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A/N: I wasn't going to update again tonight but, plans changed and here we are! Thank you, thank you and thank you! Enjoy and, oh yeah, thank you =)
Fifty Degrees of Love – Chapter Eighteen
When Ana opened her eyes again she saw Grace sitting by her bedside. She closed her eyes exhaustedly and coughed against her dry throat, feeling discomfort explode into her side. Immediately she felt a hand join hers and she forced her eyes open again.
"Hey Sweetie," Grace spoke over the bleeping of Ana's heart monitor. She was willing Ana to open her eyes and look at her. She wanted Ana to look at her so she knew everything was going to be okay.
Coughing again, Ana winced, "Why am I in so much pain?" Ana asked Grace the moment she had found her voice. "I was told I wouldn't be in pain."
"I know, Sweetheart," Grace soothed her daughter in-law. "There was a complication and they had to open you up," She tried to offer a smile as if to say it wasn't as bad as it was. "They had to remove part of your kidney that was damaged from the stones."
Ana nodded, not really taking it all in but, she felt like something was missing from her and her eyes glazed with tears, "Is Christian around, Grace? I thought he would be here."
"Oh, Ana," Grace started, not sure what to do right now.
"I want Christian," Ana began to cry weakly, her heart rate beginning to gallop. "I just want my husband." She looked up to her mother in-law feeling lost, "He should be here. He was last time I was in hospital."
"He's gone out for some air," Grace quickly covered for Christian's absence, "He will be back soon, I promise but, I think you need to rest, Ana. Your body's gone through a lot."
Grace released a breath she was holding when Ana's drug addled brain. She bowed her head and steadied herself against Ana's hospital bed. She was exhausted from weeks of turmoil like that. She wanted life to resume and have Christian being the worried husband that refused to move from his wife side and who lit up the moment he even sensed his wife. She wanted Ana to have that light in her eyes and to hear her giggle as if there were no cares in the word.
God, she even wanted to catch them at it!
Leaving the room, Grace reached into her white doctor's coat pocket and pulled her phone out. Walking down the corridor a little she ran her son and heard him answer in a defeated tone, "I need you to get here."
"Why?" Christian asked back, knowing his responsibility wasn't just to call in once or twice and wait on the news.
"Because the surgery was a lot more complicated than they thought. Christian, there was a lot of damage and when Ana came to she was asking for you. At the time it wasn't so bad because she ended up sleeping straight away. She couldn't fight to get you here but, she really needs you now. She just started crying because you aren't here," Grace told him, hoping this was affecting him and he wasn't going to go off the handle at her. "So I need you to get here now."
"Why me?" Christian asked back in a snappy retort.
Grace felt her own anger exceed her ability to hold down, "Because she's your wife! Now man the fuck up and just give her a bit of peace. She is really ill, Christian and I wish my old son was here because then Ana would be feeling better already but, you're not him. I don't know you but, I know you care for her. Or you would have cast her out and not batted an eyelid the first day you got home."
"Why do I feel like I am being ganged up on?" Christian asked the simple question and felt like he had to fight to get out of this.
"Because you are being ganged up on and I will continue to do so in order for you to stop making stupid decisions like not being here!" Grace replied honestly, "I know you're lost but, you need to think about the bigger picture here. Ana is our priority right now, Christian. That makes her yours as well."
"I'm on my way," Christian told her back and closed the call off.
Grace turned back to face Ana's room and sighed. She would do anything to get life back to normal.
And that was what she was going to do.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- Fifty Degrees of Love -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Christian rushed out of the elevator, the slow climb still wreaking havoc on his pounding head. He went to the nurses desk, ready to demand answers but, was stopped when he saw his mother standing with Elliot and Mia.
"Where is she?" Christian asked, his own voice exacerbating his headache. "Is she okay?"
"She's resting," Grace replied back and gave a smile. "She's confused and wanted you here. I lied and said you were getting some air and I got her to sleep. Do you think you can just be there for her?"
Christian nodded his head, running his hand over his head, "Where is everyone? I would have thought they would be here for Ana."
"We are here for Ana," Elliot reminded her sharply.
Grace placed a hand on Elliot's shoulder to calm him down, "Elena and Kate went with Ethan and your father to get something to eat for everyone and Carla and Ray are down with Ana. It's good you finally made it."
"Okay," Christian commented back and lifted his left hand up to graze through his hair. He had to gather the nerve to go to Ana. He also had to tell his mother about the intensity of the headaches he was getting.
"Hang on. Are you wearing your wedding ring?" Mia asked as she noticed the light catch gold and her eyes had to wander after it. She didn't want to get excited over this but, surely him wearing his ring was sign?
Christian looked down at his hand and smiled at the banded finger. A part of him had kept the ring on him since he found it. He didn't know when it got there but, Ana had left it on the main dresser in their bedroom and he had felt drawn to it. If not scared shitless of it! Now, however, feeling the fever of Ana's love on him, he was compelled to wear it and it suddenly felt like a part of him had been restored. He had no idea what was going on with him and he was terrified of that along with the magnitude of love he had obviously learnt to give and take.
"Yeah," Christian replied in a quiet tone as he gazed at his hand.
"So is this some sick trick?" Elliot asked, knowing how Ana would respond to seeing Christian with his wedding ring back on.
"No," Christian replied back with conviction.
"It better not be. You were at home deciding what to do to Ana next whilst we were sat here whilst she was in surgery. Sure, that sounds right," Elliot allowed his tiredness and worry for Ana get the better of him.
"Elliot," Grace ground out, letting off a warning shot for him to calm down.
"What?" He asked and turned to Christian for the attack, "Well you weren't here!" Elliot exclaimed, his nerves with his brother thinning.
"I wasn't exactly sitting at home watching fucking television!" Christian boomed, his voice erupting from his chest. "I was at home trying to be the man she wants! That's what I was deciding to do with Ana! Give her the me she wants," He saw them gasp, his mother visibly taken back, "I don't know what's wrong with me."
"We can sort it later, but for now, she needs you," Grace spoke back and drew Christian more into the corridor, "She's in the ICU down there. Carla didn't want to leave so I've managed to get the nurses to allow one person. Go and swap down there with her for a moment."
"Okay," Christian said and went to walk off when Grace grabbed his hand. He needed to heed this warning. "Don't upset her. She is suffering from the anaesthesia. She's confused and thinking irrationally okay?" Grace warned and he nodded at her, "So just go and be Christian for her."
Christian said nothing and disappeared.
"I'm really worried about him," Mia commented as her mother's arms wrapped around her and she soothingly rubbed her arms. "He's acting even weirder than before."
"Mom, she's right," Elliot stepped in as Christian disappeared, "I think he needs help."
"Don't worry, once he's seen Ana and she's settled I'm going to take him to see a specialist," Grace sighed hating to think that something terrible could be going on with another of her children. Ana was enough right now. "I've been speaking to a neurologist and I think Christian's at a stage now to cooperate."
When Christian was out of the sight of his family he found himself looking at Carla and Ray. He edged into the room nervously and got a welcoming smile from Carla who excused herself to allow him time with Ana. He was grateful they didn't hate him enough to cast him from the room.
When he was alone, Christian looked to Ana and felt the nerves spark to life. She was worse than he could ever have imagined. Swamped by wires and tubing, machines buzzing around her, IVs pushed into her skin.
And all he found himself thinking was what the other Christian would do.
He stood, watching and it seemed his presence caused her to open her eyes and look at him. He took that as a sign to move forward and he took in her sleepy blue eyes and found himself unable to look away, "Hey."
"Hey," Ana grinned back at him and gulped deeply. "You know," Ana started to say and gulped dryly against her sore throat, her eyes straining to look to Christian's, "I'm really glad we didn't get pregnant like we wanted to." She closed her eyes as the tears began to fall, "I would hate for you to hate our child as much as you hate me."
Christian felt that comment stab his heart from all possible angle. Each new stab releasing a piece of his soul as he allowed them to pressed their blades into his already tainted heart. They had really planned a family? Had nearly gotten their chance? God, his life to Ana was beyond anything he could have dreamt.
Ana shifted a little and groaned out in pain before continuing, "And if you want to divorce me so much, I'll sign the papers and I'll move out as soon as I can. I won't even try for half and half," Ana told him, ignoring her own tears as she admitted the sad fate that she was being dealt.
And something shoved those sharpened blades further into his heart.
"You shouldn't be making rash decisions right now," Christian told Ana and for the first time in weeks, he took her hand in his and gripped it supportively. "It's not clever to do so."
"But it'll stop this hell," Ana whispered as exhaustion began to wrap its delicate arms around her and pull her into the darkness. "It'll make you happy. That's all I want, Christian."
Christian knew he should have felt liberated by the words she had just whispered but, he wasn't. He was satisfied with her finally giving in after she put up such a fierce fight and he wasn't prepared to let a woman go who fought against his every single fifty shade in the hope that he would resurface as the man she fell in love with.
He pulled the chair close to Ana's hospital bed and he sunk his head in remorse. Here she was, this beautiful woman whose heart exceeded a measurable size. This woman was his wife and he was not the husband someone deserved. Ana deserved better than him, than waiting on the old Christian to revive back into this body.
His wife had been in hospital in excruciating pain and he hadn't been there to hold her hand. He hadn't been the support and strength she needed and he was the one that was forced to come here by his own mother. If she hadn't intervened, Ana would have still been here suffering on her own.
Wearing his wedding ring or looking at a few photos didn't make him the Christian she really loved and adored. He still wasn't that man. He was a man with a yearn inside and few spacey memories of life with Ana and most were from the last few weeks when he had targeted her with pure venom.
He was truly the monster in all of this.
Slipping the ring off, Christian knew that wouldn't cure him.