Life Hurts a lot More Than Death
Saint Vincent de Paul Hospital, Paris, France, 2291.303, 0901 hours. The first few days after he woke up were hazy. The pain wracking his body left him disoriented and he had a habit of dozing off mid-conversation. However by the fourth day he was stable enough to be moved out of the ICU and on the fifth he was conscious long enough to have visitors outside of his immediate family.
"Well look who's finally awake!" Uncle Jim declared as soon as he entered the room.
"About damn time too," Uncle Len barked, following him in. Aunt Chris and Aunt Taline were hot on their heels sharing knowing looks. His uncle's expression softened as he got closer. "You gave us all one hell of a scare."
"Scared myself too," Se'tak hoarsely whispered, his throat still bruised from the breathing tube. Aunt Chris gave him a gentle hug while Aunt Taline tried hard not to cry. "I'm so glad you're alright," she whispered.
He smiled back reassuringly even though he felt far from ok. Every breath hurt like hell and he was weak as a kitten. His family had to do everything for him, not that anyone was complaining; if anything Mama was only too happy to wipe his nose or feed him pudding. She hardly ever sat still.
Sa-mekh, on the other hand, never moved and rarely said a thing; most of the time he just sat in the corner watching them, lips pursed in a tight, thin, line. It was almost like he was afraid of doing or saying something that might break the spell.
Se'tak shivered. The sight of Sa-mekh like that spooked him and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand up.
Mama scooped up a throw blanket off the back of a chair and headed his way. "Are you cold, Sweetie?" She draped the coverlet on him without waiting for an answer and tucked the edges under him. "You know," she said turning back to his aunts and uncles, "The doctors are really impressed with his recovery. There's talk of him going home in 6 weeks…maybe even 4..."
1558 hours. "Se'tak?"
"Hmmm?" He tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes as he scanned the room. He didn't even remember dozing off.
Mama tenderly brushed back his hair. "You have a visitor," she whispered. Se'tak looked over her shoulder at everyone else filing out before catching sight of Marie standing in the doorway. She looked different. Marie wore all black and her brown hair was pulled back in a tight braid. She looked thinner too, and…wearier. Weary of life and everyone in it. Se'tak knew that that was his doing, that he'd snuffed the light out of her—maybe not directly, but he'd done it all the same. Mama kissed him lightly on the cheek before following the others out the door—but not before giving Marie's shoulder a supportive squeeze.
His former lover stood rooted to the spot and he noticed her green eyes were puffy and red-rimmed. "Mon ange…" Se'tak gestured for her to join him and she dashed to his side, climbing atop the covers and curling herself against his side.
"I was so worried…" she poured forth.
"I know. I'm sorry."
Marie gazed up at him with watery eyes. "They said you died."
"Only for a minute of two." 'Tak tried to smile but his weak attempt at humor only drew out more of her tears. He let her sob and held her close, trying not to wince at all the pain for his efforts.
"I love you, you know. I never stopped. Even after…"
He didn't want to go there—he didn't want her to go there. "I love you too." And then he held his breath because he knew what was coming next and his heart was already breaking.
"But," Marie said, her lower lip trembling from all the emotion, "So much has happened to us and I…I can't go back. It's too much."
Se'tak didn't readily reply; he was too busy savoring the bittersweet moment of the last time he'd hold the love of his life in his arms. A single, salty tear slid down his cheek. "I know."
Saint Vincent de Paul Hospital, Paris, France, 2291.304, 1220 hours. He blinked rapidly and the hospital ceiling came into focus again. Just when he thought he was getting stronger he kept falling asleep. Dammit! Leaning up he looked around and saw Selas sitting straight-backed in the chair closest to his bed, the rest of the room empty. "Hey."
"Hello."
"Where's everybody?"
"Mama is resting at the hotel, Sa-mekh, T'Alora, and Veren stepped out for a walk and some lunch, and Rebecca is…" Selas closed his eyes briefly in concentration before answering. "Rebecca is currently lingering in the gift shop." Confusion flickered briefly on his face. "She previously stated she was heading to the cafeteria to procure lunch."
Se'tak lay back against his pillow, closed his eyes and smiled. "She probably got distracted by something shiny." He closed his eyes and breathed deep. "Take it from me, pi'sa-kai—you won't get out of Paris cheap." Se'tak peeked one eye open and glanced over at his sa-kai who did not look amused.
"That is an unfair characterization of my adun'a." Selas paused to reconsider. "Although not an incorrect one at this juncture."
"Ha!"
"Sa-kai…" Selas warned.
He didn't heed the warning. "So how's bonded life treating you?"
His sa-kai openly grinned. "Bonded life has been…it has been…" the thought trailed off and his head turned unseeingly toward the doorway where Becca recently exited. His smile broadened and his cheeks turned a light shade of green. "It has been wonderful. Surprising. Humbling. Amazing." Selas inclined his head back toward the bed. "I thought I knew Rebecca prior to our nuptials yet she continues to impress me. I…Se'tak, I can truly say that I have never been happier. I could not have chosen a better partner."
Se'tak forced a smile for his sa-kai's sake. "I'm happy for you guys."
However, Selas would not be so easily dismissed. No doubt he sensed the lingering sadness from Marie's visit. "Se'tak…"
"Honey?" Rebecca called out softly from the doorway. "I brought us some salads." She smiled as she caught sight of both of them. "Oh Se'tak, you're awake!"
Saint Vincent de Paul Hospital, Paris, France, 2291.305, 1845 hours. This time his habit of inadvertently falling asleep worked in his favor. Selas and Rebecca convinced Mama and Sa-mekh to join them for dinner outside, leaving T'Alora and Veren behind to keep watch. When Se'tak came to he found them huddled in the corner in deep discussion with their comm pulled out. When they were through they looked altogether perplexed.
"I was unaware that so many decisions would need to be made at the outset of the project; however, I believe we have chosen well given the information provided and the options available to us."
Veren nodded. "I concur."
"What do you agree with?" Se'tak interrupted. It might've been rude to eavesdrop but he was bored stiff.
T shared a sidelong glance with her adun before answering. "Veren and I have purchased a house."
His jaw hung open. "What?! Where? When?"
Veren shared a knowing look with T'Alora before replying. "Your ko-kai and I purchased land near the L'langon Mountains and reached an agreement with a local construction company. The paperwork was signed the day prior to our emergency departure for Terra and ground was broken on the development mid-travel."
"Wow! That's huge!" Se'tak paused a moment, taking it all in, before asking, "So does this mean you're…" his gaze darted from T'Alora to Veren and back again, the pair of them blinking at him uncomprehendingly. "Are you…you know…expecting…?"
T blushed to the tips of her ears. "No, we are not expecting a child at this point in time; however we are building our home in anticipation of the future."
Se'tak watched Veren step forward and place loving hand on T's shoulder. "Wow," he repeated, " that's even bigger news than the house."
"Indeed."
"Does the rest of the family know?"
T'Alora shook her head. "No they do not. We have not had the opportunity to inform them of our plans as we have all been most preoccupied with the state of your health."
"Well then tell them!" he exclaimed. "But first I have a condition to make."
"A condition?" Veren asked, his head cocked to one side.
Se'tak nodded. "If you guys have a boy you name him after me."
He watched in growing amusement as his brother-in-law went wide-eyed with alarm while T pursed her lips and folded her arms across her chest. "I will agree to no such terms."
"Why? I think K'net I'nari Se'tak has a nice ring to it," he teased.
T solemnly arched an eyebrow at him in an eerie imitation of Sa-mekh. "That moniker is a harbinger of mischief, as you well know."
"But T'Alora…" he whined.
Se'tak hoped he was putting on a good front—he'd always used humor to mask his own pain. He shouldn't have been surprised by the news of a house or that they were thinking of having a baby—after all, T and Veren had been bonded for what, 3 or 4 years now?—but it reminded him of his own losses. That could just as easily have been him and Marie in a few months' time, standing on the steps of their own little pied-à-terre with a green-eyed 1/8 Vulcan baby. He winced at the thought as he moved to reach for a cup of water on the nightstand to help drown his sorrows.
"Are you alright?" Veren solicitously inquired, reaching around T'Alora to retrieve the glass in question.
"I'm fine," he lied, "Just moved a little too fast is all." The expression on T's face told him she wasn't buying any of it but before she could question him further the family returned from dinner. "Hey guys, guess what T and Veren went and did!"
Saint Vincent de Paul Hospital, Paris, France, 2291.307, 2200 hours. Mama and Sa-mekh were in the room with him, the others having gone back to the hotel for the night. "So physical therapy seemed to go well today," Mama remarked.
"Uh huh." He set aside the graphic novel PADD he'd been reading and watched her tidy up his room. Sa-mekh, as always, sat as silent as the grave in the corner of the room.
"Can I get you anything before I go?"
"No thanks."
"A glass of water maybe, or another pillow?"
Se'tak bit back a sigh. "Really, Mama, I'm fine."
She stopped folding her blanket and looked at him—really looked at him. "Alright." Mama crossed the room and kissed his forehead. "I'll be back in the morning. Be sure and get some rest."
"I'll try." After a last lingering caress of his cheek she left the room. It didn't escape 'Tak's notice that she didn't mention Sa-mekh or even wait for him to join her. Something was wrong with them; he'd noticed little signs before but had been too fatigued to really piece everything together. Was he the cause of their rift?
While he was busy thinking his sa-mekh rose to leave but Se'tak asked him to wait. He needed to tell him about what happened when he died. "Is there something you require, sa-fu?"
"No, but there's something I have to tell you. Something I didn't want Mama to hear."
Sa-mekh's eyes narrowed . "Se'tak…"
"When I died," he said in a rush so he couldn't be stopped, "There was a woman waiting for me. It was ko-mekh-il." He watched the color drain from his sa-mekh's face and he abruptly re-took his seat.
"You are certain of this?" Sa-mekh was already mentally compiling the data for and against the existence of an afterlife in an attempt to explain to Se'tak what he saw.
"Yes."
"And did she 'speak' with you?"
"Yes."
"What…"
"She told me not to be afraid as I was being pulled toward the light. She looked so happy to see me at first…"
Sa-mekh cocked his head to the side. "At first?"
Se'tak nodded. "But then she looked upset. She told me I had to go back. Sa-mekh I'm here because of her."
Here he shook his head in the negative. "No, you are alive because of the prodigious work of the doctors and nurses at the time of your arrest."
He was getting frustrated now. He knew Sa-mekh wouldn't want to believe. "No, it's because of her! If I really wanted to I could've stayed but she forced me to come back." Taking a deep calming breath he added, "Her last words to me were to give everyone her love." Se'tak locked eyes with his sa-mekh willing him to believe; but to his surprise his eyes pooled with unshed tears.
"Those were her final thoughts in this life as well."
"So you believe me?" he asked incredulously.
Sa-mekh wiped the moisture from his eyes as he stood. "Ha sa-fu. I do." He crossed the room to Se'tak's bed. "And I am grateful that she gave you back to us. Now you must get your rest." Sa-mekh leaned in close and kissed him on the forehead, something he hadn't done sine 'Tak was a little boy. "I love you."
"I love you too."
As he drifted off to sleep that evening Se'tak realized that although he had lost a great love he still had the love and support of his family—and that was more than enough.
A/N: I misspoke before; Chapter 2 of "Undoing" will be posted after Chapter 49 of "Being Se'tak". My apologies for any confusion.