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A/N: And here we, another cliffhanger over... ;) Enjoy and thank you!
Fifty Degrees of Love – Chapter Twenty-Three
With blood boiling the moment his saw Leila sitting there on Ana's bed whilst Ana slept burnt into his retinas, Christian had no remorse. He pulled Leila from the bed and didn't care one bit when she hit the wall to stop her from falling over. He had no idea what she was doing here but, she had made it pretty convincing by gaining herself a nurse's uniform and pretending to be one. He was livid and if he wasn't careful he would start foaming at the mouth at how angry he was, at how tricked he felt by her that night. Of course, he didn't forget his role but, Leila knew his marital status, she knew who he chose in the past – he chose Ana. Yet Leila didn't stop him from wanting to do the deed with her. Not that night anyway.
The thought really was making him feel ready to gag.
Feeling the movement of her bed jolted Ana awake and the moment she saw Leila sobriety hit veins and she was wide awake. Then that crushing pain that felt like someone was standing on her chest, bouncing a little to make the ribs begin to crack and break beneath the pressure attacked her.
Leila was in her hospital room and her and Christian were in a heated moment. His face was taunt and tense with an oncoming growl whereas Leila's was soft and full of plea. Watching her Ana felt her heart sink and her swim as she remembered the night Leila was brought back to Escala. Her husband almost slept with that woman and right while she had been in the other room. He had planned for that, had imagined it, fuck, had wanted it.
"Why are you here?" Christian asked, unimpressed with the lack of diligence to his security. He, at one time, didn't remember hiring them but, they were the newest recruits to Taylor's teamed and the less informed and he hated that they were manning the door. "How did you know Ana was here?"
Leila laughed, "She's Christian Grey's wife, the whole of Seattle knows. She became famous when she cheated you into marrying her." Looking to Ana, Leila didn't hold back, "I thought I understood why he picked you but, I don't understand now. Why would he want someone that he has to look after now?" She asked and even as Christian prevented her moving forward the venom still dripped from her lips, "You're worthless if you're like this! You cannot feed his needs and yearnings! You cannot fulfil him like I can. You are useless."
"And you are done!" Christian barked and began to remove her from the room and place her into his security's useless hands when a voice stopped him going further than he was already.
"I'll tell you why he wants me," Ana choked up, finding her voice in amongst all of the physical and emotional pain she was unwillingly trapped in. "Christian fell in love with me the moment he saw me. We were drawn to each other and he gave me the chance when I asked for more. He didn't run from it like he had all his other subs. He didn't even care when I didn't submit like you all did. I found my voice in our relationship and I made damn sure I used it and was heard. If I didn't like something I didn't safe word to make it stopped, I made him change it so we met in the middle. Our entire relationship is built on what we both want, not what he needs because he doesn't need whips and chains and woman bound to his bed. He needs me, a wife, a woman that loves all of his fuckedupness and doesn't even batter a lash. He needs love and attention and adoration even when he believes he doesn't deserve it. He needs me," Ana starting to close her summation, "He doesn't need you or any other of his 14 subs. You're worthless when compared to me."
Leila looked defeated for a moment and then her anger built, "Loved you so much he forgot you."
"He forgot you too, you psychotic bitch!" Ana spat back, sitting up too fast for her protesting side. "So don't you even dare say that to me when it's me that he is falling back in love with! He didn't even care for you when I chased you out of our apartment. He didn't even stop me threatening you so who does he really care for more?" She asked clasping her side as though her anger was going to start seeping from her incision wound.
Christian wanted to go to Ana, help her, soothe her, do whatever to make this moment disappear. However, he could fee Leila beginning to quiver with anger and he had to shake his head to shift the headache attacking. In doing so, he sent the memories flying into his head and he remembered the night he found Leila and Ana face to face, Leila with a gun and Ana trying to talk the situation down. He remembered Leila's easy submission and him nearly losing Ana as a result. Leila was volatile and Christian wasn't going to let her do real damage.
"I can forgive him for everything he has said and done to me. Even forgetting me is forgiven but, I will never forgive you for even taking advantage of him. I am not calling him a saint because we all know he isn't," She looked to Christian to prove that she didn't hate his sinning side, she loved his imperfections. "I know our love will get us through this because he loves me enough to come back to me," Ana paused a moment, her gaze laying onto Leila and even though her energy was dwindling she still had the power to unnerve Leila, "To remember me and how much he loves me."
"You don't love her that much," Leila commented and spun around even with Christian's grasp on her wrist. "I love you, Christian," Leila told him tentatively and as she dared reach for his chest he swiped it away so forcefully she was made to cup her reddened hand. "I will always love you, Master."
Ana watched Christian almost grieve that term that used to whole such endearment. He was like salt on a wound to him now, cracking open a past he had survived and didn't want to be cast back to. He looked assaulted by the term 'master' now and he showed no potential to thrive upon it. It only seemed to live on the anger it thrust into his body.
"I am not your master and I never will be again," Christian began to say to her, his jaw clenched with his attempt to remain calm in the situation. "I don't love you, Leila. Our relationship was purely consensual fucking. You were my submissive; I didn't love you enough to make you more than that. I only used you." Christian leaned in, "You were never enough for me. You will never be enough and I will never love you." Leila went to slap Christian but, unlike with Ana, he caught her hand before she made contact and felt control place itself in his body. This time in a good way. "I wouldn't dare think about adding assault onto the trouble you already are in for being here."
Leila huffed unhappily and turned to Ana, "I wish you had died. Then I could have been the one he loves. If you had never came into his life I could have gotten him back!"
"No, you couldn't have," Ana replied and slowly settled back down to her pillows knowing her body was done. She could feel how much the stress and strain had had an effect and she knew she was going to pay a beauty. "I've got too much to live for, Leila."
"I'm not done here," Leila countered threatening Ana. "You haven't seen the last of me. You'll wish you'd never met Christian Grey when I'm done."
"That's enough!" Christian broke his silence. His last nerve finally snapping under that threat but, he noticed that Ana didn't even show a glimmer of fear and that just empowered him more to remove Leila from the room. However, he needed to put his two cents in and then he would be successfully done here. "Going to listen to me, Leila?"
Leila just nodded finding fear in Christian's incensed demeanour.
"The woman behind me has survived so much that I'm pretty sure she is indestructible. In the beginning she accepted me for me, not for that lifestyle. She loved me unconditionally regardless of my actions and when I realised she wasn't like, she wasn't a submitting slave, I realised I had a real woman. Someone that wasn't with me to please me with her actions. Oh no, Anastasia pleased me by giving me her heart and finding mine. I married her because I found love above a lifestyle of BDSM. I don't need that. That won't keep me happy for the rest of my life. The woman behind me will. So I think it's time you left Leila, and never came back," Christian ended with a smile on his face. He remembered his life with Ana. It was all there, back in his mind where it should have been.
And Leila needed to go. Opening the door, he threw Leila out and barked an order at Sawyer and Taylor and then slammed the door closed. Throwing Leila out like he had gave Christian a burst of control. He had made a notion to prevent her from coming into his life and now he was making sure it stayed that way. For good. Going back into the room, he saw Ana trying to stop herself from reacting. The moment they looked at each other, Christian saw how Leila affected Ana. It was so raw and real, that Christian felt a part of himself die.
That night was all about his greed and need and he hadn't thought about Ana. At that moment in time he hadn't really cared for her. However, now he did and he was swamped to drowning point at how much guilt he had acuminated for himself. He had made Ana feel like she wasn't wanted and he had made her feel unloved. He saw that now and he wanted to never see it again.
He loved her. He wanted her. He needed her. All of those screamed at him and made him react and he rushed to her side, climbed onto the bed so he was on her unhurt side and just pulled her into his arms. Nothing felt more right than those actions he had just placed into motion.
For the first time in weeks, Christian held Ana tightly in his arms and allowed her to cry. He felt her move, her head and hand coming to her chest and for once he didn't feel as if he had been bitten by something and needed to get rid of it. Her palm burnt him and he found it pleasurable. He was healing her and she was healing him. Finally she became completely undone and he knew it wasn't healthy for her but she needed a proper release. She had to fall for him and trust him to catch her. He just hoped she saw he was willing to do that now. He would catch her every little fall, even if it was at her own clumsiness.
Ana reached up and grabbed a piece of shirt as she sobbed her heart out. She might have done it a lot over the weeks but, she was so glad to having someone there to look after her and hold her. This time she had her husband to cry to and not the four walls of a room. And suddenly she felt herself able to calm down. Unlike before she could hiccup a few sobs and look at her husband.
"I've missed you so much," She whispered and sniffled. "I just, I don't know how to survive without you, Christian. I don't want to do this ever again. I just want to grow old with you and see you every day. I don't ever want to feel like you don't love me."
"Oh God," Christian gasped at her, "I-I don't have words to explain how sorry I am, Ana, but I have promises to live forever making it up to you. I know you don't see me needing forever to do that but, right now I have to make up for being how I was. That's my prerogative." He took a deep breath, "I just want to love you and work on for this."
"And we can," she whispered to him as she began to calm completely. "I wish you would wear your ring again," Ana commented as her left hand took to his and she noted his empty wedding finger. It still sent a painful pang into her heart and cut her up but, she knew one day life would be like this was another closed chapter to their life.
Reaching into his pocket, Christian brought out the gold band that hadn't left his finger until the day he threw it at his wife as though to metaphorically end their marriage. "I put it back on after your surgery but, when you told me you would give me divorce to make me happy and to end the hell you were living I couldn't wear it without knowing your thought on it. I wasn't making you happy anymore and that said it all. I had ruined everything."
Ana watched his gaze drop and she moved minimally, "Look at me," Ana asked of him gently. When he looked to her she felt him come and wipe the tears away from her cheeks and cup her hand so gently, "I never want to divorce you. That is one of the things my nightmares are made up, Christian. Do you understand?" She asked and he nodded, "I never imagined to have to be that strong but, I would do it all over again. Before you I wouldn't have been that strong but, I can't stop being strong and loving you and that's because of what you've done to me, Christian. God, you loved me even after everything and you waited for me. You loved me in more ways than any other man could love a woman. You fixed me after I was broken."
"But you did leave," Christian admitted. Even though he felt himself to be back where he was before the attack, he found it all fresh and knew.
"Part of our story," Ana gave him a playful smile. "God, we have some love story to tell our grandkids one day, Mr. Grey." She then reached for the wedding ring in his closed hand and slid it back onto his finger, a smile growing as it took its place, "Perfect," she whispered and laced her fingers to his.
"It is perfect," Christian observed pleasantly as he pulled her tight against him and allowed her to settle. "Everything's going to be okay now," Christian remarked and kissed into her hair, taking in her natural scent that soothed him. "I have you back where you belong," Christian mumbled as he settled. "Right in my arms."
Ana went rigid at that. He had told her that the night before hell broke loose scarring her life with its profanities and evil.
"I remember and I won't forget again. Not when you're here," He vowed knowing that if his memory lapsed he wouldn't be able to stop it. "We're both where we belong."
"Right in each other's arms?" Ana asked and moved stiffly to look up at him, blue meeting grey in a fierce moment.
"Right in each other's arms," He confirmed and finally lowered his lips to her, feeling the rush of endorphins and adrenaline that only Ana gave him. The kissed was the final piece to sealing their life back together.
He was finally right where he belonged.