Daring to Dream

Chapter Five

The Bite of Reality

In a mass of giggling and rustling cloth, the servant girls hurried into the changing chamber, most of them very relived to have escaped from the meal without any further repercussions. Karna was definitely among them, and yet, she felt almost elated at the same time.

She now felt certain within herself that she could endure. Peridan's words were still vivid in her mind. Words of encouragement, words that told her it was the greatest gift of all to dream, to hope for a better future. She stood for a moment and revelled in the comfort of his words.

An abrupt hand upon her arm brought her very abruptly back to reality. Spinning round, she came face to face with several excited girls, all of them chattering at once.

"Oh Karna, what was he like?"

"What an honour to have been chosen out of us all! Weren't you very pleased?"

"I was so jealous, you are so lucky!"

"What was his name?" Karna smiled, this last one being from Lamarla,

"Lord Peridan," she replied, "he was kindness itself, so respectful of me. He actually served me himself. I would have never expected such an action from so high a lord. He is a close friend of the barbarian queen and her brothers and sister."

"You are so lucky!" one girl squealed before giggling shrilly, her eyes dancing rather alarmingly.

"Tarleen, did you drink much of the wine?" one of others asked.

The smaller girl giggled again,"Just a small amount, Master Lirishta encouraged me to. He chose me personally, what greater honour could there have been?"

Karna raised her eyebrows, exchanging an anxious glance with Lamarla before taking control of the situation. Gently, but firmly, she steered the intoxicated girl towards a bench.

"I am sure that it was, Tarleen. Now, come along, for you must change, your mother and father shall be expecting you home sooner rather than later."

"But my sister went ahead of me," Tarleen exclaimed, laughing once more, so shrilly that it was ear-gratingly high. Several girls flinched at the noise, and a few sought to aid Karna in the girl's dressing. In a short time, they had managed to change her back into her normal dress.

The majority of the girls had removed all remnants of their costume by the time Kediza came in, but every servant girl paused at her entrance, watching her almost fearfully. In response, she merely stared at them for a moment, as though assessing every girl present, judging whether she were worthy of her attention.

Eventually, however, she did speak,

"I bring word from Master Tirshan," she announced, "we are all to receive an extra gold coin for our part in the festivities this night. The barbarian lord was most pleased with the entertainment; he also spoke with great regard towards you, Karna. For this, and your service, you have the thanks of your master, and myself."

Karna blinked in surprise, amazed that Kediza was actually thanking her. "We are given leave to depart from our master's house, may we pray that Tash the inexorable, the irresistible is honoured through the barbarian queen's visit."

In response, all of the girls bowed their heads, silent as Kediza spoke a brief prayer to their god. Even Tarleen managed to hold her peace.

The girls filed silently out of the house, conversing in whispers as they stole into the darkness of the city. Anxious for the safety of Tarleen, Karna and Lamarla had volunteered to take her home. They supported her slender frame between them, as they made their slow progress through the darkened streets.

"I wish that we could have left with the others," Lamarla admitted anxiously, glancing around at the shadowed corners as they passed gloomy alleyways. "I don't feel safe at all."

"We'll be alright," Karna replied with a confidence that she did not feel, "there's no-one about. It must be past midnight by now and everyone will be abed."

Tarleen giggled at that, "All in bed!" she exclaimed, a little too loudly, "everyone is asleep and we're the only ones awake!"

"Hush Tarleen," Lamarla said quickly, "they won't be for long if you are not quiet."

Tarleen giggled inanely, "Why do I want to be quiet when I'm up so late? Mother would never have let me, but because I was ordered by Master Tirshan, it's my duty to stay up late. Also, to be chosen because I am beautiful ... can there be any greater honour?"

"No, Tarleen, there can't," Karna agreed, willing to say anything, if only to quieten the girl, "but now that the evening is over you must go home and sleep. If you don't then you won't be rested for tomorrow morning and would you truly be fulfilling your duty to Master Tirshan if you turned up tired?"

This hushed Tarleen, and as she considered, the truth of it slowly dawned upon her drunken mind.

"I can't not do my duty," she stated solemnly after a while, "let's go home, I have to be prepared for tomorrow."

Sighing thankfully, Karna and Lamarla helped her along the street, reaching her door more swiftly than they had at first hoped. She slipped inside without a backward look, a solemn expression on her face, as though determined to fulfil her duty to the best of her ability.

For a moment, the two of them simply stood, silently thanking Tash for the silence that covered the street. In the sky, thousands of stars shone, beautiful and radiant, spreading from one horizon to the other. Transfixed by them, Karna merely stared, amazed. They had ever dwelt above the land, never changing, constant and beautiful. They had seen the rise and fall of worlds, and yet had ever been the same.

"Karna?" Turning, she saw Lamarla staring at her strangely, her face eerily shadowed by the flickering torch. "We should go; we must be rested for tomorrow."

"Of course," Karna replied, "We should probably go via your home first, it is closer."

"What were you staring at the sky for?"

"I was just looking at the stars, thinking how old they must be, I can't imagine being that old."

Lamarla regarded her friend strangely, "You're not meant to, Karna, for no-one is that old, only Tash (may he be praised) is immortal. Why you think of such things, I don't know. The most my sister ever considers is whether a handsome young man will be attracted to her enough to make her his wife."

Karna laughed softly, taking her friend's arm. "I don't know why I do either, Lamarla, but I am just glad that I have your practicality to bring me back to reality."

When she reached her home, Karna opened the door as quietly as she could, cringing as the rusted bolts groaned loudly. She saw the lamp left burning and was thanking Tash for the sense of Tarlana, before she noticed the figure sitting by the table. Covered by her old woollen shawl, Hezal sat, regarding her daughter with kind eyes.

"Mother, why did you stay awake for my return?" Karna asked, taking the only other chair.

With a gentle smile, her mother pushed a cup towards her, "I wanted to make sure that you drank this before you slept, it is a remedy that will cure any ailment created by the wine."

Laughing softly, Karna kissed her mother's cheek, "How kind you are, oh my mother, to stay awake into the night just to ensure that I might not have a headache the next day. Where is there one so considerate in the entire world?

It is so kind of you, but not necessary. I drunk no wine this night. The barbarian lord chose me for his companion throughout the meal and was more kind and considerate than I have ever known a man to be. Even though I am a mere servant girl, he served me food with his own hands, he poured water into my glass, and he even told me to call him by his first name. I have never met a man like him."

"What an honour to be chosen, my daughter," her mother replied, "And to be chosen from all of the girls dressed in gold? Tash be praised!"

"Yes," Karna admitted, "Tash indeed be praised. I felt very honoured."

"And what was the lord's name?"

"Lord Peridan. I cannot express his kindness. I had never even imagined it possible for there to be a place where everyone could be treated with the same respect but they are within Narnia. He told me that everyone, whether lord or servant, man or woman or even talking beast, are valued and treated in the same manner."

Her mother stared at her in surprise, "What? The lowest slave is treated in the same way as their king?"

Karna smiled, "Perhaps not exactly the same, but each is shown respect."

Unexpectedly, her mother did not return the smile; rather, she almost appeared anxious. "My daughter, such a society does not make sense. The very notion of it is ridiculous, for how would such a world run without utter chaos ensuing? If slaves are not treated with contempt then they do not fear their masters, if servants are not forced to obey the will of their employer, then they take advantage of that weakness.

"Everyone has a place within this society; it is not for us to question what Tash has deigned will be our lot in life. You have indulged in these ridiculous fantasies long enough, Karna; it is time that you accepted your place in this world. You are not a queen; neither can you expect to be treated as one. Ever have you dreamed, even longed for things to not be as they are, but they have not changed and nor are they like to. Accept what you have and be grateful for it, oh my daughter."

Suddenly grim, she took her daughter's hands, catching her gaze almost desperately. Karna was shocked at tears she saw glistening there.

"Do not live in the hope of impossible dreams, Karna. If you do, it will destroy you, you will waste away longing for something that will never come to pass. I tell you this because I was once such a one myself. In my youth, I dreamed and hoped for love in my marriage, and I was lucky enough to be chosen by a man so kind and loving that I could indulge those dreams, but I was forced to grow up, and reality hit me in the most painful way possible.

"On the day that my father married me to Tarneesh, I let go of my youth, of my unfulfilled dreams and decided to embrace the life that Tash had created for me. That alone is real, my daughter. I would not have you go through the same pain that I went through, and that is why I urge you, nay, beg you, let go of these dreams and be happy in your existence. Do not wish for more, accept your lot in life and be content."

In that moment, Karna could suddenly see her mother's life, see the hopes and dreams of her youth, see the pain and suffering of that fateful moment when all of it had proved in vain. Her exultation at Peridan's words faded as though it had been some passing dream, and, in this woman's eyes, she saw the reality of life, saw the truth of what it was.

She forced herself to consider the doubtfulness of what she had hoped for ever coming true. With a terrible sorrow, she bid her dreams farewell, determining to never give her mother cause to worry for her again.

The weeks passed gradually, and with the cooler nights giving way to the greater heat of the Calormene spring, Peridan found himself yearning more than ever for the lush glades and cool sea breezes of the country he loved. But for all his yearning, he was unable to dwell upon it for long.

With his arrival had also arisen a multitude of preparations that needed doing in anticipation of the delegation's arrival. From morning until night, he found himself besieged with organising social gatherings, inspecting whether the furnishings of bedchambers were appropriate and even giving advice concerning menus! In particular, the Calormenes seemed to be going to great lengths to satisfy the delegation's preferences, and most particularly, that of Queen Susan.

Throughout the busyness of those chaotic days, Peridan was so concerned with the matter in hand that he seldom gave thought to anything else. It was only at night that he would walk upon the balcony, free from the curious, prying eyes and feigned smiles of the nobility, to be alone with his thoughts. In those evenings, he would stroll about, or merely stand, staring at the vast expanse of stars above him, appreciating the one thing that he truly loved about this country, the nights.

Though he loved Narnia, it was a land far greener than Calormen, and because of this, was given to having more clouds at night, sometimes blocking the beauty of the stars. In this drier country, rain clouds seldom came, and because of it, the skies were always perfectly clear at night. They created a wide sapphire shroud studded with diamond-bright stars.

Only in moments such as this was he able to find complete calm, to collect his thoughts and meditate upon the events of the day. Without knowing why, he found his mind drifting back to the servant girl, Karna.

He had thought about her often in the past few weeks, though he had not seen her since, she had intrigued him. Sweet, innocent and gentle she had seemed, yet at the same time eager, curious and even bold when she had gathered her courage. She had reminded him of himself as a lad, but she had appeared to be older, and if he was to have guessed, he would have thought her to be about eighteen or seventeen year of age.

However, it was her very eagerness had reminded him of one much younger. She had seemed free and unconstrained, filled with the joy of youth, still unblemished by the hardships of reality.

He smiled softly to himself as he imagined Lucy's same exuberance and the she took joy in life, even after her many years of being queen. Despite the length of their friendship, he often forgot how young she still was. Having been just eight when she discovered the way into their world, she was now only eighteen, the same age he supposed Karna to be. But, for her few years, she was a learned warrior and a talented archer, not to mention a skilled rider.

Peridan found himself longing for the company of his dear friends, to be dining with them in the great hall of Cair Paravel, listening to some bard's song, or to Tumnus relating some ancient tale of Narnia.

He missed them.

"Karna, come here."

Flinching at the sudden command, Karna turned to her father, hurriedly approaching him. "Yes, oh my Father and the delight of my eyes?"

With a solemn, slightly mocking expression, Tarneesh beheld his stepdaughter,

"How would you like to be married as your sister is?"

Her eyes widening, Karna regarded her stepfather in astonishment, only remembering at the last moment to hold her tongue. "I have been asked to give my consent by Master Lavarin."

Karna blanched.

Master Lavarin was the local blacksmith. He was a hefty, ruddy man with a strangely proportioned face, having small, dark eyes and lips that had always struck her as overly large. However, the main cause for her discrete shudder was her remembrance of the looks that he had always given her and Tarlana when they passed his workshop entrance.

Tarneesh regarded her expectantly, waiting for her response, his eyes burning her skin with the intensity of his stare. Karna felt the eyes of all her family upon her at that moment. She glanced over at her mother and saw the pleading look in her eyes, begging her to accept and not anger her step-father.

Tears came unbidden to her eyes as she desperately sought for some excuse to not consent. However, when none arose, she fought the tears back, bowed her head, and knelt before her father, "Your words greatly please me, my father."

Grunting in assent, Tarneesh forcibly raised her chin, seeing the unwept tears. But, instead of being angry, he merely smirked, pushing her face away with a grin of triumph, he snorted, heading towards the bedding chamber with a decided spring to his usual slouching step. Only turning back for a moment in the doorway, he announced that he would be visiting Master Lavarin the following evening to finalise their agreement. He left the room, followed swiftly by both his sons and wife, leaving the two sisters alone.

Tarlana remained where she was, listening cautiously to the action within the next room; the murmurs of her mother and the gruff grunts of her father. She did not dare to move towards her sister until her father slept.

After a time, she chanced a glance up from her work, and was unnerved by the hunched-up form of Karna, still sat in the same position as when she had knelt in front of their father. Forgetting her fear in the face of her sister's strange behaviour, Tarlana left her seat, softly calling Karna's name. But not even that moved her.

After some hesitation, she gently touched Karna's arm. Her sister flinched away from the touch and stared at Tarlana is surprise with an expression shocked her sister to her very core.

The face that stared at her was not that of her sister. In the place of the normally bright, dancing eyes was a dull, slightly glazed pair that barely acknowledged her. Unchecked tears stained her cheeks, leaving tracks in the dust that she had not even bothered to wipe away. The features were expressionless and blank, showing neither joy nor sorrow at the prospect of her marriage. They were utterly devoid of the hidden strength that had always defined Karna in her eyes.

Horrified by Karna's expression, Tarlana felt tears coming to her own eyes. In a final attempt to seek some reassurance, she took her sister's hand, relieved to find it still warm. She gazed at her imploringly, begging her to show some recognition, to be herself. But in response, she got mere indifference.

Karna withdrew her hand, and headed over to the remains of that night's water. She splashed her face, removing all trace of the tears.

"Karna?"

She turned, regarding her sister with mild curiosity, "Yes, Tarlana?"

Still unnerved by her sister's action, Tarlana asked, "What think you of father's proposal?"

Her sister shrugged, "If it is father's will, then I shall marry Master Lavarin. For it is a daughter's duty to fulfil her father's will. I shall be content with the truth of that, my sister. Besides, by marrying Master Lavarin I shall be ensuring a secure income for my future, it is a blessing from Tash (may he be praised), and it would foolish to hope for more than that which I have in my life."

Shocked, Tarlana shook her head, "But Karna, what of the number of times that we spoke of our dislike of Master Lavarin? Do you not remember the looks that he always gives? He has always disgusted you."

Again, Karna shrugged, "We cannot be children all our lives, Tarlana. I can't indulge foolish whims any longer; I have to accept what I am and be grateful for whatever opportunities I am given in life to secure my future."

Utterly confused, Tarlana nodded slowly. She stood, watching as her sister calmly entered the sleeping chamber.

In that moment, her life had just lost one of its greatest joys.

Author's note:

I want to start by thanking ZoeyRain for another great review and you did comment that you hated Tirshan.

I do know that he is awful and treats his servants badly. But my reasoning behind Tirshan's characterization is based upon the grand Vizir in a lot of ways in that he gets what he wants through sucking up and sickeningly obsequious behaviour. My thought was that Tirshan would enjoy lauding his power over his servants and abusing his power.

So I hope that makes sense.

I know I am being appalling to poor old Karna, but we are still near the start and she will be going on a long journey. I want to thank everyone who is reading this, I don't know how many at the moment sadly because my story traffic is malfunctioning, but hopefully that should be fixed soon.

As always, thank you so much for reading and please let me know what you think by reviewing.

Thanks again,

Breeze.