Daring to Dream

Chapter Nineteen

Revelations

Karna stared at the Tarkheena. Had she just said what she thought she had?

She stood there, frozen for several seconds before she remembered where she was. Quickly, she flung herself to the ground in a bow.

"My lady Tarkheena," she began.

Gentle hands raised her. She looked up to see a lined, caring face. Beneath all the finery, the Tarkheena was askind as Lord Peridan.

"Please, my dear, do not bow," she said firmly. She led Karna to a futon and gave her a glass of iced sherbet. "Never bow to me. I cannot stand such formality, especially among friends."

Karna stared. "Friends, my lady?"

The woman nodded. "Friends, my dear. As I was saying, you look very like your mother when she was your age."

"You know my mother?" Karna exclaimed. "When? How?"

"We discovered it quite by chance," Peridan interceded. "Have a drink and let us explain."

The young girl nodded, blushing at her lack of self-control. But this woman had known Mother!

"Please allow me to introduce Tarkeena Menelay. Tarkheena, this is Karna, daughter of Tarkheena Hezayla and Tarkhaan Harradin."

Karna's mouth dropped open. How did he know the name of her father?

"I am very pleased to meet you, Miss Karna," the Tarkheena said warmly. "I must apologise. You appear quite dumb-founded. I am sorry to spring such a story upon you, but every word of it is the truth."

"You knew my mother?" Karna queried.

The older woman nodded. "I knew her as Hezayla and she was one of my dearest friends growing up. We were married within a year of each other."

Karna allowed this new information to sink in. She had known that her mother was a Tarkheena, but to have met someone who knew her when she was her own age … someone who had known her at her happiest…

"I am sorry to tell you, my Lady Menelay, but my mother … died."

She bowed her head and felt the pain rush through her at the finality of her statement. Mother was dead. She would never see her again. Eventually she managed to regain her composure and look up. When she did, she was greeted by two expressions of sympathy. They nearly made her well up again.

"I know Miss Karna and I am so very sorry. Hezayla was a dear friend of mine and I will always mourn the fact that we were never able to see each other again."

"Hezal," Karna choked out.

"What?"

"My mother was called Hezal. She shortened her name when she married my step father Tarneesh."

"I see. Was she happy in her second marriage?"

Karna hesitated. "She was content, my lady."

Menelay nodded, not missing what was not said. "And I understand you have siblings?"

"Four. Two sisters and two brothers."

The older woman smiled. "Five children. Hezayla always wished to have a large family. She was all but in love with you when you were born."

Karna actually felt herself smiling. "Will you tell me about her? About my father?"

"Hezayla was so bright and vivacious. We would meet most days. She loved to dance and paint. She was actually a very talented artist when she gave her attention to it. But she always wanted to be here, there and everywhere."

Menelay smiled. "When their betrothal was announced your mother was obviously nervous of your father. He was such a good man Karna. A full twenty years her senior, but he cared for her and she grew to adore him. Do you know anything of your grandmother?"

Karna shook her head.

The older woman sighed. "She was by all accounts a very pretty maid. She served in your great grandfather's home as the head servant girl and she caught the eye of his first-born son. I apologise for the wording but he was an absolute scoundrel. He had a pretty face and charmed your poor grandmother off her feet. He promised her the world – marriage, dowry, wealth, if she would only return his love. Of course the poor innocent believed him and found herself pregnant at just seventeen.

"Her family cast her out and her master would not listen to her. She would have died had your grandfather not found his conscience at the last minute and admitted the truth of his words. Of course the father raged and would not accept the child, but in the end he was forced to and your poor mother was raised as a charity case. She told me of her poor mother's sad story and honoured her by naming you in her honour."

Karna gasped. "I am named for my grandmother?"

Menelay smiled gently. "Yes, my dear. And I hope that you will find greater joy than your poor mother or grandmother."

The girl nodded. "Is it true that my father was beheaded as a traitor by the Tisroc (may he live forever)?"

The Tarkheena's expression was sombre. "Yes, my dear. I honour our Tisroc (may he live forever) and his will is the will of Tash, the irresistible, the inexorable. But I have also heard it said from a reliable source that your father was killed for refusing to behead a chained man. The Tisroc gave him the duty as an honour and your father asked him to allow fair combat because he could not in honour kill an unarmed man. The Tisroc saw it as an act of insubordination and beheaded your father on the spot, declaring him a traitor."

Karna stared at her hands and simply nodded. "My mother had said as much, my lady Menelay," she finally managed. "But if you will give me leave, I will remember my father as an honourable knight, rather than a traitor."

"I would not have you remember him in any other way, child," the older woman replied. "He was a man of honour and I will always recall him as a dear friend."

A sombre silence fell upon the room for several moments. Karna toyed with the sleeve of Flora's borrowed gown, pondering the truth of what she had heard.

So now she knew where she had come from. She knew that she had been loved. That a father had once kissed her head and held her safely in his arms.

"Karna," she jerked up to stare at Lord Peridan. "Forgive me. I know that this is a lot to take in, but we both thought that it was important to know where you come from, so you can move forward."

Karna returned his gaze. "I thank you for your kindness, my lord," she replied. "It is just …"

"I know, my dear, it is a lot to take in," Menelay finished kindly. "But Lord Peridan is right, we wanted you to know how much you were and have been loved. I know life has not been easy for you."

Karna sighed. "I can understand Tarneesh's feelings towards me, and even more so now that I know the truth of my father's death. I would have seemed a burden from my very first moment under his roof and the bastard of a traitor as well …"

"Karna, you were no bastard. You were born into a loving marriage."

"Then the brat of a traitor at the very least, madam. I suppose I didn't help myself by being so wilful, either. If I had been as obedient and submissive as my sisters …"

"You would not be who you are today, Karna," Peridan finished. "And you would be married to the blacksmith."

Karna shuddered.

Menelay interceded, "Karna, may we now looked forward? I have a proposal to make to you."

"A proposal, my lady?"

"Yes. You see, though you may not know it, I was appointed your godmother when you were a baby."

"My godmother?"

Karna felt stupid repeating every phrase back of Lady Menelay, but she was starting to feel overwhelmed by the number of revelations she was being told.

Menelay smiled at her confusion. "It is true, my dear. I was named your godmother when you were a month old in the great temple of Tash and I would like to offer you a home."

The young girl simple gaped.

"My only daughter has been married for two years and I have no companion to keep me company. My sons are all either married or in training for the army and my husband is so often away."

She took Karna's cold hands gently in her own. "In other words, I would be honoured if you would come to live with me."

The young woman stared for a full minute before forcing herself to speak.

"Live with you?" she gasped out. "In Tashbaan, my lady?"

"No, my dear. We think it would be safer for you to leave Tashbaan so the plan would be to take you to our palace in Jazeera for the summer months at least. Both Lord Peridan and I think you need a fresh start."

"You wish me to be your servant?"

"No, Karna. I wish for you to be my companion, my guest. To experience the life that you should have had from birth."

"To live as a Tarkheena?" Karna exclaimed shrilly. She gawked at the older woman, unable to help herself. Peridan was forced to smother a chuckle and even Menelay smiled.

"Yes, but without any pressure to marry against your will, dear."

"But, my lady, what would your husband say?"

"I have spoken to Abramman at length and he agrees with me, Karna. He remembers you as a babe and has fond memories of Hezayla. He asked only that you visit our home before we leave the city for Jazeera. He would like to meet you."

Karna nodded, though she was finding it hard to find words.

The older woman was kind. "I know this is overwhelming, my dear. So I would advise you to rest, think and consider my offer. I know that Lord Peridan has offered you his protection. I shall depart and allow you to have speech with your friends."

The Tarkheena rose and gave a small bow before turning to leave. Karna hurriedly returned the gesture before walking with her towards the door.

"Thank you for your great kindness," she stuttered.

Menelay turned and gently touched her cheek. "You are so like your mother, my dear," she stated. With a final smile, she left.

Karna had only been sitting at the window for a minute before Peridan entered after seeing Menelay to the door. His expression was curious but strangely nervous at the same time.

"How are you feeling, Karna?" he asked.

"Overwhelmed, my lord," she replied. "I had no idea …"

He nodded. "I know and I am sorry I could not be more explicit, but Tarkheena Menelay wished to tell you the truth herself."

She nodded. "Do you think I should accept her offer, my lord?"

"I think it would be wise, Karna. I can only offer you my protection for as long as we remain in Tashbaan …" Peridan paused, his expression suddenly guarded.

Karna stared. "Are you leaving, my Lord Peridan?"

"Only when it is necessary, Karna."

Suddenly, the truth struck her. "The queen will refuse Prince Rabadash?"

Peridan hurriedly hushed her. "Please do not speak such words, even in these walls, Karna," "We only remain as guests of your king as long as the prince believes her majesty will accept his proposal. I have heard nothing to the contrary from the queen but many of us fear that the marriage will not take place."

"But, my lord, how will you escape? The prince will never allow the queen to leave Tashbaan."

"We do not know her majesty's thoughts upon the subject. But suffice to say, I do not think we will remain much longer in this city as honoured guests."

Karna suddenly shuddered. "But my Lord Peridan, if the prince discovers …"

"Hush Karna, please do not fear. My King and Mister Tumnus our chancellor will have a plan to ensure our safe departure, I am sure. Now please, do not worry for me. Use your energy to consider Tarkheena Menelay's proposal. You are not friendless or without protection. I would advise you to get some rest and think carefully upon your decision."

Karna nodded. "Thank you, my lord."

Peridan smiled and was about to rise when the doors suddenly burst open. He spun to see Marken standing, wild-eyed and urgent in the doorway.

"Peridan, it's Prince Corin … he's gone!"

Queen Susan of Narnia had never been much given to pacing, but after two hours without news of their young charge, she had been unable to focus upon her embroidery. Dell's eyes had followed her the whole time and the panther seemed frustratingly calm to the young woman.

"How can you just lie there, Dell?" she exclaimed, rounding upon her friend.

The feline blinked patiently. "Will becoming hot and flustered help the situation, my queen?" she enquired.

Susan glared at her in a very unladylike way before seating herself.

"I just feel so … helpless!" she exclaimed, feeling tears starting to fall as her anger softened to sorrow. "He is so young Dell … what if he is hurt?"

The panther rose and gently butted Susan's knee with her head. "Do not weep, Susan. You know as well as I how head-strong and capable young Corin is at getting into scrapes. I am sure that he is just as adept at getting out of them."

"But what if he is injured and unable to get help?"

"I have never known a youngster so capable with his fists. Please do not worry about him."

The young woman wiped her eyes and managed a watery smile.

Dell returned it. "That is better. Shall I fetch Flora to help you prepare for this evening?"

Susan hesitated. "I suppose I cannot use Corin's absence as an excuse to remain at home?"

The cat regarded her shrewdly. "Do you need an excuse, your majesty?"

The queen found herself flushing. "In truth, I should enjoy a quiet evening. I know that the prince has put on all these entertainments for my enjoyment but this pace of living is … well frankly quite exhausting."

Dell nodded. "Well it is something you will have to get used to, if you are to one day be the prince's wife."

She again nodded but she did not meet her friend's eyes. The panther sat back on her hind paws and refused to look away. She saw the trace of a blush staining the young queen's cheeks.

"Susan, may I be so bold as to make an observation?"

Eventually, green eyes met black.

"Yes, my friend?"

"I believe there is another reason for your hesitation."

"Which is?"

"My queen, you know the reason. You have to admit it to yourself."

Susan felt the tears returning but forced herself not to look away from Dell. "I … I don't love him …" she stuttered. "Oh Dell what have I done? Why did I come here? How could I have let myself be taken in by flattery and charm like a gullible child?"

Dell placed a paw on her knee. "Susan. Heed my words. You are not gullible or foolish as you imply. I myself saw the behaviour of this Rabadash and was taken in. He is charming and appeared to be an honourable, noble prince. I am afraid that we were both deceived. It appears that his true talents lie in manipulation and presentation rather than truth and honour."

"I am humiliated by my own weakness …"

"You are not humiliated. You made him no promise."

"But if it hadn't been for my decision Prince Corin would still be safe…"

"And getting into mischief at his father's castle rather than in Tashbaan. My lady, this is not your fault. Now if I may, our first action must be to tell your brother the king and Mr Tumnus. We must acquaint them with your decision."

"But they are out searching for Corin and Prince Rabadash still believes we will be attending tonight's feast."

"Very well, I will find Flora, if you will write a message to the prince. First we must make your excuses."

The panther left and the queen sat down to deal with the necessary note.

By the time it had been sent there was still no word from the search parties and Susan was again becoming worried. She was just going to send Flora for news when she remembered their unexpected visitor.

"Flora, did you meet Lord Peridan's guest?"

Her maid smiled. "Yes, your majesty. I leant her my spare dress. The poor thing only had one and it was terribly dirty."

"King Edmund and I met her sister. Did you hear whether she slept well?"

"We did not speak of that, your majesty. She seemed more shocked than anything else. She couldn't understand why we were helping her. It made me sad to think that she would be so surprised by kindness."

Susan nodded. "Her sister was similarly surprised by our offer of a mere drink, Flora. It saddened me also, but I believe Calormen is a very different land to Narnia."

Flora nodded. "Can I bring you a drink, your majesty? It is very hot in here. Today seems more airless than others."

"Some lemonade would be very welcome, thank you. In fact, could you bring a pitcher and a bowl of water for the Lady Dell? I should also like to speak to Miss Karna if she feels well enough."

Susan's maid bobbed a curtsey and left.

As she waited, Susan pondered the revelation that Dell had forced her to admit to herself. She didn't love this prince, had never loved him and the thought pained her. Had it really only been flattery that had brought her here?

She flushed at how easily she had been taken in.

It was true that other princes had sought a marriage of alliance with Narnia and asked for her hand. One when she was seventeen and another when she was twenty-one. But she had not cared for either.

By comparison, Rabadash had both impressed and intrigued her. He had seemed to be everything that a prince should be … but then she had questioned him more carefully about him role when he was king. He had spoken passionately about the greatness of his nation, of how they would crush their "enemies" into the dust.

Yet, he had then spoken about her life as his wife. He had boasted of how she would only wear the finest silks and most expensive jewels. He had made her sound like a possession rather than what she wanted to be – a partner, a helpmate. She wanted to help her husband rule the kingdom, not simply be the bearer of his children and a pretty ornament upon his arm.

Susan sighed. She knew that she would die as the wife of this man. She could never marry him and stay true to who she was.

"My lady." Susan stood as Flora entered, followed by a tall, bashful young woman. She kept her eyes down and bowed deeply to the queen. The dark-haired queen was quick to raise her and urged her to sit on the chair opposite.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Karna," she said kindly, offering her a glass of lemonade. "I had the pleasure of meeting your sister yesterday."

Karna looked up in astonishment. "My sister, your highness?"

"Yes. Mistress Karlis came to beg the assistance of Lord Peridan and he was urgent to help you. I must say we were all greatly relieved to hear of your safe arrival."

"Th-thank you, my lady. I do not deserve such kindness …"

Susan held up a hand. "Karna, please listen to me. Yes, you do. Peridan has told us of the hardship you have faced and it is the least we can do to offer you shelter in your time of need."

"But, my lady, with all due respect, you don't know me! Lord Peridan has been so kind. First by bringing Master Timeon to heal my arm and then by giving me protection. I have never known anyone like him."

The queen suddenly smiled gently. "And I believe he would say the same about you, Miss Karna."

Karna stared. Susan actually laughed at her stunned expression. "Forgive me for my candour, may I call you Karna?"

The Calormen maid nodded mutely.

"Karna. I have known Peridan for over ten years. We have grown up together and I can tell you than I have never known Peridan to be so protective over any young woman besides myself and my sister. Don't get me wrong, he is honourable man in all he does, but I have never known him to act with such passion. He is renowned for his tact; it is why he is our chief ambassador."

Karna flushed and took a sip of her lemonade. It was so cool and refreshing that she finished the glass in a few gulps.

"Forgive me if I have been too candid," Susan apologised. "But I know what it is to feel lost and overwhelmed by my circumstances. I just wished you to know that you are not friendless or alone in this."

"Has Lord Peridan told you of Tarkheena Menelay's proposal, my lady?"

The queen nodded. "He has."

"And would you advise me to take it?"

"I believe it is the safest course of action Karna."

"I believe so, your highness. But then, how does pondering Lord Peridan's character serve me, my lady queen? If my safest course of action is to live with Lady Menelay how can thinking of him or Narnia help me?"

Susan nodded. "I understand your quandary, Karna. But I simply wished you to know the truth of the matter before you make your decision. With the circumstances as they are, I would advise you to meet with Tarkheena Menelay and her husband tomorrow. I know that it is Peridan's dearest wish to keep you safe."

The Calormen maid nodded, her eyes downcast. She could see the wisdom of the queen's words; she knew what logic would dictate. But once again, she felt her deepest desire warring with the safe choice. Very quietly, she allowed the words to escape from her lips.

"But what if what I dream isn't the safe option?"

She forced herself to look up and meet the lovely queen's clear, honest gaze.

"It is your decision to make, Karna. Listen to your heart."

Author's note:

This is a bit of a plot filler but it's also wrapped up a lot of unanswered questions and Susan has finally realised what Rabadash is! Sorry I know this wasn't very action filled but there's a lot of character/plot building also going on.

I hadn't originally planned to have Susan in this chapter but I loved writing her and Dell's scene a few chapters back and I couldn't imagine her being under the same roof as Karna and not wanting to help.

So … what will happen next? Corin is gone and we're finally up to the events of HHB so things will be happening soon!

This is the night before they spot Shasta so it should all (hopefully!) fit together next chapter! I also have a week of half term so may (reports willing) get another update done by next week (maybe can't promise!).

Thanks so much to Mel, Kilgharrah and Zoey for reviewing, it meant a lot. Thank you to everyone who is following and who has favourite this story. It's a real labour of love and we're finally getting there!

Also thanks Mel for the romance tip – a couple of Miss Austen's characters have had an influence on the Susan/Rabadash character discussion (can anyone guess who? ).

As always thank you so much for your support and reading, please review and let me know what you think!

Breeze.