Author's Notes: I'm back! What's my excuse this time you ask? Life, life happened. But, I've settled into a routine and have more time to write again! Hope you enjoy this chapter!

EDIT: well, this is embarrassing. When I first posted this chapter, I accidentally uploaded the unedited version. So... if you're reading this again, the chapter will be a bit more polished! Nothing majorly different with the story, just fixes that were supposed to have gotten in, and didn't. So sorry!

When Optimus, Prowl, and Jazz arrived at the front entrance, they found that Ironhide and Red Alert were already there. The large double doors were shut, with Ironhide standing in front of them with his arms crossed, and the Director of Security looking very nervous nearby.

"Ironhide, report," Optimus demanded as soon as they had arrived.

"All them 'Cons are out there," The mech drawled. "The whole lot of them. Jus' showed up, an' Megatron's demandin' fer an audience with yah."

Optimus' optics creased in a frown. "Have they made any demands?"

"Only to see you," Red Alert said.

The Prime took a step forward. "Open the door," he ordered.

Prowl stepped up as well. "Prime, it would not be wise to reveal yourself to the entire army of Decepticons."

"They're probably going to shoot you on sight!" Red Alert panicked.

"Ah agree with Red," Ironhide added. "Ah can activate the Ahrk's self-defense systems, send those tin can cowards scurryin'."

"Or we c'n jus' keep th' door shut until we have a better plan. Th' doors should hold against their firepower for several hours at least," Jazz supplemented.

Optimus shook his head resolutely. "No, I will hear what they have to say."

"Then I'm coming with you," Prowl insisted.

"Count me in," said Ironhide.

Again, Optimus shook his head. "If something happens, I don't want anyone else to get caught in the crossfire. Ironhide, get the Ark's self-defense systems online, but don't use them unless absolutely necessary. Jazz, warn the crew and prepare for a possible battle."

The two named officers nodded and hurried to their tasks. Optimus turned and motioned for Red Alert to open the doors.

"Be cautious, Optimus," Prowl warned.

The Prime nodded in understanding, before stepping through the just big enough opening that had been made for him. It took a moment for his optics to adjust to the bright light of the sun, but when they did, he could immediately see that Red Alert and Ironhide hadn't been exaggerating. Stretched out before him was indeed what appeared to be the entire Decepticon army. Megatron stood at its head, flanked by a smug looking Starscream and the ever-emotionless Soundwave.

When he saw the Prime, Megatron shouted gleefully. "PRIIIIME! I am here to accept your surrender!"

"Surrender?" Optimus echoed coolly. "I don't recall offering you one."

Megatron bellowed a laugh. "Don't play me for a fool! I know of the rebellion and descent that has befallen your army. It is only a matter of time before your entire faction has crumbled, from the inside out! I'm am offering you a chance to lose this war with honor and dignity. Surrender to me, and I promise to let you live."

"Hmm," Optimus seemed to muse on the proposal. "And what happens if we refuse?"

The Decepticon leader smirked. "We will make this base your tomb."

For a moment, Optimus glanced from Megatron to the army spread out behind him. "Allow me to deliberate with my officers," he finally replied.

Megatron sneered. "Make it quick. If I don't receive your answer within the hour, we will bring that mountain onto your helms."

Optimus nodded, before carefully making his way back into the Ark. Once he was inside again, Red Alert was quick to close the doors.

"I heard everything," Prowl told the Prime.

"Do you have any ideas?" Optimus asked.

"Don't surrender," the tactician stated.

"That's it?! Red Alert panicked. "You're the tactician, and that's the best you can come up with?"

"Give me some time," Prowl responded levelly. "But for now, I highly recommend we call an emergency officer's meeting."

"Agreed," said Optimus. He made the call to his other officers as he, Prowl, and Red Alert hurried their way down the hall.

In no time, all the officers were gathered around a table in one of the meeting rooms. Additionally, Wheeljack and Perceptor were present. Once he saw that everybody had arrived, Optimus started by outlining the situation at hand. "The entire Decepticon army is at our doorstep, and Megatron is demanding our surrender. We have an hour to come up with a plan of attack, any ideas?"

Ironhide smashed his fists together. "Blast 'em t' bits! We've got th' Ahrk, and she's got some powerful weapons."

"But there's an entire army out there!" Jazz countered. "As soon as we start blastin', they'll scatter an' return fire. 'M pretty sure th' lot of 'em can take out th' Ark's defenses, an' then they're comin' for us."

"We can blockade the entrance, it's the only way to get into the Ark, after all," Red Alert offered. "They won't be able to reach us!"

"Then we've got a siege on our hands," Prowl countered. "Although we have ample supplies to last us weeks, it's still limited. And certainly before we run out of supplies, the Decepticons will try to bring the entire mountain down on top of us."

"Well, we can always tunnel our way out the back of the mountain!" Red Alert offered.

"That would take too long," Perceptor rebutted. "At least several weeks, and we don't have that kind of time."

"Wait a minute," Ratchet said suddenly. "There are other entrances, the ventilation system! Soundwave's cassettes could be infiltrating us as we speak!"

"I've already closed off all air vents leading to outside," Red Alert was quick to reassure. "I promise you, the main doors are the only way to get in at the moment. I've also assigned a guard for the entrance."

Optimus nodded in approval. "Thank you, Red Alert. I am also concerned for those on patrol at the moment. Is there any way we can send them a warning?"

Blaster was quick to shake his head. "Any communications sent out now is very likely to be intercepted by Soundwave. Trying to talk to them would only alert the Decepticons to their whereabouts."

"Smokescreen and Tracks are on patrol at the moment," Prowl said. "I am sure that they will lay low once they see the Decepticons."

"This is all fahn and dandy, but we still don't know what we're gonna do 'bout those 'Cons!" Ironhide growled. "Got any ideas, tactician?"

Prowl let out a vent. "Right now, the only option I can see is a full frontal assault. However, this sort of attack would result in the most injuries and possible casualties. We could utilize the Ark's self-defense system, but as Jazz pointed out, that would only hinder the Decepticons for a moment."

Optimus furrowed his optic ridges. "I would hope that sort of plan would be our last resort."

"Indeed," Prowl affirmed.

"Grah!" Red Alert suddenly growled in frustrated panic. "Why don't we just let them in for a tea party! Maybe they'll change their minds and decide to be our friends instead!"

Most ignored Red Alert's outburst. But then Wheeljack shrugged. "Y'know, a battle inside the Ark might be a step up from a frontal assault. There are more places to hide, after all."

The others frowned at the proposal, except for Jazz. He rubbed his chin, deep in thought, until suddenly he brightened. "Hey 'Jack, y'might be onto somethin' there!"

"Oh, uh, really?" Wheeljack responded bashfully.

"Jazz, I'm not sure if letting the Decepticons inside the Ark is the best plan," Prowl disapproved.

"Hang on, hear m' out!" Jazz rebutted. He turned to the engineer again. "Wheeljack, do y' still have your supplies from the prank war?"

The other mechs looked questioningly at the saboteur. "Uh," Wheeljack intoned. "Yeah, most of it's locked up, but…"

"Doesn't matter," Jazz interrupted. "Listen guys, I have a plan!"

In a manner of minutes, Jazz had outlined his idea to the others. When he was finished, the responses he received was less than enthusiastic.

"That's the most durned stupid plan Ah've ever heard!" Ironhide complained.

"I agree," Ratchet said. "Jazz, you just wasted minutes explaining that ridiculous idea! It would never work!"

Jazz frowned. "Aw, come on guys, it's better th'n anythin' else you've put out there! Prowl?"

The rest of the table turned to the tactician, who hadn't spoken up since. He stared at the table for a moment, before looking up. "It might work."

Jazz beamed, while the others protested.

"You got some loose screws in yer processor, Prowl?" Ironhide blurted.

Red Alert looked even more panicky than ever. "This is completely crazy!"

"Surrounded by idiots," grumbled Ratchet.

Finally, Optimus had had enough. "Quiet!" he commanded. The room became silent as all present looked to their leader. "As ridiculous as Jazz's plan seems, it is the best we have at the moment. Does anyone else have any ideas?" The silence stretched on for several moments. "We have 35 minutes to decide on a plan," the Prime continued. "All in favor of this one?"

Jazz was the first to shoot up his hand, followed closely by Prowl and Wheeljack. After a moment's contemplation, Perceptor raised his hand as well, along with Blaster. Ironhide, Ratchet, and Red Alert stubbornly kept their arms down. Finally, Optimus raised his own hand. "That's six to three," he announced. "It is decided then, we go with Jazz's plan."

Jazz did a victory dance in his seat, while Ironhide and Ratchet vented violently in unison. Red Alert just grew twitchier.

"Jazz and Wheeljack, break the crew into teams and begin implementation," ordered Optimus.

"Yessir!" Jazz acknowledged as he sprang out of his chair and flew out the door with a grin on his face. Wheeljack was close behind.

"Now," Optimus turned to his remaining officers. "We have half an hour until Megatron expects a response, and it will take at least an hour to get things ready. How are we going to distract them?"

o~o~o

Outside, Megatron paced impatiently. The rest of the Decepticons had taken to lounging around and harassing each other in their boredom. There was five minutes left until it was time for the Autobots to announce their decision, and Megatron was checking his chronometer every second. "Those Autobots are fools to keep me waiting like this!" he growled.

"Well Megatron," Starscream whined from where he was basking on a hill slope nearby. "Looks like your plan isn't as fool proof as you had thought!"

Without even looking, Megatron blasted the earth from under the seeker with his fusion cannon. Starscream was sent flying, and landed with a whump a few meters away. "Don't test me today, Starscream," the Decepticon leader growled. Over the next few minutes, he paced and growled. The second the hour was up, and no response had come from the Autobots, he turned to his army. "Decepticons!" he shouted. "We take the Ark by force! Atta…!"

Suddenly, the sound of the Ark's PA system crackling to life halted Megatron's war cry. All the Decepticons turned to the Autobot ship expectantly.

"Heeey, Megatron," a voice came from the speakers, sounding suspiciously like Sideswipe. "You know we've been talking, and we think we're going to surrender."

"Hahaha!" Megatron laughed. "At last, you Autobots have come to see reason!"

"We also think we aren't going to surrender," Sideswipe's voice continued.

"What?"

"We also also think you guys should take a hike."

Megatron scowled. "Open the door you fools or I will blast my way through!"

"Why not try a holiday in Sweden this year? See the lovely lakes, the wonderful telephone system, and many interesting furry animals."

"What is that idiot talking about?" Starscream asked.

"Including the majestic moose. A moose once bit my sister."

Now Megatron was growling again. "Shut up!" he yelled at the Ark. "Admit surrender or we will take your ship by force!"

"No really! She was carving her initials on the moose with the sharpened end of an interspace toothbrush. Mind you, moose bites can be pretty nasty."

o~o~o

Inside the Ark, Jazz was overseeing a group of 'Bots busy at work. They were currently working inside the tent fortress, and the hallway lights had been turned down to create a somewhat creepy atmosphere.

As they worked, Bumblebee approached Jazz with a large (for the minibot) device tucked under one arm. "Hey Jazz, I found the snow machine!" he announced enthusiastically.

"Great!" Jazz returned. "How'd you find it so fast?"

Bumblebee shrugged with a no-biggie look on his face. "I saw it while climbing through the air vents for the resistance prank. It was broken down somewhere above the med-bay."

"Well, disaster averted there," Jazz commented. "But quick, get tha' t' Wheeljack, he said he c'n fix it!"

"On it," Bumblebee grinned and trundled off with the device. He passed Prowl on his way out of the tent fortress, who in turn approached Jazz.

"Jazz," the tactician announced. "How are things going?"

"On schedule! Should b' done in ten minutes or so," the saboteur replied.

"Good, when you are done I need you in sector 1C, for the catapults. I have Mirage working on them now, but we could use your assistance."

"Right on," Jazz confirmed. "Hey, how's th' sitch with th' 'Cons?"

"They're being… distracted at the moment."

o~o~o

"All right, all right, we'll surrender," Sideswipe announced.

"It's about time," growled Megatron.

"But first! You must answer me, these questions three!"

Thundercracker and Skywarp finally walked up to where Megatron and Starscream where standing. "What's the fragging hold up?!" Skywarp complained.

"What is your name?"

"Uh, Skywarp?" the purple seeker said dumbly. Thundercracker practically face palmed.

"What is your quest?"

"To conquer you fools! Now open the door or I will blast my way in!" Megatron bellowed.

"What is your favorite color?"

"Oh, oh, purple!" Skywarp burst. "Or no, wait, is it…?" A blast from the Ark's defenses sent Skywarp flying and the other Decepticons scattering.

Sideswipe cackled. "Haha! You didn't answer truthfully!"

Megatron picked himself up with a scowl. "That's it! Decepticons, fire!"

On their leader's command, the Decepticons began to fire at the Ark's door. However, several more shots from the Ark's defenses kept their heads down.

Sideswipe laughed again. "You don't frighten us, Decepticon pig dogs! Go and boil your afts, you sons of a silly person! I blow my nose at you!"

o~o~o

Some distance away, Smokescreen paused in his patrol route as he heard the unmistakable sound of gunfire in the distance. He turned on his comm unit. "Hey Tracks, you hear that?"

"I do," The other mech replied. "Sounds like it's coming from the Ark."

"Let's check it out," Smokescreen replied.

The two met up further down the path, and together cautiously made their way back to the Ark. The sound of shouting and gunfire increased, until Smokescreen suddenly reached out and pulled Tracks off the path. "Decepticons," he muttered and pointed. Sure enough, ahead of them they could see the outline of several Constructicons as they took pot shots at the Ark's entrance.

Tracks began to move away from the path, waving Smokescreen to follow. They snuck along the edge of the forest, slowly creeping closer to the Ark and avoiding detection by the Decepticons. Eventually, they found a spot where they could get a clear view of the scene below them. The 'Cons had cleared a several hundred-foot radius around the Ark. They would occasionally fire at the door, but blasts from the ship's defenses held them back.

"We should contact the Prime," Smokescreen said as he reached towards his comm link.

But he was stopped by Tracks. "No, look, Soundwave's here," and he pointed towards the distinct figure of the Decepticon communications officer. "He'll intercept any signal we send."

"Then what do we do?" asked Smokescreen.

As they thought, they suddenly heard the very clear voice of Sideswipe coming from the Ark's PA system. "So you think you could out-clever us Autobot folk with your silly knees-bent running about in dancing behavior! I call your door opening request a silly thing, you cheesy lot of second hand electric donkey bottom biters! I fart in your general direction!"

"Wow, either Prowl knows exactly what he's doing or he's really desperate to have assigned Sideswipe to distract the 'Cons," Smokescreen commented.

"Well, either way I think it's clear Prowl has some kind of plan in motion," said Tracks.

Smokescreen nodded. "Not much to do but sit back and watch."

o~o~o

"You must return here with a shrubbery, or else you shall never pass through this Ark, aliiiive!"

"GRRAAH!" Megatron snarled in frustration. He finally turned to his army. "DECEPTICONS, ATTAA…", but he paused when the tone of Sideswipe's voice changed suddenly.

"Huh, what?" the frontliner said in the distance, as if talking to somebody behind him. "Oh, now? You sure? Okay, I'll tell them." The sound of his voice became louder again as he addressed the Decepticons. "Never mind, you don't need to bring a shrubbery, Prowl says you can come in now."

"What?" Megatron asked, but the sound of the comm-system hanging up was his answer. The Decepticons all stood in confused silence for a moment, before the doors to the Ark finally creaked open.

The lone figure of Jazz standing in the doorway was all that greeted them. "FIRE!" Megatron bellowed and every 'Con opened fire on the mech.

Jazz didn't even flinch as each laser shot bounced off of what was clearly a force field in front of him. He waited until the laser fire stopped, as the 'Cons realized it was useless, before addressing them. "Welcome to th' Ark!" he said as he spread his arms out. "Please keep all arms and legs inside the ride at all times. We hope you enjoy your stay." He then took a little bow before walking out of sight.

After a moment, a faint shimmer told the Decepticons that the force field had been lifted. Megatron turned to his army. "CHARGE!" He ordered, and the 'Cons all rushed into the Ark after him.

They didn't get far into the hallway, however, before they all crashed into a seemingly invisible wall. "What is this?!" Megatron demanded as he attempted to press through the barrier. There was some kind of plastic-like substance stretched across the hallway, and it bowed inward as Megatron pressed against it. When it wouldn't give, he snarled and blasted at it. The laser fire bounced off the wall and ricocheted back towards them, forcing the 'Cons to duck and dive out of the way.

"The path leads this way," Starscream announced as he followed the clear wall to the right. Without question, Megatron shoved the seeker aside and marched down the hallway. The rest followed.

After a minute of walking, they had met not a single Autobot yet. "WHERE ARE YOU, COWARDS?!" Megatron bellowed into the Ark. There came no response but his echo.

"Pft," Skywarp said as he flicked the clear barrier. "I could warp right through this junk and straight to their command center! Easy-peasy."

Megatron turned to glower at the purple seeker. "Then why don't you?"

"Oh…" Skywarp said, and immediately warped away.

Megatron growled and continued to march on. Behind him, the rest of the 'Cons were beginning to get restless.

"This is a fracking waste of time!" Blitzwing snarled.

"Yeah, let's bust this ship apart!" Ramjet shouted and proceeded to fire upon the wall next to him. The fire blast set off the others and they all began to pound at the walls of the ship.

Megatron whirled around and blasted his own fusion canon into the crowd. "Fools! We are inside a mountain! You bring down the ship and you will crush us all! Save your energy for the enemy!"

Dirge, Thrust, and Hook stumbled out of the crowd, paint peeling off from the blast. Some of the other 'Cons stepped back, but most continued to attack the ship.

Suddenly, Soundwave held up a hand. "Halt." He said. Everyone went quiet at the command. For a moment there was silence, as they tried to figure out what was going on. Then they heard it, a cheerful tune playing from the ventilation system above them.

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me,

A partridge in a pair tree!

Inside Soundwave's chest, Ravage shivered. "I know that song," he said in apprehension.

The next minute, the whole lot of 'Cons were blasted with an avalanche of a kind of cold, white, wet substance. In less than a second, the visibility had been reduced to a couple of inches, and the Decepticons stumbled and shouted in confusion as the avalanche of snow continued to crush them. They were forced to push forward as the hallway began to fill with the stuff.

They stumbled, shoved and shouted in disorientation down the hall. The horde of 'Cons continued to push onward, even as they unknowingly met a fork in the hall, and split in two. For a while longer, it seemed like the blizzard would never end. Eventually though, the last of the snowflakes fell to the floor, and the last of the song lyrics faded in the distance.

Down one hallway was, among others, Megatron, Starscream, Thundercracker, Blitzwing, Astrotrain, Hook, Long Haul, and Scavenger. Down another, Soundwave with his cassettes, Thrust, Ramjet, Dirge, Mixmaster and Bonecrusher. Behind both groups was a solid wall of snow; they had no choice but to push onward.

Hardly without a glance behind him, Soundwave stepped forward. Ahead was a most strange sight, for the walls and ceiling of the hallway were draped with a cloth-like material. The lights were all off except for a few ahead that were flickering quite sporadically, creating an eerie and claustrophobic scene. Inside his chest, his cassettes were wriggling uneasily, so he opened the compartment and Ravage, Rumble, and Frenzy popped out.

"What's with the power outage?" Rumble complained.

Frenzy smirked. "These Autobutts can't even maintain their base, how pathetic!"

Back near the wall of snow, the three coneheads didn't look too eager to push on. "I don't know, maybe we should stay here," Dirge suggested.

"Who's to say that's even leading the right direction?" Thrust added.

Bonecrusher snorted and shoved past. "Wimps." He was followed by Mixmaster, who just gave them a disapproving look.

Thrust scowled. "Just saying! We might have better luck trying to dig our way out."

Ramjet glared at his fellow fliers. "Don't make us look like fools," he growled before turning and following the others, who were by now quite a distance ahead. Thrust and Dirge shared a look before reluctantly following the others into the gloomy hallway.

o~o~o

Just a few hallways over, Blitzwing was pounding the snow wall with all his might. "Fragging white slag can't hold me back!" he was snarling.

Astrotrain watched his fellow triple changer. "I doubt that will do us any good," he remarked.

Blitzwing turned to the mech with such a hateful glower that Astrotrain shrunk away without another word.

Nearby, Megatron roared down the hallway. "OPTIMUS WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU, YOU'LL WISH YOU WERE NEVER SPARKED, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A PRIME!"

Starscream walked by. "Well, yelling about it is sure helping!"

Megatron scowled and grabbed the seeker by a wing and flung him behind him, marching on ahead.

Starscream picked himself up from the floor. "One day, he will pay for that!" the trine leader vowed.

Thundercracker hardly glanced down as he walked past. "Oh I'm sure he will," he said dryly.

The group marched onward, with much huffing of rage from Megatron, Starscream, and Blitzwing. This went on for about a minute, until they were stopped in their path. Up ahead, the distinct form of Bumblebee emerged from a side hallway. He casually strolled out into the open with a large, bazooka-like gun slung over one shoulder and an ammo belt with yellow, plastic objects laying across the other. He stopped once he was in the middle of the hall, and faced the Decepticons.

Megatron grinned nastily and lifted his cannon. "HA! Autobot scum, today you meet your…"

Pop – SQUAK!

"What?" In surprise, Megatron glanced down at the large rubber ducky now stuck to his chest plate. He looked back up with a snarl. "Insolent fool, you will pay for th…"

"AAAAAHHH! DUCKY PATROOOOLLL!" Suddenly, a horde of minibots raced out from behind Bumblebee, each with their own bazooka gun and ammo belt. POP, POP, POP, SQUEEK, SQUEEK, POP, SQUAK! They fired their weapons at the 'Cons and bombarded them with a literal wave of rubber duckies.

The 'Cons could only cringe and wince as they were smacked all over with duckies, nearly all of them sticking to their armor.

"AAAHH!" Still yelling and shouting their battle cry, the minibots turned tail and retreated back through a different hallway.

"Decepticons, attack!" Megatron shouted and led the 'Cons after the Autobots.

The brief chase ended quickly, however, when the Decepticons rounded the corner, and were forced to skid to a halt. There was a single, large figure standing in front of them, snarling down on their helms. "Those Grimlock's DUCKIES! RAAAAAWWR!" The Dinobot roared fiercely and began to charge.

After some back peddling and shouting, the 'Cons made a hasty retreat. Up the hallway they ran, with an angry and very driven Dinobot on their tailpipes.

o~o~o

VOP. "Nope."

VOP. "Nuh uh."

VOP. "Definitely not."

Skywarp wasn't having the best of luck with his warping. Without knowledge of the layout of the Ark, he was finding himself in the strangest of places. Offices, conference rooms, engine rooms, but no command centers.

VOP. "Grah! How hard is it to put a command center exactly where I need it to be?"

Just as he was about to warp away, Skywarp heard shuffling behind him. He turned, to find himself face to face with two Autobots.

"Ah HA!" The seeker cried as he pointed his gun at the two. "Autocruds, tell me where your command center is, and I won't fry your circuits to a crisp!"

Hound immediately raised his weapon at the 'Con, but Mirage held up a hand to stop him. "It's… about three hallways that way," he said as he pointed to their left. "Door at the end of the hall, you can't miss it."

Hound glanced at his friend with a strange expression, but didn't say anything.

"Thank you! Now how hard was that?" said Skywarp, and immediately warped away.

VOP. When he reappeared, he was once again standing in a room that was clearly not the command center. In fact, he was undoubtedly in the Autobots' wash room.

The purple seeker scowled. "Not again! Well… maybe it's just next door. I'd better check." Skywarp began to move towards the door. He didn't get far, however, when he heard a click from a nearby wash head. "Huh?" he wondered, before he was blasted with a shower of some sort of viscous, sticky substance.

Ker-SPLAT! "ARG!" Skywarp cried, sputtering as he stumbled back, trying to get the opaque, sticky substance off of himself. But then there came another click, and he was showered once again, but this time in a very dense cloud of silvery glitter.

"Fraggit!" the seeker cried, now covered in thick layers of glue and glitter. He finally warped out of the booby trapped wash room.

VOP. Earthen walls surrounded him as he now stood in a dark cave. "FRICKIN' FRACKITY FRACK!" Skywarp cursed at his unfortunate luck. He furiously swiped at the glue covering his armor, glue which was already beginning to solidify and feel very uncomfortable.

"Sparkly."

Skywarp whirled around, and found himself face to face with four large and looming Dinobots.

o~o~o

Soundwave continued to lead the way down the hall that was getting increasingly dark and gloomy. As the group pressed on, the sheets on the walls became more and more tattered with rips along them looking suspiciously like claw marks. They had completely left behind the lighted section of the hall, and there was only the occasional flickering ceiling light to show them the way. The coneheads were still hanging out in the back of the group, walking a bit closer to each other than they usually did.

"We're definitely not going the right way," Thrust said.

"Ah, can it!" Frenzy said. "We don't need your whimpering!"

"Just saying! This definitely isn't the way to the Autobots!" Thrust defended himself.

"Well, you're welcome to go back and dig yourself out of that snow wall," Rumble shot back. "Let us know when you break through."

Thrust snarled, but kept his mouth shut after that.

They pressed onward. The rips in the sheets grew in size until there were large gaps which revealed the walls of the ship, which were darker and grimier than the 'Cons would have expected. They saw more claw marks, chains hanging from the walls, and what appeared to be old, dried energon splattered over the sheets, walls, and floor. The sheets along the ceiling also began to droop, and the sides of the hallway seemed to close in on them, intensifying the cramped feeling of the passageway. Those who dared to look up could swear they saw arms and distorted body parts hanging from the sheets and chains.

"Huh, who knew the Autobots had such a dark side," Mixmaster commented.

Before anyone could respond, the hallway was suddenly filled with the sound of an eerie, backstrut-chilling laugh: Eeeee hee hee hee he he yaa haa haa aaaaahh!

All three coneheads nearly jumped out of their armor. Rumble and Frenzy cringed. "Jeez boss bot, don't do that! You know how much that creeps us out!" Rumble said.

Soundwave stopped and silently looked down at his cassette.

"Uh, that was you… wasn't it?" Rumble asked, a little apprehensively.

Ravage began to snarl and glare down the hallway behind them.

"Whu… what is that?!" Ramjet asked in fright as he pointed behind them. They all looked in the direction indicated. What they saw was a dark figure about 50 feet or so behind them, hunched over slightly, and very slowly moving towards them. Every time it lurched forward, a screeching sound accompanied the movement, as if it were dragging one or both of its feet. The group fell silent in apprehension as the figure drew closer. In the darkness, they could just make out the distinct outline of a seeker's frame, large black wings nearly engulfing the entire hallway.

Suddenly, a light above the form flickered to life, revealing the mech's features. It was undoubtedly Starscream! However, the seeker's armor was pitted with holes ringed with rust, his optics were dim and flickering, and his wings were tattered. He was dragging his left foot, which looked painfully mangled. The group of 'Cons cringed back at the sight.

The battered form of Starscream suddenly reached out a hand towards them, and emitted a painful sounding groan. The next minute, he collapsed to the floor, and from his body burst a cloud of tiny, living pieces of metal with tiny optics and teeth. The cloud made a straight shot at the group of 'Cons.

"GYAAAHH! SCRAPLETS!" The horrified 'Cons shrieked. All but Soundwave turned tail and ran for it. They ran as fast as they could, but the cloud was gaining on them.

Suddenly, another invisible barrier stopped them all in their tracks. They slammed into the wall at top speed, squashing each other in the process. After a second of confusion, they shrieked again as the cloud of scraplets hit them. There was a moment of pure panic as they were sure they were about to be ripped to pieces, but then they realized that they were feeling no pain. The scraplets merely passed right through them.

In the moment it took for the group to recover, Dirge pointed to a wall nearby. "Look!"

They looked, and saw right before their optics, words being written in fresh, glowing energon on the wall by some invisible hand. GO AWAY! the words read. Once the words were written, energon began to seep down the walls, and glowing, energon covered footprints appeared on the floor, walking towards them rapidly.

Still in a heightened sense of panic, the 'Cons took off down a nearby hallway.

o~o~o

THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMP! Skywarp was booking it as fast as he could down the hallways of the Ark as Slag, Snarl, Sludge, and Swoop ran after him, their large feet pounding the floor seemed to shake the entire base. "Leave me alone I'm not your chew toy!" The seeker cried as he fled, leaving a trail of sparkles as he went.

He quickly turned a corner, and then another before the Dinobots could see him. He panted as he hid behind a wall, and listened as the four robotic dinosaurs pounded past. "Whew," he said, then wandered forward a little bit, before stopping. "Hm," he mused. "I wonder where the others are?"

Suddenly, a rumbling sound could be heard from either way down the hallway, quickly approaching his position. "Scrap, not again!"

CRASH! Before Skywarp could escape, he was pancaked as two groups of fleeing Decepticons converged at his point at the same time, smashing into each other with a cacophony of cries, clashing metal, and squeaking rubber duckies. There was a moment of confusion as the 'Cons became entangled in each other's limbs.

Starscream, who had run smack dab into Skywarp, shoved the other seeker away, and pulled a face of disgust when he saw his armor was now covered in sparkles. "Ugh, what the frack happened to you, Skywarp?" he questioned snidely as he attempted to brush the glitter off himself.

"Starscream?" Rumble said in awe as he stared at the seeker. "You're not…"

"What? What am I not?" asked Starscream when the cassette trailed off.

"Sparkles?" Their conversation was interrupted by the strange voice. The 'Cons glanced to where the voice had come from, to see the heads of Swoop and Sludge peering at them from around the corner.

"Ugh, not them!" Skywarp complained.

RAAAAAWWWR! The sound of Grimlock's roar reaching their audios caused all of the Decepticons to freeze.

"Fraggit, run!" One of the 'Cons yelled, and the chase was back on as the Decepticon horde did just that. They took off down a fourth hallway, with Grimlock, joined by the rest of the Dinobots, charging after them.

The 'Cons ran for their lives down the hallways of the Ark. The clear, plastic walls continued to shuttle them along. In no time, they were hurtling down a passageway when suddenly:

SPLAT! The front runner – Hook – reeled back as he took a faceful of whipped cream. He stumbled and sputtered. "Arg, pleh, what the…?"

SPLAT SPLAT SPLATTERY SPLATTER SPLAT! Hook was given no time to finish the sentence as he, along with the rest of the Decepticons, were suddenly bombarded with a wave of whipped cream pies. They all sputtered and attempted to shield themselves, but it was no use, the barrage seemed never ending. And with the sounds of the pursuing Dinobots growing closer, they had no choice but to press on through the pieway.

As Megatron ran and dodged pies, he suddenly felt something tighten around his foot. Next thing he knew he was being hoisted into the air by a snare. "AAAARRRGH!" He cried in rage as he was left dangling upside down in the air, completely exposed to the barrage of pies flying his way. The rest of the 'Cons hardly noticed the absence off their leader as they continued to flee.

"DECEPTICONS, WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!" Megatron shouted as the pies continued to smack him. "RETURN TO ME!"

"DUCKIES!" The sound of Grimlock's voice filled the hallway as he thundered in. He spotted the whipped cream and ducky covered Decepticon leader dangling from the ceiling, and charged him. "MIIIIINE!" Grimlock then chomped down on Megatron, squeaking the duckies and shaking the 'Con like a rag doll.

"GRAH! FOOL, CRETIN, RELEASE ME YOU INSOLENT OVERGROWN LITHIUM LIZARD! RAAAHH!"

o~o~o

Outside, Tracks and Smokescreen were lounging just behind the tree line, in view of the Ark. The Decepticons had disappeared into their base about twenty minutes ago, and all had been quite since then.

Smokescreen turned to Tracks. "It's been a while, do you think we should go in and help?"

"Hmm," Tracks mused. "The way Jazz just let them in, I'm sure they have a plan in motion. They'll be fine." The mech then casually leaned back against a tree.

"I suppose that sounds reasonable," Smokescreen agreed. He leaned back as well. "Prowl always has a plan to get things done in the quickest and most efficient way possible."

The two mechs enjoyed a moment of peace, until it was shattered by the doors to the Ark bursting open and a flood of Decepticons spilling out of the ship. The horde left behind a trail of whipped cream, rubber duckies, and even some silvery glitter, as they fled. They wasted no time in taking off into the air.

Tracks turned to Smokescreen. "Seems like things went pretty well to me."

The next moment, two more Decepticons emerged from the ship: Soundwave, and a completely pathetic and battered looking Megatron.

The leader of the Decepticons raised a fist to his fleeing soldiers, and even from where they were sitting, Tracks and Smokescreen could hear him shout: "COWARDS, RETURN AND FIGHT! FIGHT I SAY! GYAA!" Megatron suddenly jumped several meters when Grimlock appeared behind him and took a snap at the 'Con's aft. After that, he was quick to leap into the air as his 'cowardly' army had done. Followed by his loyal communications officer, Megatron swiftly flew off. But not before turning to the Autobot's base one last time. "CURSE YOU OPTIMUS PRIME! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS, PAAAYY!" Then he turned for good and flew off into the distance.

o~o~o

Most of the Autobots had joined Red Alert in his security room during the Decepticon's invasion, and were busy busting their metaphorical guts after what they had just watched on the security cameras. Jazz slapped Bumblebee on the back. "Great job, Bee! You'n your 'Bots really got 'em good!"

"Aw, jeez," Bumblebee said bashfully. "I think Grimlock's the real star of the show here!"

Wheeljack leaned in. "Couldn't have done anything without any of my inventions!" He said with an obvious grin behind his mask.

Jazz chuckled. "Ya did good too, 'Jack. 'Specially getting' that snow machine workin' again!"

Red Alert, who overheard their conversation, looked to Wheeljack suspiciously. "You do know where it is now, don't you?"

"Of course!" The inventor insisted. "It's just, uh, hm," he said as he glanced at the Insta-Blizzard's remote control. "It's… somewhere in the left half of the Ark."

Red Alert didn't look too happy, but before he could scold the inventor, Optimus Prime and Prowl stepped into the room. They were greeted with a resounding cheer from his troops, all who were still drunk on excitement from their success.

"Autobots," Optimus addressed the room, and the mechs died down. "I want to thank and congratulate you all, for we could not have pulled off this victory if it weren't for the efforts of each and every one of you. I doubt the Decepticons will be paying us a visit anytime soon."

The 'Bots in the room laughed.

Optimus continued. "And although this 'prank war' that had been going on for some time was not an officially sanctioned exercise," and here, Prowl's doorwings drooped slightly, even though the Prime hadn't address him directly. "I do believe that because of it, we have become stronger as an army. Although, next time you decide to hold an unofficial… battle simulation, I would very much like to be included." He received a few chuckles at that. "And so, in celebration of our victory, everyone will get the rest of today and tomorrow off!"

The room burst into cheers again.

"Not until after clean up," Prowl firmly put in, and the Autobots's cheers died into disappointed exclamations.

"Dude," Jazz spoke up. "Give it a rest, a'right?"

Prowl frowned. "The hallway in sector 3E of the ship is completely blocked by snow, the one in sector 1C filthy with whipped cream, the wash racks are basically unusable…" he was cut off when Optimus placed a large hand on his shoulder.

"Prowl, you get the time off too," the Prime said gently.

"But…" Prowl began to protest, but Optimus shook his head.

"We'll worry about it later."

As mechs began to file out of the room, already planning on how to spend their free time, Prowl walked over and sat down next to Jazz. Nearby, Red Alert was furiously reviewing every security camera he had.

"Pretty good plan, huh?" Jazz grinned at the tactician.

"Hm," Prowl responded as he watched the security feeds flicker by on the monitors. "You were merely utilizing an available resource."

"Ha, well, jus' imagine what it would've been like if we didn' have all this prank stuff when the 'Cons attacked. I think th' prank war saved all our hides!"

Prowl turned to the saboteur with a frown. "Have you ever stopped to consider the fact that it was because of the prank war that the Decepticons thought we were weak? They attacked because of the prank war, which I helped initiate. We were attacked because of me."

In response, Jazz guffawed loudly, earning himself a glare from Red Alert. "What? Dude, Prowl, no. The 'Cons could've attacked for any number of reasons. You heard th' Prime, the prankin' made us stronger! I believe that!"

The tactician merely turned back to the monitors, deep in thought. Jazz harrumphed and leaned back in his chair. A few moments of silence passed, before the doors to the security room opened and Sideswipe walked in.

"Hey Prowl," he said as he walked up next to the tactician and leaned against the table. "So… we make a pretty good team."

Prowl turned a suspicious look to the red mech. "We do when you follow my orders," he shot back.

Sideswipe shrugged. "Yeah, well, the point's still the same. Anyway, how about, for the time being, we call a truce?" He then held out a hand to the other mech, an innocent smile plastered onto his face.

Both Prowl and Jazz stared at the hand, then at the wide grin on the mech's face in suspicion. "Yeah, right," said Jazz.

Sideswipe pulled a hurt look. "Aw, why can't I be trustworthy for once?"

Prowl stared at the mech, analyzing. "How long would 'for the time being' be?"

Sideswipe shrugged. "I dunno, couple of days maybe."

"Make it a week and I'll let you off your first prank lightly."

"Deal!" Sideswipe grinned again when Prowl shook his hand. "Glad to do business with you, Prowl!" he said, then practically skipped out of the room.

Jazz smirked. "Y' think he can hold out for a week?"

"I doubt it," said Prowl. "But, he has been known to surprise me."

Jazz chuckled and leaned back. "Well, as much as I hate t' see th' prank war end, it will be good to get things back t' normal."

Nearby, Red Alert was grumbling. "Fragging pranks, going to get us all killed one of these days. Look at that hallway, completely out of sight! There could be a fragging Decepticon right there and I wouldn't even know it! Is that camera askew? I bet somebody did that on purpose, just to fragging mess with me."

"Just like old times."

Author's Notes: The idea to throw scraplets into this story was an idea from Worstcase... a looong time ago! I didn't forget, so thank you Worstcase!

Anyway, you guys, there's one more chapter left! I will do my best to get it out as soon as I can, and then, I will finally be rid of this ridiculous story! Stay tuned!