"Role Reversal"

Shortaki Week 2016 - Day 7

I've spent my entire life trying to always make the best decision-the right decision. I've always tried to make others know their self-worth. I've tried to make them know they're important and valued. I've always been there to help other with their problems. I've tried to make the world a better place. I've immediately cared for everyone and immediately offered them my friendship. Because why do anything less? It doesn't even make sense to me to not do those things. It's like it's just the way I'm wired.

But the thing is...it's exhausting. And it's lonely. I put in all my time, energy, and care into others day in and day out, and I get nothing in return. I don't actually expect anything in return. But sometimes I need it. But nothing is given back, unless you count all the mocking, teasing, snubbing, betrayal, name-calling, hatred etc. that I get on a daily basis because of who I am. The world lacks respect for those with a high moral caliber. A self-centered society, that cares only for it's self and not for others. A society that loves to perpetuate hate and greed. A world full of people who only look out for themselves and only want what makes their life easier, and can't possibly take a few minutes to put themselves in someone else's shoes and help them or consider how their selfish actions will effect someone else.

You find yourself lonely...you help others, and no one's there to help you. Your outward optimism confuses and misleads them. They think, "well, he just seems so happy, nothing could possibly be wrong in his life". And they're so wholly wrong. Sometimes you need a friend more then anyone else. Sometimes the road looks so bleak and lonely it's hard to keep going.

People laugh at you for caring. They laugh at you for trying. They immediately snub you when they don't want to hear they might be wrong. They ignore your silent heartaches. They hate you for your desire to do good.

And sometimes...you break. Sometimes, you're so tired and exhausted-sick of repeatedly helping and never getting anything back. And for once you want so badly to try the other route and be selfish like everyone else...not extreme, but maybe just stick up for yourself, stop holding in the hurt and say the words you really want to say...just once turn the tables and be someone different.

So you try it. But, then you find yourself staring into the eyes of the girl you betrayed...the girl you poured orange paint all over in your anger and desire to catch a break like everyone else-her shocked and hurt eyes staring back at you, a gasp leaving her mouth. And you know...it's not you...even though it's hard, it's just not who you are...you're not unkind, you're not mean, you're not selfish. You're just Arnold. Arnold who cares about others and never wants to see them hurt. And definitely never wants to be the cause of their heartache.

So you pick up the lonely, constantly hurt and betrayed pieces of yourself and start again...being yourself-the goody-two-shoes, the do-gooder, the one everyone loves to hate; and you call her on the phone to apologize. Because you could never do anything less.

A/N: Sorry for that almost darkish spin this drabble took...I used it more as a springboard for some of my own feelings this week then I meant to. But me and Arnold...we be similar enough that I'm sure he thought some of this before. It only makes sense. You can't be optimistic 100% of the time inwardly...especially when you're parents are gone and you've got a girl bullying you constantly. Arnold, we're kindred spirits, you and I.

Despite all that, I hope you enjoyed this.