AN: Ahahaha remember when I said this would only be like three chapters? Well I am apparently *terrible* at guessing how long I need to actually tell a story. These characters... they need to stop taking over, man.

Though it's actually kinda fun going through a story I haven't planned out yet. I'm kinda discovering the story as I write it, which is always surprising. I totally had a different Shepard reaction initially planned, but that got totally scraped based on last chapter. Still don't know how this is actually going to end, but I guess that's a problem for future me to figure out ;)

Maybe he's letting himself get too stressed out by the galaxy falling apart, but it hits him one morning. Or maybe it's evening, he can't really tell anymore. The tingling on his hand is back. How long has it been there?

He berates himself because he has no honest answer to that. It could've been just that moment or it could've been a month ago. He'd stopped checking a while ago, some time after the Normandy had come to Menae. The vast weeks between then and now stretch before him, and he cannot for the life of him narrow it down more than that.

Carefully, he seeks out Liara.

The last time they'd discussed Shepard's possible indoctrination, the conversation had been over comm channels. It had afforded him a certain amount of leeway to re-direct lines of questioning that he quite frankly did not want to address.

("How do you know, Garrus?" Liara's voice whispers to him. "What makes you so sure this is possible when no one else is?" He'd been able to avoid it last time. He knows he won't be so lucky twice.)

In the privacy of Liara's quarters, he's lost the luxury.

"Garrus." Her tone is all shadow broker, no friendly confidant here. "Why are you so worried about this? I haven't seen anything that would make me suspect Shepard."

For a moment he thinks she must already know. She knows everything now, right? All the secrets the galaxy has ever tried hiding just fall into her lap. Something as trivial as Garrus Vakarian's soulmate mark, etched deeply onto his right talon, would have easily been found out ages ago.

His instinct is to glare at her for making him say it out loud. Even when Joker found out, it had been obvious and he hadn't had to voice it. And he hates that Liara's making him spell it out because she must know-

She returns his glare with equal ferocity.

A couple minutes pass and then he realizes. She doesn't know. Her impatience makes him think that, hell, maybe she doesn't even have a clue.

"Well, this is awkward," he laughs out, taking time to look everywhere but at the frustrated asari in front of him. Before she can demand him to just spit it out, he carefully removes his right glove and pointedly lays his hand on the table. Because he's still being too much of a child to actually say it.

Bewilderment subsides as she finally gets a good look at his talon. Liara's features all soften once the shock wears off. "Oh."

"Yeah."

They don't talk about it, at least not directly. Garrus explains what he felt when Shepard died, or when she's seriously hurt or in a lot of danger. Compares it to what he feels now, the tingling itch that's been there since the Bahak System. Days of time unaccounted for, so close to a Reaper artifact and those poor indoctrinated bastards.

"Oh."

"Yeah."

The next few hours are spent pouring over every decision Shepard's made since then. They analyze it under two assumptions - that she is and then that she is not indoctrinated. Each time, they try to see which one makes more sense.

In the end, they can't really come to a conclusion. Sure, most of it seems to be in keeping with her behavior before Bahak.

"But she might have already been feeling pressure from indoctrination - her exposure during that mission may have only accelerated the process," Liara points out.

So they go around again, back farther.

"And you're sure you didn't feel it while Shepard was on Earth? What would that mean?"

"I just figured it was because she wasn't near anything Reaper. Now that she's back out in space..." He shrugs.

"I suppose that makes sense..."

All this speculation gets them no where. They are no closer to a consensus than they were before. "Maybe" isn't exactly a lot to go on. There's nothing they can really do except continue to keep an eye out for any strange behavior and be critical of Shepard's decisions.

Although Liara suggests talking to Hackett, Garrus immediately shoots that down. "This cannot leave this room. If anyone even thinks her judgement might be impaired, we're done."

He's right and they both know it.

"Alright." Sure, she hesitates, but Garrus is just glad she agrees. He's about to get up and leave when she completely blind sides him by asking, "Does Shepard know?"

A frustrated sigh and distressed subvocals can't quite be covered up as he tries to avoid eye contact. He doesn't have to ask what she means. "No," he says, tensing up and preparing for a lecture.

He's right about that too.

"Garrus Vakarian! You haven't told Shepard that you're soulmates?" Her brow furrows. "How is that even possible? I was under the assumption that you two were together-"

"I wear gloves."

"Alright," and she's apparently willing to gloss right over how he wears gloves during sex. Thank the Spirits he is having this discussion with Liara and not Joker. "But that doesn't really explain why you haven't spoken to her about this. Do you not...?"

The question's open-ended. Want to be with her? Love her? Think you'll survive long enough to actually do anything other than fight Reapers and fuck? He's not sure which one he's being asked and he's not sure how he can really answer any of them.

"She, uh, doesn't really believe in soulmates."

Eyes narrowed, Liara takes a deep breath (though it sounds like she would rather scream in frustration). "Tell me everything." When she sees his skeptical look, she adds, "Please. I just want to help. Perhaps a different point of view might help?"

So he tells her. About Shepard's parents and how she purposely avoids the topic most of the time. That she's made it clear she does not care who her soulmate is. And it kind of sucks that the lighter conversational topic is that Shepard is apparently his soulmate. But life sort of sucks in general right now, so he takes it in stride. What else can he do about it anyway?

After hearing everything, Liara goes quiet. "That... does not sound particularly encouraging."

"Tell me about it."

"Are you sure there's no way you could have misinterpreted-"

"No." Even though he wants to say "Yes!" Even if he wants to hope.

"Garrus..." He hates that tone. Pity and empathy and he just wants this conversation to be over so he doesn't have to think about it anymore and can mope in the Battery in peace. "Do you want more than... I don't want to assume anything, but whatever you and Shepard currently have?"

If he's being honest, he wants a lot of things. He wants a soulmate he can marry and have children with. Sure, they'd have to adopt, but he's fine with that. He wants to grow old with his soulmate. Live in an apartment on the Citadel but have a house on Palaven or Earth to vacation in. He wants to fix the galaxy with Shepard at his side (or his at hers, he's not picky). Defeating the Reapers would be a great start-

And that's where his hopes die, isn't it? They're not going to survive this war. Odds are they die young. One if not both of them. No matter how long they last, they're not going to outlast the Reapers. Sure, he stays positive about the Crucible and all that, but it's for Shepard's sake more than anything else. There are no guarantees and he's too terrified to plan for the best with the worst casting a shadow over everything else.

All of that, the very real shit storm of their lives at the moment, is so insurmountable he doesn't really see the point of worrying about the rest. Shepard's qualms about soulmate tattoos would be a huge problem if their circumstances are ideal. But they aren't.

Liara waits patiently while he trudges through the mine field in his head. Finally, he gets to an answer he's willing to share.

"Yes, I want more than a casual romance or whatever we're doing. But the Reapers aren't going to let us get that, soulmates or not." He sees her about to interrupt so he puts up a hand and adds, "If we win, I'll re-assess and go from there. One war at a time, though."

The last part's meant to be a joke. Neither of them really find it funny.

"I still think you should talk to her about it. Maybe... maybe she's just scared because of what happened with her parents. Doesn't want to commit to someone who might just leave her when their 'real' soulmate appears."

"I am-"

"Do not interrupt me, Garrus Vakarian. From what you've told me, it sounds like she has no reason to believe you are her soulmate. Maybe she's just insecure and it's easier to keep the soulmate issue at arm's length than deal with the real possibility of falling for someone who the galaxy says isn't 'compatible.' You need to talk to her and find out."

His jaw locks as he holds back whatever snarky comment he was about to say. There's no point, Liara's not going to back down from her stance. "Fine," he bites out instead, trying to make it sound sincere. "I will."

He doesn't. He's not sure he ever intended to.

If he lets himself think about it, he's knows why. Best case scenario, Shepard's just trying to protect herself but would jump into his arms ecstatically if she knew they were soulmates. Worst case scenario, she'll want nothing to do with him when if she finds out they're soulmates. More likely her reaction lies somewhere between each extreme (neither really seems like something she would do, not really).

He tells himself he'd be able to handle all of it, though he has an obvious preference.

But somewhere along the line it happened. He woke up with human hair tickling him and the sound of Shepard's wheezy breathing (he's told it's called 'snoring' and it's perfectly normal, even if it sounds like he's sleeping next to a varren). Still groggy, he just nuzzles in closer, their bodies aligned as well as a human and turian possibly can be,

Fuck.

He doesn't know how he let it happen, but it did. He actually fell in love with Shepard.

And he stops worrying about how Shepard's built up this anti-soulmate mentality to protect herself. No, now he's worried about protecting himself, because now he knows all too well that he's given her the power to crush him absolutely.

Things on the ship are tense. Morale is low, and it's understandable considering they can't go a day without catching a break. It's mission after mission, more and more terrible news about the war, lost families and friends...

He also feels pretty shitty about himself when he's relieved when Shepard edges on morally bankrupt. When she's ready to give up on finding the "right way" in favor of landing a huge blow against the Reapers, well, it makes him feel like it's less likely she's indoctrinated. The deliberately destructive way she strikes at them, ignoring consequences, is somehow comforting. Trying to do the "right thing" is so much riskier, makes his heart skip a few beats because it would be so easy to cover pro-Reaper motives behind-

No, he has to not think that way. He has to try and nudge Shepard towards that "better" path. For her own sake as well as his.

It's surprising how many people come out of the wood works when the galaxy is ending. People he hasn't seen in years contact him, looking for help or to offer it. He's actually spoken with his father in the past few months than he had in the previous decade. Most of it was actually pretty civil, too.

But what does take him off guard for a moment is when he runs into Dr. Michel while on the Citadel. They take for a bit, catch up. The doctor is actually pretty good at avoiding any morbid topics, so it's actually a nice little break from everything. Chitchat isn't really his thing, but an hour later he realizes the time, says good-bye and heads back to the ship.

A few days later (maybe a week? it's so hard to keep track of time these days) when they're back at the Citadel, he gets a package delivered. Which raises a few eyebrows (even his own, or at least it would if he had any). He's eating lunch with Tali when it gets dropped off. An ordinary looking box with a small note from Dr. Michel, saying how nice it was to catch up.

"What is it?"

After skimming over the card, he actually looks at the box. "Dextro-chocolates." Thoughtful, but he doesn't like sweets. Maybe it's lucky he happened to be with Tali, or else what would he do with them? "Want some?"

"I don't think you're supposed to share, Garrus."

He stares at her blankly. "... Why not?"

Tali just sighs and he knows, just knows she's rolling her eyes at him. But she eats half the chocolates anyway.

Shepard's not in a good mood for the next couple of days. He doesn't know why she seems to be looking for an excuse to bite his head off.

He never was very good at putting two and two together.

Alenko re-joins the crew. Which is good. The two of them always got along and Kaidan is a skilled biotic. He's part of the old SR-1 family and it really just makes sense for him to be here with them, finishing what they started years ago.

At least, he keeps telling himself all of this. Repeatedly.

He tries to ignore the way he looks at Shepard. And how much time they spend together. And how easy it is for him to make her smile. That when they eat together they can actually eat the same thing and complain about it. And sometimes she takes him on missions he would have expected to have been picked for. She'll make a point of looking him in the eye before saying Alenko's going with her instead.

"Damn, that's harsh bro," Vega mutters to him after the third time it happens. So apparently other people have noticed it to.

He's not in a good mood for a solid sixteen days. He doesn't know why he keeps looking for an excuse to snap at Shepard.

(Yes he does, of course he does. He might be able to lie to her but he can't lie to himself.)

It comes to a head one evening in her cabin. He's been avoiding sleeping up here pretty religiously since about two days into Alenko's return. After checking the duty roster, he knows they're both off right now and figures they could use some time together.

Later, he will acknowledge his mistake was not finding a more public space. They might have avoided the whole thing.

Garrus wasn't expecting a fight. He never is, not with Shepard of all people, so he isn't looking for the warning signs. The surprise bordering on shock when she sees him come in. Her stiff posture. What he mistakes for a toneless, "What are you doing here?" later replays in his head as so positively cold.

"I thought we could spend the evening together. I brought dinner." He holds up the rations he'd pilfered earlier. Hopefully she likes whatever MAC&CHEESE is.

"I'm pretty busy."

He blinks once or twice. Now he's starting to get wary. "Anything I can help with?"

"It's just mission reports. Can't really help with those if you're not actually on the missions."

Seriously? What the actual fuck.

Never let it be said that Garrus Vakarian doesn't have a temper to match Jane Shepard's.

"And whose fault would that be?"

"Excuse me?"

"Why don't you take me on ground missions anymore?" He very casually drops both of the rations on her desk, crossing his arms and glaring at her with narrowed eyes.

"I take the best crew members available based on the needs of the mission." Fuck her, it sounds so damn scripted.

"Funny," and he puts as much ice into his voice as he can, "because I would've thought that a sniper would be more valuable on a re-con op than a close quarters biotic specialist."

"Yeah?" Her laugh gives him a slight chill. "That's probably why they don't put you in charge of shit."

Memories of Omega and his spectacular fuck up rise up unbidden. He does his best to push those to the side. "Careful, they might not put you in charge of it much longer if you pick squadmates based on personal preference rather than strategic value."

There's a bit of amused shock at that. Not quite the rise he was hoping to get out of her, though. (And why is he even trying to get her riled up? How is that going to help things?)

"If you feel that I am unfairly discriminating against you-"

"The whole fucking crew knows you are!"

"So you think I'm letting my personal feelings get in the way of my job?"

Personal feelings? Wait, does she mean about him or Alenko? "Honestly, Shepard, I don't know what I think. I'm just saying, whatever's going on, I don't like it-"

"Oh, you don't like it?" She sounds a bit bitter. "What about you and Michel? Am I supposed to like that?"

That takes the wind out of his sails, but mostly because he's just confused. "Huh?"

"Heard all about your little date with her a few weeks ago. And the chocolates. Very cute couple you two make."

She won't look him in the eye and it makes it very hard to read the situation. "You think there's something going on between me and Chloe?"

"Chloe!? Oh, it's Chloe now?"

Frustration, not just with this argument but with the whole damn situation between him and Shepard, he just kind of snaps. He rounds on her and pointedly asks, "What did you feel when the rocket hit me back on Omega?"

She blinks at him. Once. Twice. A third time before a frown sets in. They both know she understands the question, she's just not sure why he's asking it. "Felt kinda like I took a 2 by 4 to the back of the head." She gives him a questioning look, but keeps going. "Worst fucking headache I can remember having, other than waking up alive. Didn't go away for a few hours, either."

Very deliberately, he starts pulling off his gloves.

Shepard's eyes go wide. "Garrus, what are you doing? Don't-"

He can tell she wants to look away, but she's absolutely transfixed. He starts with the left one, and she lets out what might be a sigh of relief when she sees absolutely nothing. When he starts to pull off the other one, she automatically tracks the movement.

He knows the exact moment she sees it, the blue and red and purple. And he sees the exact second when she understands it. Her hand comes up to rub at her own mark, an unconscious habit she's always had, but this time she catches herself halfway and lets her hand fall awkwardly to her side.

Quietly, like he's going to spook her if he says it too loudly, he whispers, "When you died above Alchera, my hand hurt so badly I just wanted to cut the damn thing off."

When her eyes finally find his again, there are tears threatening to fall. Garrus wants to reach out and wipe them away, but he waits for permission. Some sign that she's something he still gets to have.

Not for the first time, Shepard does something he's not expected. It is, however, the first time he's seen her run away.

She nearly sprints out the door, giving him a wide berth like he might burn her if she gets too close. He hears the door close behind him and doesn't move. Shoulders slumps, he waits long enough to know she's gone before he lets himself fall backwards onto the couch.

Well, that could've gone better.