Chapter Four: Meditation

"Dammit!" Emily looked up at Matt's outburst. The two of them were sitting in the University Center, a large building at the college they attended that contained a few fast food chains and a large dining area. They were sitting at one of the small circular tables. Matt had his notes and textbook open, hi-lighters and pens scattered everywhere, pepperoni pizza that was in his hand a second ago face down on his text book.

Emily, on the other hand, had her side of the table well organized; there was a salad covered with bright colored vegetables and a deep red vinaigrette. She had her laptop open and had several word documents on her screen, all half written papers that were due within the next couple of days. She looked up from her screen and shrugged. "That sucks, babe."

Matt picked up the pizza off his textbook and sighed. "This book is a rental. I'll probably have to pay a fee or something because of this."

"Maybe you shouldn't eat pizza, then." She took a bite of her salad and looked back at her laptop, making a smug face as she was doing so.

"What's your problem, Em?" Matt could feel himself getting frustrated. Emily had done nothing but question him and criticize him over the past months.

"Nothing! What the hell, Matt?" Emily felt herself growing defensive, her voice becoming louder and higher pitched. She did not want to deal with this. When Matt backed off and said nothing, she felt herself get more and more ticked off. "Seriously, do you have a problem with me? Why don't you just stop being a freaking prick and get the balls to talk to me?"

That did it for Matt. He was done. He couldn't take the abuse anymore. "Want to know what my problem is, Em? It's you! You've been treating me like... like shit ever since we got out! Why do you keep treating me like this? What have I ever done to you?" Emily slammed her laptop closed and started packing up her stuff. She wasn't going to hang around this douche bag when he didn't even know what the hell he did to get her to treat him like this. "Where are you going?"

"Anywhere away from here. I can't fucking deal with this right now." She grabbed her bag and slung it over her shoulder, ignoring the weight of the books that strained it. Before she stormed completely off, though, she turned and looked at him, ice in her eyes. "I almost died because of you. You left me for dead! I barely survived that fucking fire tower, you know?" She left before Matt could speak up and defend himself and his actions.

In frustration, Matt threw the pizza covered textbook off the table, causing him to get several strange looks from the neighboring tables. Sighing, he picked his book back up and looked at his pizza. He didn't really feel like finishing it. He just pushed it to the side and dug himself back into studying, not processing the words he read at all, just looking and occasionally turning a page.

He couldn't get Emily out of his head. She hated him for jumping away on the fire tower. She hated him for abandoning her. How was he supposed to know the fire tower would collapse as soon as he got to safer ground? He was trying to help Emily! He couldn't blame her for hating him, though. She was right to. He would feel the same way if he were abandoned. Matt thought about the razor he had back at the house. He knew the psychiatrists had tried to keep him away form as many as they could, but he had a small collection he had been making, keeping in a secret spot. "Is this seat taken?" Matt jumped when he heard Jessica's voice. He looked up to see the familiar blonde.

He shook his head. "Not anymore."

Matt knew Jess noticed how tense he was. "Are you okay?"

Matt sighed. "I was just dealing with Emily again."

Jess nodded her head. She understood. "I'd say give it time, but time doesn't seem to be helping, huh?"

"Nope. Seems to be making things worse, if I'm honest." Matt picked up his pizza and bit into it. His appetite was starting to return.

Jess pulled out her laptop and started typing away. Matt wasn't sure what she was researching, nor did her particularly care. He was mesmerized by her fingers typing though. She was starting to get back to her old self. He might not have been the one to save Emily, but he saved Jess. She was just as important, wasn't she?

Matt had met Jessica and Ashley when they were little. There was a swing set on the school playground and a pudgy little girl with long braids, and a small redhead, holding tightly to a book with a cat on the cover, were being tormented by a group of five boys in his class. The two girls had been sitting on two of the six seats, but the boys were demanding they give up their seats so they could play. The girls said they had just gotten on and it was their turn on the swing set, but the boys wouldn't have it. Before long they had thrown the pudgy blonde girl off the swing and were pulling her braids, while they ripped the cover off the red head'd book. Both were crying. Matt was scared by the boys, there was more of them, but he knew he couldn't sit this out. "Leave them alone!" he remembered calling out to the bullies. The attention turned away from the girls and over to him. The girls had managed to run away before they could be hurt anymore. That didn't stop the bullies from hurting Matt, though. He had been tackled and punched in the face before the teachers noticed and made their way over to him, stopping the fight. The boys had all gotten in trouble, but when Matt was finally allowed to play at recess again, the two girls came up to him, introducing themselves as Jessica and Ashley. They had all been friends ever since.

The change came when they were freshman in high school. Jessica was suddenly pretty, causing Emily and Mike to take an interest in her as their pet project, and Ashley had met Chris, Hannah and Beth in one of her electives. Matt met Sam and Josh in gym class, and, not long after that, their group was formed, almost completely inseparable.

No one ever could have seen the events of Blackwood coming.

Matt snapped out of his train of thought and looked over at Jessica. Despite everything, they were still friends. Somehow, he knew that they would always be, no matter what fights they had. He could still see her as the pudgy girl with braids.

It was sudden when Matt noticed Jess had nothing besides her laptop on the table, no food anywhere. "Aren't you going to eat?" Matt asked.

Jess shook her head. "Accidentally left my money back at the house."

Matt got up. "Watch the stuff. I'll be right back."

Jessica just assumed he was going to the bathroom and didn't notice him slipping into the line for Panda Express. He found whatever gluten free, spicy food he could. He knew Jessica was gluten free and liked spice. He remembered that from years of friendship. He then grabbed her a bottle of water and went to checkout, paying for the meal with a bot of cash he had. When he got back, Jessica was surprised. "You didn't have to get me food."

"Yeah I did. Couldn't have let you not eat."

Jessica moved her laptop to the side and grabbed her chopsticks, using them masterfully. "So, what's going on with you and Emily?"

Matt wanted to bang his head against the table. "I'm not even sure anymore. She's insane! She thinks everything I did on the mountain was to spite her. I think she forgets that we all had to deal with the mountain, not just her. It's just annoying."

"Well, have you talked to her?" Matt could see Jessica was trying to make sense of the situation.

"Every time I try we just end up fighting and she storms away. Later she's going to come up to me and start kissing me and start saying she forgives me, and before I can really process what happened, we would have had sex, and I completely forget what I'm angry about."

"Well, why don't you find a mediator to sit in and make you guys talk?"

Matt nodded. That was a good idea. "I'll think about it. Who would I get to mediate, though? Emily can't stand Mike or Ashley, or you, to be frank, and Chris would probably accidentally cause more harm than good."

"Ask Sam. She'd probably help."

Matt nodded. "Alright. I'll ask Sam after classes today," he then redirected focus on Jessica. "So, are your classes going alright today?"

Matt hardly noticed as Jess raced into this long story about how terrible her classes were and who had done what, when and why. He just enjoyed talking to her.

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