Some nights were harder than others. It wasn't that any nights were easy exactly, but nights like these-nights when the sky was clear and the stars seemed so bright-nights like these really got to her.
She could remember so many nights that they'd spent in each other's arms. It was funny, she thought silently to herself as she walked through the door of the bar, the things you remembered. Their wedding day was an important moment, and a memory she thought of often, but the moments that pained her the most were of the simpler times...the moments when everything seemed so normal...so comfortable...so safe. It was those moments-the ones that she didn't enjoy enough because she had no idea they were so limited.
Dinah took a seat at the end of the bar, ignoring a leering gaze from an obviously inebriated local. The last things she wanted was to ward off a foreign advance. Tonight she just wanted to forget. She wanted to forget the way it felt when he held her. She wanted to forget the way it felt when he kissed her. She wanted to forget the way it felt to be loved by him. She needed to forget because it just hurt to damn much to remember.
She glanced at the bottles lined up behind the bar, preparing to pick her poison. It really didn't matter. Anything would do...anything that would dull her senses and make it all go away. Just for a little while...just for tonight. The shiny band sitting just beside the barkeep's rag caught her attention. It looked just like the one that Shayne had given her...just like the one she'd worn on her finger for a short while...before it all fell apart.
The thought of it made her heart ache. She could still see the look in his eyes as she told him...the way he'd stared at her, his expression a mix of pain, anger, and confusion. He was the last person in the world she'd wanted to hurt and yet that was what she had done, she'd hurt him. That was why she had to leave. Staying would have been cruel. She'd taken off those rings, written him a note, and walked out the door-promising herself that she'd never cause him another moment of pain.
As she stared at the ring on the bar, she couldn't help wondering if that was a promise that she could keep.
He looked up at the sky, the stars surrounding the full moon. The way the moonlight bounced off the lake made the lump in his throat grow larger. This is where he first felt it-that pull-that connection between them.
Even now, even nearly a year later he could remember the way it felt to look into her eyes. He remembered the way her hand felt as he took it in his. In that moment, that one instantaneous second, he'd known. He'd known they would be involved in each other's lives in a meaningful way.
He'd never imagined he'd be back here alone...without her. It didn't seem right. She was such a part of him now that without her, he felt hopeless. How could he move on without her when she was the person who gave him a reason to move in the first place.
She'd been staring at her hand all evening. Ever since she saw the ring on the bar, her hand felt empty-as if a part of her was missing.
There was something missing, she sighed, staring up at the clear sky as she sighed sadly. He'd been missing now for nearly two months. She stared out over the water as she lowered herself onto the wooden bench.
This was where it all started. This should be where it all ends.
The wind was chilly was it drifted off the water. She pulled the thin jacket tighter around her as she sat there. She knew where they were. They were where they had always been. For the last few months, she'd kept them with her…like an insurance policy. She knew this day would come—that one day it would get too much. One day the pain would overwhelm her and she would need a release. One day or one night….tonight.
She reached into the purse, her hand finding the bottle, her fingers gripping the lid. It seemed like the only way…the only escape from the aching hole within her. She could never go back there. She could never see him again and a life without him—well it wasn't a life at all.
The bottle was small and only contained a few pills. They were potent, powerful—like the pain…like her love for him. She poured the contents into her hand. It needed to be over…all of it. She wouldn't feel anything, other than the pain she'd been enduring for months now. She could drift away and let sleep overtake her. She could dream of him….his face would be the last thing she would ever see…thoughts of him would escort her out of this life.
Shayne kicked a small rock, watching as it hit the water, the small rings getting larger and larger as the vibrations continued to hit the calm water. He wished he could walk into it, allow the water to sweep him away, the calm, serene quality of it could swallow him up and he'd forget it all—the pain, the happiness, the memories.
She loved the water. They'd talked about going to Fiji on vacation and spending their days and nights on the beach. Right now, he'd given anything for one more moment with her…anywhere.
He looked over at the bench—the same one where he spent many a night staring out over this water. Tonight there was someone there. Another tortured soul, he wondered? Shayne stepped closer, as if propelled by some inner voice…something about this person…this stranger seemed to intrigue him.
A woman, he realized, as he stepped closer-Wearing heels, at night…by a lake…heels like she wore. In fact, the jacket, a thin purple trench coat reminded him of the one she'd worn in Bosnia. Her hair, her height, her body type.
He was walking faster now..almost a full run. In his head, he knew it was crazy..a long shot at best, but in his heart there was a chance.
Stopping short in front of her, he saw her hand outstretched, the empty bottle laying beside her.
"English?" he screamed at the men as they surrounded the bench. "English?!" His voice broke and his legs felt as if they could give out beneath him. It couldn't end this way—not like this. She was here…in front of him and he couldn't lose her…not again.
Their voices were stressed and serious and even though he couldn't understand their words, he could tell they were rushing. Paramedics that seemed worried and rushed didn't make him feel at ease. She hadn't moved since he found her. Nothing…not a twitch…not a blink…nothing. He struggled to discern anything..a word…anything he knew, but everything was foreign and she was still silent.
Her eyes fluttered open and he was there just as she'd known he would be. His hands were wrapped around hers and his eyes stared down at her face. They were full of love, the anger and hurt that once resided there now gone.
"You're here," she whispered.
He smiled, squeezing her hand in his. "Of course I'm here. Where else would I be?" Bringing her hand to his lips, he planted soft, quick kisses on each finger.
She smiled back at him, still feeling a bit cloudy, but happy to know her eternity would be spent with him.
"Dinah," He was pleading with her now. The moment he'd seen her eyes fluttering, he'd taken his spot beside her bed—a slight change of venue from the other side of the room where he'd spent the previous thirty six hours. "Please open your eyes."
She blinked, staring back up at him. He was still there…still beside her, but this time there were tears.
"God," he breathed…"Thank God." He brushed her hair from her face, his warm hands lingering against the cool skin of her neck.
Her brow furrowed. She didn't understand. "What's the mat.." Her voice failed her, her lips and mouth so dry that they seemed to snap shut.
Smiling softly, he touched her face, so happy to have her back that he couldn't be angry or upset. He couldn't ask her why she would do such a thing…he couldn't ask her how she could think that not living would be the answer. He didn't even need to ask because he knew the answer. He knew what it was like to feel like life wasn't worth it…to feel like the pain of losing your person would eat you up.
"You don't remember?" he asked.
She was quiet, as she struggled to put together the pieces of the evening. She remembered the bench, the water, the moon…she closed her eyes as the realization hit…the pills. She had taken the pills. The bitter taste of them as they slid down her throat seemed to return all at once and she felt her eyes burn with tears. "I…."
He shook his head, already at work wiping away the tears. "It's okay," he whispered. "You're ok."
"I just…I couldn't…I couldn't live like that…not anymore..not without you.." She looked up at him as he sat there. "But," she paused, "You're here. How are you here?"
"I found you..on the bench. I called for help and they brought you here." She'd been in the hospital for days and the doctors had been brutally honest with him. There were no guarantees they'd told him. He'd stayed, brushing her hair, rubbing lotion on her hands, talking to her, and praying…praying for another chance…a chance to get the ending right.
"You stayed here with me," she said, a hint of question in her voice.
"There's nowhere else I'd rather be than with you," he said quietly. "I thought you knew that by now."
She averted her eyes, feeling the guilt returning. "I just thought…after everything that maybe you didn't want…maybe you couldn't feel that way anymore."
Shayne sat back a little, taking a deep breath. "We can't change the past." He forced himself to continue—aware of the complete possibility of getting lost in her eyes. "But I also can't change the way I feel. I love you…I've loved you from the moment I saw you, I think. You made a mistake—God knows I've made plenty myself, but you saved my son. You saved everyone…you protected the people you loved. I would have done the same thing. I can't fault you for that, but most importantly I can't live without you."
She didn't speak for a moment. Her mind felt cloudy and she wondered if she was hearing him correctly. "Are you saying? You mean…" Her hand shook as she felt his tighten around hers.
"I'm saying that we've got another chance..a chance to do this right…to write our own happy ending."
She smiled at him as he leaned down, placing his lips on hers softly.
"It was Fiji wasn't it?" he asked, smiling as he took the tickets from his pocket. "I knew you weren't going anywhere. Our story isn't over."
The End