A/N: Well, maybe this will be just a little longer than I thought. Don't worry, I'll let you know when I'm done :)
Chapter 44:
When I see Peeta, I find that I am unable to look away. He is dressed well, looks good- but I don't take much notice to any of that. It's his expression that captivates me. As he watches me his eyes are completely lit up - like he is the luckiest guy in the world- and underneath the awe written out on his face is a look of the purest love and devotion. It becomes crystal clear in my mind; this is what Peeta wants, and he'll do anything for me. I think of Haymitch's words in reference to marrying me. He wants it to be real. Well, here it is. It may not have been my idea, but I don't think it can get any more real than me walking towards him in a white dress, ready to say vows that will bond me to him forever. Maybe this wedding is supposed to be for show- but it sure doesn't feel like it.
My mom says something to the priest or officiant or whoever and moves away from me, unclasping her hand from mine and sitting down in the first row. I immediately shift my hand to relieve the other one of the entire weight of my extraordinarily heavy bouquet. Peeta scoots in and stands next to me. As he does, the groomsmen- Paca, along with Haymitch and Cinna- become visible in my eye line. Paca looks devastated, but is standing strong for his brother- well, both of them. I've never seen Haymitch or Cinna look better- they are dressed in tuxedos, clean-shaven, and impeccably groomed- even Cinna's gold eyeliner looks more dazzling than usual. Haymitch is actually sober and gives me a little grin. The priest begins speaking about love and devotion and humans and the beginning of time. I don't even pay the tiniest bit of attention.
As I stand there next to Peeta, my mind unexpectedly wanders to the macabre, until all I can think about is the fact that Annella, Mouseface, and Jack were standing on this stage just a few short hours ago, cruelly being put to their deaths. We are standing on plush runners, but surely somewhere just underneath us are the trapdoors that released the tributes until they were hanging in the air. The frenzy of last-minute wedding preparations that were thrust upon me, along with seeing my mother and Prim, robbed me of the chance to mourn them. It seems strange to want to do it now, in the middle of my wedding ceremony. But standing where the executions actually happened makes it impossible for me to not think about the tributes, and I feel compelled to thank them again, for sacrificing their lives for the rebellion- whether they intended to or not. I make a steadfast promise to them, and to myself, that their deaths won't be in vain. And as I do, tears begin to fill my eyes, and the weight of the dozens of roses in my hands feels even heavier as my arms begin to shake. The priest is still drabbling on about marriage traditions of the distant past.
Just then, I catch Peeta looking at me out of the corner of my eye, and he tilts his head just a bit so that he can see me better. In his expression, I see complete understanding- he knows I'm not tearing up because of what the minister is saying. He gently puts his hand under my chin, taking in my face with his sympathetic eyes, and then moves his hand down, gently freeing the weighty bouquet from my grasp and moving it to his other hand, out of the way. He then takes my hand in his, gripping it tightly.
To me, it is reminiscent of the first tribute parade in the Games. He's strong and steady now, just like he was then, and in his touch I feel the warmth and comfort I'd pushed away for most of my life- or at least, after my father had died. His hand in mine tells me more than he can say- that he'll always be there for me, that we'll get through this together, that we've been through so much already. But it looks like he's about to get the opportunity to say it all anyway. The priest tells us it's time for our vows. Peeta reaches over and hands my bouquet to Prim, and then faces me, taking both of my hands in his.
The preist tells us that we can repeat the vows that he has prepared, or say our own. Peeta is to go first, and being the natural orator, of course he chooses to speak freely. I brace myself for a long scripted speech, filled with dramatic pauses for effect, as much for Panem and the Capitol audience as it is for me. But instead, he says simply, looking right into my eyes, "Katniss, I've had a crush on you since we were five, and I've been dreaming about this moment ever since. Since we've gotten closer, I can say with 100% certainty that I am more in love with you than ever. I know you might not feel the same way, but I promise you that every day for the rest of our lives I will try my absolute hardest to convince you that you're making the right decision. I will never hurt or abandon you, and I will love you, every single day. No matter what. Forever." His voice is shaky as he finishes. It looks like he is holding back tears.
It takes less than a minute. A few lines are all he says. But they're straight from his heart, and though they're simple words, they say it all. I am speechless.
Then the priest mumbles something, and all of a sudden everyone is looking at me, waiting expectantly. Once again I'm transported in time, to when I'm sitting on this very stage after Caesar had asked me my first interview question, and I had no idea what he had said. Though this time, I'm pretty sure of what the priest has inquired. Do I want to repeat the vows he has prepared or say my own?
Truthfully, I want to do neither; I'm not good with words like Peeta is, although repeating generic vows will sound so much worse now that Peeta has already poured his heart out. I clear my throat. "Um," I begin, stalling for time. "Um," I say again, "The second part- of what he said." This is all I manage to get out. But it's about as honest I can be. After all, I don't feel the same way that Peeta does- I haven't had a crush on him forever, and I haven't exactly been waiting for this moment. But I'll love him. Forever is a long time, but it starts with only a day, right? I love him today. And I'm as sure as I can be that I'll love him tomorrow.
Since my response sounded awful, the priest paraphrases Peeta's last few lines, in the form of questions (thankfully he was paying attention), and I nod and say 'yes' and 'I do'. When we're done, Paca approaches us and hands the priest the rings. Thankfully, this time we both have lines that we're supposed to say, so I don't have to worry so much about fumbling over my words or sounding uncouth next to Peeta. I have a hard time lifting Peeta's ring off of the pillow because my hands are trembling so much. But Peeta smiles at me reassuringly, and I feel better, and my hands stop shaking long enough for me to slip a plain silver-looking band around his finger. He reciprocates with a stunning diamond wedding ring for me, while looking into my eyes and repeating the vows, promising me everything he can.
The rest of the ceremony goes by in a flash. Effie gets up and reads some ridiculous poem about love, written by a 'famous Capitol writer' (she doesn't specify the name so I'm pretty sure no one has ever heard of him). Peeta and I light a candle. The priest says some more cheesy lines drawing parallels between love and a flower, or something. And then- he pronounces Peeta and I husband and wife. And tells Peeta that he can kiss me. Which he does. Eagerly.
I've never seen so much buildup for a single kiss. Peeta leans in and passionately presses his lips to mine, tenderly cupping my face in his hands, and I wrap my arms around his waist, kissing him back. Thankfully, the kiss is pretty similar to numerous ones that we've already shared, which it makes it fairly easy for Peeta and I to relax. It's comfortable, familiar, safe- and well, great. But it's a little strange and nerve-wracking, too. Because it's so formal, and in front of so many people. And because it means something entirely different now.
When we finish, we turn around to address the crowd as we're waiting for the priest to introduce us as husband and wife. I expect to see a crowd of haughty Capitol citizens. To that end, I'm not surprised. I also see my prep team, President Snow, Caesar, the Gamemakers. But what I else I find shocks me. In addition to the Capitol audience, everyone from District 12 is there. The rest of Peeta's family. Greasy Sae- along with a few other people I used to see at the Hob. Mayor Undersee and Madge. And when I mean everyone, I mean everyone.
The Hawthorne family. And Gale.