Disclaimer: I own nothing but my ideas and creative license.
A/N: Love your response to the chapter beforehand! You lot are incredible! Thank you as always and enjoy what's to come...
Fifty Degrees of Love – Chapter Fourteen
When Ana woke up again it was the middle of the night and even though the room was empty she couldn't stop the smile that turned upon her lips. She let out a small giggle as she realised that she was still pantie-less under the sheets which could only mean that she had really had sex with Christian.
If it was a result of her fever then she was praying she was still suffering from it. Taking a minor stock check of her body, she knew she was still too ill to even contemplate work in the morning but, she was fine with that because she knew her husband would be there to look after her. Keeping her smile, she pushed up on the mattress wondering where her husband had disappeared to and that was when she heard it.
There was music playing.
It was her tune, he was playing her melody and Ana paused and just listened. In all the weeks of grief and strife, hearing her husband playing the sweet melodic tune he had composed for her all those years ago made the feelings wash away.
Hearing the piano playing, Ana pulled herself completely out of bed and grabbed her panties and pyjamas and followed the noise. She walked barefoot and even though her body was telling her to go back to bed the sound was like a siren. It was calling her and she couldn't resist how perfect it all was to see Christian playing such a song.
He really did remember her.
"I still love this song," Ana murmured happily as she stepped in behind him, leaning down so she could loop her arms around his body and allowed her hands to graze across his chest. "It's been a while," She continued, inhaling his smell, allowing her body and mind to heal at just having him close to her.
"Get off me," He breathed out, his body tensing up on her. He almost completely stopped breathing as his body turned into stone and she didn't let go. "I said get the fuck off me!"
Ana quickly released him and near enough backed, "Christian?"
"You know how to fucking overstep boundaries," He heaved as though his personal space had been not only invaded but blown to smithereens. He got up from his seat and turned around to stare at hers and he got the expected response.
Ana looked terrified and lost in trying to work out why his eyes were cold and so biting and the reality dropped like a ten tonne weight and broke her. "No," Ana whispered with a tiny, fearful moan, "No, this can't be happening again."
"Oh, it is," Christian almost spoke with too much glee. "I don't know why last night happened but it feels like nothing but a nightmare. I woke up feeling sick and not knowing why I was in bed with you and then I remembered," He spoke with such animosity towards her that he could see it was hurting them both. "I remember having sex with you last night and I woke up like I did after that attack. I didn't fully know the woman next to me," He told her and ran his hands into his head, gripping at his roots tightly. "And do you know what you are?"
"What?" Ana fearfully asked him, terrified that he might cast her out even more so.
"You're under my skin!" Christian spat the words as if they were venomous and making him feel dirty just by speaking them. "I feel like I barely know you and I wake up fucking naked in bed with you!"
"You did know me," Ana spoke and for once didn't hate the tears that coursed down her face. "You remembered everything. You called me Ana, you told me not to cry anymore."
"Well, Anastasia, it seems we've lapsed," He told her, his eyes shining bright with the hatred for the predicament.
Ana shook her head; she wasn't going to believe that. She couldn't believe that. "You're wrong," Ana told him with a stern tone, "You are so completely wrong."
"How am I?" Christian asked as if he were the higher and almighty one. "How am I wrong? You don't know what I'm thinking!"
"That tune!" She all but shouted and pointed to the piano, "That is a composition you put together for me." She pointed to her chest then, poking her outstretched finger into her skin to make a point as her emotions ran rabid throughout her, "So how do you remember that if you've lapsed?"
"I don't fucking know, Anastasia but, I don't remember our life together passed meeting you in that hospital room!" Christian boomed back, his voice beginning to just take over the room with its sheer loudness and power. "I don't even feel enough for you to know that last night wasn't a mistake."
"Do you even feel anything?" Ana dared to ask as she felt as though she was thrown into a freefall bound for hell, "Or do you feel nothing?"
Feeling the guilt grow at how desperate she was to know he exhaled a sigh a met her gaze, "I know I don't love you but, I feel for you."
"Oh great," Ana cried out in disbelief, involuntarily letting out laughter to aid the moment and she rolled her eyes hard to stop the tears. All she wanted was her husband, her best friend, her soul mate back here. "I finally thought everything was worth it last night and now my own husband is standing here telling me us sleeping together was basically a mistake!"
"Well wasn't it?" Christian barked back at her.
"No!" She cut him down, "It was not a mistake because you were husband, Christian. You weren't this cruel, cold man that's been brought back! I don't even know where this version of you came from and I have to say I hate it!" Ana felt like she could something to release the anger in her. If anything the anger blew her sick feeling directly from her body. "The you I met that first day wasn't even this! I don't think you were ever like this!"
Christian marched up to her, face to face, eyes meeting eyes, both their aggressive energy feeding off one another, "I think it's time for wake up call, Anastasia. It's time to understand that you have to either accept me as I am or leave me as I am. It's your choice," He breathed the cold harsh truth at her. "You don't want to divorce me, I can see it written over every inch of you so it's time you faced the sorry truth of it all," He watched her, daring her to argue with him and then he placed that final nail in all of this. "You're married to a monster."
"No, I'm not," She finally debated back with the same hard tone she had used when they were up on the rooftop, "My husband is not a monster and I don't think you ever will be."
"I'm sure you won't be saying that when you find me fucking a skinny brunette," He spoke it too soon and felt the slap sooner than the realisation had dawned. If he wanted her to see him for the monster he swore he was then she sure did now.
As he watched her flee from him again, Christian sunk down onto the piano stool and hung his head. Only to put his head into his hands and cry openly at what he had become.
He wanted his life back. He needed that life back because clearly that made him happy.
Ana made him complete and he knew it.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Degrees of Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ana hated how filthy her husband had her feeling. He regretted making love to her last night and even pitied himself for taking advantage of her when she was ill. She could see that as much as she wanted to hold onto this life with a strong hold, Christian was going to be the death of her.
She'd gotten into the shower as quickly as she could and with seconds she slipped down into the shower so far she was on her side in the foetal position. She just sobbed her heart out against the bottom of the shower, her tears mixing and becoming one with the shower water. Her cries ricocheted off of the glass and marble tiled panels around her and she didn't care.
Her life had come back to her but, she had it ripped away from her with such vicious ferocity that she didn't know what to think. Why would life be this cruel? And, if it wasn't bad enough, for the first time in over two years Stephen Davis reared his ugly head. He was right all along. Christian would never love her again. It just took to this point to realise. It took them to build a life to realise that one moment could change it all. He had loved her, had wanted a future but now he wanted nothing.
But it didn't kill the hope in her.
Long after the water ran cold; Ana picked up her groggy feeling body, turned the water off and quickly wrapped herself up in one of the large fluffy towels. She was surrounded by riches from the tiles uses in the room, the bathroom set, hell to the flannels they used but, Ana felt like the poorest beggar going without Christian in her life.
With the biggest depression settling for the rest of the night, Ana got into her pyjamas and took a final look at herself in the mirror. Was this what a broken hearted woman looked like? If so, she had it perfected.
Gripping the basin Ana suddenly doubled over and breathed strongly until the pain subsided and as it did she felt weak and spent. She knew she was getting sicker but, a part of her didn't want to admit that. She was pretty sure believing it was the same part of her believing that her husband was going to came back to her.
She walked into the bedroom and run her hand along the dresser until it stopped in front of one her favourite photos of her and Christian. They were messing around, having fun with the family when Kate took this. Christian showing his possessiveness of her and his love adorned her as though her favourite accessory.
Ana dreaded the big bed before it. It would only feel emptier now and as she clambered upon it and wrapped up in the sheets, it feel more than empty. It felt like a stage for her to sleep on. She was too alone and decided she needed Kate here tomorrow for moral support. Without her, Ana knew it would be harder to face the truth. Picking her phone up, she dropped a text to Kate – I thought we had breakthrough. Think you can come over tomorrow? I really need you. A x. Placing her phone down, she realised it was still pretty much the middle of the night and Kate wouldn't reply to her.
So why not sleep away the dwelling loneliness?
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Degrees of Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Ana woke up to arguing and immediately groaned out. She didn't want to deal with this today. She didn't want to deal with anything right now but this was beyond what she wanted. She couldn't even turn over and go back to sleep and ignore it.
It was just so use so she pulled herself up and sluggish followed the heated voices and paused for a moment to listen before going entirely into the main part of the apartment. Going out she found Kate and Elena together whilst Elliot's voice erupted upon Christian from gazing distance.
"Ana!" Kate exclaimed the moment she saw Ana come into the kitchen and immediately ushered Ana onto one of the stools, "God, Steele, you look like crap."
"Thanks," Ana told her friend with a dry throat and put her head down and wrapped her hands around it. "What's going on here?" She asked and looked up to see Elena and Kate wearing matching expression. "What?"
"Ana, Darling," Elena stepped in worriedly. "You look really ill."
"I really don't care right now," Ana snapped and immediately melted into an apologetic look. "I'm sorry, I just don't understand the awakening."
"It's okay, Steele," Kate told Ana and grabbed her a drink. "Elliot saw the text on my phone this morning and he's fed up of trying to be supportive when all we've watched is you being beaten down. When we turned up this morning, Christian looked like he was going stir crazy and being more standoffish than ever."
"Yeah, well that will be my fault," Ana drew in the blame and shook her head solemnly. "He remembered me last night. I woke up and he was there looking after me," Ana bit her lip before continuing. "We had sex," She felt guilty as she said that and she saw Kate and Elena's eyes widen. "He remembered everything and when I woke up he was gone." Her tears slipped from her eyes and she quickly attacked them with the back of her hand, "And I don't mean gone from our bed. He was gone."
"Oh, Ana," Elena sympathised and her and Kate began an advance to console her.
"Fuck you, Christian!" Elliot's voice boomed in breaking the moment and making all three women stare. "You're a douche bag and that is all you'll be if you don't even try to change! You're going to make the biggest mistake without knowing it."
"I can't help it," Christian managed to speak out and closed his eyes as if he were in the middle of some huge world ending battle. "I feel so damn lost."
"You think you're lost! We're all lost. Ana's lost, mom's lost, dad's lost, I feel lost! We were all living the good life and now we're all trying to accept you as you are. Even at your worst you weren't this bad!" Elliot quietened his tone a little, "What happened?"
Christian laughed out at that comment, "Did you forget I got smacked around the head with a baseball bat?"
"That's not what I meant!" Elliot released a growled of frustration, "You think I don't lay awake wondering why someone would go that crazy over a declined deal and attack my brother in such a way? I fucking love you, Christian! You and Mia are the best brother and sister I could have but, you never came back from that attack. You changed and I'm scared I am never going to see the brother again!"
Christian could feel himself getting fraught with ragged emotions as they seared through his chest.
"And do you know what?" Elliot began to ask, "If I'm scared I'll never get him back then what the hell must Ana be feeling?" He watched as Christian's eyes flashed with compunction and he wondered if that his brother fighting through all over again. "And in all this, I realised I'm more scared for her than I am for you or myself, Christian. Without you, she loses more than the man she loves."
"I can't stand this," Christian's cowardice began to shine bright than any other sign of repentance or conscience. "I need to get out of here." Christian was so consumed he didn't even see Ana, Elena or Kate watching on like a mesmerised audience. He just needed to escape.
"Don't leave," Ana called out, her voice weak but, strangely powerful as Christian stopped. "I don't care how much you hate me, Christian, but don't hate me enough to run out of here again." As grey met blue, she took a deep breath, "Please."
With all eyes on him, Christian knew this would be seen as peer pressure, but he nodded and left them all and locked himself up in his study.
He wasn't just a monster to himself, he was the monster to everyone.
The least he could do was make this easier for Ana.
A/N: Stick with the journey and enjoy... I promise to make all the emotions you lot have torn through worth it in the end =) KIRSTY PROMISE!
I know I've let a lot of people down but, I can honestly say this has been my plan all along and I have this story pretty much mapped out...