A.N.: Thank you everyone who has posted a review! Once again, I've been kinda astonished at how well this story is being received, but I am very glad that people are enjoying it. Now I just have to hope I don't drop the ball over the next few chapters!
Takeru runs. He's dizzy and tired, and keeps stumbling, but he doesn't care. He doesn't want to stop, because all the time he's running he has to focus on not completely falling over, or on the growing pain in his side, or the rising nausea which is making everything spin…
He trips, and lands heavily on loose rocks and soil. It's too much work to get up again so he just lies there, staring vacantly at the ground before him while his hands and knees sting. It's not enough to distract him from the mess of thoughts in his head. Why is this real? Why does it have to be true? He doesn't even understand - but there's a certainty in his mind that anyone who's done what he has is the worst kind of person. Bad isn't the right word for it. No, it needs another word. A word like…like…
Terrible. Evil. Unforgivable. They pop into his head one after the other, and echo there as his memories replay, each one setting off more until his head is a mess of dark thoughts mixed with the shadows of past actions. Smiling as a black spire is raised. Watching and smiling as Devimon attacks and destroys towns, chasing and killing creatures. Black rings fly out to ensnare others and he watches, satisfied that everything is under his control. Watches as Devimon attacks his friends, again and again until an unfamiliar golden figure rises up before him, and strikes Devimon down. Watches as Devimon screams with rage and falls to the ground, glowing brightly and shrinking into…into Poyomon. His Poyomon. It's enough to make Takeru feel sick.
And then there are the other memories, other certainties. The vague shape of a person he used to be, with friends and a partner who he's betrayed. A Takeru who fought against the same sort of darkness he now remembers unleashing on everyone. Memories of fighting, running, facing danger. Memories of a small orange creature with little wings, smiling at him. Memories of white wings dissolving into the night after fighting another, far larger Devimon whose existence makes what he's done to Tokomon so, so much worse.
It's a patchwork past, and most of it is still missing, but Takeru sees all his friends - real people, with names and lives and partners he tried to destroy and now can't even remember properly. The shock of it is so great he can't even move. Why won't the ground just swallow him up right now, and make everything go away?
The ground is cold, and he can feel his skin going numb. Maybe he should let it - feeling nothing has to be better than feeling this. But the pain of lying on the rocky ground, and the grazes on his hands and knees won't fade. He just feels cold and sore, and…and…hopeless. Closing his eyes, he lets the memories wash over him. Lets himself sink into darkness. What else can he do?
It's the crying boy dream again, he's sure of it. But the boy is gone. There's just an empty chair where he should be sitting, and somehow, that's the worst thing of all.
Takeru waits, alone, staring at the place where the crying boy should sit. It's like a part of him is missing and he doesn't even know what that part could be. He wants to call out, and ask the crying boy to come back, but how can he do that when he doesn't even know who to call for?
He's alone.
For a moment, he starts to feel angry. Didn't Hikari promise he wouldn't be alone? Well that promise is broken, because he is now!
The anger fades away almost as quickly as it arrives. Yes, he's alone. But that's because he ran away. Is that why the crying boy is gone, too? Has he made everyone leave?
Nothing happens for a while. He's not sure how long, but it feels like ages and no time at all, both at once. Then, with a rush and a clatter, the crying boy stumbles into sight. He almost trips over the chair in his haste.
"Takeru?" the boy says urgently, hands pressed against a clear surface of some sort. He looks away. "What happened?"
Shaking his head the boy looks back, raising his head to reveal an achingly familiar face. Clear blue eyes stare straight through him, overflowing with tears.
"Come back, Takeru," the boy says softly, grief lacing every word. "You never gave up before - don't quit now."
Takeru's eyes open onto the rocky ground once more, but this time there's no fog masking the distance. It's clear - the clearest day he can remember, and there's a steep wall in front of him with a strange symbol on it - a sun above a mountain. And then something in his head shifts, and he remembers the first time he saw this wall.
If he touches it now, will it take him back to that point? Will it undo all the terrible things that have happened, and let him be a Takeru who fights against evil instead? He scrambles to his feet and staggers over. Nothing happens, which is odd because Takeru's pretty sure that something is meant to, even if he doesn't know what. The stone feels warm under his fingers though, not cold like the ground.
Why is he here? He looks around, but aside from the wall with the crest on, there's nothing familiar about this place at all. It's a narrow canyon, and the sky overhead is a brilliant blue. He can't even see a way in or out: is he trapped here?
Part of him feels as though that should worry him, but he's not worried at all. With his hand on the wall, he feels…different. As though, no matter what, somehow everything will work out okay in the end. It's a strange feeling, but it feels so right. He stares at the wall and the crest, wondering why, and then one more memory rises up out of the depths of his mind and slots into place.
Hope. That's the name of this feeling. It's a part of him, and it's been missing for so long that it's taken him until this moment to recognise it. But he knows what it is now; knows it's the crest that connects him to Tokomon. He wishes his companion - his partner was with him. But Tokomon is with Hikari right now, because he ran away into the fog. How will he find them?
Takeru isn't sure where to go, but the crying boy doesn't want him to quit, and he won't. After all, he made a promise, didn't he? He has to find the boy. He might not be able to undo the bad things which have happened, but he can keep this promise. It's what the Takeru from before would do, and he'd give anything to be that Takeru again.
There's only one way to go in the canyon, so Takeru sets off. Tired, hungry, and kinda thirsty, but that's not as important as keeping his promise. He can't give up. He mustn't give up. The canyon goes on and on, but the walls start to get shorter, and that has to be a good sign. His head is clear in a way that he can't remember it ever being before - they might have been looking for the boy for days, but this is the first time he feels as though he's actually going to find him.
It's hard work walking all on his own though, and he still feels kinda sick from not having eaten. He hopes he'll find the boy soon, because he's pretty sure that he's going to run out of energy if he has to walk much further. When the sun gets higher in the sky he stops and sits, looking around.
The walls of the canyon are short enough now that he could probably climb them if he had the energy. It's like a funnel, leading him down the right path. And it is right. He can feel it. Even though he's tired, and hungry, and his feet kinda ache from all the walking, he's sure he can carry on. He has a promise to keep.
He sits for a while before getting to his feet again. Staying in one place is no good - bad memories start welling up all the while he isn't doing something, and he doesn't want that. He doesn't want to think about the bad things any more, because if he stops and lets himself remember, he might not be strong enough to keep going.
The sun is high and hot by the time the canyon is little more than a hillock on either side of him. Rolling grassland spreads itself ahead. He walks on, and on, until finally he reaches the top of a hill, and there, nestled in a slight valley in front of him, is the cottage. It looks exactly as it always has, surrounded by outbuildings and gardens and a thick stone wall. Takeru starts running, but trips and falls and ends up rolling down the hill, bumping and yelling all the way down until he's dizzy. It's fast, and it's exciting, and when he picks himself at the bottom of the hill he can't help but smile.
After catching his breath he gets to his feet once more and walks into the gardens. It's tempting to go inside and look for something to eat, but he decides to walk around the gardens first. Somehow, he's both shocked and not surprised at all when he sees someone sitting by the pond.
"Hey!" he cries, and the figure turns around to reveal a familiar face framed by dark hair.
The boy's eyes go wide as he sees Takeru, and then the corner of his mouth lifts with the ghost of a smile. It falters a moment later, as Takeru stares at him. Something about the boy is familiar in a different way, and suddenly he's reminded of Hikari, and how he knew her name all along without even realising it at first. Does he know the boy's name too?
It's the same and different. The boy's face seems to nudge at memories in his head, but not clearly. It takes Takeru a full minute of staring and searching his head, and throughout it all the boy stands stock still; frozen with a worried expression on his face.
"…Ken?" Takeru says at last. "You're Ken, aren't you."
The boy's eyes go wide once more, and he stands up and backs away around the edge of the pond.
"No, wait!" Takeru cries. "Don't go. I…I've been looking for you."
The boy stops walking, but looks down, not meeting Takeru's eyes. He looks scared. What can Takeru say? He's not even sure if the boy - if Ken can talk. Although, Hikari can, so maybe…
"Where did you go?" he asks.
Ken shakes his head for an answer, closing his eyes tight. Takeru takes a step closer - he has a feeling his friend is about to run, and there's no way he wants to lose him again after only just having found him.
"It wasn't much fun without you," he says at last.
The boy looks up sharply, surprise written all over his face. Almost without seeming to notice, he brings up a hand and points to himself, as if to ask if Takeru is talking to him, and not some other mysterious person.
Takeru nods. "We…we're friends, aren't we?"
If anything, Ken looks even more shocked than before, and takes a step back. He looks away, and after a moment Takeru realises he's crying.
"What's wrong?" Takeru asks. He's worried now - Ken has always been shy, but he's never seemed so scared of him before.
Ken hangs his head, and clenches his fists. When he speaks, his voice is soft, and quiet, and miserable:
"I don't deserve friends."