Chapter 51: A Man

Jack Dennison looked at his family scattered about his son's living room. Nigel and Tommy were smashing cars up in a video game. His wife and daughter were sitting on the floor with Angie, punching out doll clothes from a Colonial Times Fashion book they had bought on their Freedom Trail tour that afternoon. It was good to see the whole family together again, but since he had no interest in video games or doll clothes, he wandered into the kitchen.

"Need any help?"

Kurt smiled as he sprayed the electric grill with PAM. "Nigel usually makes the salad, but Tommy's keeping him busy."

"Sure." Jack opened the fridge door. "Anything special you want?"

"We're not picky. Whatever you feel like throwing together."

Jack selected from the produce the boys had finally gotten around to buying, and Kurt started to grill the chicken. He had been trying to get a read on Nigel's father all day. He seemed nice enough. He was good with his grandchildren, caring with his wife and daughter. He was friendly to Kurt. But Nigel was right; Jack was awkward with his son. He never quite looked at Nigel. Kurt couldn't figure the man out.

"Nigel says you taught him how to make salads."

Jack laughed. "Yeah, when the kids were young, Kate worked nights for a while. I couldn't cook, and Kate didn't want them living on McDonald's." Jack shrugged. "So I improvised. Some of it was pretty terrible, but the kids thought it was funny, that Dad didn't know what he was doing." He smiled at Kurt, remembering. "It was, actually, a lot of fun."

Kurt took a deep breath. It was now, or never! "Nigel thinks you're ashamed of him."

Jack stared down at the red pepper he was slicing, and didn't say anything.

Kurt stared at the other man in shock. Nigel was right! "Why?"

Jack looked at the young man his son was living with. "I'm not sure that's any of your business, Kurt."

Kurt met Jack's eyes. "Nigel is my business."

Jack nodded, as if Kurt had confirmed something. "I'm not ashamed, not exactly. It's more disappointed. I want Nigel to be a man."

Kurt was confused. "I don't understand. Nigel is a wonderful person. He's a great brother, and uncle. He did well in school. He's got a job he loves. What else do you want?"

Jack shook his head and reached for a cucumber.

"Are you saying he's not a man, because he's gay?" Kurt felt like he was feeling his way in the dark, trying to fit the pieces together.

Jack looked up and Kurt saw it in his eyes. That's exactly what the man thought! This they couldn't fix. This they would never be able to fix!

Kurt never felt it coming, one minute he was staring at Jack in shock. And the next minute, he was trembling with anger, words spewing from his mouth. "I don't believe this! Really? This is about sex? Would you feel better if I told you that Nigel fucks me? Would that make him more of a man?"

"Okay, I admit it. You're just better than I am." Nigel tossed the control away in disgust.

Tommy grinned. "Duh!"

Nigel stood and stretched. "A little more respect please, for the man who helps you with your math homework."

Tommy started a new game. "Math!" Nigel's nephew snorted. "Like I care."

Nigel swatted the back of Tommy's head, as he walked behind the couch on his way to the kitchen. "I'm going to help Kurt."

Steps away from the kitchen, Nigel heard Kurt's raised voice, and started to run. He arrived just in time to witness his boyfriend's explosion. "Kurt!"

Totally ignoring his father, Nigel plastered himself to Kurt, burrowing into arms that wrapped around him automatically. "Don't say that. That's not us. You know that's not us!"

Kurt held Nigel close, their faces pressed together, his fingers in Nigel's hair. "It's okay. I don't care what he thinks about me."

Nigel pulled his head back to look into Kurt's eyes. He touched Kurt's cheek with gentle fingers, and kissed the younger man. "I do."

He turned in Kurt's arms, and spoke to his father. "I belong to Kurt."

Jack look at the young men. His son leaned back against his boyfriend, Kurt's arms protective around him. "You love each other?"

Not even a hesitation. The two words came as one, YES!

Jack nodded, a grin spreading over his face. "Okay, good. That's good, really good." For the first time in years Jack looked directly at his son. "Really good." He turned to leave the kitchen, and Nigel grabbed his arm.

"That's it? That's all you're going to say?" Nigel pushed his father on to one stool, and sat beside him.

Jack looked at his son, and at Kurt, leaning on the counter beside Nigel. "Kurt said you thought I was ashamed of you. I wasn't. I was ashamed of myself for not raising you better. I wanted you to be a man, and until now, I thought you weren't." Jack looked at Kurt. "It's not about who fucks who, I couldn't care less about that." Jack waved a hand at the two young men, encompassing their relationship. "This is what it means to be a man, to commit to someone and build a life. That's what I raised you to do. That's what I want for you."

Nigel felt Kurt standing behind him, and relinquished his stool. When Kurt sat, Nigel sat in his lap, one arm around Kurt's waist. He watched his father carefully, but he didn't see the disgust he expected. His father didn't even look uncomfortable. He looked pleased.

There was a missing link here, and Kurt had to connect the dots. "You thought that being gay meant Nigel couldn't love someone?"

Jack shrugged. "When Nigel sent us that email in his sophomore year, I didn't know anything about being gay. So I got on the internet. It was all booze, drugs, sex, and dance clubs. And what was it? Oh, white parties. That's when I knew I had failed as a father, and you were never going to be a man."

"I hate to break it to you, Dad, but straight guys party too."

Now Nigel saw disgust in his father's face. "Well, they may be straight but they're not men. That's not how a man lives his life. Perennial Peter Pans, that's not what I wanted for you." Jack slumped on his stool. "You have no idea how scared I was for you. And I couldn't talk to you about it, because you never came home. You moved out of residence to help Claire, and we still never saw you. The more time passed the harder it was to talk."

Jack looked at the entwined young men, sitting across from him. "And then I heard Kurt's name." He turned to his son, a teasing glint in his eye. "Not that you ever told me anything! No, but I heard from Claire, and my grandchildren. Kurt took me to see a movie, Kurt took me shopping, Kurt showed me how to change a tire, Kurt says…"

The boys laughed as Jack rolled his eyes. "Claire told Kate that Kurt was here for the summer, with you. And I thought maybe Google was wrong?"

Kurt smiled at Jack. "Google wasn't wrong. A lot of guys live like that, both straight and gay. We're just kind of boring."

They ate dinner scattered around the living room, on the couch, on cushions, on the floor. They laughed and talked, and told stories about Claire and Nigel when they were kids. They debated plans for Sunday, trying to decide between the Duck Tour and the Salem Witch Museum.

Kate finished eating, and took her plate into the kitchen. On the way back to the living room, she stopped and looked into Nigel's bedroom again. It was pretty empty, and that waste basket come night table had to go.

"Nigel" Kate sat on the floor and leaned against her husband. "I know you might not be in Boston for long, but you have to buy some night tables. That wastebasket is just too small, and it's not stable. I assume you wouldn't be happy if the lube fell off at a critical time."

The whole room went silent. The kids looked at the adults, not knowing what was going on. Nigel choked on his chicken, and Kurt pounded his back, his own face in flames.

"Mom!"

"What? It's true."

Claire laughed first, and then Jack, and soon even Nigel was laughing at himself.

"See." Claire waved her fork in the air. "Talking is good."

Kurt put an arm around Nigel. "Thank you, Mrs. Dennison. We'll get right on that."

"You're welcome, honey." Kate beamed at Kurt. "And call me Kate."