AN: I'm not super happy with this installment, but I don't think there's anything I can do to re-work it. The more interesting stuff will be in the second half. Where these two idiots might actually stop to talk about the whole damn mess they've made for themselves. The plan is to do another chapter finishing up ME3 and maybe a little epilogue depending on how things end next chapter. Again, very much leaning towards a *hopeful* if not outright happy ending.
I had a couple questions asked about not having any marks. I talked a little about that in a tumblr post a while back about what soulmate tattoos might look like in the ME universe. Basically, at least when it comes to Ashley in this story, it means that she doesn't have a soulmate with the implication that she's going to die too young for it to matter.
I also think someone asked about the *'s in the text. With the new text editor I'm using (that makes it super easy for me to write either at work or at home without issue), I can't add in anything like italics or bolded words. I use the *'s as place holders for me to (hopefully) remember to add that stuff in before posting. Sometimes I miss a few or don't get a chance to do any in a chapter.
There's a lot of work to do on Palaven. He starts with his father and works his way from there. Convincing people to take things seriously is the first hurdle, but he's starting to gain some traction.
Luckily he's busy, or else he'd have time to think about-
Well, at least he's busy.
It's weird, being around so many turians all the time. To his chagrin, he finds himself more accustomed to humans.
At first this makes it harder to make progress. He knows how to convince humans, but the way to handle turians is much different. His father's the one who reminds him of this. After a lecture that reminds him too vividly of his childhood, he changes tactics. People start listening.
Which has the strange consequence of Garrus getting more responsibility. In his mind he had planned it out. All the proof, carefully organized, would be given to the right people. He would advise them on the best approach, and then he could wash his hands of it.
But now he has a rank and a title and people looking to him. There are expectations. It's... unnerving. Really, it's anything a turian should want. He finds it, somehow, lacking.
It distracts him from Shepard, from the dull ache that's permanently settled in his ribcage.
Liara contacts him a couple times.
Most of it's just intel on possible indoctrinated members of the Hierarchy. And some suggestions about strategy for defending against the first wave of Reaper attacks. It appears his people are the only ones really doing anything. Sure, the humans and asari are taking some minor steps, but nothing substantial.
He doubts any of it will help, in the end, but he's always been a pessimist.
She also adds in a few personal notes. Asks about his family. (He tries to forgive her for knowing too much about his mother's health, though it still feels needlessly invasive. He assumes she brings it up as a way of showing that she knows, trying for transparency. It just seems creepy.) Occasionally she'll slip in some info about how Shepard's doing.
They actually get a vid chat in one day. It starts out all business, but of course it can't stay that way when they're actually looking at each other. They both see how stressed the other is, and it just kind of derails the whole discussion into catching up.
He finds out a lot about the ins and outs of being Shadow Broker (and if they ever get the chance, he wants to know more). Liara asks about the suicide mission that was more mission and less suicide than expected. Although she no doubt has detailed reports, she also clearly likes hearing the first hand account. Though he suspects Tali must have filled her in on some of it already.
With only the slightest hint of jealousy, she asks about him and Shepard. His right talon twitches automatically. He hopes she didn't notice the tell.
About two sentences into the conversation he gets interrupted. Concern evident, Liara asks him what's wrong. Not jealousy, then. No, that was unfair of him. Curiosity, an obvious interest in two of her good friends being in... some form of relationship.
Garrus knows better than to talk about what's really wrong. That he's hopelessly in love with Shepard. She's even his soulmate, apparently, and he's hers. But Shepard's not looking for a soulmate so she doesn't know. And the whole galaxy's going to hell anyway, so who has time for that anyway?
He clenches his fist, ignoring the slight numbness he knows he's only imagining where the mark lays hidden.
But he does want to give Liara an answer, even if it's only a partial one, about why he's worried. Although he hates saying it (it feels like a betrayal, somehow), he mentions his fears concerning Shepard and indoctrination. It seems important to let someone else know. The Reapers could be here any day. Once it starts, he's pretty sure things will go south pretty fast. With him being on Palaven, Garrus... well, he can't guarantee he'll survive the first wave.
Liara takes it in and promises she'll do what she can to keep tabs on it.
The talk seems to die out after that. Nothing's more of a buzz killer than talking about the galaxy's hero possibly working for the bad guys.
He knows the moment the Reapers hit Earth because his hand burns. Panic overcomes him as he stumbles out of bed, rushing to check... well, he doesn't know what he can check, because it's still too soon. Military com channels, maybe.
The burning in his hand subsides. Going through the accounts he does manage to dig up, he sees that Vancouver was attacked. No word on who did and did not survive, and he suspects those reports won't be accurate. All he has to go on is the pain from his mark. Although it flashed brightly a few hours ago, it's gone. Or at least, if it's there, it's so muted he can't quite feel it.
So, Shepard's alive. Possibly hurt, but definitely alive.
The tingling that he associates (though wrongly, he hopes) with indoctrination isn't present either. Which hopefully means she hasn't been captured.
It doesn't really make him feel better as he hears alarms going off. Apparently they've reached Palaven, too.
Being on the planet had been bad enough... seeing the devastation from the vantage point of Menae is a thousand times worse. He knew this was coming and it turns out it did nothing to prepare him.
With things going so badly, he wonders why they bothered to prepare at all. Even with years of time to prep (which they squandered) and the six month warning Shepard had bought them, they are getting slaughtered by the millions across the galaxy. He's not necessarily a morbid turian, but he's a realist and honestly? It's not looking good.
Only a few hours of total hell and he's resigned himself to it all. To dying here on Menae. To never seeing Shepard again (admittedly, even after all these months, that one stings more than he'd thought it would). To failing his family and his species and pretty much all sentient life in the galaxy.
It doesn't mean he's going to stop fighting. It just means he sees the futility of it.
But his world lights up again when he hears Shepard's voice. If he's being honest with himself (and he usually is), he would have given nearly anything to have her alive and safe... but he would've given just a bit more to be there too. He's always been along for the ride. And if he has to die (they all do, the clock's ticking down on all of them), well, there's no where he'd rather do it than by her side.
The Reapers seem only too happy to oblige.
Let them try.
They left things awkwardly. Garrus is all too aware of that as he hides in the Main Battery (and damn it all how the Alliance has fucked it up). Nothing had seemed out of place on Menae. But he hadn't expected it then. In front of the new crewman Vega... Shepard's always been professional.
No, what he dreads is when she comes to seek him out. Which she will. Soon.
He busies himself with trying to decipher the piss poor programming the Alliance has done on his systems. Luckily he knows this ship well, could probably calibrate everything in his sleep, so it's not difficult. The repetitive, mind-numbingness of the task is almost hypnotic, allowing his mind to drift. The war disappears, his worry for his parents evaporates, and the tension in his gut relaxes.
Garrus completely loses himself in writing algorithms and running diagnostics that he doesn't even register the doors opening.
"Vakarian... already back at it?"
He can't tell if his heart jumps up into his throat or falls into the pit of the stomach, but either way the reaction is uncomfortable. And somewhat startling - he thought he'd moved past where Shepard's presence could do things like this to him.
"The old girl needs some work. The Alliance appears to have taken some liberties with my programming. I'm sure they had their reasons, but I know I can up the efficiency on the mods they've installed-"
"Garrus." It's only then that he realizes he'd been babbling.
"Sorry." There's just enough time for him to worry about what's coming next that he starts talking again. A little voice in the back of his head is telling him to just shut up, but he's never been good at listening to that voice. "I was uh... I know we left things in a weird spot... and I'm not really, uh... sure of the protocol for reunions or anything-"
Shepard reaches up and gently runs her thumb along one of his mandibles. He breathes out a sigh of relief, mostly because the interruption stops the nonsense pouring out of his mouth. Without really meaning to, he leans into her hand. Spirits, he's missed this. It's not fair, none of it. That he has a soulmate who he hasn't seen in months and only gets to see now because they're facing their impending deaths. Again. A soulmate who may not even want him once if she finds out about the matching marks they carry.
"You're overthinking this."
That train of thought rattles to a halt. He's so over the place it feels like whiplash. "Sorry."
"Stop apologizing." She'd sound like she's scolding him if it weren't for how gentle her tone is. Her finger pads over his mandible a few more times before she pulls him down for a gentle peck on the cheek. "That's the protocol on reunions, FYI."
His mind goes blank for a moment before he pulls her in and buries his face in the crook of her neck. Nuzzling into her hair, he just breathes her in. Her arms find the way around his waist and he shivers slightly. Spirits he's missed this.
Perhaps it's a mistake, but things pick up right where they left off. He spends his nights in Shepard's cabin more often than not, even on the nights she doesn't appear because she's too caught up working. Sometimes she's already passed out by the time he gets there, draped over the reports on her desk or laying awkwardly on her sofa. Those are the times he gently tucks her in and cleans up before crawling in beside her.
After a few weeks, Garrus gets caught up in how domestic it is. Sure, there's still sex. Surprisingly frequent bouts of sex that are probably the only source of relaxation either of them gets. But the times they just cuddle up together or have a quiet dinner outnumber those times more often than not.
It's everything he's ever wanted. It's nothing like what he expected. He loves it and he hates that he loves it and hates that it's not enough.
Fuck.
Everyone does the best to take out their frustration and misery on the Reapers. He does everything in his power to take down every one of those fuckers he can. It's not as cathartic as he'd like, but it's something.
He edges along a few lines he's drawn for himself over the past few years. As much as the war blazes around them, parts of himself are at odds with each other.
The ends justify the means.
No, they absolutely do not - we can't let the Reapers make us something we're not or what's the point.
What's the point? What's the point of holding fast to our "ethics" if it means extinction? What's the point in everything our species have built if we're going to throw it all away so we can claim to have taken the "moral high ground"?
We can't become as bad as the monsters trying to kill us. If we do, they win even if they lose.
Back and forth, back and forth. It doesn't help that he sees the same conflict mirrored in Shepard's eyes. If he looks for it, he sees it in Liara's and Joker's and pretty much everyone else's.
He dislikes how much he's already had to compromise what he believes in, the type of turian he'd like to be. Every fight, every decision, he strives to be better. If not for himself - because he's pretty sure he's totally fucked - then for Shepard. She's the one who can win or lose this fight for them. She's the one who needs to be strong. So if he can do this for her, this one small thing, well, he'll try.