Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas and creative license.
A/N: Keep calm, everyone! I'm not going to give anything away but don't hate me for what's to come! You remember what I said with 'My Own Fifty Shades' about some faith keep it ;) Now enjoy and know I am eternally grateful for you all loving this!
Happy Valentines Day!
Fifty Degrees of Love – Chapter Seven
"No, Elena, I'm not getting any better," Ana replied tiredly as she entered Escala. She threw her keys down and dropped her bag and just headed towards the kitchen stopping to look at herself in the large mirror in the hall way.
She looked like death. She had bags under her eyes and she looked as though she were ready to keel over. She had done her best to look after Christian with as little confrontation as possible and it was working but, she hated this new endearment of married life. It wasn't happy and it wasn't something she was growing warm to but, he hadn't forced her out and he just kept to their bedroom or his study away from her.
Out of sight out of mind obviously.
"You know, you can't keep putting off his calls," Ana scolded lightly, only just seeing Elena's hesitancy for what it was. She knew Christian needed a friend and Elena was that. "He remembers you and he is confused why he can't get hold of you. I mean, I know you were away when this all happened but you're back now and he's searching for someone he knows that isn't in the family."
Elena sighed into the line, "I'm scared. From what you told me about how he reacted to the playroom going I just know him finding that I can't bear to go near it is just going to make him go nuclear thermo."
"He needs his friend though," Ana tried to bargain. "Come over tomorrow evening, Elena and have dinner. Bring your husband if you want, Christian needs to meet Jared again. He needs to get back into that pace of life."
"Fine," Elena relented without much of a fight. "But I will be hiding behind you if he goes ballistic."
"I think I can handle him," Ana giggled down the line, "I'll ring you later with details," She then closed her phone and went back to looking at herself again to try and work out ways in which she could look like she was on top of the world.
She heard her subconscious and inner Goddess mock her from within and she knew that wasn't going to happen when all she wanted was to fall into her husband's arms and be in the one place she belonged.
Except, she didn't belong there anymore and she had to accept her newly found fate.
She flinched as the pain that had started to subside hit her again and she waited for it to leave her alone again. Her hand massaging her side. When she stood back up she found her husband behind her, staring at her through the mirror pane.
"Hi," she whispered at him and turned around, "How you feeling today?"
"Fine," he told her abruptly and furrowed his brow. "So what was that about?"
"What was what?" She asked him back and grabbed her bag before heading passed him and into the kitchen. She forgot about the pain and just walked off, knowing she had to remember to talk to Grace about why the pain was still attacking her.
Christian followed her, "You bent over double and you were holding your side. My head's better already so don't tell me I imagined that." He watched her intently for a moment and saw she wasn't ready to talk, "Fucking tell me now." Again she refused to talk to him, "NOW!" He shouted at her and saw her take a deep breath and he backed down to allow her the floor to speak.
"It's a little problem I've had for a few weeks now," Ana didn't divulge more than on what exactly. "I most probably got it from having sex with my husband in a restaurant restroom."
He looked mighty pleased with himself, "Ah, so we're an exhibitionist couple."
Ana listened to him chuckle and she felt her heart swell. For a moment Ana saw a flicker of her husband but, as soon as she saw it, it was gone. Instantly, he smothered it with ice, cast down into his mind.
She didn't reply to him, just grabbed a drink and tried to get on with today. As she turned around ready to ask Christian what he fancied for dinner she saw Gail walking in with cleaning supplies. "Gail!" Ana exclaimed seeing the aging house keeper bustle into the kitchen. "What are you doing here? Aren't you meant to be with Jason?"
"I'm here too," Taylor responded as he hobbled in the best he could, his arm around his waist, protecting his chest. He slid onto a chair and gave her a reassuring grin, "See, I'm alive."
"I'm glad," Ana breathed out. After being told from Grace how Taylor was, seeing him in the flesh made it real. "No running around anytime soon."
"No way," he laughed as he rested and looked to her, trying to gauge how the impact of everything was affecting her. "So have I missed anything good?"
Ana shook her head and bit her lip. She felt eyes on her but, when she looked over at Christian he was staring at her, gazing at her mesmerised. He was staring at her with the same look he always did when she bit down on her lip – like he wanted her, like he was actually attracted to her.
Again she watched him cover the look and take a seat down with Taylor.
Hearing her phone, Ana felt like someone was willing to tear her away from her emotions and she was so pleased that were. Grabbing her phone, she saw Grace ringing and she knew it was another motherly check up.
Resting against one of the counters she answered, "Hey Grace," she said politely and saw Christian's eyes narrow on her as she spoke.
"Hey Sweetie," Grace chimed back, "How is everything? About the same?"
"Afraid so," Ana replied plainly. "I'm guessing you're ringing about tomorrow?"
"I am," Grace chirped back sarcastically, "Do we need to bring anything?"
"Nope, just yourselves and you'll be set," Ana responded and took a look at Christian as he engaged in a normal conversation with Taylor. That burst of jealousy popped into Ana's body and began to tangle and entwine throughout her system. Like a disease it melded with every single fibre in her body and took her over.
"Well, we'll all be over tomorrow for brunch," Grace assured happily cutting Ana from her thoughts. "That should keep things calm for Christian and us all."
Brunch. It was what Christian and Ana were meant to have before this all happened.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Degrees of Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ana woke up in a cold sweat for another night and found herself alone. God how she hated the guest room and how far from home it felt. There was no security here, no safe places, just shadows and silence. She hated how far from home she felt in her own home. Especially now with the nightmares beginning to take command of her sleeps and snatch the golden hours she did get away.
Lying silently still, Ana prayed sleep would drag her back into a dreamless state.
When that didn't work, she pulled herself from the mattress and left the room. Reaching the kitchen she found a bottle of whiskey and promised herself enough to calm her nerves. She downed a glass and poured another only to realise the last time she hit the bottle like this was in the aftermath of Stephen.
She felt so lost back then and she released she was feeling it again. The nightmares were worse – she had no idea what Christian's were like – and the feeling she was left with made her want to curl up in the corner and just cry. Without her husband's support she had never felt so alone but, what did it matter? He wouldn't support her for something he no longer knew anything about.
Taking the second gulp, she poured a third and swirled the browning liquor around in the crystal glass and rested her head nonchalantly on the palm of her right hand. This had to be the lowest bid in life possible.
She never heard him enter, but she jumped as he spoke, "Night cap?" Christian asked, not liking the idea of her drinking for reasons that the idea of an alcoholic in his midst. He never liked Ana drinking at the best of the time so right now; he was out to make sarcastic jibes.
He might have forgotten everything but, she shouldn't have.
"I wish," Ana remarked, "Trying to get some help sleeping."
"There are pills for that," he commented and gave her a smug smirk. "I'll see you in the morning."
There are husbands for that too. Ana's mind mocked.
She took a look at her husband praying he would jump into action but, all he did was grab a bottle of water from the fridge and disappear again.
He didn't even care enough to ask her what was wrong.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Degrees of Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Christian had sat here for almost an hour listening to his family speak so jovial of the last two years and he felt like an outcast. He was left on the outskirts of his own life and his wife was the one that was speaking on and on about this holiday home and that excursion abroad.
She spoke as if he knew and loved each moment with her but, he didn't and he wouldn't and hearing her giggle shortened his temper that one last bit causing it to snap.
"Anastasia," Christian suddenly broke the conversation mid flow. He locked eyes with his wife and stood up, "Can I borrow you a moment?"
Without a word, Ana rose to her full height and followed him out of the room. She did nothing but keep following him until he spun around so fast he caught her by surprised. He trapped her against his body and pressed her to the wall.
"What is this about?" She asked with even breaths, reminding herself that this would be okay.
"I want you to lay off the marriage shit. I don't care for it. The apartments and villas around the world won't be there for long once I've sold them off and your pretty little face will on the cover of everything magazine and newspaper as the ex-wife of Christian Grey. So can you start thinking of life without all that?" Christian quizzed her, leaning in closer. "Can you do that? Can you start forgetting about the potential us?" Christian asked her, his tone low and threatening. He was never like this before; he had come back not only with amnesia but with a personality change as well.
"No," Ana told him back, defiant and strong. "You can be the new you, Christian. Be it all you like but, I can't turn off who I am. I won't turn off the fact that you gave me two wonderful years in which to fall even more in love with you."
"Two wonderful years, huh?" Christian asked her, his head tilting as he watched her face.
"Yes, two wonderful years we had," she told him. "That makes you love me regardless whether you remember it or not," Ana tried to believe that comment herself. Maybe if she kept saying it long enough she would start to believe it herself. "I know you still do, Christian. You love me."
"You think I love you?" Christian asked and smirked almost evilly at her before picking up one of her curls, "I only love the idea of hitting you until your scream out but, like I said before I don't love you."
Ana watched his retreating figure and angrily swiped her tears away, "but you do, that's the thing. You do love me and you will love me again, Christian, mark my words. I won't lose the one man I love because you lost your memory. We've been through far too much to just give it away."
Christian laughed, "Well look at that," he laughed as he turned, "It's a shame I don't remember any of it. So I guess it's just you that's been through a lot. Anastasia, I think the sooner you realise our marriage," he chuckled a little at the idea being married, "is over, the sooner you stop living in this messed up idea of life. Legally I can't get you arrested for trespassing but legally I can get a divorce and get you out of my house that way."
Smacking the wall right beside her head, Christian gave her a gaze before pressing away and leaving her stone cold frozen. Flaring her nostrils, Ana tried in vain to not let that get to her, but everyone in the other room heard it and the truth was out there. It had been eight days since this hell was thrown into their life and nothing had been getting easier.
And now the horror was more prominent than ever.
Whilst she was trying to keep her marriage, her husband was trying to end it.