Chapter 40:

The Quell is over. I just can't believe it.

Haymitch is inconsolable- and I have no solace left, no handle on things anyway- I am still trying to process everything myself. With a pat on the shoulder, I thank him again, ask if there is anything else I can do, and I hope he can't detect the obligatory tone in my voice. He shakes his head with his hand over his face, embarrassed, gesturing for me to go ahead and leave. I tell him I will see him soon- I wonder if Prim will be back by tonight- and then run to the twelfth floor of the Training Center tower to see Peeta. I don't know if Peeta has any comfort left, either- I can't expect him to, after what happened with his brother- but I need it, I need the security I feel when he holds me close to him- I'm just hoping that he'll oblige. En route, I see Effie, and I beg her to go see Haymitch at the bar. I'm not sure how capable she is of relating to us, of feeling empathy towards the rebellion- but perhaps she can find something to say to Haymitch that doesn't come off as condescending. Though I don't hold my breath, I am relieved that at least there will be someone else to check on him.

When I reach Peeta's room, he's not there. I search the entire floor frantically for a few minutes, before realizing that if Peeta really wanted to clear his mind, he wouldn't be here anyway. I run up the stairs, two-at-a-time, to the roof. I find him looking over the railing at the edge, down on the horde of celebrating Capitol citizens. He doesn't hear me join him.

I speak quietly. "It's over."

Peeta jumps in surprise, but then slowly turns around to face me. His eyes are analytical, observing me carefully, gauging my expression. He looks as though he wants to ask me a million questions, but restrains himself. "I figured," he says simply, tilting his head downward towards the Capitol celebration. He grows quiet, looking at me expectantly, waiting for me to speak again.

I get only two more words out before a lump builds up in my throat, precluding further speech. "Prim won."

Relief floods his face. "Oh, Katniss," he says, walking the few steps that distanced us and sweeping me into a huge hug. His arms around me give me the security I need to let myself be completely vulnerable, and I break down in his embrace, lump in throat dissolving as I begin sobbing uncontrollably. He just holds me close, gently moving his hand up and down my back as I cry on his shoulder, literally. After a minute, I've released enough tension to be able to think again, communicate. I sniffle and wipe my eyes, looking up at him. He is looking back at me with loving eyes, but they seem concerned. "Are at least a few of those tears of joy?"

I nod. "But not all of them," I reply. I take a deep breath before I speak again shakily. "Districts 3, 4, and 8 staged an arena-break. Everyone's been killed. Annella, Jack, and Mouseface have all been disqualified," my voice breaks as I tear up again, "and they're being executed tomorrow. At noon."

Peeta's bright blue eyes turn as round as saucers. He was likely in the only place that he could have been where he would not have heard the Capitol's announcement firsthand. The protective dome around the roof seemed to muffle distinct voices, and we were too high up anyway. "Wow," he says, flabbergasted, horrified.

My face begins to crumple once more. "Shhhhh," Peeta says gently, taking me into his arms again. "Sshhhh," he softly traces circles in my hair. He doesn't say anything else, though. What can he say?

I continue to bawl in his arms. My relief that Prim is coming back is palpable, but it is concurrent with heartbreak at the loss of everything else- all of our Progress against the Capitol. I feel utter hopelessness- things have to be started over from scratch. I repeat the same things to Peeta that Haymitch did to me, and that I said to him just a minute ago. "We lost," I whisper, "It's over."

Peeta shakes his head. "No," he says. He puts his hands firmly on my shoulders, holding me to an arms' length away from him, and looks at me earnestly. "No, Katniss," he repeats, more emphatically. He shakes me ever-so-slightly. "We didn't lose because this isn't over. It isn't over to you, or to me. Or to Haymitch. Or to anybody else that was involved, or to anyone who wanted to be. And if the Capitol carries out that horrible injustice tomorrow at noon, if we can't stop them first, than there will be people watching that finally understand their deliberate cruelty for the first time. Tomorrow will be only the beginning."

There goes Peeta, saying the right thing again, reassuring me. But his words have my mind wandering a bit…and for the first time all day, I find myself smiling, just a little. I put my hands up to my shoulders, grasping the back of his hands with mine, before straightening my elbows, pulling our arms to our sides. I interlock my fingers with his.

"It will be only the beginning," I repeat softly. "Something else is happening tomorrow. Apparently we're getting hitched. At four."

Peeta cocks an eyebrow, trying to be coy, but his eyes have already given him away- they're lit up like Christmas morning- well, as bright as any Christmas morning can possibly be without your brother there. He swings our arms back and forth. "Hmmm," he muses, attempting to be casual in spite of himself. "How about that."

"How about it." His expression is enough to make me grateful that he is the one I'm marrying, if I have to marry anyone at all. Though I've always been strong, or at least forced myself to be- when I'm with Peeta, I can be weak, I can break down in his arms like I did just now, and he won't look at me any differently. Since I've always needed to be strong for Prim, and for my Mom, I'm quickly realizing that it's a pretty priceless feeling. I couldn't have gone to anyone else but him today. I think about how I felt when I first found out that Prim was going into the arena, how I had to escape everyone I knew and be alone as I cried through it. I'll never have to do that anymore. It's tremendously comforting.

Peeta leans over and kisses my cheek, in a spot very close to the edge of my lips. "No matter what else happens tomorrow, I'm happy at how much I have 4:00 p.m. to look forward to, my fiancé," he says softly in my ear. Then he drops one of my hands but tightens his grip on the other one as he slowly leads me back inside.

When we get back to the 12th floor of the Training Center tower, we aren't alone. There are several people from the Capitol there, none of whom I recognize except for Cinna. I give him a gigantic hug, squeezing him fiercely. Cinna holds me for a minute but then gently lets me go.

"Hi Katniss. Hi Peeta," he gestures to the people behind him, "These are chefs in the Capitol bakery. They're here to help you honor your request from the wedding special that aired several weeks back." Cinna is looking at Peeta as he says this.

For a second, Peeta looks completely confused, but then realization becomes evident on his face. His eyes light up again- not quite as much as when I told him we were getting married tomorrow, but enough to let me know that this is a pretty cool thing. "Oh. Okay," he says, a little confused, but excited nonetheless.

Cinna continues. "They're going to need you to go with them. There's no way you'll be able to prepare everything by yourself; especially not for as many people as the Capitol has invited. So they're going to need you the rest of the evening to instruct them on what to do tomorrow, and get started with whatever prep work you need to complete tonight. And if you're going to be frosting the cake yourself, you'll need to do that sometime before tomorrow morning, too."

Peeta nods, with a look of determination on his face. "Okay, I guess I had better get to work." He walks over to me and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. When I look up at him, I see that he has a thousand different expressions on his face at the same time. But the one that I see most is adoration; he has a slight smile on his lips. "I love you, Katniss. I'll come see you as soon as I'm done," he whispers.

I just nod, I only told Peeta willfully that I loved him today; surely he doesn't expect me to repeat it now in front of so many strangers? I even think that the words I have to say tomorrow, like 'I do,' will be easier. But I kiss my finger and gently touch his lips, giving him a little grin. This seems to satisfy him for now. He turns and walks away, with the rest of the Capitol bakers in tow.

Then it is just Cinna and I, and I ask him what the plans are for this evening. Cinna doesn't take long to fill me in. "It's the presentation of the victor," he explains. "Prim is with the rest of the prep team- she has been since this morning. She didn't sustain any significant injuries, so she hasn't needed to spend any time in the hospital wing. Since the Quell was only four days, we have enough time to fix her up by tonight," he explains. "The Gamemakers overwhelmingly felt that having a recap of the Games and talking about Prim's victory would be best before the wedding, so that unfortunately doesn't leave us with much time. Peeta won't be able to attend, since he'll be busy in the bakery. Haymitch is appearing as Prim's mentor. So your attendance at the ceremonies is strictly optional. If you don't want to go, the Capitol will explain that you wanted to rest before your big day, since you were already assured that Prim would be by your side the next evening for the ceremony. But if you want to go, that's fine, too."

I hesitate. What I want, more than anything, is to spend time with Prim alone- hug her, cuddle up next to her, and talk about the last four days with her safely in my arms. But that won't happen until later tonight, whether I attend or not. And I hate the idea of sitting in the audience, without Peeta or Haymitch or anyone else beside me, and waving to the people of the Capitol, pretending to be thrilled about the Quell's outcome because I got my sister back. I am not.

I decide to solicit information from Cinna. "Have you talked to Prim about it yet? Does she want me to be there?"

Cinna responds carefully. "I've already spoken to her. She wants to spend time with you as soon as she can. But she knows it won't happen at the television special. So she understands either way."

My sentiments exactly. Tomorrow's going to be ridiculously long anyway, so I decide to decline, and Cinna nods in understanding. He adds, "Okay, then, Katniss, I'm going to get back to her. I'll send her to you as soon as I can."

I nod in reply. "Thanks for understanding. Make her beautiful, Cinna." He smiles at me and hugs me again before exiting the room.

Left alone, the special not to air for another couple of hours, I lay on the couch in the silent sitting room, thinking. About a lot of things, but one in particular. Something that Peeta mentioned about the planned executions by the Capitol. If we can't stop them first. I wonder what he means. Can we?