Author's Notes: Heeeeyy, how's it going? I am so sorry for the long wait, wow I last updated in August! I tried to get this chapter done before Autumn quarter started, but I failed and once school was back on, between that and work, I was just left with very little creative time and juices to write anything. But now it's winter break, and I'm gonna try my best to write like the wind before next quarter! We'll see how well that goes...
But, as an appeasement for the long wait, you get two chapters at once! Yaaay! Well, it's really just one chapter, but it came out so freaking long that I had to split it up. Hence, why I didn't get it done before school started.
But anyway, enough of that, you've waited long enough so onto the show!
Wheeljack strolled through the halls of The Ark, consulting a data pad in deep interest. As usual he had his nose deep in the plans for his latest invention, which had been given to him by Prowl and this one was a doosy.
"No weapon-like devices my aft," Wheeljack muttered to himself and chuckled. After the ducky gun incident and its fallout for Wheeljack, he should be more wary about accepting projects such as this and he knew it. But since Prowl had personally handed these plans to him, and since he was fairly sure the tactician wasn't going to repeat a mistake he had previously made, Wheeljack was pretty comfortable following through with this commission.
The inventor was so engrossed in his plans that he didn't even notice the very tall mech suddenly appear by his side until he spoke several seconds later. "What you Wheeljack looking at?"
With a start Wheeljack glanced up at the other mech. "Oh," he said, suddenly relaxed. "Hello Swoop. I'm just looking at some schematics for an invention."
"Oh!" Swoop exclaimed, suddenly very interested in the data pad. "You Wheeljack make another prank?"
The engineer couldn't help but laugh at the dinobot's eagerness. "I don't make the pranks, I just make the things that help others make the pranks!"
"Oh I see," the dinobot said. "Can me Swoop help?"
"I'll see what I can do," Wheeljack responded.
The two then walked on for several more minutes, Wheeljack deeply engrossed in his data pad and Swoop stooped over the other's shoulder, very interested in whatever it was his creator was doing. They continued like this until the tall dinobot suddenly stood up straight with a gasp. "Me Swoop remember what me Swoop was going to tell you Wheeljack!" he said.
"And what were ya going to tell me?" Wheeljack asked, hardly looking up at the revelation.
"Him Grimlock want more rubber duckies," Swoop then said.
Finally Wheeljack dropped his data pad to his side with a sigh of frustration. "Did he destroy the last one I gave him too?"
"Yes, him Grimlock swallow it whole! Say it taste like chicken, want more!"
Wheeljack sighed again. "Alright, I'll give him another one. But tell him to be more careful, I don't have very many left and I'm not allowed to get anymore. Okay?"
"Okay," Swoop agreed obediently.
Reaching into his subspace, the inventor pulled out a large rubber ducky, the same type that had been used during the D-Day fiasco last week. He held it out and the dinobot eagerly took the toy. Cupping it in one hand, Swoop peered at the ducky and carefully poked it with a finger, causing it to squeak.
Grinning behind his blast mask at his creation's antics, Wheeljack turned so that he may continue on his way, only to find his path blocked by a tall, red mech.
"Hey Wheeljack!" Sideswipe exclaimed rather loudly and the engineer had to stop himself from jumping back in alarm.
"Hello Sideswipe," Wheeljack returned.
"I've been looking all over for you. We need to talk, come with me," the red frontliner gushed before grabbing Wheeljack's arm and pulling him into the nearest room, door swooshing shut behind them.
Suddenly left alone, Swoop looked up and down the hallway in bewilderment, still holding the ducky in one hand. He then turned his gaze to the door which had just closed behind Sideswipe and his creator and stared at it as if expecting it to open up again any moment.
Inside the empty conference room where Sideswipe had just dragged him to, Wheeljack stood face to face with the frontliner, clutching his data pad to his chest. "What – what is it ya would like to talk about?" he asked, a little disoriented.
"I have a great idea for what I want to do next, but I need your help," Sideswipe began.
"Alright," Wheeljack said, unfazed by the request. "Go ahead."
Sideswipe then spent the next five minutes explaining his grand scheme to the inventor. When he was done, Wheeljack looked thoughtful.
"So when can you make this happen?" Sideswipe asked eagerly.
"Um, well I'm sorry Sideswipe, but I've got other commissions to do first..."
"No, you've gotta do this now! Just name your price, 'Jack and I'll get it for you!" Sideswipe said as he grabbed the engineer by the shoulders.
"...And," Wheeljack continued as if he hadn't just been interrupted. "Your plan involves working with subspace systems, and I've never really worked with that sort of thing. I'm sorry but I don't think I can do what you're asking me to do."
Sideswipe dropped his arms to his side and stared at the other mech. "Seriously? Come on, you're Wheeljack! You can do anything!"
"Oh, well, I – don't know about that," Wheeljack said, suddenly bashful at the comment. "But, I really don't think I can do it."
The red mech folded his arms, frowning in thought. "Well I have to get this done. There has to be a way, come on 'Jack, you can't think of anything?"
"Well," the engineer said as he thought about the problem. He really did want to help the mech. "Perhaps Perceptor has some experience in this field?" He offered.
Sideswipe brightened at the suggestion. "Do you think so?! Come on we have to talk to him then!" He proceeded to open the door, grabbing Wheeljack by the arm again.
"Uh, why do I have to go?" Wheeljack protested as the door slid open for them.
"Because you need to translate for me!" Sideswipe said as if it were the obvious. "I can never understand what comes out of that mech's vocalizer."
"Oh, okay," the inventor said as he allowed the frontliner to drag him through the door. The two left the room to almost run smack dab into Swoop, who was still waiting patiently for them in the hallway.
The tall dinobot smiled. "You Wheeljack are back!" he asserted obviously.
"Yes Swoop, I am back," the inventor said even as he was pulled away by the arm. Curious, Swoop followed the two as they hustled down the hallway.
o~o~o
It took several minutes for the three bots to travel across the base to where Perceptor's lab was located. They made an odd sight as the frontliner dragged the inventor through the hallways with a tall dinobot holding a rubber ducky following close behind. As they drew near the lab doors, Sideswipe was busy giving instructions to Wheeljack. "Now I'll explain to him what I want, but you gotta make sure he understands, okay? And then you make sure I understand what he's saying, got it?"
"Sure, okay," Wheeljack said.
"Me Swoop help too!" the dinobot said from behind them.
"Yeah, whatever," Sideswipe dismissed the tall mech.
Unfazed by the off-putting, Swoop continued to eagerly follow the others.
When the three finally reached the door, Sideswipe went immediately to open it. Before he did though, he stopped and after a moment of silence, put his audio to the door as if listening for something. Finally he turned to Wheeljack with a confused frown. "Do you hear... music?"
Curious, Wheeljack approached the door and listened as well. "Uh, yeah I do," he confirmed.
Putting a finger up to his mouth to indicate silence, Sideswipe moved to the door and opted to open it manually. He slid the door open just enough for the sounds coming from inside the lab to spill out for them all to hear.
A funky beat hit their audios, followed by lyrics from an obviously human song:
She blinded me with science!
And failed me in Biology.
Sideswipe looked over at Wheeljack, who simply shrugged his shoulders.
When I'm dancing close to her
Blinding me with science - science!
Science!
Sideswipe finally opened the door all the way so that they could look into the lab. What met their optics was definitely not what they were expecting to see. There was Perceptor, holding a beaker of some kind in his hand and swaying to the beat of the song that was playing from a small device on his countertop.
I can smell the chemicals
Blinding me with science – science!
Science!
And Sideswipe and Wheeljack were pretty sure that Perceptor had just sung along to the last lyric of the song. Finally Swoop drew closer and peered into the room from over the others' shoulders. "This is strange sound," he stated, loudly so that he could be heard over the music.
Upon hearing Swoop's voice, Perceptor whirled around and stared in shock at his audience of three. After a split second he rushed over to the music device and pressed the pause button, plunging them all into sudden silence. "Um, can I – uh – help you?" he asked nervously.
But Sideswipe was grinning broadly. "Perceptor, I didn't know you liked music!"
"Oh, well, ah you see I was – performing an experiment," Perceptor said as he stood up straight and discretely subspaced the music player.
"And what kind of experiment was that?" Wheeljack asked.
"An experiment – to see how the rate of productivity is affected while one is listening to music," the scientist was quick to respond.
"And what have you found?" questioned Wheeljack again.
"Results are inconclusive at this time. Now, what can I do for you?" Perceptor said, swiftly changing the subject.
Sideswipe and Wheeljack shared a look before the red frontliner shrugged and jumped into the laboratory. "There's something I need you to help me with!" He and Wheeljack then proceeded to explain what they wanted of the scientist.
"Hm," said Perceptor after they were done explaining. "And what were you planning on doing with this modification to the subspace system?"
Sideswipe leaned against the countertop and shot the scientist a charming grin. "Now you just leave that to me!"
Perceptor cocked an optic ridge. "Unfortunately I cannot help you. Altering personal subspaces like what you are talking about would be a violation of personal privacy and I want no part in that."
"Wait, so you can do it?" Sideswipe said as Perceptor started to turn away.
Perceptor looked back at the mech with a slight frown on his face. "That is correct."
"So come on! It won't take up much of your time and it'll be easy!" Sideswipe begged.
The scientist shook his head resolutely. "I am sorry, but I cannot help you." He then turned fully away and began to organize some beakers and test tubes on his counter.
"But – ugh, Wheeljack!" Sideswipe complained and turned around for help. But he found that the engineer was at the far end of the lab, trying to keep Swoop from messing with Perceptor's science equipment. Growling with frustration, Sideswipe turned around and marched back into Perceptor's line of sight. He was not going to give up that easily. "I'll make it worthwhile for you," he said.
"I hardly believe that," said the scientist.
"I can pay you! Like a commission or something!"
Perceptor shook his head. "I won't accept it."
Sideswipe was still not ready to let this go. "Well then... how about if you do this for me, I won't tell everybody that you like to sing along with and dance to cheesy Earth music."
For a moment Perceptor halted his movements, as if seriously considering what Sideswipe had said. Bu then he shook his head again. "That's hardly a threat."
"Alright then," Sideswipe continued. "If you don't help me, then Red Alert just might get tipped off about that illegal substance you've been keeping in your lab recently."
Perceptor's hands stopped again but this time he slowly turned to look at the other mech. "I do not have any illegal substances in my laboratory," he stated firmly.
"Well, I can't guarantee that he won't find any," Sideswipe said as he leaned against the counter and inspected his hand.
Perceptor narrowed his optics suspiciously. "Is that a threat?"
"It's whatever you want to make of it. But, if you help me nobody will know about it."
"About what exactly?" Perceptor asked.
Sideswipe shrugged. "About anything."
The scientist took a long time to think about the situation. He too looked over towards Wheeljack for help, but unfortunately the engineer was still attempting to control the curious and gangly dinobot. So Perceptor weighed his options. His moral instincts were screaming at him to not help the mischievous frontliner, however if he refused to help it looked like it was going to be more trouble for him than what it was worth. And knowing Sideswipe and his brother, even if he did refuse to help initially, the two might make it so bad for him that he would eventually concede in the end anyway.
Having begrudgingly made up his mind, Perceptor turned back to the red warrior. "Very well, I will help."
Sideswipe's face split into a victorious grin. "Great! Let's get started! Come here Wheeljack, I need my translator!"
o~o~o
Walking back to his office from a perimeter check, Prowl had his head down as he reviewed some notes and statistics he had taken that day. He quickly scrolled through the pages on his datapad, making revisions as he went. Things were quiet and everything seemed normal, today at least. Yesterday Red Alert had reported that a ventilation grate on the side of The Ark had been found pried open, which usually meant that Soundwave's cassettes had been meddling in their affairs. Which, as much of a problem as it was, was a fairly normal thing around here. However, in light of the Decepticon's recent activity, or rather lack of activity, the occurrence seemed to Prowl particularly worrisome. As of even a week ago, the Decepticons had been conducting a lot of seemingly random hit-and-run raids around the planet. But now they were quiet, which bothered Prowl to no end.
The tactician was just making it back to his office when he received a hail from the Prime. Stopping short, he lowered his data pad and accepted the hail. "This is Prowl."
"Prowl, please come to my office immediately," the Prime commanded through the comm-link.
"Of course, I'll be there right away," Prowl responded and cut the link. Intrigued, he turned around and headed back down the hallway. He wondered what could have prompted Optimus to summon him, Decepticon activity perhaps? No matter what it was, he had to follow a direct order from Optimus, and so he quickly made his way to the Prime's office.
Several moments later, Prowl made it to the Prime's door. He activated the door chime to signify his presence, and when Optimus told him to come in he did so. As he entered, he was mildly surprised to see that Optimus wasn't alone, there were two chairs set in front of his desk and one of them was already occupied by none other than Jazz.
"'Sup Prowler?" the saboteur greeted, at the same time sending a private comm. to the tactician. "Any idea why we're here?"
"I do not know the purpose of this meeting," Prowl commed back while he simultaneously nodded to the Prime politely and took the waiting seat.
Once the tactician was settled, Optimus looked at the two officers in front of him. "Thank you both for coming," he began as he organized a few data pads on his desk. "I will get straight to the point, as I know your time is precious. It has come to my attention that there is some kind of battle simulation going on among the crew?"
Jazz and Prowl just stared at the Prime, the former's mouth hanging slightly open. They looked at each other briefly. "Jaw," Prowl commed to the other, and Jazz quickly snapped his mouth closed. They looked back to Optimus, who had remained silent and was looking at them questioningly.
After a moment of calculation, Prowl was the first to speak. He needed to be careful, if Optimus didn't know what the battle simulation actually was, then he couldn't find out now. The Prime didn't need to know that nearly his entire army was currently caught up in a very unprofessional and irrelevant prank war, partially instigated by his second and third in command of all people. "Yes," he said slowly while Jazz shot him a sharp but discrete glance. "There is. I thought that while the Decepticons have been quiet, our troops needed to be kept in practice."
Jazz nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah! We've run several simulations while you were caught up with your duties!"
Optimus raised an optic ridge at that comment. "Oh? Like what?"
Now it was Prowl's turn to shoot Jazz a look. "Uh," the saboteur said. "Like uh, utilizing the strengths of our individual members! And uh, coming up with creative solutions to problems! Oh, and how to counteract an undercover operation!"
Optimus nodded in approval. "Very good. Have you seen any improvement because of these simulations?"
"Uh, yes," Prowl said. "I have noticed... an increase in creativity while finding solutions to problems, and an improvement in cooperation."
Jazz couldn't quite hold back a snort at the last statement, but he smoothly covered the laugh up by feigning a hitch in his ventilation system. However he didn't miss the irritated twitch in Prowl's doorwings at the sound.
Optimus acted as if he hadn't even noticed the incident. "Good, I am pleased to hear that while I was busy with my duties, you have kept things running smoothly and efficiently around here."
Jazz had another hitch in his vents.
"The only thing I have to say is that I wish you had informed me about this battle simulation earlier," the Prime continued.
"Oh, well we didn't want to bother you with such trivial things while you were busy," Prowl was quick to answer.
"It is no bother," said Optimus. "And now that I have more free time, may I ask when the next simulation is set to take place?"
The two black-and-whites shared another look. "Of course sir, however, we have not decided on the next date," Prowl responded.
Optimus nodded. "Very well. Please let me know as soon as the next date is set, I would enjoy being part of it."
"Of course sir, I will do so," Prowl said.
Optimus gave a final nod. "Please do. Now, is there anything else you wish to bring up about this?"
Another shared glance between the second and third. "No sir," said Prowl.
"Well then, I believe we are finished here. You two are dismissed," Optimus finished.
With a chorus of "Yes sirs," the tactician and saboteur stood up and left the office. They walked together for some time in silence before Jazz deemed they were a safe distance away. He grabbed Prowl by the arm and spun him around to a stop. "What th' frag was tha' about? Do ya think he knows?"
Prowl shook his head. "I don't know, on the face of it, it appears that he does not."
"But how else would he know abou' th' 'battle simulation?'" Jazz asked, putting air quotes around "battle simulation."
"Perhaps he overheard somebody talking about it?" Prowl suggested.
"Hm," Jazz thought. "Maybe."
"And if he truly did know, I doubt the Prime would not talk to us about it directly," Prowl followed up.
"Yeah, you're right," Jazz responded. "I think we're good."
The two began walking down the hallway again. "Ugh, but do we have ta schedule a real battle simulation now?" Jazz asked.
"Yes we do," Prowl affirmed.
Jazz slumped. "Fine," he grumbled. Another moment of silence passed between them, before Jazz noticeably perked up and spoke again. "Hey! How's our lil' project goin' with Wheeljack?!"
"I sent the schematics off to him yesterday. He said they should be done in several days."
Jazz grinned enthusiastically. "Sweet!"
The saboteur was just about to speak again, when all of a sudden Optimus's voice came over their intercoms with a priority one level importance. "All officers to the communications room. I repeat, all officers to the communications room immediately." And with that the message was cut short.
Jazz and Prowl shared a look and then hustled down the hallway with their new destination in mind.
o~o~o
Once all of the officers were assembled, Optimus addressed them from where he stood in front of Teletraan 1. "The Decepticons are at it again," he said. "Megatron and his goons have just descended upon a major dam system in the state of Washington, just north of us. The humans call it the Grand Coulee Dam, and the Decepticons are plundering it of its resources as we speak."
"Et's about tahm the Decepti-punks showed their faces," Ironhide growled from by the door.
"Any indication as to their reason for being at the dam?" Prowl asked.
The Prime shook his head. "We know little. Only that authorities of the area have reported six Decepticons have descended upon the dam and are terrorizing the locals."
"We can only assume that they're there for the raw energy generated by the dam," Ratchet commented.
"Well then let's get out there 'fore they do any damage!" Jazz said.
Optimus nodded in agreement. "Indeed, let's. Prowl, organize a counter strategy. Ironhide, gather the troops. The rest, prepare for battle, we leave in ten."
The officers scattered to do as they were told. Sure enough, ten minutes later a selected group of Autobots were lined up and ready to board Skyfire. Ratchet was staying behind to prepare the medbay, and so in addition to Prowl, Jazz, and Ironhide, the lineup consisted of Bluestreak, Cliffjumper, Sideswipe, Sunstreaker, and Blaster.
From the back of the line, Sideswipe secretly commed his brother. "Hey Sunny. You um... think we should tell Prowl about our latest prank?"
"Are you kidding?" Sunstreaker responded. "Right before battle? Just keep your mouth shut and don't say anything."
Sideswipe gave a nod in understanding and glanced over at Prowl, as if afraid the black and white had overheard their private conversation. Suddenly he stifled a laugh and looked back at Sunstreaker. "Oh man I can't wait to see their faces!"
Sunstreaker just smirked in response.
From where he was standing, Prowl glanced over at the twins, suddenly strangely suspicious of the two. However, he was soon distracted by Jazz.
"Hey, Prowl," the saboteur said quietly. "Do ya think it's kinda strange tha' this battle thing's happenin' right after our meetin' with th' Prime?"
Prowl looked at Jazz with narrowed optics. "What do you mean?"
Jazz shrugged. "I'm jus' sayin', we jus' talked to Optimus about th' battle simulation thing a little bit ago, and now th' Decepticons are attackin'? Coincidence?"
"It must be," Prowl surmised.
Jazz frowned, but before he could respond, Prowl noticed that the team was ready to go and it was time to get moving. Optimus, who had been standing a little further away while the others had been boarding Skyfire, waited a while longer until his officers had boarded as well and then transformed himself and followed up the rear. In no time the shuttle bot was in the air and the team was speeding their way towards the Grand Coulee Dam.
Author's Notes: Part two coming right up! And btw, that song that Perceptor was listening to is called "She Blinded Me With Science" by Thomas Dolby. I dare you to go listen to that song while thinking about Perceptor dancing and singing to it, and not laugh! I always do.