A.N.: Update - 26th June 2016. Retconned a minor continuity error which came to light while writing Renascent. Darned things!
Promises are important, but as Takeru heads back to the cottage with Ken, it occurs to him that he has no idea how to keep this one. He hasn't ever seen Leafmon - in all honesty, he can hardly remember Ken's partner at all. Much as he feels like his whole memory is intact, if he stops and focuses there are still quite a few hazy patches. Especially from the recent past.
The biggest gap is the one after…after the golden digimon defeated/saved his partner. He remembers being angry and shocked; remembers racing over to the tiny white blob lying alone in the sand; remembers his friends gathering closer - only he remembers knowing they weren't his friends at that point, because he shouted and screamed at them and then… and then the next thing he remembers is the cottage, and the certainty that he'd always been there.
Ken doesn't say anything as they walk back to the garden, but that's okay because Takeru isn't sure what to say either. It's overwhelming to know that he has a whole life outside the cottage, and a family larger than just his partner. He has friends - or at least, he used to have friends. He's not sure if the others will be able to forgive him the same way Hikari apparently has.
And then there's Yamato. His chest tightens as he thinks about his brother. The brother he forgot - it doesn't matter that he forgot everything, because all he can think about is the fact that Yamato has been there this whole time, watching over him. That somehow, the crying dreams were all real. And in return, he's the last person Takeru remembered about. The guilt nags at him; more regret to weigh him down.
They stop outside the cottage, and sit on the same wall that Ken was sitting on when Takeru first saw him.
"I, uh…don't suppose you know how to get out of here, do you?" Takeru asks after a moment. "We walked quite a long way, and I didn't ever find an end to this place. I don't actually know where we are."
Ken shakes his head. "I…I don't know much myself, other than that Gennai created this place somehow. It's…it's artificial, I guess. I just…woke up here one day, and I only managed to leave last time because…" He falls silent. "I'm not sure how much I should really tell you. When I saw the others, they mentioned that shocks kept making you forget things again."
Takeru feels an uncomfortable sensation all down his back, like someone has poured ice on his spine.
"What? How…how long have I been here?" he asks. "And what do you mean about it being artificial - are you saying nothing here is real?"
Ken's face twists with worry, but he's saved from having to answer because at that moment, Hikari's voice cries out:
"Takeru! And…Ken? Is that you?"
They turn quickly, and see Hikari standing by a corner, holding not Tokomon but Patamon in her arms. His bag is slung on her back. He's not sure what to say, but a moment later that problem is solved for him because Patamon leaps into the air and flies over, crashing into him with enough force that he falls off the wall and lands on the grass beyond it.
"Takeru!" Patamon cries. "You ran away, and we were so worried about you! And then we found your bag all alone and we got even more worried! You have to stop running off like that!"
Takeru clings to his partner, not trusting himself enough to speak. It takes a while for the words to form in his head, but once they do they're all he can think; all he can say, over and over:
"I'm sorry…I'm so sorry Patamon. I'm sorry for everything. I-"
"It wasn't your fault," Patamon says. "I know that. You wouldn't have done any of those things if you hadn't had that dark seed in you."
Takeru looks past his partner to where Ken is watching. The other boy looks as though he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
"And it wasn't your fault either," Patamon says, flying out of Takeru's arms to land on the wall beside Ken. "Hikari told me what happened."
Ken shakes his head. "It is all my fault though," he says. "All the things I did-"
"Ken, you were being manipulated too," Hikari says, walking over. "We all know that. And Leafmon's safe. He found Koushiro at his apartment and explained. Where are you? We don't know where to look."
"He's okay?" Ken asks, relief lighting up his face.
Takeru gets to his feet, looking alternately between his two friends. He has the uncomfortable feeling that he's the only one who doesn't know what's going on again.
"What are you talking about?" he asks, scooping Patamon off the wall and hugging him to his chest. "Ken's right here. And… now I think about it - Patamon, how did you evolve? You were with Hikari, not me."
They all stare at him, and he can feel that fizz of irritation again at the guilty expressions on their faces. There is something going on, and no one seems to want to tell him anything. He's about snap that he's getting pretty tired of being left out of the loop when he realises that the odd look on Hikari's face isn't so much guilt as pity. The irritation fizzes out, leaving him worried instead. Very worried.
She clasps her hands together, and looks away, down at the floor. "It's not easy to explain," she says. "A lot happened after…well."
"After Magnamon defeated Devimon and destroyed the spiral," Ken says. He keeps his head down, not meeting Takeru's eyes. "You didn't go back to normal the way everyone expected you to. With me, once I realised what was going on the seed lost its power. But…Gennai thinks that because the one in you is a copy, and you were technically data when it took over… there were complications."
"What kind of complications?" Takeru asks, although he's starting to wonder whether or not he really does want to know. There's a knot in his stomach, twisting uncomfortably.
"It spread," Hikari says, looking up. "We…we got you back to Gennai, and he said that because the seed was data, and you were as well, it didn't stay just in your neck. It was everywhere. Like…like a virus taking over."
The memory of searing pain and numbness makes him flinch. Is that what he keeps remembering during the burning dream? He feels sick. Knowing just how real his dreams really were is almost enough to make him never want to sleep again.
"But…it's fixed now, right? I'm okay again?" he says, hating the unsteadiness in his voice.
Hikari nods slowly. "Well, Gennai made a counter to the seed. Like an…well, actually an anti-virus. But it… Koushiro said it's like a computer, seeing as we're data while we're in the digital world. There was no way to make it work without...uhh..." She trails off into silence, clasping her hands awkwardly and refusing to meet his eyes.
Takeru's mind is racing, trying to understand. There's a big part of the explanation missing, and without it he's left reaching for answers - and he keeps falling short. How is he supposed to know what's going on when even his friends don't seem able to put it into words?
"She's worried because Gennai tried telling you all this before," Patamon says after a moment. "But you got angry and forgot, so now they think it might happen again. I know it won't this time, though."
Takeru stares down at his partner. "But I haven't seen Gennai since we gave up the power in our crests."
Hikari clears her throat. "Uh…the man. I don't know how exactly, but that's what Gennai looks like now."
He stares at her, agape. The man is Gennai? It sounds impossible at first, but as he thinks the idea over it slots into place in his mind like another piece of a jigsaw he's only just starting to see the holes in again. And now that he can see the holes, each one is a question he's scared to ask: he knows how bad the answers could get. He's already responsible for turning his own partner into a monster and betraying his friends. How many more terrible things wait for him in the hidden parts of his mind?
"How long?" he asks suddenly. It's a stupid question really - knowing how long he's been here won't change anything. Won't undo the damage, or get him out of here, or make that awful moment where he has to face his friends and family magically disappear. But it's a lot better than the alternatives he can think of. It beats 'Where are we then?' or 'What exactly did Gennai do to me then?' hands down.
Ken and Hikari look at each other. Takeru is pretty sure the matching expressions they wear aren't a good sign.
"How long do you think it's been?" Hikari asks. She sounds hesitant and wary.
The knot in his stomach is clenching tightly. Takeru doesn't want to think about this. He doesn't want to stand there and try to piece it all together - he's already regretting the question because the longer he thinks about it the more he realises he has no idea at all. Counting days is next to impossible when they're all practically the same.
But now he does have to think about it. So how bad can it be?
"…A few weeks?" he says hesitantly. Surely it can't be worse than-
"Three months," Hikari says, her voice flat. "Plus a couple of weeks if you mean since the point you were captured."
Takeru doesn't realise his legs have buckled until he lands heavily on the ground, still clutching Patamon tightly. His partner squeaks a protest, but he feels frozen in place. Three months? Three months in a strange place, away from everyone? Yamato appears in his mind - hunched over on a chair with his head in his hands, crying. Day after day. Begging him to come back. But how could he see him sitting there like that unless… This world isn't real, and no one wants to tell him exactly what that means.
"I…I'm-"
"In a coma," Ken says, his voice barely audible. "We all are."
"But you see, that's what I don't understand!" Hikari says, turning to him. "I know how Takeru and I got here - and Patamon of course - but Ken, you…you're missing. How did you end up in here too?"
Takeru just sits there, holding tightly to his partner. He's losing track of the conversation again and he hates the feeling that he's several steps behind everyone else. Three months of his life have just disappeared into a haze of what are apparently coma dreams, and he can't even be sure his friends are really friends any more. If he's in a coma, doesn't that make everyone just a figment of his imagination? But if that's true, how can he trust anything they've said at all?
A.N.:You know, this chapter was an absolute pig to write, and in all honesty, I'm still not entirely happy with it. It's actually been surprisingly hard to shift from 01 Takeru to 02 Takeru and not make it seem completely out of place. There is a definite tone shift which has to accompany that, and after so long writing Young!Takeru, it's hard for me to judge how much of a shift there ought to be.
But oh well! It's a necessary stage in the story. I knew from the outset that it was going to happen at some point, and that it would be a challenge because I don't typically write in present tense. With any luck the shift isn't too jarring!
And of course, I would be utterly remiss if I didn't say a huge, huge thank you to everyone who left a review for the last chapter. Honestly, I'm continually overwhelmed by the positive response - as someone who's never really shared their scribblings anywhere until less than a year ago, the reception I've had has been enormously gratifying and inspiring! I'm at a point where I can almost see the end of Metanoia, and I know that I'm going to be pretty emotional when the time comes. Thank you so much for sticking with me, and I hope I can bring the story to a close which everyone enjoys!