean up?"
Helen smiled back. "That really won't be necessary, dear. I'm actually going to leave this for Mr. Branson and you and the girls and I can all begin to get our Sybil ready."
Mary could only smile. She looked back over her shoulder to where Tom was whispering something at Sybil, causing the young girl to smile. He was clearly bringing her back, reminding her that her parents loved her. Sybil was nodding, as if accepting his every word if only to shut him up.
It wasn't that she wasn't comforted by Tom, because she was. Sybil just wanted to stop thinking about the way her sisters were here and her parents and grandmother were not. It was unacceptable and she was sure Helen would agree. The latter thought made her hate them even more. Mrs. Branson was lovely and had been so fair and accommodating, but she wasn't her mother. Sybil needed her own mother and father here the way that all little girls do when going through such a big event in their lives.
Upstairs now, Anna had already begun to fiddle with Sybil's hair. In all honesty, she had always liked the way the youngest of the Crawley sisters had messy curls while her two older sisters were left with straight hair. Anna remembered when Sybil was a child and Cora insisted her hair be pulled back if only to tame the frizz. By the end of the day, a young Sybil, after hours spent in the gardens or the stable, would have her hair hanging free down her back. Cora gave up quickly, knowing that even then she was untamable.
"Anna, can you do me a favor and go fetch me the package I picked up in London?"
"The wrapped one, m'lady?" Helen looked over to Anna. She knew that things worked differently where Sybil was from, but she had never expected to have a member of the aristocracy in her house and the way Mary talked to a willing Anna reminded her of the way that her own children would talk to one another.
Certainly, Sybil was different. Mary and Edith were lovely, but they spoke with a certain air and walked with an importance of the same. With no other option, Mrs. Branson shook it off, understanding that a child cannot help the world which they are brought up to believe in.
Anna had returned now, handing the package wrapped in shiny white paper to Mary who quickly handed it off to Sybil. "I got you this as a wedding gift and I think you should open it before you get dressed."
"Mary, I-"
"Just do it, darling. I would be an awful big sister if I didn't get you something gorgeous and lavish."
"I got you something that can wait until after the wedding," Edith offered up, not wanting Sybil to think she had forgotten her. "I knew one of us needed to be sensible…"
Sybil smiled at Edith in appreciation before she toyed at the edge of the paper. She did her best not to ruin the pattern as she slowly pulled the box out of its confines. She recognized the outside of the box; the girls had received nightgowns and chemises from this place before but suddenly Sybil was afraid to open such a box in front of her mother in law. She looked to Mary who responded by placing a steady hand to her sister's shoulder.
Sybil forged on, her curiosity getting the best of her. Inside, behind all of the cream tissue paper and stuffing, was a silk chemise in the most beautiful off white silk Sybil had ever seen. "Oh, Mary…" Underneath it, a brassiere in the same color.
Further down in the box, was a brand new pair of white stockings with a matching garter belt. The box still had contents, and as Sybil pulled back another layer of tissue paper she set her eyes upon the same combination piece in black. Below that, four pairs of silk knickers, in lavender, light blue, white, and black.
Sybil knew she should be embarrassed, opening such a gift in front of her fiance's mother, but even Helen was marveling at the extravagant stitching from her place over Sybil's shoulder. The knickers were a wonderful French lace cut much like a pair of tap pants she had marveled at when they were back in London during Sybil's season. A blush appeared to Sybil's cheeks, suddenly wondering what Mary must have thought when her younger sister revealed how much she loved the garments. Did Mary now think it was because of Tom? Sybil wondered if she loved him even then, if she wanted him the way she did lately even so many years ago. Was there a subtext even she was unaware of?
"Mary, you really shouldn't have…"
Mary pulled her sister in for a hug. "But I did because I wanted to. You're still my baby sister and I love you and you deserve to have nice things...and you can tell Tom I said so."
Sybil could only laugh. She wiped at the single tear that had managed its way out of the corner of her eye. She thought nothing of it but in a way she was ashamed to be so touched by an unnecessary gift. She thought back to the other night, as Tom stared at her lovingly in just her simple beige chemise and stockings. He loved her then and he would love her now. Things like this didn't matter to him, but a little part of Sybil knew they would always matter to her and she hated knowing how beautiful she would feel when finally in nicer lingerie for her husband.
The thought was confirmed when Anna helped her into the new undergarments. Helen had left the room at this point, saying she was off to brew another pot of tea, but doing it so that Sybil could enjoy her time with her family from home. Sybil revealed herself, in the new cream lace under outfit, causing both Mary and Edith to smile in turn. "You look dashing, darling," Mary managed, with a hand pressed to her lips like that of a proud parent.
"Is the dress in here, m'lady?"
"Yes!" Sybil beamed, turning back to Anna. "I hope it fits. The dressmaker here had to send my measurements to London and-" They were all speechless as the lace garment was pulled from its box. It was a brighter white than the chemise she had on, but as it was pulled over Sybil's head, the undergarment disappeared, only revealing a gown with a modest neckline and sleeves that cut off at the elbow. There was a train in the back, and the lace embroidery adorned the frock from the bodice all the way down to where the gown dragged on the floor.
"I'm surprised you're not wearing pants," Edith quipped even causing Mary to chuckle.
"I thought about it…" Sybil teased back. "But Katherine and I liked this one and I know Tom will think it rather pretty…"
"It's nice to see you so in love, Sybil," Mary whispered, still speaking out from behind where her hand covered her lips in admiration. "You're happy, m'love and that is something I cannot say about myself. You deserve it, darling. Every last ounce of it."
Sybil could only smile. She continued to look at herself in the mirror, knowing how much more elegant she'd look once her hair was pulled back and draped at her neck in a soft curly bun as she had mentioned to Anna. She felt beautiful; beautiful and loved and free.
A car had arrived for the girls just after one o'clock. The church was nearly five minutes away from their apartment but Mrs. Branson assured the girls that time would be needed to get from the Northside of Dublin to the city's heart.
It did take longer than expected, but the girls passed the time discussing what Sybil had missed while she was in Ireland, and how the season in London wasn't the same without her. Sybil could only blush when her sisters relayed how missed she was by all of the young men at the cotillions. Pride swelled in her when she thought of Tom and how she was just as lucky as he must have felt, finally marrying the boy she had loved for so long.
They pulled up outside of the church, being greeted by Katherine and Elizabeth, and Elizabeth's daughter who was serving as flower girl. All three Irish girls could not contain their joy as they saw how beautiful Sybil looked, a crown of little white meadow flowers in her hair, contrasting with her black tresses.
She waited in the back of the church, wanting so badly to see Tom one last time. Mary and Edith and Anna left her side, as did Mrs. Branson. She was left to walk herself down the aisle, an idea she always had, but knew would be deserted for a tradition she secretly cherished. He was her father and he was back in Yorkshire, no doubt thinking of her and maybe even regretting his decision to leave her alone. Or at least that's what she told herself as she was reminded that if he truly felt such things he would be here. She had to believe that and now she did.
Not wanting to ruin her makeup, she held her head high and began to walk, just as she was instructed to do. The music invited her down the aisle allowing the entire congregation to gasp at how stunning she looked as a bride.
From then on it was just her and Tom. She had felt it, the electricity as soon as she entered the church. His eyes were on her, never again to be placed elsewhere. As he lifted her veil, he fought the urge to kiss the corner of her mouth and instead whispered a confirmation of the same into her ear.
Sybil responded, grinning broadly as the Priest talked on, giving the mass and blessing the young couple. Both her and Tom, so lost in one another, were silent when he asked for their vows. The entire church laughed the situation off, causing Sybil to blush as she began.
"I…" She began, already feeling the tears coating her eyes. "I kept you a secret for a long long time. But you're not a secret anymore and I couldn't be more happy. I love you, Tom. I always have and I always will and I hope you know how much you mean to me. I guess this is thank you, for all you've done for me and all you continue to do. You're my best friend first and my husband second, and I want you to know that there is nowhere in this world I would rather be than by your side...because it is such a lovely place to be." Even she laughed at that little bit, which ironically enough sent the tears she was trying to hold back, down her cheeks. "I didn't want that life. I didn't want it as a young girl and then you came along and it was all so clear. And it was okay not to want it. And then suddenly you were this boy, this man really, with the same views on the world that I had and that scared me and comforted me at the same time. I think that's what love is...or at least that's what love has been for me. It's terrifying but it's also the most wonderful thing in the world. I have felt things I never thought I would ever feel. So thank you. Thank you for setting me free and allowing me to be the woman I am today. I love you, Tom Branson."
"Syb, I-" He muttered a small "shite" causing Sybil, who was the only one to hear it, to laugh. Tears didn't coat his cheeks but they soon would and Tom hated how sensitive she made him, especially in front of a church that once saw him to be so strong. "I love you, crazy girl. I love you so much. And it was hard for me all those years to say what I said and to watch you carry on as if you didn't feel it too. But I see now that you did feel it and I guess a part of me is happy that it took us this long to get here. I promised you I would put your happiness first in my world and I hope, here and hereafter, that you trust me to do so because nothing makes me happier than seeing you happy. You deserve the world and I may not be able to give you the things you grew up with but I promise that what I can give you is worth so much more. And when things change in this world, the estates and the gowns and the dinner parties may fade but on that day I will still be loving you."
"You promise?" She teased.
"I promised you then and I promise you now. Thank you for betting on me, crazy girl. I owe you the sun and the moon and the stars." Tom was crying now too. It was the first time she had ever seen him shed a tear and it warmed her heart the way nothing ever had before. She wanted to kiss him, but she knew that would come shortly and she was willing to be as patient as he had been all those years back at Downton. A few moments would do nothing but dry their lips and give them peace of mind.
When it finally came, she kissed him with everything she had and he responded in kind, practically lifting her off her feet. It was a thank you and a promise to seal everything the two of them had just vowed to one another. The congregation clapped and cheered as the two came together, with Anna and Edith practically in tears while Mary stood stoically next to them. They headed back down the aisle, holding onto one another as Tom brought Sybil's hand up to his lips and kissed it. "Mo anam cara," he whispered, bringing her back to the night they shared a week ago.
"I love you," she responded, unable to say much else. The love she felt for him made breathing difficult. As they exited the church out onto a crowded city street of Dublin, she wondered if she would ever breathe normally again, and if, for that matter, she ever wanted to.
"Tom?" Sybil said, nestling into him. The car they were in now taking them to a local pub where the rest of the family would be waiting. "You're my family now."
He couldn't respond. He knew how much her family meant to her but he also could tell how broken she had felt all day when her sisters arrived and her parents did not. It hurt him to see her hurt, so he could only agree; she was his family now.
I meant to put this before but "mo anam cara" literally means "my soul friend" but it should be read as soulmate. It's a gaeilge declaration that is still used (at least in my family) and many of my family members have it engraved on their wedding rings.
Read and review my lovelies! No, seriously, do it. I don't think I've ever read wedding vows for these flawless human beings so tell me what you thought!
x. Elle