Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas and creative license.
A/N: So, again, you get another update! Love me much? ;)
To those who think enough is enough, I won't apologise for pulling heart strings and breaking hearts a little while longer... Realistically things are no solved over night and that won't happen here... It's not going to last forever so please keep with it and see where this story goes!
Thank you all the same and enjoy!
Fifty Degrees of Love – Chapter Eight
Christian felt like life was right again as he entered his office. Everything was in place here, it was controlled and ordered and he felt like life wasn't going to hell. Here he was sure his personal life wouldn't clash with his professional one. He had taken all of the smiling photos of Ana and himself and thrown them into a box along with any other element that forced him to face up to a life he didn't want. They were now sat in the closet under a pile of Ana's clothes that he had pulled from their hangers in a fit of pure aggression.
Now in work, adorned in a grey designer suit, he felt like himself more than ever. He had given his mother the benefit of the doubt and stayed off for a lot longer than he wanted but, now he was ready to be back and ready to bite at business.
Going to his desk, he slipped down and ran his hands over the desktop and felt like he was home for the time in over a week. He was about to lavish the feel of sanctuary when he was suddenly confronted with the fact that home and work for him now apparently mingled.
Christian looked at the photographs on his desk. Happy memories marked their places there, dust around them telling him they had sat there for a while. He picked up the photo of Ana as the blushing bride, his arm around her waist, kissing into her neck. He had loved her once upon a time but, right now, he felt nothing but agitation that she just wasn't letting up and moving onto a separate life.
Like all of them he didn't feel a part of them anymore and he didn't want a part in them. Those weren't his life. He was hard, controlling, domineering Christian Grey. He had no time or lust for love. He wasn't one to give love or receive it. He beat women for sexual gratification and if he had his way he would be beating Anastasia Grey by the end of the week.
He would beat her so hard she ran from him and never looked back.
She's a defiant one, Grey, his mind evilly scolded him, mocking him with a laugh.
Sitting there, Christian put a hand to his head and hissed in pain. He had never been more confused in his life because Christian Grey, CEO, Dominant didn't do confused and he certainly never let a woman win but, he knew he was a goner.
Anastasia Grey wasn't going to let him go.
"Well, you definitely look different," Elena called out as she let herself in. After all, she had to be normal and just pushing her way into Christian's office was a perfected art. Some habits died hard.
Christian looked up, he knew the voice, but the woman in front of him was not the Elena Lincoln he knew and learnt from. "I could say the same about you," He mocked as he watched her strut further into the room. "Please tell me it's all a lie," Christian begged her and he was near dropping from his seat onto his knees to plead with her.
"I can't," she told him and felt her eyes begin to water a little at seeing him revert back to an angrier stage. "You love your wife, Christian."
"Then let me in on your involvement because clearly you and my wife are on good terms," Christian demanded as Elena took a seat and met his gaze to see if he was ready for this.
"Ana and I used to hate one another," Elena laughed as she relaxed back into her seat. "I mean we used to always go for the jugular," She smiled at a past life, "Bu then there was one moment we realised we were more alike than we had thought. We got close and she ended up saving my life and changing it all for me."
"How did that come about?" He pressed for more details, demanding to know all of his life that he didn't know.
"You were pronounced dead and Ana became pretty distant with everyone. She was so lost. I remember being called down to introduce a new Sub and she was sitting there. It was a shock but, we got talking and she told me how she felt like she had only let you down with being unable to be your sub in the first place. She wanted to use BDSM like you did, Christian. She wanted to grow from it become strong. Get over your death."
"So what went wrong?" Christian asked, only imaging Ana as a sub to his will.
"Stephen Davis did," Elena alerted Christian and she saw no flicker of understanding in his eyes. "He was one of the fussiest Doms at my club. He knew what he wanted and Ana was it. She became his that night. She became his full-time sub."
"So she was a sub?" Christian asked, shocked to learn this side of Ana that he would never have guessed the defiant blue eyed brunette was actually submissive. She didn't have a submissive bone in her body.
"Far from it," Elena changed his opinion and answered his question. "Ana is not destined to be a sub. Nor will she ever be. She has all the attributes to be amazing but, her heart is too big. She isn't made for that life and she showed us that we aren't either." Elena gave a wistful smile, "She's one of the strongest people I know." She lifted her eyes to meet Christian, "I'm sorry, Christian that you don't remember any of this but, Ana is the one for you. I hate that you don't remember your life together," She genuinely felt remorseful as she sat that, "Because your life with Ana has everyone jealous."
"She doesn't seem to be," Christian sneered remembering finding Ana a crying mess when he walked passed the old playroom. She was on her knees crying her eyes out as she tried to fix the destroyed books.
"What do you expect?" Elena asked and actually hated this Christian that had been brought into the world. "Ever thought because she lost the love of her life for the second time in this life?" Elena asked, her voice turning cold on him, "Except this time she has to live with you and fight for you. She's lost you and she's losing herself because she loves you so fucking much!" Elena stood up and began to pace, "I seriously feel for the girl. She came back to you and was panicked that you wouldn't love her because she was no longer yours." Elena put her hands to her head in despair and decided to give it to him all, "Stephen raped Ana countless times. He raped her and abused her and stepped outside of the realms of BDSM. He kept her tied for hours and he never relented up. She got away after he beat her for going to your parents house. He also beat and raped me for giving him a weakling. And if that wasn't enough he then got into Escala and tried to kill me. She caved his head in with a lamp on your bedroom floor." Elena stopped as she remembered the blood curdling scream that came from Ana as Christian pulled her blooded figure from Stephen's dead body, "She left after that to get herself together. In that time you ripped apart Escala and rebuilt so she would come back to somewhere that didn't remind her of her errors."
"Why wasn't this in the file I had Welch pull?" Christian asked willing to ring Welch and demand the full file. He kept exterior cold and poised as he listened to Elena speak the truth.
"It was removed and put in an encrypted file," Elena relayed why it wasn't.
Christian's forehead furrowed, "Why?"
"Because you both nearly lost each other over it and she didn't want that to be a reminder. It didn't define you as much as your reunion did," Elena finalised and wondered if Christian's sudden silence was an awakening.
Christian finally began to realise that his life with Ana was much more than just a marriage.
They were united, one soul and it knew that was a tougher tie to break.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Degrees of Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
"Don't!" Ana's voice broke into the air as Christian and Sawyer entered Escala later that day. He hadn't been comfortable having a guard he didn't know but, Taylor had promised he was good at his job and Christian trusted that. He just couldn't wait for Taylor to be back on his feet.
"It's going to be okay," Gail replied back, and was glad there was a kitchen island in the way.
Ana snapped then, after hearing 'it's okay' or "it's going to work out' one too many times, Ana completely bent and broke and took it out on poor Gail. "No, it's not okay! At least your husband remembers you, Gail! Mine hates me and I'm the fucking masochist in this because I refuse to give up! Even when he slams those damn divorce papers down in front of me any day now I won't be able to just give up on what we had." Ana was full on crying now, her back was against a wall as she faced up to what deck she had been dealt, "He can barely look at me but, when he does, I can see it's my Christian looking at me even if it's for a split second. Deep down he knows me but, the more time that goes past the closer we are to this being over."
As Ana's sobbing took over, Gail's gentle cooing could be heard. Christian rubbed the back of his neck and decided to avoid the kitchen at all costs. He couldn't deal with the emotional wreck he was continuing to cause.
He had felt remorse for her after Elena's chat but, it didn't morph into love. Being told that she had go into the world of BDSM only to come out an abuse victim did not conjure an ounce of married love for Ana.
Christian just felt pity and he was pretty sure that didn't make a happily married couple in the slightest.
As he made his way to his own study, he was stopped by Ana as she came out of the kitchen and practically ran into him. Their eyes met but, this time, Ana's changed first. They became heavy and lost and her emotions were in every tear drop that had already fallen and the multiple that were readying to fall.
"I hate you!" Ana all but shouted at her husband and only she knew she didn't hate her husband, per se, she hated what he had become.
"Good," Christian grinned hoping that she finally had come to her senses.
That caused Ana to break anymore. Ana pounded his chest, sobbing as she did. "How dare you forget me!" She screamed at him, "How could you forget about everything we've been through?" Ana now fully broke and even though her husband had his hands around her arms to stop her hitting she still tried to lash out. "How could you leave me behind like that?" She slowed her attack and looked up at him, "I have to look at you every day and know that what you see is no longer the woman that means everything to you but, the woman that made you into the asshole I fell in front of."
"Anastasia," Christian braced her carefully with his grip, completely stopping her assault.
"How do you get to just forget everything?" Ana asked him and felt herself becoming bitter to the fate she had been given after everything she had suffered. "I gave you everything and you just forget me!" Rolling her eyes, Ana prayed for some sort of Christian remark, a scolding, a moment of temptation to arouse sexual desire. There was nothing. There was only a blank emotionless beautiful face staring back at her. "You're not even sorry," Ana remarked and even though she knew she should start giving up, she couldn't bring herself to admit defeat.
She couldn't lose him.
"I don't know what you want me to say, Anastasia," Christian remarked and shrugged. "Why do I want to do something I have no interest in? I have no pursuit with you anymore." He narrowed his eyes, both becoming hooded with how serious she should take his words, "I can't do anything to help you with that."
"You don't even want to try," Ana snarled at him and pushed him away from her a little. "I think you need to ring Flynn and get an appointment," She then disappeared to apologise to Gail again, her heart on her sleeve. "He might, in some way, be able to help you," She shouted over her shoulder as she just disappeared all together.
Christian listened to her and decided to call Flynn and arrange an appointment.
What could it hurt?